Summary: A study of husbands and wives according to Ephesians 5

Husbands and Wives

Ephesians 5:21-33


Over the past few Sundays and Wednesday nights we have been studying and examining the Book of Ephesians – seeking to learn how God has been dealing with our hearts and how we have to receive and accept what he is saying to us in order to be more like Him.

Ephesians is a life-long application book, but God worked this study out so that we could have this on a Sunday morning I believe intentionally, because if ever there was to be a time for us to be honest – it is with our mates. There is wisdom to be learned in this and I want to state up front for those who have had their spouse go on to be with the Lord – does the Lord not become your spouse and care-giver? Think of this as we go through this message and I believe that you can see how God could, should, and will assume that role if you invite Him too.

Open your bibles to Ephesians Chapter 5 and let’s pray together.


When we submit to one another, it means we consider the other person’s feelings as important as our own. Submission is an act of obedience, but not an act of being in control over someone else. Being submissive to one another means remembering that God requires your submission now – and that is the example we can have of being submitted to one another.

Husbands and wives must be submitted to one another. This is Holy, this is right, and the Lord demands it. When we put one another first, we are saying to that person that you value them more than yourself – you are becoming a SERVANT of the other! This, is the true application of humbleness!

Being humble requires sacrifice – and from that sacrifice will be servitude. GET THAT!


These verses do not mean that a wife is supposed to be a slave to her husband.

This means that his wife needs to submit herself to her husband as a partner in marriage.

Gen 2:18 “The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

In order to have a successful marriage, there ought to be a partnership that goes on between husband and wife. Can you guess what the number one cause is for failed marriages? (Get responses ...)


It is not that someone does not clean house, do dishes – those are effects of the failure – which is failure to communicate! One does not have to be a rocket a scientist to know that if you cannot talk to someone; neither will be very productive or happy in marriage! The same communication we have with the Lord ought to be something that we have with our mate! Honest, open, direct – and sometimes funny! Humor is the spice of life … so embrace it and learn how to talk to one another!


How much should husbands love their wives – as much as Christ loved us by dying for us!!

To be a true husband, in the true sense of the word, you have to be willing to sacrifice for your family. This means that your favorite sports team playing might be something you give up to spend time with the family! If more husbands concentrated on this verse – I believe more marriages would succeed in this world.


Just as Christ cleanses his church, we can have a positive influence on our spouse. It is easier to follow the Christian walk when those around us are also setting a good Christian example.

1 Corinthians 7:13-14 says “And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband.”

Men – this is a life lesson for you. Simply translated, if YOU will not be the man that God has called you to be, he will give the authority over your wife and let her lead. We gotta get this – God has called us to be spiritual leaders in our home – not dominion rulers – and if we will not perform our job then He will bestow the leadership on your wife! Don’t miss this!


Now, don’t we nourish our own flesh? Have we missed many meals? Therefore God is saying that just as we nourish ourselves, we ought to nourish our relationship with our wives!

Cherish -- Husbands must cherish their wives. They must be concerned for their welfare, and they must not be afraid to express their love. If we cherish someone, we want only the best for them.

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