Summary: It may be a man's world but we need our happy wives in it. Ten steps to making sure that you have that happy wife.
My subject today can be very uncomfortable to us men. The subject is our roles as husbands and how we sometimes fail. Many of you today have been or are now divorced. I am included in that number of having a marriage that failed. Reality is that often a man can do all he can to save a marriage but his partner has no desire to do so and divorce is the only alternative. Or infidelity occurs breaking the bond of trust that can not be restored. My goal today is to challenge the married men to step up in their role as a Christian husband and for the single men to store this information away until God blesses you with a life-mate. And my desire is for the ladies to perhaps understand their husbands a little more. Remember ladies, man was made from dirt but you were made from the compassion and love of a merciful God who knew we needed a help-mate in a very bad way.
I would like to begin with reading from the article
Why Women Leave Men
by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D
“Women tend to be more concerned about their marriages than men. They buy most of the books on marriage to try to improve them and initiate most marriage counseling. They often complain about their marriages to their closest friends and sometimes to anyone who will listen. And they also file for divorce twice as often as men. (66% women, 34% men file for divorce)
The most common reason women give for leaving their husbands is "mental cruelty." When legal grounds for divorce are stated, about half report they have been emotionally abused. But the mental cruelty they describe is rarely the result of their husband's efforts to drive them crazy. It is usually husbands being indifferent, failing to communicate and demonstrating other forms of neglect.
Another reason for divorce reported almost as much as mental cruelty is "neglect" itself. These include both emotional abandonment and physical abandonment. Husbands that work away from the home, sometimes leaving their wives alone for weeks at a time, fall into this category.
When all forms of spousal neglect are grouped together, we find that it is far ahead of all the other reasons combined that women leave men. Surprisingly few women divorce because of physical abuse, infidelity, alcoholism, criminal behavior, fraud, or other serious grounds. In fact, I find myself bewildered by women in serious physical danger refusing to leave men that threaten their safety.
Simply stated, women leave men when they are neglected. Neglect accounts for almost all of the reasons women leave and divorce men.
Some of the common complaints I hear from women is, "He ignores me except when he wants sex, he sits and watches television when he could be talking to me, he rarely calls me to see how I'm doing, he hurts my feelings and then never apologizes: Instead, he tells me I'm too sensitive."
Most husbands are mystified by these complaints. They feel that their wives demand too much, and that most other women would be ecstatic if married to them. Their wives have become spoiled, take their efforts for granted and have unrealistic expectations.
I use a house as an illustration to help husbands understand how their wives feel. Each room in the house represents one of the husband's roles in life. There is a room for his job -----, there is another for golf (or fishing or football), another for his new (toys), one for his garden, one for his children, one for church, and, yes, one for his wife.
As he makes his way through an average day, he visits various rooms when he is faced with the role the room defines. And when he's in a certain room, the others are blocked out of his mind so that he can focus his undivided attention on the role he plays at the time. He does his best when he's not faced with distractions, and prefers to deal with each problem with all his energy and creativity so that he does the best he can in each role he plays.
The wives of most men are only one of many rooms in this imaginary house. It represents the "husband" role. When they are in that room, they usually try to give their wives undivided attention and make a special effort to meet their needs. They also go to that room to have their own needs met, particularly the need for sex.
What frustrates wives most is that they are relegated to only
one room in their husbands' imaginary house instead of every room.”
Divorce is wrong. It can’t be sugar-coated. “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “And I hate the man who does wrong to his wife,” says the Lord of All. “So be careful in your spirit, and be one who can be trusted.” (Malachi 2:16) These are some very strong words. Perhaps we need to stop here and have an altar call for repentance.