S.O.S. FOR SINGLES
Desperate Households—Part 2
Let’s face it, our society puts enormous pressure on single adults to get married. Let’s take, for an example, the typical American female. By the time she is a toddler she has already been dragged to a wedding, and after the wedding, well-meaning relatives come up and grab her cheeks with a vise grip-like pull and they say, "Honey, one day you will make a beautiful bride." And the little typical American female toddles home. As she grows up she buys Barbie and Ken dolls, then well-meaning grandparents give her Barbie and Ken wedding outfits. Years roll by, she reads stories of handsome princes marrying beautiful maidens and they ride off in the sunset living happily ever after. When college hits, the pressure intensifies because the typical American female’s friend bolts into dorm rooms with her left hand extended showing the beautiful engagement ring and the not- so-excited-as-they-seem friends wonder down deep, am I next? And a subtle form of competition starts.
Now when you’re a Christian, that pressure just seems to multiply. Scriptures tell us that we can’t court and marry nonChristians, so that really cuts down the pool of eligible people. You’ve heard about this fad called “speed dating.” What would that look like if it was just Christians…
Roll “Sacred Single” Video
It is amazing, but our society gives those who are unmarried a lie, and we give them a marriage myth. We say, if you are married that will complete a life that is incomplete. If you are married it is like finding the missing ingredient in a recipe. And singles walk around feeling they are a bowl of Rice Krispies without that snap, crackle and pop. If I could only get married, that will do the job. And you believe that because of all the lies, all of the trash people give you.
You find yourself at wedding receptions jockeying for position like Hines Ward catching a pass so you can catch that elusive bouquet. And then there are the terrible, rude comments that relatives make, and well-meaning friends make. And you put all this together and you’ve got some serious pressure to deal with.
As time goes by…some single Christians start to feel desperate. It seems like some of them look desperate and transmit desperation. Like a ship that is sinking…they’re sending out signals of S.O.S. Mayday, Mayday. Others seem very content where they are and with what they’re doing. How about you? Are you transmitting SOS to every guy or gal you meet? It’s dangerous way to live.
But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6 (NIV)
I MIGHT BE TRANSMITTING S.O.S. IF…
1. LONELINESS DRIVES ME
Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.
1 Corinthians 7:27 (NIV)
Many people assume when I get married I will never be lonely again. Many single adults believe that. Do you believe that? You see some of the loneliest people I know are married. And the most miserable people I know are not unmarried people who wish they were married, they are married people who wish they were single because they married the wrong person. Loneliness is something that many unmarried folks and married folks deal with. Why? Listen to me very carefully because I am going to say some things that might be a little bit complicated, but stay with me and you will get the gist of it.
God has wired us up for two types of relational yearnings. We have got to have two levels of companionship so to speak. The first level is something that most of us are conscious of. It is the level on which we yearn to have a deep friendship or a marriage or someone we are really close with. That is why we have friends, that is why God said after he made Adam, it is not good for man to be alone. So He created other people so we can relate to them. That is the first level.
The second level though is deeper than the first. The second level is relational yearning we have that can only be satisfied with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. You see, we all have a hole in our soul that can only be satisfied by Him. You take level one yearning and level two yearning and you put them into a single’s life, you stir them up a little bit and, man, you have someone who is obsessed with finding Mr. or Ms. Right. They are on a spouse hunt and they will do anything just to get involved and to meet the right person, because they think it will cure their loneliness. "I am lonely now, if I marry this person, I will never be lonely again." So they meet this person, and the level one needs are getting satisfied and before they know it they are walking down the aisle saying, I do. Off to the honeymoon, and after about six months they start looking at each other and they start saying, "Wait a minute. I am still lonely, I was lonely before the marriage, and now I am lonely." And they start putting unrealistic expectations on their spouse because they think their spouse can meet these supernatural needs that only Jesus Christ can meet. Most unmarried people are unaware of this, they are unconscious of this second level, thus they are expecting a human being to meet those second level needs. And then they put stipulations on their spouse, demands on them, cutting them down. And then that relationship ends up in a train wreck and then they leap from that relationship like a giant frog, ribbit, ribbit, to another relationship.
2. IF BROKENESS COMPELS ME
But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 1 Corinthians 7:28 (NIV)
Marriage will repair my brokenness. That’s right, if I get married it will repair my brokenness. A lot of people have a compound fracture of the heart. You come from broken homes, divorce, alcoholism, emotional abuse, and you think, boy, a spouse can do it. And you look at a spouse like a orthopedic surgeon. If I marry him, or her, she can put a giant cast around our relationship and she can heal me. Man, I know she can do it, I know he can do it.
Some people call this the Humpty-dumpty syndrome. You remember that? Humpty-dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty-dumpty had a great fall, all the king’s horses, all the king’s men could not put our man Humpty back together again. So you are asking a human being, single adults, to do what all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t even do in a nursery rhyme. It is not going to happen. A person cannot cure your loneliness, a person cannot heal your brokenness. And that is why our Lord said in Psalm 147:3, "He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds." He does, the Lord, God does. So if you are broken, again it points to Jesus Christ. Matthew 9:12. "...Jesus said, It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick..."
3. IF I CAN’T MAKE THE MOST OF MY SINGLENESS
Talk about Algebra…at first it’s easy because it’s just one factor…X is the unknown factor. Algebra gets exponentially more complicated every time you add a factor to the equation.
I’m a member of the Stonewall Jackson Civil War Roundtable. Due to my schedule I only get to go to one or two meetings per year. Actually I shouldn’t say due to my schedule, I should say due to Sarah’s schedule, Josiah’s schedule and Jenna’s schedule.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs--how he can please the Lord. [33] But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- [34] and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. [35] I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 1 Corinthians. 7:32-35 (NIV)
Time
Attitude
Freedom
Ministry—Roll Scotty Reinshagen Video
Friendships—Roll Stacie Shaw/Bob Dulun Video
4. IF I FOCUS ON WHAT I DON’T HAVE
And the Lord God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; [17] but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die [3:1] Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, ’You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?" Genesis 2:16-3:1 (NIV)
Eve was approached by Satan in the Garden of Eden, where she and Adam lived. He questioned her contentment. How could she be happy when she was not allowed to eat from one of the fruit trees? Satan helped Eve shift her focus from all that God had done and given to the one thing he had withheld. And Eve was willing to accept Satan’s viewpoint without checking with God.
Sound familiar? How often is our attention drawn from the much which is ours to the little that isn’t? We get that “I’ve got to have it” feeling. Eve was typical of us all, and we consistently show we are her descendants by repeating her mistakes. Our desires, like Eve’s, can be quite easily manipulated. They are not the best basis for actions. We need to keep God in our decision-making process always. His Word, the Bible, is our guidebook in decision making.
Tie it in to the Legacy Campaign…this is about kids and teens. Maybe you don’t have any children of your own. Maybe you’ll never have any of your own. Is there something you can do?
Roll Video of Yvonne Chelbourg—As video is rolling band moves to the platform.
Immediately after this video the band will lead the congregation in the song: “Enough”
5. IF I’M NOT FOLLOWING CHRIST
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. [12] I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. [13] I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians. 4:11-13 (NIV)
People think that they get their self worth from their appearance, and their Possessions and their achievement, and that may be true to some degree. But for it to really last , it comes from realizing who you are in Jesus Christ.
If your contentment is wrapped up in your financial portfolio then your self-image is tied to how the stock market did that week. If your contentment is tied to your appearance, the older you get, the worse you’ll feel about yourself. And your house could be gone tomorrow, and your company could downsize.
That’s why R.C. Sproul "Our problem isn’t wanting things too much, it’s not wanting Him enough.
Time of Silence
Invitation To Receive Christ
Serve Communion Here
