History is full of stories of betrayal. Those who look like friends sometimes turn on you. Some of us have friends who would sell us for even less than Judas’ thirty pieces of silver if they could!
Personally, I wish I could get at least ten cents on the dollar for everything I have loaned to friends over the years. Everything from cash to books to power tools has been loaned. And if it came back at all, it was damaged or used up. I let a friend use my saber saw once; I thought he knew what he was doing. But he used that little delicate saw to cut down a heavy metal pole, and burned my little saw right up. He then avoided me for several weeks. You know what that feels like? That feels like a personal betrayal. It wasn’t about the tool. It was about being a friend and expecting friendly treatment. But what we get, too many times, is betrayal. That stings.
We all know about Jesus’ obvious enemies – the Pharisees, who hated His spiritual freedom; the priests, who felt threatened by His disdain for their religiosity; the political zealots, disappointed that He had not led an uprising against Rome; the Romans themselves, who were unhappy about another crazy candidate for Messiah. We know about Jesus’ more obvious enemies.
But the most dangerous enemies Jesus had were among His friends! The most dangerous people around Him were those in His inner circle of disciples. They didn’t sound like betrayers. They looked like friends, good and true. And yet, with friends like Peter, James, and John, who needs enemies?
But Jesus knew how to deal with His friends. He knew how to transform their weaknesses into strengths. He knew how to take their insecurities and turn them into loyalties. He understood how to change His friends’ issues into magnificent possibilities. Jesus did it by getting real with His friends. Jesus got real with Peter and with James and with John. What they were on that night in Gethsemane is not the half of what they became, because Jesus got real with His friends.
As we think about this theme, I want you to notice that there was one fundamental principle that Jesus followed in getting real with His friends: He both understood them and He believed in them. He understood how weak they were, but He loved them for their potential. He trusted them, even though it would hurt Him and send Him to a cross. He said, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” That means that He understood them for what they were, but He loved them for what they could become. Jesus got real with His friends, and so transformed them.
Let’s follow those friends. Let’s find out where they were coming from that night in the garden. And let’s discover where Jesus took them when He got real with His friends.
I
There’s Peter, for one. Novelist Lloyd Douglas dubbed him “the big fisherman”. “Big” is right. Everything about Peter was larger than life. When Jesus first called Peter, Peter immediately left his fishing net to follow. When he learned about his mother-in-law’s illness, at once Peter took Jesus to her bedside. When Jesus went off to rest and pray, it was Peter who went looking for the Master, not content to be quiet. Peter is a Type A personality: get it done, do it now, say what you feel, don’t stop to look inside, chop, chop! I want this done yesterday! Do you know anybody like that?
But Jesus got real with Peter. Jesus understood him, but Jesus also knew how to love him for what he could become. When Peter blurted out the confession, “You are the Christ, the Son of the Highest,” and then followed it with the pronouncement that he would never let anything happen to Jesus, Jesus faced him down with, “Get behind me, Satan!” Jesus got real with Peter, and had to do it again and again .. warning him that he would deny three times in one night, telling him that if he did not accept the gift of foot-washing he could not be a part of the movement. Again and again, Jesus forced His way through Peter’s bluster and made him face himself.
Do you have any friends like Peter? People who talk a great game but who seldom deliver the goods? People who promise the world but give you only cold checks when payday comes? Do you have any friends like Peter, who cannot tell you “No”? If you ask them to help you, they are so eager to please. Peters are people-pleasing persons with a powerful passion to pacify! But they are not there when the going gets tough. It feels like a betrayal, doesn’t it?
So what do you say to these people-pleasing friends of yours? How do you handle them when they fail to deliver on their promises and back off from their high-sounding commitments? I don’t know about you, but I can hear myself now: “Oh, that’s all right. I know you wanted to help. These things happen. I understand. Don’t worry about it.” That’s what I say. But of course what I mean is, “I can never depend on you. You have a big mouth, but nothing ever works out.” What I really mean is, “You betrayed me.” So why don’t I say that? Why don’t I confront the “promises, promises” personality and tell him exactly what is wrong? Because I too am a people-pleaser. I too promise more than I am prepared to deliver. I too am full of hot air, hiding a cold heart. I don’t tell the truth to my Peter friends because I am just like them!
But Jesus tells the truth. Jesus is, remember, the most authentic person who ever lived. He tells the truth. “Get behind me .. you will deny .. you will have no part in me”. Jesus got real with Peter. Jesus forced Peter to look at himself. I submit to you that if we were to learn to speak the truth, always in love, but nonetheless the truth, to one another, we would shape lives and we would grow authentic people.
Look what happened to Peter. Peter became the prince of the apostles. Peter stood in front of the Temple not many months hence, and preached the crucified Lord. Peter stood with a Roman centurion and told a prejudiced public that God was no respecter of persons. Peter became a man of his word and a person of integrity. How? Because Jesus got real with Peter. Because Jesus understood that the flesh was weak, but trusted Peter, believing that his spirit was willing. Jesus forced Peter to face himself. That’s how we get real with our friends.
II
But let’s get on with our census. That little crowd that surrounds Jesus in the high moments of his career. In addition to Peter, there are the sons of Zebedee, brothers, James the older and John the younger.
We don’t see a whole lot of James, on his own. He is always paired with his brother John, or else the middle one of the trio, Peter-James-John. It’s almost as if he is hidden between the bookends of the noisy Peter and the whimpering John. James says little, but he is always there. He looks like a dependable friend. He looks like the person who is always where he ought to be. The one who shows up whenever people are supposed to show up. You have a church meeting; James is there. You assign a task; James does it. And yet, you wonder, just what is going on inside that cranium? He says so little; he does not stand out. Is there more to James than just the steady draft horse that plods along and gets it done? There is.
For one day James breaks loose. One day the hidden agenda pops out. Fronted for by his mother, propped up by his little brother, James asks, “When do I get my reward? When can I expect to sit on the right hand of the Lord?” James – and although the Bible story makes it about both James and John, I am putting the focus on James, because he is the older, and no doubt set the tone for his younger brother – James, it turns out, has been harboring secret ambitions. He is in this friendship thing with Jesus for himself. He wants first place in the coming Kingdom.
My mental picture of James is of a passive-aggressive person, who looks so wonderfully agreeable until he drops a bomb on you! Silent for a while, but then wham! Ambitious.
Do you have passive-aggressive friends? Who is there in your circle of acquaintances who, if you are in some social gathering, acts as though you don’t exist if there is some government official around or some prominent business connection? Who do you know at your school who suddenly becomes another person when she is around the cheerleaders and the football team?
My parents used to get so irritated; we’d be in some fellowship gathering at our church, when I was growing up, and the pastor would be making his way around, greeting all the people – and it seemed to my parents that just as he would be about to speak to the Smiths, out of the corner of his eye he would see the banker who was always the moderator or the car dealer who was generally the deacon chairman, and off he would go to hob-nob with the folks whose favor he most needed. Or at least it seemed that way to my parents. But now watch: it might not have been about the pastor’s ambition. It could have been about my parents’ ambition; it could have been about their need to be associated with somebody prominent. Because, after all, the key issue is our neediness, isn’t it? The key issue is that passive-aggressive people are needy people; we want prominence because we need to be reassured that we are somebody. We want to be around important people because we somehow believe that greatness rubs off.
Oh, I know about this. Let me tell you what happens when pastors get together! We let it drop that so-and-so is a member of MY church .. as if that somehow made us better. At the church I served, the membership included an army general, the former DC police chief, an assistant superintendent of DC public schools, a children’s home executive, a federal health bureau chief, the assistant administrator of EPA, and a superior court judge – and I never missed a chance to mention that to my colleagues. Do you see? Hey, if they know I am around these prominent people they might think I am somebody! Ambition! In fact, I am not so sure I didn’t just say all that to impress you too!
Poor James – so ambitious he rubs up against Jesus and asks for the best place in the Kingdom. But again, remember what Jesus does. Jesus gets real with His friends. Jesus, the most authentic person who ever lived, Jesus who understands that the flesh is weak, but loves us when the spirit is willing – Jesus just probes. Jesus asks James a gentle but firm question, “Are you able?” “You do not understand what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am about to drink?” And when James and his tagalong brother say that they are able, Jesus is again understanding but firm: “You will indeed drink my cup – but to sit at my right hand – this is for those whom God will give it.” In other words, James, you do not get what you are asking for. You do not admit your own ambition. You do not see that you are my friend for your own selfish purposes. But you will see. You will learn. Jesus simply lets him think about it. He does not lecture, he does not rant and rave, he does not put James down. He gently requires James to look at his own heart, study his own motives, and then wait. Wait. I wonder how that came out.
In the Book of Acts, after the resurrection of Jesus, we read one and only one thing about James – and that was that he became the first of the twelve to die for Christ. James died at the hands of King Herod; and I cannot help but imagine that it was not because James was promoting James, but because James was preaching Jesus. James became what James really wanted to become – a standup man. All because Jesus got real with James. Because Jesus understood him and yet loved him, probed him, gently probed him. Jesus understood the weakness of his flesh, but loved the willingness of his spirit, and it changed James. That’s how we get real with our friends.
III
But we are not quite finished yet. Not only is there big bluster Peter, transformed into the prince of the apostles when Jesus got real with him; and not only is there jaundiced James, transformed into a loyal witness when Jesus got real with him; but there is also John -- young, tender, John. The disciple whom Jesus loved is what he is called in the book which bears his name, the Gospel of John. Slight and fragile, young John. Does he too betray Jesus? And does Jesus have to get real with John as well?
Do you have any friends who are immature? Do you know someone who is likely to jump at the next thing before he has finished what he is supposed to be doing? Do you have friends whose attention span is about twelve minutes long? They say that today’s generation is so conditioned by television that they can’t stay with anything that lasts longer than the space between commercial breaks! (Which dooms my sermons, by the way!). Do you have any friends who just cannot stay put? Friends like John, who said to Jesus once, “Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him.” Impulsive, not well thought out, in a hurry, immature. Friends like John, who broke the troubled silence in the Upper Room and popped the question that was on everyone’s mind, asking which of them would be the betrayer. John couldn’t hold his mouth, does what he wants to do when he wants to do it. Immature. Anybody got a friend like that?
I hope you do. I hope you do have some immature friends. If you have no immature friends, then it means you haven’t bothered to make friends with young people. It means you haven’t taken the time to go beyond the quick smile in the hallway and really hear what is on their hearts. I hope you have some immature friends, because if you learn from Jesus, who got real with John, you will know how to be with young people.
Once again, now, how did Jesus get real with His friends? He got real with His friends by understanding the weakness of their flesh, but at the same time loving the willingness of their spirits. He saw them not just for what they were but also for what they could become. And so Jesus got real with immature John by trusting John with significant things to do. Instead of writing off John’s youth and inexperience, Jesus gave John important things to do. From the cross, Jesus entrusted his mother’s welfare to John. A little later, in the Gospel which bears John’s name, the risen Jesus singled John out for special prominence. Jesus shaped John by trusting him in spite of his immaturity.
One of my students at the University of Kentucky came to a recommitment point in his life. So he went to his pastor to see what he could do for the Kingdom; the pastor looked at him and saw nothing more than a nineteen-year-old wet-behind-the-ears kid, and said, “Well, maybe we could mow the grass more often.” My young student was crushed; in his impulsiveness he had asked to do something for the Lord but was given nothing but a brush-off. Jesus would not have done that. Jesus would have understood that he might be young and unfinished; but Jesus would have loved his willing spirit and would have given him something real to do. That is, once again, how we get real with our friends.
Conclusion
Aren’t you glad that Jesus always gets real with His friends? For He has called us friends. He understands us, but He keeps on loving us. Even when we are Peter and our promises outstrip the truth, He loves us enough to confront us. Even when we are James and our ambition blinds us, He loves us enough to probe at us. And even when we are John and reach for more than we can handle, He loves us enough to entrust us with something to do for the Kingdom.
I’m so glad that Jesus has called us friends. I’m so glad that He is making us into real friends. I’m so glad that what I am today is not yet what I shall be, for I have a friend, oh, such a friend, who love me e’er I knew Him. He drew me with the cords of love, and thus He bound me to Him. That’s real.
