One day the Pastor and his friend from church were sitting on the Pastor’s porch, and the friend said, "Pastor, I’ve got something to tell you. I’ve never told this to a soul, it’s extremely difficult to tell you this now, but my wife and I have had a fight almost every day for the past 30 years of our marriage." The pastor was taken back. The Pastor nervously took a sip of his coffee - then the he asked, "Well, did you fight today before you came to church?" "Yes." "Well, how did it end up?" "She came crawling to me on her hands and knees." "My goodness, what did she say?" And the man said, "Come out from under that bed you coward and fight like a man!"
We can only dream that the marriage framed in this portrait was everyday reality. Can you remember your wedding day? Can you remember the feelings? Can you recall the fear in your heart, the cotton mouth and your knees knocking together on that beautiful day?
We all have that picture perfect marriage in mind! But the hard facts are – that picture is far being true 2 days after the wedding! Maybe that picture for you is broken and you’re wondering what to do? Maybe someone else is saying, “My marriage is pretty good and that picture is not broken – but I’m not taking any chances with my marriage” – great attitude!
Colossians 3:19
Just Google the word “marriage”, “sex”, “relationships” and “love” and hundreds if not 1000’s of books, articles and magazines from cyberspace will bombard your space! And with all this information and all this self-help out there most of it comes from outer space!
The greatest question you and I can ask about our marriage is, “God, what do you want from my marriage?” May I simplify and relief you of a lot of unrealistic expectations regarding your marriage? Let me sum up the perfect picture for marriage: God wants each marriage to be a portrait of His love for His glory!
Romans 11:36 “For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be all the glory forever.”
I’ve got a news flash for you – contrary to your thinking, your marriage is not about YOU! Your wedding day may have been about you, but your marriage is daily about God! I’m convinced that the greatest life is the God glorifying life!
Let me give you an example: How many of you have ever heard of these names before today:
• Jack Tinker and Associates.
• Doyle Dain Burmbock
• B.B. Leo
• Foot, Cone and Belding
• Jay Walker Thompson
Do you know that all of these people are thrilled that you don’t know them! Why? Because advertizing agencies don’t exist to make a name for them; they exist to make a name for others!
While you may not have a clue who these people are – I’m sure you know their work!
• “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, O what a relief it is” = Alkazalzer!
• “We try harder” = Avis Car Rental
• “MM good, MM good” = Campbell’s Soup started in 1935
• “When you care enough to send the best” = Hallmark started in 1934
• “Snap, crackle, pop!” = “Rice Crispies” - how many of you bought the cereal just to see if it does “snap crackle and pop”?
Do you realize that those ad companies are so successful still today because they never promote themselves – it’s all about others! They don’t want you to see them! It’s all about the client! Just like your life, your marriage and your family is all about God!
Can you imagine how different our marriages would be if every community, every church member, lived to bring glory to God? Men, if we set the example, I’m sure that “Desperate Housewives” would be devoted housewives!
Dr. James Dobson said, “The Western world stands at a great crossroads in its history. It is my opinion that our very survival as a people will depend upon the presence or absence of masculine leadership in millions of homes…I believe, with everything within me, that husbands hold the keys to the preservation of the family.”
So how do we do that? This week let’s begin with every married man and every man who want to be married in the future --- Husbands Love Your Wife Humbly!
Maybe you heard about the wife that went down to the police station with her next door neighbor to report her husband was missing. The police officer asks for his description. So she told the officer, “Well, he’s 6 foot 2, blond, blue eyes, 35 years old, 185 pounds, great smile, wonderful with kids and very affectionate.” As they left the police station, the neighbor said, “You know your husband’s 55, 310 pounds, 5 foot 5, bald, has a big mouth and hates your kids.” The wife looks at her neighbor and says, “Who wants him back!”
Here’s the good news men - God already know what our expectations are regarding your wife - love our wives! Not to give her a life of the rich and famous, not a life consumed with keep up with the Jones’, drive the newest car on the block. The problem so often is, we tend to love our wives the way the world tells us how to love them! That puts an unrealistic expectation that’s exasperating!
Remember Colossians 3:19a…
Now, I know some of you guys are thinking, “So the Pastor said I need to love my wife, so we’re going to “Victoria Secret” right after lunch!” No that’s not what I’m saying and that’s not what this verse says! This verse is radical to the max when it’s applied to our marriages.
So There Are 3 Ways to Love Our Wives:
1. We Must Love Our Wives Spiritually. Vs. 19a
Just how radical is this verse? When this verse was written, the Greek culture was not too keen on loving a wife this way! I can only imagine jaws dropped when this was heard in church. The idea that a man had any responsibility to his wife and family was foreign until Christianity came on the scene.
Did you know that the word “Husband” = house man
KEY: A husband is a strong band wrapped around his wife that depends on him and his family that he defends.
Even the Greek verb Paul uses would have caught every man’s attention as it was being read for the first time! Agape love! Unconditional!
What I’m about to say, I hope this stirs your heart – men, you are married to God’s daughter and you are commanded to love her as God loves her! When was the last time we cried out to God saying, “God help me to love your daughter?”
This also means that you and I have to walk godly life before our wives and when you’re out of their sight! Men, your marriage will never reach its greatest potential if you cannot love your wife spiritually!
2. We Much Love Our Wives Sacrificially.
This kind of love is not only emotional, gooey and goofy, but it’s so much deeper! John 3:16 is our example men! God gave His best and gave it sacrificially to all mankind! How are we men doing in this area?
This kind of love will override the deepest valley, the dirtiest sin and the most distressing event that tries to swallow your marriage and emotions.
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.”
LifePoint: I must die to what I want from her so I can center on what God wants from me. I must forget my expectations of her and focus on God’s expectations for me.
Two questions every man: Do I really love my wife more than I love myself? What is the loving thing to do? Here’s some ideas:
• Go to her choice of movie. Take no dose and valume with you!
• Do something around the house with out being asked.
• Give her the remote control. I’d rather go to Siberia than give the remote control up!
3. We Must Love Our Wives Sensitively. Vs. 19b
“Bitter” = impatient, with sharpness and harshness
While I love my wife more than anyone else on this planet, there is no other person who can get my blood pressure up as Jill. There is no one on this planet that I am more crazy about, but there’s still no one else who can drive me crazier that her! Men, can you relate? Do not raise your hand – wink at me!
I’ve finally come to realize why this is so true of every marriage! We are frustrated with what we don’t understand! There are two ways to handle women – unfortunately nobody one knows either one of them!
When you got married to your wife, you thought you had her figure out! But to figure any women out you have to know her needs – and men we suck at this!
Classic illustration from “Red Book Magazine” - they asked women which 7 activities would bring them the most pleasure in life:
• #1: 29% said relaxing on a beautiful tropical beach somewhere.
• #2: 28% said having a romantic dinner with my husband.
• # 7: Only 9% said having sex was the most pleasurable activity.
Sex many times with women ranks right up there with mowing the lawn! But ask men the same question!!!
Men, ever had your wife say, “You just don’t know how to communicate!” Men, we really do struggle with communicating and connecting with our words!
Here’s why: men mean what they say and say what they mean. Women are totally different. Remember they speak code? From my own experience with Jill:
She says, “We need to talk”, she means, “You need to listen!” She says, “Sure, go ahead”, she means, “You better not!” She says,
“Do what you want!” she means, “Your dead meat!” She says, “I’ll be ready in a minute!” she really means, “Go ahead and finish the ballgame!”
Good new guys, God will not test us on how well we figured out our wives when we all get to heaven! The real good news is - God doesn’t expect us to figure her out!
But here’s some serious insights: do not ever criticize your wife publically and never share anything critical about your wife privately to anyone! If you do this, you have a very shallow view of her and you have flunked all 3 points today! And I’ll also show you a marriage that will fall apart in a heart beat!
Now some practical ways to begin to implement these 3 points: this is homework, choose one of the following areas and do them for your wife (some may be easier for you so don’t do the one that comes naturally).
• Make breakfast for her and take it to her in bed.
• Take her to dinner and let her choose the restaurant.
• Bring her flowers for no reason at all.
• Pick up your clothes off the floor.
• Calendar a night away at her choosing.
Now I know, when you try this, she’s going to start crying…because she thinks your half drunk!
Husbands be a dream lover! Just think what would happen in our community - if just half of all married men loved their wives spiritually, sacrificially and sensitively! Revival would break out in the Motherlode today!
