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Summary: Criteria For Resolving Conflicts

Criteria For Resolving Conflicts

Illustration:How to turn a disagreement into a feud:

1. Be sure to develop and maintain a healthy fear of conflict, letting your own feelings build up so you are in an explosive frame of mind.

2. If you must state your concerns, be as vague and general as possible. Then the other person cannot do anything practical to change the situation.

3. Assume you know all the facts and you are totally right. The use of a clinching Bible verse is helpful. Speak prophetically for truth and justice; do most of the talking.

4. With a touch of defiance, announce your willingness to talk with anyone who wishes to discuss the problem with you. But do not take steps to initiate such conversation.

5. Latch tenaciously onto whatever evidence you can find that shows the other person is merely jealous of you.

6. Judge the motivation of the other party on any previous experience that showed failure or unkindness. Keep track of any angry words.

7. If the discussion should, alas, become serious, view the issue as a win/lose struggle. Avoid possible solutions and go for total victory and unconditional surrender. Don’t get too many options on the table.

8. Pass the buck! If you are about to get cornered into a solution, indicate you are without power to settle; you need your partner, spouse, bank, whatever.

1). Conflict is a natural part of growth and is therefore inevitable.

2). Recognize the root differences between people - When you notice a disagreement between people, ask the Lord to give you a Spirit of wisdom in understanding the person’s basic needs. A lack of trust in God or His promises will manifest itself in all kinds of insecurities and dysfunctional behavior.

3). Be quick to hear and slow to speak while trying to assess a person’s real problem.

4). Differentiate between surface causes and root causes of the conflicts.

5). Try not to locate blame on a person, but on their actions, attitudes, or the issue at hand.

6). Do not try to drag up past mistakes and link them haphazardly with the present problem.

7). Suggest several possible causes and allow the counselee to affirm or deny the validity of one of the alternative assumptions.

8). Do not allow the issue to blow out of proportion.

9). Consult other authorities connected to issues revolving around the conflict for intercessory help, but only after seeking out the will of God from the scriptures.

10). Remind each person of the definition of overcoming love - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record or wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Conclusion:Two men who lived in a small village got into a terrible dispute that they could not resolve. So they decided to talk to the town sage. The first man went to the sage’s home and told his version of what happened. When he finished, the sage said, "You’re absolutely right." The next night, the second man called on the sage and told his side of the story. The sage responded, "You’re absolutely right." Afterward, the sage’s wife scolded her husband. "Those men told you two different stories and you told them they were absolutely right. That’s impossible -- they can’t both be absolutely right." The sage turned to his wife and said, "You’re absolutely right."

David Moore in Vital Speeches of the Day.

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