3-Week Series: Double Blessing


Summary: When you fight, you can always win!

TEXT: Ephesians 4:25-27; 29-32

TITLE: How to win a family fight!

SERIES: Home Health Care

TOPIC: Family arguments

OCCASION: Burnside Christian Church, July 27, 2008

PROP.: Winning a family fight means that you fight according to the rules!

INTRODUCTION: Today, we close out our series called Home health care. I hope you’ve found this series helpful and challenging.

The title of today’s sermon is: How to win a family fight.

Maybe you sitting here thinking: I all ready win every family fight! Or maybe you’re just the opposite…and you’re sitting here thinking: Boy, I’m glad I’ve got plenty of room to write today! I plan on writing EVERY word down so maybe, just maybe, I’ll win a fight.

Occasionally, you will hear couples say that they never fight. In most cases what they mean is that they don’t remember their fights or that one of them exercises so much control in the relationship, that the other person is not allowed to disagree! In some cases, as with older couples, they have matured to the point where they understand how brief life is and so they no longer choose to have what most people would consider a fight.

Today, I want to help you set some parameters and make some good choices about the shape your family conflicts take. The parameters and choices will mean that family disagreements and even fights can ultimately be healthy and good for the marriage and the home.

I should note this too: even though we are placing today’s message in the context of family, you can apply today’s sermon to any disagreement you may find yourself apart of!

T.S.: Let’s look at how to ALWAYS win a family fight!

And it doesn’t matter if the fight is between you and your spouse or between a parent and child or even between brothers and sisters…these keys are vital to winning a family fight!

I. Understand what “winning” Means

It’s been said that when there is a family fight, no one wins. Not true. In fact, when there is a family fight it is possible for everyone to win! Fights do no have to be occasions where no one wins. If conflict is inevitable, then God must have meant for us to use it as a means of growth and maturity.

I think the reason that some believe no one wins a family fight is because we have typically defined what winning means to be something that is ultimately destructive! “Winning” for some means that “she leaves the room in tears or that “he spends the next three nights on the couch”. Winning is getting even or even better - getting ahead! Winning is hurting them with your words more than they hurt you. These are NOT the same as winning a family fight. Our competitive instincts lead us to believe that to win we must dominate and destroy the competition. As a result we end up destroying a family member, perhaps a spouse and no one is happy!

Instead, winning means you…

A. Build a Relationship

--what’s more important? Winning an argument or building a relationship?

--To what extreme and sacrifice will you go to make sure the other person KNOWS you are right?

--Do you want a happy marriage, family and home or are you more interested in being right! As someone who is NEVER wrong, can I offer you some advice: There are going to be times when you are right…and it’s obvious you are right. But is it worth destroying a friendship or tearing your family apart so that everyone will know YOU are right! Or that YOU’VE been wronged?

Lay your PRIDE aside, and value the relationship more than you value being right! Friendships and families have been torn up over PRIDE! Neither person involved in the disagreement will budge or move! Their ego won’t allow them! And so they have allowed the issue at hand to be more important than the friendship!

Concentrate on building the relationship!!!!

Also winning means you…

B. Choose to fight less

--As you look over your past fights and disagreements, let me ask you a question: was it worth it? Was it worth fighting about? Was it worth fighting for?

There are some things that are NOT worth fighting for! Choosing to fight less means that you choose your fights wisely!

--Before you make a stand concerning the conflict, ask yourself: “Is this a hill I am ready to die on?” Is this an issue that is so important that I’m ready to go to war?

Listen to me now: you can CHOOSE to not fight about it!

--some scripture to help you choose to fight less:

Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

If your spouse comes home in a bad mood or you sense that she’s having a bad day…you can still choose to live in peace!

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