Leaving a Godly Legacy in the Home
– How to Be a Real Man
A Real Man Loves his Wife – Ephesians 5:25-33
A Real Man Trains his Children – Ephesians 6:4
A Real Man Fears the Lord – Psalm 112:1-2
Ephesians 5:25-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Intro
Slide 1
I want to tell you a story of 2 men. Each left a legacy.
Max Jukes’ descendants were traced and about 1200 were found. From this research, we find that
400 were physically abused,
Slide 1 310 became wards of the state,
130 were convicted criminals, and
7 committed murder.
Only 20 out of the 1200 ever learned a trade and half of those learned it in prison.
On the other hand, the descendants of Jonathan Edwards who was a great preacher from the 1800’s, were traced. Of the 400 that were traced,
14 of them became college presidents,
100 became professors,
100 were ministers,
over 100 were lawyers and
60 became judges.
The lives we lead, do not just affect us, but they do affect our descendants far into the future.
Men, What kind of legacy are you leaving?
Are you living your life today in a way that will positively influence your kids and the way they live their lives?
Maybe some of you can answer yes.
Some others may be answering no.
Others of you might be saying, I really don’t know.
The question becomes for each of us,
How should I be living my life today to positively influence my kids in their futures?
What things should I be doing?
That’s what I want to do today. Give you some Biblical principals to live your life by that will help to positively influence your kids and their kids into the future.
Older Men who have raised Kids
Now there are some of you here today, who have already raised your kids. But I want to tell you that you can still have affect on your kids and grandkids.
It will require that you be talking with them and telling them about mistakes you have made in the past and things that you wish you would have done differently.
I encourage you to do this though. It will not only help them to raise their kids better, it will give them a better view of you when you humbly admit that there are things you would have done differently in raising them.
Review
So what do you do?
Well 2 weeks ago we talked about where leaving a Godly legacy begins.
faith that is growing.
It begins by putting your trust in Jesus Christ as your Savior. If you have never done that you need to do that.
If you are not sure you have ever done that or even what it means to trust in Christ as your Savior, please come and talk to me today.
Now, after you are in a faith relationship with Christ, what are some biblical principals that you can apply to your lives to help you leave a godly legacy?
We are going to be looking in Ephesians 5:25-33 (pg. 829) to begin.
We looked at the wives section of this last week. Here Paul is now speaking to Husbands.
Slide 2
Ephesians 5:25-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body,
Slide 2 but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- 30 for we are
members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
First, I want you to see that
A Real Man Loves his Wife
Slide 3
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.
Slide 3 What does it mean to love your wife?
Does it mean to have passion for her and desire intimacy?
Does it mean to have strong feelings for?
It means that and more.
It means you are willing to sacrifice for your wife and family.
It means that you are willing to lay down your life your wife just like Christ laid down his life for the church.
How many hear would take a bullet for their wife and family?
Probably each one of us.
Here is a harder question?
How many here would spend a Saturday going shopping with your wife, just being with her and doing the things she would like to do?
That is what loving your wife is all about.
Peter tells us to be considerate of our wives as we live with them
1 Peter 3:7
7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
When we are not respecting our wives and being considerate of them,
we are sinning. Our prayers will be hindered because of that sin.
Yes, we need to make sure our families are provided for.
Yes we need to make sure our families are safe.
But we also need to respect and consider our wife’s emotional needs.
Are being met?
We need to be spending time with them
We need to be listening to them
Take the remote and turn off the TV and have a conversation.
This may seem hard to you. But we can do it. Guys, this is not just for you. It is for me too.
I have not mastered the role of husbanding or fathering. I am a work in progress.
But when we recognize what we need to do, and move forward with it, we will reap the rewards of living our life that way.
This requires us to keep our thoughts focused on the task at hand though.
We get distracted too easily.
We get distracted by our own selfishness.
Or we get distracted because we dwell on only the negatives.
My wife nags too much
My wife never wants to be intimate
My wife doesn’t cook enough
My wife doesn’t clean enough
My life would be better if so and so were my wife.
Guys, when your mind goes in this direction, you have fallen completely into Satan’s trap.
When you sense your thoughts are focusing on the negative aspects, you need to stop and turn those over to Christ.
Pray that you will be able to recall the positive aspects.
Pray for your wife that Christ will help her be a better wife.
Pray for yourself that you could lead your wife to that be being a better example and loving her as Christ loved the church.
And when you have done that, Ask God to help you focus your mind on her positive traits.
That is what Paul tells us in
Philippians 4:8
whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.
Tim ------ had written a poem that I read entitled “Listen” and part of it reads like this.
Concentrate on what’s good
What’s sweet and what’s strong
Ignore petty hurts
And the little that’s wrong
Passion plants the seeds
Love makes them glow
Compassion and patience
Will help them to grow
The climate of love holds
Both good and bad weather
They’re all seasons of a lifetime
Of a love spent together
It is a climate of love that you set men. You can focus on the negative aspects of anyone, but that will do nothing positive for you. We will all experience good and bad times but it is love that will see us through.
1 Peter 4:8
love covers over a multitude of sins.
Love your wives as Christ loved the church.
Set that tone in your home.
Slide 4
A Real Man Trains his Children
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Slide 4 Proverbs 22:6
6 Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.
(from New International Version)
Now Dads, Training involves 2 things
First, You need to
Teach Your Children
Slide 5
It is your responsibility to see that they are learning the ways of God.
Make sure your family is going to church.
You need to be growing in your relationship too
So you can also have times when you talk about God and His word at home.
Slide 5
Dad’s if you are not doing this, try setting aside one night a week where you and your family set aside to spend at home together.
Open up the Bible and have a reading and then talk about it.
There are resources for devotions at the Family Christian store.
Go there and pick one out.
Designate one day per month when you will take one of your kids out and just spend time with that child individually.
Dad’s when you are making sure your kids are being taught and spending time with them, you will be well on your way Leaving a Godly legacy.
The second thing you need to do to train your kids is to
Discipline your Children
Slide 6
Dad’s, it is important that you step up to the plate here.
We have to correct inappropriate behavior in our kids.
We cannot let them
Slide 6 talk disrespectfully to us, to you or your wife. Be prepared to correct that behavior.
When our kids are young, that correction may and probably will involve spanking them.
Proverbs 23:13-14
13 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
14 Punish him with the rod
and save his soul from death.
When we do not correct inappropriate behavior, we are not helping ourselves or our kids. When they do things that are wrong, we need to discipline them so they will not grow up thinking they can do what they want without consequence.
The author of Hebrews talks about hardship in life and he relates it to the discipline we get from fathers.
Hebrews 12:7-10
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. (from New International Version)
Fathers, we need to discipline our kids. They will very much appreciate it later in life.
It is difficult sometimes, but it is something that we must do if we are going to leave a legacy of responsible, godly children.
A quick aside. When giving a spanking, make sure they know they got a spanking. I see parents give spankings now that do absolutely nothing. They swat the child’s but and they think they have given a spanking as the child goes on like nothing has happened.
When you give a spanking, make sure they know why they got one and give them one in such a way that they will not want another one.
I have only had to give a handful of spankings to my kids in their life, but they knew they got one and it helped to alter inappropriate behavior because they did not want to get another one.
Finally,
A Real Man Fears the Lord
Slide 7
Psalms 112:1-2
Praise the LORD. Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
who finds great delight in his commands.
2 His children will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.
Slide 7
Do you fear the Lord?
Not are you afraid of the Lord?
Do you fear Him? Do you have a proper respect for who God is?
When we have that, the psalmist tells us that we will be blessed
And that your children will be mighty in the land.
Those who fear the Lord leave a legacy for their children to help them be who God wants them to be.
When we have a proper respect for and fear of the Lord, Our children are more likely to have a proper respect for the Lord and live a life that is godly.
They will not face as many bad consequences that result in poor life decisions because they will have a godly example to follow.
When we have a proper fear of the Lord, we gain wisdom.
Job 28:28
28 And he said to man,
’The fear of the Lord-that is wisdom,
and to shun evil is understanding.’"
(from New International Version)
Psalms 111:10
10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom;
all who follow his precepts have good understanding.
To him belongs eternal praise.
Isaiah 33:6
6 He will be the sure foundation for your times,
a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge;
the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.
It is through that wisdom gained from having a proper respect for the Lord and his word that will help us grow in wisdom and knowledge and as we grow in wisdom, we will better be able to love our wives and train our children and leave a legacy of wisdom and godliness for the generations to come.
