Summary: Helping Married folks adjust to and enjoy their marriage


“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Gen. 2:24

The marriage union is likened to the relationship between Jesus and the Church – Eph. 5:31. It is therefore the greatest level of relationship between two human beings (male and female). Principles upon which a strong marriage is built or established will by extension lead to fulfilment in every relationship that involves humans.

For the purpose of this study we will consider these principles primarily in the marriage relationship – Gen. 2:24; Eph. 5:31; Matt. 19; Mk. 10.

“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was out of Man.” – Gen. 2:23; Eph. 5:30

Being one flesh has to do with complete agreement/identification. We (both parties) are no longer two but one. This is the ultimate goal of every relationship – Ps. 133:1.

Unity joke – “To-get-her-ness”

It carries the greatest power that can be demonstrated by the couple – power that is beyond the addition of the best that both parties can give individually – Lev. 26:5-8; Matt. 18:19; Deut. 32:30. Power of agreement  Multiplication principle.

To accomplish this God says LEAVE. You cannot cleave until you leave

Leave (Azah – Heb) – To relinquish; loosen (i.e. at the naval string); forsake

Leave (Kataleipo – Gk) – To abandon; leave behind; have remaining

Leave father and mother.

Father – the principal or chief thing (person) in your life

Mother – the bond of family

You have to leave the general mindsets that you derived from your previous carnal bonds.

It doesn’t mean to despise them – Eph. 6:4.

Look at Jesus’ attitude towards his physical family while in ministry – Matt. 12:46-50; Mk. 10:35ff. He generally put the situation in proper perspective.

This is the balance between the Western and Eastern traditions regarding relationships. Remember this was said in the context of people who had no physical parents.

• The statement was made not to solve problems in marriage but to prevent them –

Gen. 2:24-25. This is to help and strengthen us.

• You have to leave your father and mother in order to cleave to your wife. Your spouse is neither of your parents. This is a new relationship. You have to find (Prov. 18:22) and develop this new identity by cleaving.

To leave also means to fortify (strengthen) and to help.

Cleave – (Dabag – Heb) – To adhere; catch by pursuit; pursue hard; to be found; to stick to; to follow close

Cleave – (Proskallao – Gk) – To glue to; to join

Make your spouse the principal or chief person (your father) in your life and also the main bond of your family (your mother).

In Scripture we are asked to cleave to two (2) people – God and our spouse.

Mal. 2:14ff – This speaks of total commitment to your spouse.

Deut. 11:22; Acts 11:23; Jos. 22:5; 23:8 – These teach us to cleave to God.

Proper cleaving automatically leads to weaving.

Weave – (Arag – Heb) – Plait; braid; a shuttle beam.

It is designed to develop and strengthen us.

It speaks of A shuttle to take us to a higher level.

They shall become one flesh speaks of weave.

“To become” implies destiny or destination. It speaks of an arrival point. There are two dimensions to this.

1. Instantaneous – comes from sexual intercourse – 1 Cor. 6:16; Matt. 19; Mk. 10.

This is actually the lowest level because it is “positionally” induced – 1 Cor. 7:3-5.

Seek to move to a higher level.

2. Progressive – comes from companionship or fellowship.

It embraces your will at a higher level. It is not just positional or “without a choice”.

There are four (4) stages of every genuine relationship.

a) Celebration/Confirmation – Bliss

b) Clarification  Contradiction  Confusion - Reality

c) Confrontation – cancellation/correction; provocation

d) Correction/Change – adjustment

Weaving at the progressive level involves “bending” or adjusting. This involves change.

By leaving, you commit yourself to change.

By cleaving, you connect yourself to change.

By weaving, you change or are changed.

Realize that you (two but one) are now “a new creation” in Christ, so leave, cleave and weave.

This will ensure that you are not ashamed, embarrassed or defeated in each other’s presence or by each other – Gen. 2:25

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