Summary: This will help you to answer questions that will arise in marriage relation before getting into one. The biggest mistake you can make is getting into a love relationship and extend it into commitment without first checking what motivates its existence.
An Easy but not so Easy Question to answer….
The question might seem easy to answer but this can go beyond an answer. Mostly questions are answered from theory level than from the depth of experience and connection to the question. I hope I am not speaking in tongues.
I have been on a level of answering a question or questions without connection and experience to the question, which I still do in most cases. I grew up in a church that made us believe marriage is a paradise on earth. You can imagine what we would think of as far as the knowledge of marriage is concern. That really affected some of us even when coming to choosing a partner. Our expectations were totally out of this world.
Well there were some who tried to tell us how serious it is to get married but just were not able to elucidate it enough. But no one is to be blamed for such things because marriage is a personal choice to make. And many times when you are in love you are not able to hear other people’s point of view. You can’t even see life’s road signs alerting you of danger ahead.
It’s easy to answer every question about your marriage or your life partner to be when you are still on the beginners’ level or primary level. It’s easy to claim how much you know each others until you get to the secondary level. The secondary level makes easy questions to be not so easy questions to answer. The secondary level reveals how connected you are and to what or who are you connected to.
In the secondary level couples starts to experience what was not clear in the first primary or beginners’ level. On primary level love is not practically meaning what it says because it has not been tested to be true love. The test begins on the secondary level in every relationship. If it proves to be love on secondary level then it is love in all levels. I set down with an old man one day in search of an answer to this easy but not so easy question to answer. He spoke to me about three levels of marriage relation.
He said the first level spouses are seriously into each other. They miss each other; they feel they can not leave without each other. The connection is so intimate. The second level things get very tense. The feelings of missing each other disappear and they either make it or break it. If they overcome in the second level they will get to the third level which is like the first level. The first love is all every heart is crying out for. This is also the will of the Father in heaven that we should be able to maintain the first love. On the secondary level of marriage relation is where we will be able to know if we can maintain it or break it.
What is love in marriage relationship?
According to my limited knowledge, I would consider my knowledge limited for Paul the apostle says “we know in part, and we prophecy in part.” Our knowledge has been limited until the fullness of time. Here is my view on this subject of Love in a marriage relationship:
1. Love is that feeling of complementary action and attitude. Once complements fade away competition begins in marriage relationship. Competition separates what was meant to be one into two in marriage relation. Complimentary is the attitude of embracing who someone is to you. While competition can be an attitude of continuous complain in love relationship.
2. Love is being able to compromise and make peace with things you hate about your partner for the sack of sustainability and prosperity of your relationship with each other.
3. Love is the ability to overwriting your spouse past mistakes for the sake of advancement in your relationship. And that is how God’s love is to us, he overwrites our past mistake for the sake of being with us, he compromise what he hate for the sake of reaching out to us.
4. Love expels all kinds of fear in marriage relationship. Fear is another trouble maker in marriage relationship especially fears of the past mistakes. Fear makes you to anticipate the past rather than the future. Where there is fear there is no love. Love believes in the presence anticipating the future. You can’t live happily in a marriage relationship if you live in fear of losing your partner or being cheated. Fear is the agent of torment in marriage relation. It makes you a subject to controlling and insecurity. And once you become insecure and controlling in your relationship you loose the connection your spouse has for you. And once the connection is lost to restore it will require much.