HOW TO PRAISE A WOMAN
A BREAKDOWN ON PROVERBS 31: LEARNING HOW TO COMMUNICATE LOVE & APPRECIATION
INTRO: There are a lot of possible introductions, the one I will use for this lesson will be about REVOLVE which just happened the night before. But a personal story of how a “Proverbs 31” woman impacted your life would be ideal.
BIBLE VERSE: Proverbs 31:10-31 (English Standard Version)
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Giver her the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates.
12 WAYS TO PRAISE: # 1-6
1. Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband trusts in her.
The Trait: Trustworthy
Illustration: People date each other, but end up wanting to change each other. Allow me to explain by reading out of this book “Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti.”
(Read pages 17-19). This book lists a couple of different scientific facts about how men and women are different.
What TO do: Understand that significant differences between the two sexes. This means that how people react to situations does vary greatly depending on the gender.
The Compliment: It’s simple: accept the differences!
2. Proverbs 31:12 She does good and not harm all the days of her life.
The Trait: Companionship
Illustration: Wild At Heart
In the book titled Wild At Heart written by John Eldredge, he says that in the heart of the man there are three great desires: “a desperate desire for a battle to fight, and adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.” He says “I want you to think of the films men love, the things they do in their free time, and especially the aspiration of little boys and see if I am not right on this.”
And you know what, somehow women intrinsically know this. That is why a teen girl who plays soccer for her team, works 30 hours a week at Ruby Tuesday, and babysits her younger sister still somehow manages to find time to watch her boyfriend’s hockey game at 10:30pm on a Tuesday. She for some reason knows that this sense of competitive adventure exists, and supports her man in doing so.
What NOT to do: Take this for granted. Is it fair that the woman is expected to sit through a 3 hour football game in the rain while the guy plays video games with his friends while she is playing softball? No way. It’s not fair, and it is not equal treatment.
The Compliment: The compliment is obvious…go to their things. Do what is important to them. Learn why their hobbies are exciting. And this goes far beyond a compliment, this is what should be done to build a tightly formed relationship.
3. Proverbs 31:13 She seeks wool and flax, she works with her hands.
The Trait: Hard Working
Illustration: I know that today’s youth get blamed for all the problems in society. And there’s a lot of names given to that. And though there are a ton of things that are odd, one thing that cannot be accused of this generation is being lazy. The majority of youth I see go to school full time, job full time, sports full time, pay their own insurance, split time at two families, and on and on.
But it is all a matter of perspective, here’s what I mean.
Do you ever feel overworked, over-regulated, under-leisured, under-benefited? Take heart. This notice was found in the ruins of a London office building. It was dated 1852.
1. This firm has reduced the hours of work, and the clerical staff will now only have to be present between the hours of 7 a.m. and 6 p.m. weekdays.
2. Clothing must be of a sober nature. The clerical staff will not disport themselves in raiment of bright colors, nor will they wear hose unless in good repair.
3. Overshoes and topcoats may not be worn in the office, but neck scarves and headwear may be worn in inclement weather.
4. A stove is provided for the benefit of the clerical staff. Coal and wood must be kept in the locker. It is recommended that each member of the clerical staff bring four pounds of coal each day during the cold weather.
5. No member of the clerical staff may leave the room without permission from the supervisor.
6. No talking is allowed during business hours.
7. The craving for tobacco, wine, or spirits is a human weakness, and as such is forbidden to all members of the clerical staff.
8. Now that the hours of business have been drastically reduced, the partaking of food is allowed between 11:30 and noon, but work will not on any account cease.
9. Members of the clerical staff will provide their own pens. A new sharpener is available on application to the supervisor.
10. The supervisor will nominate a senior clerk to be responsible for the cleanliness of the main office and the private office. All boys and juniors will report to him 40 minutes before prayers and will remain after closing hours for similar work. Brushes, brooms, scrubber, and soap are provided by the owners.
11. The owners recognize the generosity of the new labor laws, but will expect a great rise in output of work to compensate for these near Utopian conditions.
What NOT to do: On this issue, work is a matter of perspective, and never, never ever get a sense of entitlement. Never “expect” someone to do work. Never “expect” rewards for the work you do. As for guys, a lot of people expect their wives to work 40-50 hours a week, then clean the whole house and cook every meal.
The Compliment: Show honor to hard work. And work hard yourselves (what do you think of men who play all the time while their wife works 2 jobs?).
4. Proverbs 31:15 She rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household.
The Trait: Caring
Bible Verse: Exodus 2:1-4:
Now a man of the house of Levi married a Levite woman, and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. When she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months. But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch. The she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him.
What To do: Here’s the deal, the Egyptians made it legal to raise a Hebrew boy. They demanded them to be turned over to them to be killed (which brings up a tough scenario, does a Mom fight this law by hiding the child, or agree to let the child be killed in a quasi-post-birth-Abortion, I’m sure some would have used this justification). And why did Moses’ mother hide him, it’s because she cared.
The Compliment: Show the woman that you care. Women care a great deal about people and quite honestly everything. Show the woman that you care also. Seriously, care!
5. Proverbs 31:16 She considers a field and buys it.
The Trait: Wisdom
Illustration: Buyer of a Dollar General
I have a personal friend who doesn’t ever let his wife know about their finances or money problems (and this is a good guy, a Christian). Because he knows that financial stability is a need for women, he never lets her know how they are doing because they are not doing to well.
One day, the man purchased a Dollar General store…without consulting his wife! Whatever excuse you might think he gave, he explained to me that he wanted to surprise her with all the extra money that was going to come in. And he even put her name on the purchase.
I would never ever think about making a giant purchase like that without consulting my wife. Is there in all reality anything worse financially then making a $100,000 decision or more without even asking your spouse? Can a person disrespect any more? And of course, you know the rest of the story, the business never made any money in the first place which is why this guy’s friend was selling it in the first place. The business went under and now he—and his wife—are in multiple legal battles over the issue.
What NOT to do: Failure to seek your woman’s wisdom is horrible, disrespectful, and is going to come back to bite you. Even in a dating relationship, spending all your extra cash from 2 jobs on new speakers for your car while she struggles to pay for school—it’s NOT what to do.
The Compliment: Okay I will say it…let women make decisions! If it doesn’t matter Hardees or Burger King, ask her. If you get an extra $200, maybe she would rather buy a dress, or a gift her for Mom, or save up for Christmas than go on a limo ride. The great compliment for Proverbs 31:16 is to have open discussion on major and even minor topics. No man should ever be a dictator and we see that far too often.
6. Proverbs 31:20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
The Trait: Compassionate
What NOT to do: First, understand that when it comes to compassion, men and women have big differences. Being a man, if a man-friend of mine comes to me with a problem (think of a problem, either serious or funny depending on the scenario), my first response may not be to look him in the eye and say I am sorry (even though that is really is probably the best initial response). Instead, I might look him in the eye if I am being non-compassionate and make a joke about his ear hair or something. There are times that a well timed joke to a guy can be considered thoughtful. And there are times when it is disgraceful. But men communicate indirectly. Rather than sit down over coffee and discus an issue, we might go a play pool, or watch a ballgame on TV.
And that is why we as dudes cannot figure out women. They take problems to heart, they take their friends problems to heart. Heck, they see someone in their school they don’t know having a bad day or being picked on, and they take that heart. Women have big hearts. And Godly women have especially big hearts.
The Compliment: Love a woman’s compassion (whenever you see it, point it out and mention what a great trait it is, etc). Men, women want men who will agree with them and serve with them when they are doing what is right. So often, men see a women serving and think or even say that their service is a waste of time. “You can’t save the whole world, so you might as well stop trying.” Check out this next example of being a complimentary mate to one’s spouse.
Illustration: Elizabeth of Hungary
The German states fell into famine during the summer of 1226, and the poor roamed around searching for wild nuts, berries, roots of trees, knawling on tree bark and devouring every kind of dead animal they found with meat still on them. The ruler was away on a military outing with most of the men, as people hiked the steep road to the castle to beg for food from Duchess Elizabeth.
Instead of turning them away, Elizabeth opened up the royal storehouses of food hoping fend of the starvation of those too feeble to find food, she had cooks baking bread at all hours of the day and night because the hunger was so severe. She emptied the treasury, and spent her whole day feeding people herself, something that is rarely ever done by those in charge.
Top advisors ordered her to stop and relent of feeding the people. But Elizabeth felt it was God’s calling on her life, and when the food was gone, she gave away her veils, her silk, her scarfs and told them to sell whatever they could to get food. When her husband returned and the top aids asked for a rebuke, he quieted them down and allowed the gracious giving to continue. Her self-sacrifice continued as she met with lepers, gave them baths, and cut up the castle curtains for linens and towels in order to cover their ailments.
But when her husband went away for a crusade to the Holy Land, he caught a fever and perished. The control of the royal dowrey then fell into the hands of her brother-in-law Henry who was persuaded by those in power to remove Elizabeth from the castle and throw her out to the streets for what she had done with the government excess, all of this despite the common Biblical tradition of marrying your older brother’s wife if he were to pass away.
With no food or clothing, Elizabeth under threat of death was ordered to leave the castle along with her children and newborn baby on a cold wintry afternoon. The new duke had also made a new order that anyone caught carrying for his sister-in-law would be put immediately to death. So despite the fact that for years she had given up everything she had to help the poor and meager, nobody came to her aid.
In his book titled “Trial and Triumph,” author Richard Hannula records a paraphrase of Elizabeth’s words. She prayed aloud, “Oh Lord, may Your will be done. My children are born of royal race, and behold them hungry, and without a bed to lie on. Yesterday, I was a duchess in strong castles and rich domains; today I am a beggar and no one takes me in. Oh yes, Lord. If You will be with me, I will be with You, and I wish never to be parted from You.” On November 19, 1231, she would later die spinning wool in a monastery, at the age of 24.
Sources:
Bits & Pieces. May 26, 1994. Page 9.
Farrel, Bill and Pam. Men Are Like Waffles and Women Are Like Spaghetti. Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Oregon: 2001. Pages 17-19.
Hannula, Richard M. Trial and Triumph. Canon Press, Moscow, Idaho: 1999. Pages 101-106.
Womble, T. Scott. How To Praise a Woman. St. Louis Christian College (Church of Christ), Missouri: May 2000.
NAME : ______________________________________
HOW TO PRAISE A WOMAN
A BREAKDOWN ON PROVERBS 31: LEARNING HOW TO COMMUNICATE LOVE & APPRECIATION
BIBLE VERSE: Proverbs 31:10-31
6 WAYS TO PRAISE:
1. Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband ____________________ in her.
The Trait: ________________________________
The Illustration: ________________________________________________________________________
What to DO or NOT to do: ________________________________________________________________
The Compliment: _________________________________
2. Proverbs 31:12 She does _______________________________all the days of her life.
The Trait: ________________________________
The Illustration: ________________________________________________________________________
What to DO or NOT to do: ________________________________________________________________
The Compliment: _________________________________
3. Proverbs 31:13 She seeks wool and flax, she ____________________ with her hands.
The Trait: _________________________________
The Illustration: ________________________________________________________________________
What to DO or NOT to do: ________________________________________________________________
The Compliment: _________________________________
4. Proverbs 31:15 She rises while it is yet night, and ________________ food for her household.
The Trait: __________________________________
The Illustration: ________________________________________________________________________
What to DO or NOT to do: ________________________________________________________________
The Compliment: _________________________________
5. Proverbs 31:16 She ___________________________ a field and buys it.
The Trait: __________________________________
The Illustration: ________________________________________________________________________
What to DO or NOT to do: ________________________________________________________________
The Compliment: _________________________________
6. Proverbs 31:20 She opens her hand to the ________ and reaches out her hands to the needy.
The Trait: __________________________________
The Illustration: ________________________________________________________________________
What to DO or NOT to do: ________________________________________________________________
The Compliment: _________________________________