The Unequal Yoke
“A Marriage Never Made In Heaven”
Aim: To show the problems related to the unequal yoke in marriage, and to give guidelines in choosing a mate.
Text: 2Corinthians 6:14 cf. Nehemiah 13:23-29
Introduction: The Word of God plainly declares that a child of God is not to be united in marriage with an unbeliever. To God’s ancient people Israel the following command was given, concerning the nations around them: "Neither shalt thou make marriage with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son, for will turn away thy son from following Me" (Deut. 7:3, 4). To the N.T saint Word is equally clear: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (2Cor. 6:14); and according to 1Cor 7 we are to be "Married...only in the Lord" (1Cor. 7:39). These are clearly the commandments of the Lord to us.
This aspect of the "Unequal Yoke" is a snare into which many mighty men have fallen. As we shall see, Solomon, the wisest of men fell into this snare, and the "outlandish women" of the Ammonites and Moabites turned away his heart from God, and caused him to sin. Samson, the strongest of men, was also caught in it, and shorn of his strength.
If the wisest of men, and the strongest of men can fall into such a snare, and that to their ruin, what makes you think that you can entertain the unequal yoke in marriage and somehow be unaffected by this unscriptural partnership?
Joshua said of such a relationship that it prove to be “snares and traps unto you, and scourges in your sides, and thorns in your eyes.”
This morning I want to warn you against allowing your affections to go after an unbeliever. You see, it happens all the time, the Christian allows himself or herself the luxury of engaging their affections toward a lost man/woman, an unsaved boy/girl and though the link is slender at first, and may be readily broken, inevitably it grows stronger; and once Satan gets the "Yoke" securely fastened upon your neck, it will cost you something to get rid of it. How many tears and broken hearts might have been saved had the wrong been checked at the beginning.
Of course some will say, "there are many nice, loving young men and women who, although they do not say they are born again,’ are religiously inclined, and willing to listen to the truth. Maybe I would prove to be the means of the conversion of such an one after we were married?" This is a very subtle device, of Satan’s. The answer to it is simply this: "God says you are not to be ’unequally yoked’ with an unbeliever, and as His child He demands from you unhesitating, unquestioning obedience." It is vain for the heart that has departed from the Lord to carry out its own desire to marry an unbeliever, and then expect that God will convert him. God is a Sovereign, and He can work in spite of His people’s sin, but He has not given the smallest ray of hope to the believer who enters into the "Unequal Yoke" with his eyes open, and in direct disobedience to God, to expect any such thing. Let me tell you now, that such a Christian may count on many tears and sorrows, and years of domestic unhappiness.
And let me say this also it is an easy thing for a believer to convince himself that one upon whom his heart is set is a Christian. Many a fellow feigns conversion to get his girl. But who can rightly estimate the feelings of the child of God who finds out, when it is too late, that he has chosen for a partner in life an child of wrath. This is not marriage as God intended it, there can be no sweet blending of hearts, no bowing of the knees together before the throne of grace; no holy conversation on things touching the King. The unbeliever cannot rise to enjoy the things above, and so experience reveals it is almost always the child of God who must descend to enjoy the things of the world.
Come with me now to the book of Nehemiah 13:23-29
The situation in Nehemiah occurred whilst the people were left under the charge of others. Nehemiah had returned to Jerusalem after attending to some business in Babylon, and he found that in his absence God’s people had disobeyed the clear commands of God, they had gone back even on their own word, as recorded in Nehemiah 10, and married heathen peoples from other nations. Now let say right up that this is not a racial issue. The Bible knows only one race, the human race, and skin colour is never an issue with God. Never. Rather this is a religious issue, by demanding the people not marry those from other lands God was preserving the religious faith of the Jews, He was safeguarding their spiritual welfare and ensuring that the Messianic line did not become muddied or extinguished by means of interfaith marriage.
The Messiah has come. The Messianic line has concluded in Jesus Christ, and yet, as we come into the N.T., we find that the Word of God is still adamant, that the believer is not to marry or mate with the unbeliever, and remember the unbeliever as we have defined it is not just the Hindu, the Muslim or the Sikh, but one who is faithless, one who is incredulous of the things of God, one who is unbelieving and untrusting of Christ. So what’s God’s problem? Why can’t he just leave well alone? Why is it wrong for people of different faiths, or a person of faith and person of no faith to love each other and marry? The answer lies in this text. You see there are huge problems in such a marriage. These problems primarily concern the believer, but they affect even the unbeliever so that a home where an unequal yoke exists, and where the believer has not yet capitulated to the unbeliever is often an unhappy one.
I. Five Common Problems In Marrying The Wrong Person – Nehemiah 13
A. The Unequal Yoke often results in Ignorance of the Scriptures – vss 23-24
1. If the truth be known, most people when they get married have given only a passing thought to children.
2. And usually when they talk about children they speak only about the joys of child rearing, who the child might be like, what the child might look like etc.
3. What is rarely considered is the impact an unequal yoke will have upon any offspring the marriage may produce.
4. One of Nehemiah’s concerns was that the children from these unscriptural unions with pagan women could not speak the Jewish language.
a. “Well,” you might say, “that’s no big deal, so what if they weren’t able top speak the language of their fathers. May people grow up in Wales unable to speak Welsh, and only the purists among them would think anything of it.
b. But you must ask yourself two questions:
(i) What is the Jewish language? Hebrew.
(ii) What language was the O.T. written in? Hebrew.
(iii) How then were they ever going the Scriptures if they couldn’t read the language to begin with?
(iv) For people from Ashdod, Ammon and Moab, this was nothing – an irrelevance, but from God’s point of view it was a disaster!
5. Now, here is your first problem – people who are unsaved will have little or no interest in teaching children the Scriptures.
a. We see this in practical terms – we have seen it here in our own assembly where an Christian mother wants to bring her children to church, but the unsaved father is working against her – he will invite the children on days out, treat them., tease them and do many things whereby the faith of the little ones is stunted or undermined.
B. The Unequal Yoke often results in Incompatibility between loved ones – vs. 25
A. Nehemiah is rightly upset by what has happened among the people. He has put a lot of time and effort in to setting things right, and now, in one foul swoop these people are undoing everything he’s fought for.
1. The result is contention. He chided them. He confronted them, in one case he chased them out of town.
B. When you marry an unbeliever it often sets you at odds with your family (if they are Christian, and your fellowship.
1. In terms of the fellowship it places the pastor in the awkward position where he cannot conduct the marriage.
a. For him to do otherwise would not only be a violation of his conscience but a complete compromise of God’s Word.
b. Consequently the couple end up marrying is a registry office, marrying abroad, or in a liberal, unbelieving church.
c. You see, before you have even said your “I do’s” the pattern of compromise is being established.
d. BTW this is not the unbeliever’s fault – this is the believer’s sin!
2. In terms of your family it goes without saying that you cannot marry with the blessing of believing parents, this union is not what they wanted, and so the rest of their days they tolerate what for them is an intolerable situation.
a. Let me tell you, this problem is as old as the world itself.
(i) Gen 26:34-35
• Esau’s choice of wives created bitterness, trouble and resentment with his parents.
(ii) Gen 28: 6-9
• Deliberate act of rebellion on Esau’s part
• Can you imagine the difficulties this created, the awkwardness on family occasions.
• That is the nature of the unequal yoke – you don’t want your parents “Oh dear, we have to go to “so & so’ house and put up with him/her drinking/ swearing/ foul jokes etc – we will leave as soon as we can!”
3. BTW the incompatability is not just with the in laws, and the church, but it extends even to the couple themselves – remember they’re an UNEQUAL yoke.
a. Moses’ wife, Zipporah. Evidently she was not a partner in Moses faith when they first married – and it created tension, especially in the rearing of their children. See Exodus 4:20-26.
b. Such was the friction between them, that they ended up separating for a time – Exodus 18:2.
C. The Unequal Yoke often results in Impurity in the heart– vs. 26
1. Nehemiah cites the case of Solomon, the wisest man ever t o preside over Israel, and yet for all his wisdom, against even his own counsel, Solomon gave himself to strange women entered into mixed marriage and wound up as an apostate.
a. See 1 Kings 11:1-13
b. That’s the nature of the unequal yoke.
2. Illus: Mark Twain and Olivia Langdon.
D. The Unequal Yoke often results in Impediment to the Truth– vs. 27-28
1. We don’t have time to go over the book of Nehemiah, but let me explain to you that the arch villain of the book, the man who opposed Nehemiah’s work, who sought every means to intimidate and discourage him was a wicked, unbelieving man by the name of Sanballat the Horonite.
2. Now as we read vss 27-28 we discover that Sanballat’s son has married to the grand daughter of Israel’s high priest – how’s that for an unequal yoke.
3. This was the man Nehemiah chased out of town!
4. But how could it be that the high priest’s daughter of all people could wind up hooked up to a fellow like that?
5. It could only happen where there is indifference to God’s truth.
6. Illus: Interfaith Marriage: From Aboutmarriage.com, discussing how to keep harmony in a Christian/Hindu partnership:
“Developing Holiday Traditions in a Hindu - Christian Interfaith Marriage”
The "December Dilemma" doesn’t have to be a time of conflict in a Hindu - Christian interfaith marriage. Here are some suggestions for interfaith couples dealing with the issue of holiday celebrations.
The Christmas Tree Issue: Many Christians don’t understand why their Hindu spouses are against having a Christmas tree. Hindu spouses may be troubled when their Christian mate steadfastly refuses to give up the Christmas tree.
Pancha Ganapati Festival: For many Hindus, the Pancha Ganapati festival from December 21st through December 25th should be enough celebration for both spouses. The festival involves five days of gift-giving, exchanging of cards, feasts, and sweet treats. The festival has a lot of common ground in universal significance with the Christmas holiday.
Greeting Cards: The greeting cards exchanged at the Pancha Ganapati festival always offer Hindu wisdom or verses from scripture. This is a tradition that some couples alternate from year to year.
Winter Tree Concept: Make a "winter tree" with both Hindu and Christian symbols along with snowflakes and icicles for decorations.
Common Ground: Both Christians and Hindus spend time reflecting on new beginnings and forgiveness during the month of December. Some interfaith couples create a ritual that honors both the lights on the Christmas tree and the colorful dressing/decorating of a five-faced statue of Lord Pancha Ganapati.
As I assess this advice I see very little movement on the part of the Hindu, but a great deal of compromise on the part of the Christian.
7. In an unequal yoke, mark it down; the Christian is the one who will be required to surrender territory.
E. The Unequal Yoke often results in Indifference to Worship– vs. 29
1. In the case of the Jewish people these mixed marriages were deemed by Nehemiah to be irreverent – they took no consideration of the nature of the priesthood entrusted to Israel.
2. But lest you think that uniquely a Jewish problem, you must remember that New Testament Christianity is not without a priesthood.
a. “But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light.” (1 Peter 2:9)
3. As a royal priesthood of believers we are:
a. To offer a sacrifice of praise.
b. To offer intercession in prayer.
c. Both duties are a matter of indifference to the unbeliever.
4. The unsaved partner is unlikely, and many cases unwilling to share in the worship experience – they simply will not come to church.
a. You don’t believe me – ask those who are married to unbelieving partners in this very fellowship!
b. You say, “But my boy/girlfriend will attend church with me now – so did Mark Twain!
5. Not oly that, even if they wanted to, the unsaved spouse cannot enter into the ministry of prayer!
a. Outside of Christ, God won’t hear them.
b. Let me tell you something – and I speak now from experience, in your courtship days you may not see much need of prayer, but in marital life there will be many occasions for prayer and you will want your husband/wife to pray for you and with you, and there will be things about which you will want to pray together, but the unequal yoke hinders that aspect of your priesthood.
F. Now I don’t want to close out our time on a negative note, so allow me quickly to give you:
II. Five Clear Principles To Marrying The Right Person – Genesis 24
A. Time will prohibit us from really examining the passage, but I want to draw your attention to Genesis 24, and the search of Eleazar on Abraham’s behalf for a wife for Isaac.
B. As you look down that passage here are five Biblical pointers to finding a good and godly life partner.
1. Commit yourself to the principle of separation – vss 1-3
2. Conduct your search among the right people – vs. 4
(i) If I wanted a Chinese bride, China might be a good place to start looking!
(ii) If you want a good Christian husband/wife no use looking in worldly places – try looking in church, YL, Christian Unions, Beach Missions, Bible college!
3. Cloak your situation in prayer – vss 12-15
4. Concern yourself with virtue.
(i) Eleazar looked for a girl who was kind, sexually pure, and submissive to her father, modest (She covered herself at first sight of Isaac)
5. Convince yourself of God’s will – vss 27
(i) Here is the key to the whole thing.
(ii) And it doesn’t matter how you explain it, or how you excuse it it is never God’s will for you to marry into an unequal yoke. Never.
Conclusion: Allow me, in closing, to speak to those of you who are still single and say this, and I say it as someone who has been there, if at this present moment there is a bond between your heart and that of an unbeliever, you need to flee to God’s throne of grace, and acknowledge your sin to God, and seek grace to immediately renounce it. Whatever it may cost you, let the tie be cut, and that completely so that your soul may escape from the snare of the wicked one. Better to have a moment of heartbreak now, than to suffer a lifetime of heart break later, and may God bless you, and minister to you and cause you to be the kind of Christian He calls you to be for His glory.
