Summary: The 5 "C’s" of Marriage and Family: Commitment, Communion, Communication, Coping Skills, and Consecration. Link included to formatted text, handout, and PowerPoint Presentation.
Building a Family Fortress
A strong family must be a fortress, and not just a façade.
Here’s some things strong families have in common:
1. Strong sense of Commitment
Seems obvious, right? But over the last decade, I’ve counseled w/ dozens of couples…pre-marital and post-marital counseling, and it’s proven to me that people today don’t understand commitment. What a relaxed attitude people enter into the holiest of unions w/ in these days of the disposable marriage. “If it works, fine, if it doesn’t, fine…I’m sure it will…I like them!”
Commitment is “the assurance that this family will stay together, value each other, for a lifetime, no matter what.” Whatever problems we face, we face them together/challenges. Strong marriages take the following words, and carve them in granite: I’m committed to you, no matter what. And they take the word “divorce” out of their vocabulary.
Parents, there’s 2 ways you can convey the sense of commitment to a child: [when we learn it!]
1. by conveying to them that they are a blessing, not a burden. This generation of children has been labeled, the unwanted generation. TV today sends the message that children are an unwanted expense, and interference in careers, or an untimely accident. There are no mistakes, accidents, or surprises w/ God. The abortionist claims there’s a clear difference between an unborn child and one that’s been born…try explaining that to a child who is looking for relevance!
Ill.—last one picked for ball team…who has to take him? I had him last time! (standing there in right field thinking, I’m here because they’re stuck w/ me!)
Suicide note from teenage girl: Dear mom, I’m sorry I was ever born. It seems to me that I’ve ruined your happiness. I’ve chosen this way out so that you can be happy again.
(chances are, this girl was genuinely loved and wanted, but somehow they failed to communicate it to her!)
2. By letting them know they are loved unconditionally. We live in an achievement oriented society. Where significance equals performance, and importance equals ability, and where self-worth equals achievement. Sorry to say, that mindset has crept into many homes.
Parents, do your kids know that there’s nothing they can do to be more loved, because they’re already loved w/ a measureless love?/nothing they can do to be more accepted, because they’re already totally accepted?/nothing they can do to be more valued, because they’re already infinitely valued?
Nothing will alienate a child more than making them work for something that should be given freely…love, acceptance, and self-worth.
If you raise a child on conditional love, to some degree, always feeling like they have to do something to make you proud of them, you will almost always wind up w/ 1 of 2 results when they’re grown:
1. Workaholic who never feels adequate, but quite self-conscious.
2. A quitter, who just gives up all-together. “I can’t please dad/mom, so I’ve decided not to even try.”
“But, aren’t I supposed to motivate my child?” Yes.