Summary: Deals with conversation and communication. Biblical principles to help couples grow their friendship and relationship. Link included to entire series in formatted text, handouts, and PowerPoint Presentation. From ’Desperate Households’ Series.

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Married, But Not Best Friends, pt. 2

Song of Solomon 5:16

The symbolism of Song of Solomon has to do w/ our relationship w/ Christ as His bride.

Now, marriage is the highest level of relationship created by God…so, friendship ought to reach it’s very zenith in the context of the marriage relationship.

3 Key words:

1. Companionship

Everybody wants not only someone to be married to but who will also be their FRIEND!

Friends spend time together, want to be together [grow fonder, not go wander!], have fun together, and talk together.

They say that the family that prays together stays together, but just as true is this: the family that plays together stays together!

How do you spend your leisure time? Going in different directions is a recipe for disaster!

I ask couples during premarital counseling if they love each other, and then I ask if they LIKE each other. There is a difference!

Why is companionship so important?

1. Because it is unhealthy for a married person to spend the most enjoyable moments of their life in the company of someone else

2. Because pursuing your own interests without your spouse demonstrates selfishness

3. Because this will lead to a fulfilling marriage

4. Because shared experiences lead to shared feelings

2nd key word:

2. Conversation

v. 16 Our text says “his mouth is most sweet”. This isn’t suggesting he’s into bubble gum flavored lip balm! She’s not talking about his physical mouth, and certainly not his breath. “Halitosis!” [to tune of Hallelujah Chorus…

Rather, he’s sweet in what comes out of his mouth, his words!

Men, would your wife say that about you. Think of your conversations just today, or just this week.

Typical scenario: a couple starts to date, and it’s one looooong conversation all the time. When together, they talk, when apart, on the phone, or writing letters.

Ill.—Kimberly and I would talk for 2 hours each Saturday when engaged but apart one summer! And the time flew, and the egg timer would go off, or the operator would say to deposit quarters I didn’t have!

“I don’t wanna hang up, you say goodbye first, ok, we’ll both just say bye and hang up.” [gag]

Then they get married, and the “business” of being a couple, having an apartment, etc., and jobs starts to take over a lot of the conversation. And then subjects come up like in laws, finances, kids, and oh, this seems different than our talks on the phone!

Soon he’s hiding behind a newspaper or staring at a tv screen saying “uhu” under his breath, and she says, “I miss our talks, I wanna talk.” He says, “ok, about what?” Well, if you don’t know, then just nevermind!”

Then she notices he can have good conversation w/ a friend on the phone or at church.

Ill.—one time Kimberly said of my best friend, “I guess I’ll just have to call Tom so I can see how your day went!” “OK, dear….ummm, I mean, know, I’ll tell you!”

Resentment starts to setting in, and then some guy at work is willing to talk to her, and he not only talks to her, but listens to her, and he’s not looking at a tv, but into her eyes…he’s focused! Whoa!

Where’s the next stop for that couple? A bedroom! And for the married couple? Problem city, and divorce court! And sadly, then the cheating couple gets married and it starts all over again…well, it doesn’t have to be that way!

What are some things close friends do?

• They share themselves with each other.

• They confide in each other.

• They learn more about each other.

• They discuss their innermost thoughts, ideas, and goals with each other.

Close friends talk!

Proverbs 27:9

Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel. [communication]

How many of you men just love it when your wife wears a certain perfume? This verse says that as pleasant as that sense is for you, that’s how your wife feels when you really talk to her.

Typically, women have a greater need for conversation than men do. It helps her feel united to and bonded w/ her man. It helps her feel loved and cared for.

And when a man ignores her all day, acting like Archie Bunker, and then suddenly at 10 PM turns into Rudolf Valentino, it makes her feel cheap and used.

The goal of courtship is 2 fold:

• To get to know each other better.

• To convey how much we love each other.

Why should these goals be dropped after the wedding?

We have no problem talking during courtship. But many of us are very goal driven and “conquer-oriented”, and after the wedding it’s like, “ok, mark that one off the list…she’s mine”.

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