Summary: Discusses two coming together to make one.
Marriage Part 3: Cake + Biscuit = Cookies
The development of a marriage is a three-step process. First, the man (and woman) must leave their parents. In biblical times a son stayed at home after taking a wife because he would inherit his father’s home. However, he was to leave his parents and cleave to her. In other words, she became his primary focus. The first year of marriage was so important that soldiers were allowed to stay home one year to cultivate their new marriage (Deut. 20:7). But back to my original point: the first step in the marriage was to leave parents.
The second step consisted of “cleaving”, or “being joined” to your spouse. Both words mean to be close to your spouse – keep very close as in protecting. Your spouse, upon marriage becomes the closest person to you.
If the first two are done correctly, then the third part literally becomes reality: they two shall become one flesh. This means more than just physically. This is the goal that God has for a couple when they marry – that they would leave their parents, be joined (or cleave) to one another and become one flesh. The perfect union. There are two terms I want you to concentrate on in this message – Direct and Indirect Teaching.
Is it possible to really leave your father and mother and cling to your spouse? Now if you are like me and my wife, your answer would be “yes”. We have never lived in our hometown. In a physical sense, we left our parents to be joined together. We can’t run to our parents when we get into an argument. Likewise, we’re not always at our parents’ house instead of spending time with each other. So, have we met the first requirement? Yes and no. To leave father and mother and be joined to your spouse is more than just physically moving away and living in your own home. It also means that there are some things that we have learned from our parents that we have to walk away from in order to be completely joined to our spouse. This is the question that I want you to consider: What influence do your parents have on your marriage right now that needs to be “removed” in order for your marriage to move forward?”
I’ll start with this story. When I was a child, there was a time when the street we lived on was not paved as it is today. Whenever my father washed the car, he would spray the street to keep the dust from flying up from other cars; water was much cheaper back then. Whenever he cleaned his car, he liked for it to remain clean. When my brothers, sisters and I would get in the car, he hated for us to put our hands on the windows, especially in the winter when the windows would fog up. You know that kids can’t pass up an opportunity to draw on the windows whenever they become foggy. Once after he had gotten on me about doing that, I told him when I was grown, married and had my kids, I would let them draw on the windows as much as they liked. Lie, lie, lie! Although I meant it when I said it, it turns out that I am just like my father; I hate to have my kids drawing on the windows in the car. Did I get that from my father or is it just natural for an adult to want to have clean car windows? Let’s take it to the next step.
Have you have ever heard the saying “An apple does not fall to far from the tree”? We are products of our environment. Whether good or bad, that is who we are. Although you would look the same, had any of you grown up in a different house, you would be a totally different person. When we are born, we are the physical genetic makeup of our parents. We are the raw ingredients like flour. Now what we become depends on what is done with the ingredients and what is added to it. So if I start with just flour (the core of a person) and I add sugar, eggs, cocoa, butter and a few other things, I could end up with a chocolate cake. If I added something different, I could end up with biscuits. When two people with different background marry, it’s the same as a cake marrying a biscuit. According to the word of God, the cake and the biscuit must now become one. How is that done? In marriage, that is exactly what God is asking us to do – combine two into one.