LIVING SINGLE
1st Corinthians 7:1-2, 8-9, 25-40.
INTRODUCTION: Many of you in our congregation are single. And perhaps you have been made to feel like you’re a second-class citizen for being single. As if being single is something to be ashamed of. Well, I’d like to try to dispel those erroneous opinions using Paul’s words to the Corinthian church. Let’s see how living single is a good thing.
Vs. 1&2. “Now about the matters you wrote about…” We don’t have any record about this letter Paul is referring to but it’s obvious from other chapters that they wrote to Paul about various issues (8:1, “Now about food sacrificed to idols…”, 12:1, “Now about spiritual gifts…”, 16:1, “Now about the collection for God’s people…”) The concern addressed here seems to stem from the question of whether or not they should marry. They were probably getting differing opinions on the subject and wanted Paul to clarify the matter. He does by stating that it was better to not marry but then he takes the matter a step further. “But since there is so much immorality…” Corinth was one of the largest cities in the Roman world and also one of the most corrupt. The City of Corinth had a bad reputation and was known for its immorality and for the famous temple to Aphrodite, the goddess of love. The temple normally housed some one thousand ritual prostitutes who would come down each night into Corinth and work their trade among the many foreign travelers and the local men. In this letter to the church there, Paul lists some of the city’s sins which some of them had been involved in before their conversion (6:9–11). But there was still a sexual immorality problem in the church (5:1). The situation in Corinth is probably not much different that what we are dealing with today. Instead of the city of Corinth you have the city of Syracuse. As there were prostitutes going into the Corinthian city there are prostitutes in this city. And although we might not have a temple dedicated to the goddess of love, we do have plenty of strip clubs and porn shops dedicated to the god of lust. Paul said it was good to be single. But he also recognized the city’s problems and concluded that it was better to get married than to live in sexual immorality.
Vs. 8&9. Paul understood that he was offering a difficult challenge to the Corinthians to live celibate in a lust filled society. And he says that if you’re someone whose strong desires are such that you feel you can’t control yourself and continue living the single life then you should marry rather than burn with passion. I don’t think Paul is saying that you should marry someone just for the purpose of not sinning sexually. Just being able to have sex is not a good reason to get married. I think Paul would be including here when referring to ‘passion’ the passion that comes with deep love for the other person. So much so that they couldn’t imagine themselves being apart. The couple’s love is so deep for one another that under such circumstances they should get married. But, Paul also knew that just because the challenge to be celibate is difficult, it’s not impossible. This challenge could be met and accomplished through the power of Jesus. Paul was a living example to them as one who was already doing it. It’s not easy but Paul said it’s good if you exercise restraint and remain single. But why would Paul say it’s better to be single?
Vs. 25-28. Vs. 26, ‘present circumstances’. Albert Barnes: “What the urgent distress of this time was is not certainly known. If the epistle was written about A.D. 59, it was in the time of Nero; and probably he had already begun to oppress and persecute Christians. At all events, it is evident that the Christians at Corinth were subject to some trials, which rendered the cares of the marriage life undesirable.” Paul’s basically saying that whatever situation people are already in, don’t seek to change it. But, if you feel the need to get married, you’re not committing a sin, but there are going to be some problems to face.
Vs. 29-31. We’re not exactly sure what Paul was specifically implying here. Was the time short due to the fact that the next great event in church history is Christ’s return, which could happen at any moment? Or was it due to the state of affairs at that present time where increased persecution was taking place such that it wasn’t sensible to become married? Calvin took it to mean the shortness of human life. Whatever the case, which could include all three observations, Paul is trying to present an awareness that we shouldn’t get overly attached to the things of this world, including marriage. Jesus said in Matt. 22:30 that there would be no marriage in heaven. Marriage is an earthly joy. Our greater concern should be building up treasures in heaven. Marriage is one of those things that will pass away along with the earth itself. We need to seek first the kingdom of God.
Vs. 32-35. Single people are able to serve Christ with undivided attention. If you’re single, you don’t have to split your time between the church, your spouse and your kids. There is more time for you to serve the kingdom. And usually, this is just what is needed so you’re not focused so much on being alone. When your time is spent fulfilling the work of the kingdom, the less time you have to focus on the sorrows of being single. Regarding vs. 32-34 John McArthur said: “The married person’s interests are divided between the earthly and the heavenly. And so it should be. It is not that the married believer has divided spiritual loyalties or that the unmarried is more spiritually faithful. Many married believers are holy in the sense of being highly devoted to the Lord, and many single believers are divided in their spiritual interests. Married Christians should not feel guilty about being married and unmarried Christians should not feel guilty about getting married. Marriage does not prevent great devotion to the Lord, and singleness does not guarantee it. But singleness has fewer hindrances and more advantages. It is easier for a single person to be single-minded in the things of the Lord. The married Christian has no choice. His interests must be divided. He cannot be faithful to the Lord if he is unfaithful to his family: “If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever” 1 Tim. 5:8.” Living single helps one to live an undistracted life for the kingdom of God.
Vs. 36-38. Here Paul is clarifying that if you’re engaged to someone and you don’t want to separate it’s okay to get married. They may have thought that since Paul said it was better not to marry they should break off the relationship they were currently in. But Paul assures couples that if they chose to get married they were not doing wrong. But, he ends it by saying that if they were to remain single they would be doing the better thing.
Vs. 39&40. Here Paul says that if you decide you are going to be married, you need to choose someone who is a Christian. 2nd Cor. 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” Albert Barnes’ commentary: “If she should marry a heathen, would it not be showing that she had not as deep a conviction of the importance and truth of her religion as she ought to have? If Christians were required to be "separate," to be "a peculiar people," not "to be conformed to the world," how could these precepts be obeyed if the society of a heathen was voluntarily chosen, and if she became united to him for life? She would in this way greatly hinder her usefulness; put herself in the control of one who had no respect for her religion, and who would demand her time and attention, and thus interfere with her attendance on the public and private duties of religion, and the offices of Christian charity.” The problem is that we will be so focused on not being alone that we will settle for someone who is not the right person for us. In our desperate attempt to fit in and not feel left out, to make sure we’re not the awkward, ‘third wheel’, we will compromise our Christian standards by hooking up with Mr. or Mrs. Wrong. And because of that we end up miserable, empty and spiritually depleted. We are worse off than we would be if we had stayed single. Prov. 21:19, ‘Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.’
· Being single is not abnormal. The world drills into our heads that we need to fulfill that all American dream of marriage, 2 kids, house w/white picket fence, etc. You may get pressure from friends or your parents. “Why aren‘t you married yet?” “When are you going to give me grandchildren?” “Are you gay?” I’m sure that many singles feel like they’re back in Noah’s day, you know, "Pair up or perish." People think that if you’re single you’re not normal. Fred Hartley writes, “Jesus was never married, and He was normal. Paul was not married, and he was normal. John the Baptist was single, and he was normal. History is full of normal men and women who were never married.” Being single is not wrong, it’s not failure, and it’s not abnormal.
· Being single is not incomplete. We are under the delusion that we’re incomplete unless we’re married. There was a movie with Tom Cruise where he said to his girl, “You complete me!” So we hear stuff like that and walk away feeling less than. I’m missing out on the fulfillment of life because I’m single. Wrong. Being single, like being married, is a gift from God. You are a complete person in Christ; you’re not incomplete just because you’re not married. Some people measure their worth by who their spouse is or how their spouse sees them. This is unhealthy. I have my own personality and God created me as an individual. My identity is not found in my spouse, it’s found in Christ. Many times, we taper our personality based on who we’re in a relationship with. We can even get to the point where we eventually cease to be who we are and become who someone else wants us to be. We can lose our identity in a relationship when we seek to suit whatever personality our mate finds attractive. We shouldn’t compromise who we are in an attempt to feel complete.
· Marriage is not the focus. A lot of times we find what we’re looking for when we stop looking for it. Have you ever searched intently for something only to eventually give up in frustration? Then, later you’re doing something else and you look down and immediately you see what you spent hours looking for earlier? When our focus changes from finding that perfect mate to living for the perfect God, he may just place that perfect someone in our path. When we leave it to his timing instead of trying to force his timing, life will work out better for us. And when our focus shifts from my will to Christ’s we find that many of the things we thought we couldn’t live without become not so important anymore. On the Internet, there was a forum for Christian singles where one testimony was particular pertinent. Kevin wrote: “I’m praying God will lead me where he wants me to go, and will help me learn to trust in Him more than in other people. I admit, as recently as last year I was so angry and frustrated in my single state that I annoyed even myself. I was so consumed by being with a girlfriend, that I even let minor statements from friends and family about my singleness really bother me. Then I remembered something a good friend wrote to me in an e-mail: “God wants 100% of you.” The words made so much sense that now I’m enjoying this period of life despite the fact that I’m 32 and have never been married. I’m really letting the fact that God wants all of me sink in, and I’m enjoying it. Without my previous single-minded devotion to getting a girlfriend, I’m now free to pursue other goals. I’m having fun and becoming a balanced Christian single – Christian first, single second.” Kevin realized that when he changed his focus, he was able to really start enjoying life. He was able to be content. When we become content with our lot in life we can allow God to determine if and when marriage will happen.
CONCLUSION: We shouldn’t forget that since Jesus was single, he is well aware of the temptations that singles face. I’m sure Jesus was pressured by people’s expectations of him to be married? Perhaps his peers treated him differently. Perhaps he wasn’t well respected by the married leaders in the town. And it’s no doubt that he faced sexual temptations. Jesus fought the pressure and resisted temptation because of his single-minded purpose to do the Father’s will. Jesus understood that it wasn’t the Father’s will for him to be married. Not because the Father didn’t love him; not because he didn’t want to see his Son happy; it was because God’s purpose for him didn’t include marriage. And Jesus was willing to fulfill his single purpose. You who are single can live out the single purpose. S.I.N.G.L.E. stands for Steadily Implementing Needed Godly Love Everywhere
The ‘single jingle’:
You might not be single on purpose
But you have a purpose being single;
You might think your life is lacking
A certain adventurous tingle.
But I am here to tell you;
That it couldn’t be more untrue.
You might not be single on purpose,
But you have a purpose being single.
