LIFE IS AN ATTITUDE – PICK A GOOD ONE
A Perfect Combination
Sunday February 25, 2007
Scripture Reference: Romans 12:2, 1 Corinthians 13:1-8a
Intro.
A. As we begin this discussion today of this next attitude I want to take a moment to remind you of what we are striving to see happen in our lives through this series. We are looking at both bad and good attitudes. Last week the bad attitude, that attitude we want to replace is the attitude of criticism. So how do we do that? Well as I said early on in this series we will not remove these attitudes by more hard work. What that means is that we are not to be spending our time thinking about how we can remove a critical attitude. Think about this for a minute, what happens if I say to you “Don’t think about having a nice piece of chocolate cake.” “Let’s all right now stop thinking about eating some chocolate cake.” What just happened? I just made you think about what I told you not tot think about. If I really want you to stop thinking about eating chocolate cake then what I have to do is replace that thought with something else. This is what we are striving to do when it comes to changing our attitudes. I don’t want you to be thinking about having a critical attitude I want you to begin thinking about the attitude that will replace criticism so that requires me to point you in a new direction.
1. What is the attitude that needs to fill the void left by criticism? Actually Jesus told us what it was and he told us that it was the most important thing in this world. We find it in Matthew 22:36-38 NIV "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37 Jesus replied: "’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ’Love your neighbor as yourself.’ We like to say here at Cornerstone that, “A Great Commitment to the Great Commandment and the Great Commission will build a Great Church.” If you will notice our emphasis for building a great church begins first with loving God and loving each other before we are able to begin reaching the world. We understand here at Cornerstone that if we cannot learn to truly love each other within the four walls of this building we will never be able to love those outside these walls and therefore the Great Commission will not be accomplished by us.
2. We talked about this briefly last week but it needs to be repeated again today. When we talk about the attitude of complaining what we are referring to is negative talk about situations or circumstances, but when we speak of criticism we are referring to negative talk about people. So it seems to make obvious sense that if we want to remove criticism we need to do so by replacing it with the attitude of love towards others.
Trans. What we have been doing through this series as we begin is to define each of these attitudes so that we understand what it is that we need to remove or what we need to add. What Paul does here in these first three verses of 1 Corinthians is to tell us what love is by telling is what love is not.
I. LOVE IS …
I have studied these verses many times and in fact last year we were going through these verses in another series, but in my studies this time I discovered something that I for some reason had missed all the other times I studied this. I think we are all aware that in the Greek language which is the language the ancient Hebrew manuscripts were translated into before they got translated into English that the word love had three meanings. One translation was “Eros” which is where we get our word erotic. Eros referred to passion and was usually equated with sexual attraction. The other word commonly used was “Philio” which referred to friendship. That’s why Philadelphia is referred to as “The City of Brotherly Love”. The word that Paul used here is another word we are now familiar with which is “agape”. It is commonly used in the New Testament but here is what I never saw, it was not a commonly used word during the time of Christ. In fact it never was used until after Christ had died and was resurrected. The apostles and disciples who wrote the New Testament had to find another word to describe the love that Christ had shown to us and it had to be a word that transcended what people normally thought of when they thought of love. So the word “agape” was chosen.
What is “agape” love? Agape love is not a feeling. That is what Eros and philio are. They are feelings of passion or of friendship, but agape is much more. Agape is self-less love, it is a giving love. Agape is an attitude that says, “You first, your needs before mine.” Agape love is a choice a decision of the will. ** This is very important because as we will see in this message if we are to love people, even people who are hard to like it will require from us a lot more than something we feel because there will be many times when we won’t feel like loving someone,, but what we will find is that God’s love within us compels us to love. There will be times when we will say to ourselves, “How can I do this, this is beyond me.” And the answer will be “It is not you it is Christ in you.”
Trans. Since we have looked at this scripture several times I am only going to spend a few minutes reviewing these first three verses and spend the bulk of our time exploring verses 4-8. As I said a moment ago what Paul tells us here in these first three verses is what love is not. He said:
A. Love Is Not What I Say.
1. Sometimes people say things for very selfish reasons. One of the things that frustrates us about politicians is that we feel that we really can’t believe anything they say because we “feel” at least that they are only saying what they are saying to get elected. Now this may not be true of all politicians but it sure seems that way. Here in California we had that big recall vote of then governor Gray Davis. We had all those candidates who told us that if they were elected they would do all the things we wanted them to do. So we eventually elected The Terminator, Arnold Shwartsenager. It sure seems to be over the past few years that a lot of those things our governor said he was going to do before he was elected he now is backing away from. Paul also said that we can talk great Christianeze; do you know what I mean? We can know all the right religious stuff to say and yet still not have this love, this agape love. We can go back to what I shared at the very beginning; you can recite that little statement about the great commandment and the great commission. You can recite our mission statement. You can quote the 16 articles of faith out of out manual but if we are not able to love others unconditionally then it means nothing. It just means you are an irritating noise.
B. Love Is Not What I Know Or Believe.
1. Paul said if I have all knowledge and faith that can move mountains. “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” I have not interviewed at a lot of churches in my 21 years of ministry but as I was preparing this message I thought about some of those interviews and you know what I realized? I realized that in none of those interviews did any board member or members of the congregation ask me about my education or how many books I have read. They didn’t ask me about the extent of my understanding of the bible they wanted to know things like, “How do you care for people in your church?” “Do you call people in the hospital or who are homebound?” What were they telling me? They were telling me, “Preacher we don’t care how much you know what we want to know is how much you care.”
2. Over and over again you have heard me say that my goal in preaching is not to fill your heads with more information. I want you to be able to do something with God’s word. Here is my goal for you who come to Cornerstone. For every one of you here today this is my goal for you. My goal is not to produce the smartest Christians in Chino; my goal is to produce the most Christ like Christians. I don’t want you to be known for what you know but I want you to be known for how you love!!!
C. Love Is Not What I Give.
1. [] I heard the other day before Valentine’s Day on one of the morning news shows that on average for Valentine’s Day a man will spend $120 where a woman will spend $86. Why do men spend more? If I can speak for most men understanding that some will chose to disagree with me. I believe that most of us men spend more money than the women do because we think that spending more shows how much we love them. [] I remember when I was a teenager (I know some of you will find that hard to believe but it’s true. I can remember things from 30 years ago I just can’t remember things from 30 minutes ago). I remember when guys in my youth group were buying promise rings for their girlfriends. I remember this one guy who spent about $100 for a promise ring for his girlfriend. Guess what I spent on the promise ring I bought for Sue? I spent $15. For me that seemed like a lot of money at the time. I remember that after I gave it to her I had to get it sized and the ring was so cheap that it bent and lost its original shape. But guess what? Sue and I have been married for almost 31 years and that other guy I mentioned. He didn’t stay married for one year.
2. Listen guys, you can work and work and work to buy your wife that big house or big car, but if you don’t love her you will still lose her whether ends up as divorce or living together but still being a part.
Trans. What Paul does in the next five verses is he gives us what I am calling.
II. THE POLICY OF LOVE.
What do I mean by the Policy of Love? What I mean is here in these verses Paul tells us what the conduct of love should be like. If we are to really love as God calls us to then these are some of the things that should be evidenced in our lives. Let me stress once again that these things I am about to share with you trump what we say, what we know, what we believe or what we give. ** Now let me share one more very important thing with you before I give you Paul’s policy of love.
I entitled this message, “The Perfect Combination”. I don’t know if you pay much attention to my sermon titles but if you do you might be wondering up to this point where my title fits. Well let me tell you why I chose this title. Most of us and I very much include myself here, have always felt that this agape love had to be a balance between Mercy and Truth. That if I was going to love people the way God wanted me to I had to balance being merciful but also being truthful. This not necessarily a bad way of looking at how to love but it sure makes it hard. It makes it hard because my life becomes this constant balancing act. I am always trying to make sure that I don’t tip the scales too much in the wrong way. That can be pretty stressful. What I need is not to have better balance but to have the perfect combination. Let’s see if this helps. We are talking here about replacing the attitude of criticism with the attitude of love. The balance we often are trying achieve is the balance between being critical and being loving and we are never sure which is winning. We are always trying to walk this tightrope between being truthful and being loving, but this is not what God is calling us to. It’s not about one or the other it’s about both of these things in perfect combination and that is what we saw in Christ and now that Jesus lives in us he wants to develop that perfect combination in us. I just do not have time here today to do so but go back and read the gospels and see how this combination between truth and love worked itself out in the life of Christ. Even when he was harsh and critical of the Pharisees why was he? Was it because he didn’t love them? NO, it was because he loved them also and hated to see them destroying themselves and others.
Trans. OK I had better move on or I will never finish today. Here is the first point in Paul’s policy of love.
A. On Major Issues – Take Action.
1. Look at what Paul said in V. 6 “Love does not delight in evil…” The word “evil” here refers to sin. Paul tells us that when love sees someone doing something that it knows is sinful that is destructive to that person’s life, be it physical or spiritual then love cannot sit back, fold its hands and do nothing. It has to act. OK so how do I know what a “major” issue is that is sinful and calls me to action? Let’s see if I can give you at least some guidelines to help.
a) First of all is this a critical path this person has chosen. Is what I see going on in this person going to lead them into something that will be destructive to them? For example, what if I see a guy flirting with another woman and this friend of mine is married? Do I say, “Well it’s none of my business, who am I to tell him what to do?” Well if you are his brother in Christ you are instructed in the scriptures to tell him to stop. Galatians 6:1 NIV Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. If you see a brother or sister in Christ that is drinking and you can see they are becoming dependent on alcohol then you have an obligation as their brother or sister in Christ to speak to them. Love does not delight in evil.
b) Secondly is this thing that concerns you becoming a chronic habit with this person? Let’s use the very attitude we are trying to replace as an example. I said last week that criticism has destroyed both individuals and churches therefore I think it can easily qualify as a major issue. If there is someone I love whom I see developing a critical attitude I have a responsibility to them if I indeed love them to speak to them. Do I observe them always criticizing people whom they know little about? Do I see them dwelling on these issues where it seems to be the regular topic of their conversation? Do I ever witness them offering to help that person to whom they are critical? If not then they are most certainly developing a critical attitude as I need to take action because that is what love does.
c) Thirdly, your proximity implies responsibility. What I mean by this is that if you or I are close enough to this person to observe these things that we see are destructive then we are in the proper position to take action and in fact we have the responsibility to do so. I am not living in close enough proximity to my neighbor to say much to him about things I think may be wrong in his life. If I tried to he would dismiss anything I had to say as irrelevant, but I am in very close proximity to my wife and to my kids and if I observe something in them that is a warning sign then I had better speak out.
2. Let me share one more thing here before I give you the second step in this policy. How do we take this action I just spoke of? That’s pretty important wouldn’t you say? How do I venture into this water that seems pretty frightening? Well Paul tells us how in V.5 where he says this, “…it is not self-seeking.” When I have to take this bold step of confronting someone in love I have to be sure that this is not about me. This not about me making my life more comfortable this is about preventing you from doing something that will destroy you. [] I see this sort of thing a lot especially in marriages. Usually it is the wife that comes to Christ first and she really wants here husband to come to Christ which is of course a good thing, but why does she want him to be a Christian? Well I have witnessed where it is the case because she feels it will make her life better. Her husband is a jerk and she knows that Christ can change that so she pushes him to come to church. The real question we have to answer is “Why do I want him to come to Christ?” Is it because I care about his eternal soul or is it so my life will be better? Having a better more enjoyable life is not a bad thing to want but I am being totally selfish if I want my husband or wife to come to Christ so that will happen. That is not love!
Trans. Boy I sure wish I could preach this in two parts. There is a lot I am having to leave out, but let’s look at the second part of Paul’s policy on love.
B. On Minor Issues – Acceptance.
1. What are those minor issues? They are things that have to do with my personal preferences or personal differences. They are the things that are not chronic or critical. This can be a real tough one for many of us because it’s not so hard to pick out the issues that are evil; the things that can be destroying a person’s life, but when it comes to the issues of personal preference of personal likes and dislikes we can become awfully protective and defensive. There are some issues that I grew up in the church being taught were major issues but, and let me stress to you how hard this is for me to even say but some of these issues are not major they are minor. I have been a part of the Church of the Nazarene since I popped out of the womb (although I would have to ask my mom if I actually popped out) and I love the church that I have served in all of my life, but I have to say that I think he have been guilty in the past of majoring on the minor. I have found it hard to love as I should because the issues that were important to me were the issues that I felt everybody else better get in line with or get left behind in hell.
2. Let me give you a for instance. We use to major on the movies or theater. It was a huge taboo for us to go to the movies. Now was that a bad thing? No I don’t think so but it became a bad thing when we made it a major issue for someone’s salvation. For a person to have popcorn on their breath was about as bad as someone having the smell of cigarettes on their breath. And there is another one. I don’t like cigarettes; I don’t think that as Christians we should smoke. I personally believe it is hard to share the love of Christ while blowing smoke in someone’s face. I think that most people outside the four walls of the church will say that Christians don’t smoke, but I am not prepared to judge someone’s eternal salvation on whether or not they smoke. I think musical preferences is another one of these minor issues. I remember in the church I grew up in when man got saved out of a nightclub environment and he was a drummer. He wanted to play his drums for church so our pastor let him. We actually had people leave the church because he was playing his drums in church. I guess they preferred that he stay in the nightclub playing them for the glory of beer and booze rather than playing them in church for the glory of God.
Trans. Well as I said I could go on and one but here is the third and last part of Paul’s love policy.
C. In All Things – Love.
How do we help ourselves get the right or as my sermon title says, “The perfect combination”. Well I think that Paul again helps us here. Let’s look at how he breaks it down for us in these verses. First of he tells us.
1. Love is patient. Love waits for people to change. Let’s go back to those things I was just talking about the issues of personal likes and dislikes. Am I willing to let God change people or do I feel like that is my job? Do you like people trying to change you? I sure don’t and I don’t respond well when I feel that is what someone is trying to do, but if someone is patient with me and willing to just say something now and again when it is appropriate then I am much more receptive.
2. Love is Kind. What this means is that love is not passive but it actively seeks the best in and for others. Love doesn’t stand on the other side of the room and say, “They really drive me nuts, and I wish they would get their act together.” Love walks across the room and reaches out, not to try and change them but to love them and allow God to change them.
3. Love is not jealous. Remember what we saw last week in Numbers? Aaron and Miriam were jealous because Moses was the leader and they weren’t. That is not showing love that is showing jealousy. How do I feel when the other pastor on the district gets and award for growth? How do I feel when that pastor gets to build a new building? How do you feel when your friend gets a new car and you can’t? How do you feel when they got the promotion and you didn’t?
Trans. Now what about when the shoe is on the other foot? Paul said,
4. Love does not boast and is not proud. This doesn’t mean that we can’t be proud of our successes but it does mean that I will not boast in them to your detriment. [] Here is what this means to me on a very personal level. Every year at what we call our district assembly all the pastors and many people from our churches come together. One of the things that we do there is give out awards to churches that have shown the most growth. These awards are not bad in and of themselves but I have decided that when we earn one of these awards that I cannot and will not accept it. The reason is that I know all to well what it is like to be the guy who has worked hard, has given his all and yet seen no results. At least not the results that will win me these awards. I know how much that hurts and so for me I can’t accept those awards.
5. Another way love acts is by protecting or as some translations say “bears all things and believes all things.” To bear or to protect someone is when someone criticizes another person because of something they said, love responds with “You know I really don’t think that is what they meant.” “I think you took it wrong when they said...” Jesus said, “Do not judge least you be judged.” When we hear someone being criticized we should say, “You know I am not going to believe that until I have had a chance to hear from them and see if it is true.
6. Love hopes. Love believes in the possibility of change and transformation. Love doesn’t try to change all things it hopes, believes in the power of God to do those things for a person.
7. Love endures or perseveres. Loves hangs tough we might say. Love says, “I am going to stand my ground and hope for you and believe in you.” Love says, “I am not giving up.” Here is a tremendous statement of love by a church in Washington State, I don’t know what the name of the church is but this is wonderful. Here is the statement of love they have choose not adopt. “You will never knowingly suffer at my hands. I will never say anything or do anything knowingly to hurt you. I will always, in every circumstance, seek to help and support you. If you’re down and I can lift you up – I’ll do that. If you need something and I have it, I’ll share it with you. If I need to I’ll give it to you. No matter what I find out about you, no matter what happens in the future – either good or bad – my commitment to you will never change. And there is nothing you can do about it.
LIFE APPLICATION
A. Paul put this whole big picture in three little words, LOVE NEVER FAILS.
1. Think of the implications of those words. Love will always take us to the place we need to be. Love will always “work” shall we say. Love never fails at work, love never fails at home, and love never fails at church.
2. Do you know what I want to do? I want to adopt that statement from that other church. I wish I knew who they were so I could give them credit but God knows and he is already blessing them I am sure, but this needs to be my expression of love to you and your expression of love to me and our expression of love to each other. Let’s say it together out loud.
“You will never knowingly suffer at my hands. I will never say anything or do anything knowingly to hurt you. I will always, in every circumstance, seek to help and support you. If you’re down and I can lift you up – I’ll do that. If you need something and I have it, I’ll share it with you. If I need to I’ll give it to you. No matter what I find out about you, no matter what happens in the future – either good or bad – my commitment to you will never change. And there is nothing you can do about it.
