Summary: Husbands and wives are given God-appointed roles. When these roles are ignore, holy wedlock becomes unholy deadlock!

Help for the Home!

Colossians 3:18-22

1. Illus. of Nintendo game

• Joan bought it for us recently. I carefully consulted the instructions, because that thing looked like something from outer space!

• Then she bought us a wireless control for the thing. Looked just like the other one, except there were no wires.

• I figured, “I don’t need to read the directions.” Boy was I wrong. After fiddling with that thing for some time, not accomplishing anything by to get more and more frustrated. Finally, I fished the directions out and read them.

• Didn’t take 2 minutes to get that thing up and running. I thought, “why didn’t I just do that to start with?”

2. Marriage is a lot like that. God is the inventor of the family, and He has given us a set of instructions that show us how its supposed to run. As long as we do things by the instruction manual everything will be all right. If we ignore the instructions and just strike out on our own, marriage is just going to make us frustrated, upset, and angry!

3. While there are a lot of instructions in the Bible concerning marriage, there are only a handful of foundational principles. All the other instructions are built on these foundational principles. There are a lot of people in the world (you may be one of them) saying, “what is wrong with my home?” What may be wrong is that one or more of these foundational principles is being ignored!

4. Text: Paul talks to the Colossians about the basic Biblical principles that should govern their home life. Everything else the bible teaches us about the home is built on the foundation of these principles.

5. Today: You can take every study course in the world on family living, but unless your home life is built on these foundational principles, it won’t help you very much.

6. What are these foundational principles? The text gives us two.


1. Wives, God has appointed the husband as spiritual leader in the home, but he can’t do his job without your help! See vs 18a. In today’s society, the idea of submissiveness is politically incorrect. We have gotten the idea that is demeaning or derogatory to say a woman should be submissive to her husband.

2. None of that is in the biblical concept of submission. The word submissive is hupatassso, and it simply means to line up under. Both here and in Ephesians 5, the word is middle voice, meaning a voluntary act. Biblical submission simply means that the wife allows her husband to be the spiritual leader in the home, and that she voluntarily places herself under that spiritual leadership.

3. It does not mean that the wife does not have an opinion or a say-so. It does not mean that she is a mechanical yes man for the husband. It does not mean that she is inferior or less able. It does mean God has chosen the man to be the spiritual leader in the home, and that she has made a conscious decision to obey God by voluntarily placing herself under that leadership.

4. Illus. of Joan and myself

• Had some important decisions to make a while back. We discussed all the options, she told me what she thought about it, listened as I told her what I thought about situation, prayed together for wisdom and discernment about this matter.

• A few days later I found a card in my stuff when I got to the office. It simply said, “I’m glad you are the spiritual leader in our home. I will be praying for you to make the right decision for our family.”

• That’s the biblical concept of submission!

5. See vs 18b. What does that mean? The Biblical model for a submissive wife is none other than the Lord Jesus. See 1 Corinthians 11:3.

 Was Jesus somehow inferior because He voluntarily chose to line up under the spiritual authority of the Father while He was here on planet earth? Nor will you be!

 Did Jesus try to manipulate the Father? “OK, God, we’ll do what you want, but I’m going to make you pay for it later?” Nor should you!

 The way Jesus submitted to the Father is your model for submitting to your husband!

6. Ladies, have you chosen to line up under your husband’s spiritual authority? Marriage is not a business, with whoever owns the majority of the stock getting the final say-so. It’s a one-flesh relationship where both parties express their opinions and desires. When important life decisions come up, most of the time there will be either initial or eventual agreement about the right thing to do. But when there is not, are you willing to say, “honey, you are the God-appointed spiritual leader in our home, so you make the call. Whatever you choose, I will support you joyfully and fully!”

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