It was an eye opening experience.
I was in the 9th grade in high school and I was playing on the Men’s Varsity Soccer Team.
My best friend in my 9th grade class was a guy named Matt.
Matt had an older brother named Nathan who was in the 11th grade.
Before their seasons starts, every sports teams have a meeting where they receive their jersey for that year.
It came time for the coach to hand out the team jerseys.
And as is the case with every High School team, there is a pecking order to picking out jerseys.
The seniors, the 12th graders get first dibbs on the best sizes and the most popular numbers.
After the 12th graders, of course the 11th graders get to pick their desired jersey.
Then the 10th graders and then the lowly freshman 9th graders are left to pick over the leftovers.
Now if you’ve played sports on an organized team before you will know that every player has his favorite number.
Michael Jordon famously wore the #23 for most of his career.
The soccer legend Pele’ wore the number #10.
I wore #7.
#7 was my number as a soccer player.
At least I thought I was going to wear it until I watched with horror my best friends older brother pick the exact jersey I had been eyeing, #7 jersey.
He picked up that shirt, glanced over at me, and shot me a look as if to say, “Na, Na, Na, Na, Na.”
Well, I was not about to go down without a fight.
If looks could kill I would have been guilty of murder.
I looked at him, my eyes were red, my blood vessels were sticking out, I was like a bull and he was the bull fighter and he was dangling that jersey right in front of me and I was about to charge.
I looked at him and as angry as I could I called him a name that I will not repeat for you this morning.
Nathan rolled back his head and just laughed.
I pouted. I was fuming.
He let me go one for a minute or two and then he finally walked over to me, threw the jersey in my chest and said, “I wasn’t really going to take it. I just wanted to see what you would do.”
I GOT PUNKED!!!
He and one of his friends had staged the entire ordeal just to see if they could get a reaction out of me.
Well, when he told me that the whole thing was a practical joke, I went from angry to embarrassed in 6 seconds.
I was so humiliated that I had acted so badly.
I felt stupid that they had outsmarted me and had been able to pull one over on me.
But I also was deeply embarrassed at the way I’d behaved.
I had displayed a terrible attitude.
I had called my friend a name and really not been too nice.
And that’s when a light went on in my head.
I suddenly realized how incredibly selfish I can be at times.
I had wanted that jersey so badly that I was willing to break a friendship over it.
I guess I just had never had that feeling wash over me like it did that day, the feeling of , “Wow. How could I have behaved so badly? Am I that selfish?”
Have you ever that experience?
An experience where you suddenly see yourself for who you are and it scares you?
I want to talk to you today about this thing called SELFISHNESS.
I THINK IT’S APPROPRIATE, GIVEN THE SEASON WE ARE ENTERING NOW.
And I want to read to you Philippians 2:19 –23 and I want you to see if you can pick up on what this Big problem is from these 5 verses.
READ TEXT
Were you able to pick up on what the problem is?
Let me give you a hint.
It’s found in verse 21.
Verse 21 says:
“For all seek their own, not the things of Christ Jesus.”
The BIGGEST PROBLEM MOST PEOPLE HAVE is that “all seek their own, not the things of Christ Jesus.”
Paul was writing to the Philippian Christians.
He was informing them that he wanted to send Timothy to them as soon as he could find an appropriate time to do so.
And in the middle of this letter he stops and stuns us with this statement:
“All seek their own, not the things of Christ Jesus.”
Well you say, “Who was Paul referring to? Was Paul talking about unbelievers? We would certainly expect this kind of attitude from someone who doesn’t belong to Jesus Christ.”
But what is astounding about Paul’s statement is that he was not talking about unbelievers, but about believers.
Paul was referring to Christians when he said “all seek their own, not the things of Christ Jesus.”
Paul knew a lot of Christians by this time in his life.
Many of whom he had personally led to Christ and discipled.
And yet he says that many of these Christians, excuse me, “all” is the exact word he uses, seek their own and not the things of Christ Jesus.
Paul was saying that SELFISHNESS is the BIG PROBLEM of most Christians.
Most Christians, if not all Christians, are deeply SELFISH.
Can I share something with you?
• Most pastors I know are deeply selfish.
• Most deacons I know are deeply selfish.
• Most church members I know are deeply selfish.
This is good news and it’s bad news.
-The good news is we’re all in this together. Nobody is exempt.
-The bad news is we’re all guilty of being selfish according to Paul.
What causes us to be so selfish?
I mean we have a Savior who is the epitome of Selflessness.
I mean, Jesus left his comfort zone in heaven and came to earth and humbled himself to become a man.
He surrendered and allowed humans to spit on him, torture him and kill him.
He served others and taught us “freely you have received, freely you must give.”
So what causes us to be so selfish?
Well, Paul identifies 3 Causes of Selfishness right here in these 5 verses.
Paul reveals to us that the first cause of selfishness is…
1. OUR MENTALITY
Paul says in verse 20 that the reason he has to send Timothy is because “I have no one like-minded…”
Selfishness begins in the mind.
The reason people act selfishly is because they think selfishly.
They think selfish thoughts.
Selfish people have an easily identifiable mentality.
Selfish people think in terms of WIN/LOSE.
They see every relationship, every encounter as an opportunity to win or an opportunity to lose.
To them, if someone is winning, that means someone is losing.
And since no body likes to lose, they figure they’ll do whatever it takes to win.
Selfish people look at the world that way.
Paul was saying, “I don’t have anybody else who looks at the world the way I do.”
Everybody is looking out for their own…
Their own what?
Well, you name it.
All seek their own…let’s fill in the blank.
All seek their own glory.
All seek their own wants and needs.
All seek their own agenda.
Let’s bring this up to date a little here and talk in terms of church.
All seek their own…parking space at church.
All seek their own…reserved seat in the sanctuary.
All seek their own…type of music to be played.
All seek their own…ministry position at church.
Can you see how big a problem this really is?
And Paul says it all starts in the mind, with the way we think, with the way we look at the world, with our mentality.
A second cause of selfishness is…
2. INSINCERITY
Paul says, “I have no one like-minded, who will sincerely care for your state.”
Have you ever noticed how much insincerity there is in the world today?
Paul says that selfish people are insincere people.
They don’t “SINCERELY CARE FOR YOUR STATE.”
Now, that’s not to say that a selfish person won’t help you out occasionally.
A selfish person may give you assistance or be good to you in some way…but it’s often for their reasons not the right reasons.
If you serve their purpose or you can advance their agenda, then they will do everything in their power to help you, because helping you means helping themselves.
ILLUSTRATION
I remember as a little boy having a neighbor who was financially well off.
My family was a middle class family, but my neighbor’s family was clearly better off than we were.
And I would often ask my mom to go over to this little boy’s house so I could play.
One day, I asked my mom if I could go over and play with my friend.
She said, “Why do you want to go play with him?”
I gave her a look as if to say, “Isn’t it obvious? He’s got a motorized 4 wheeler.”
She said, “Brad, you aren’t supposed to like people for their things or for what they can give you. You must like them for who they are.”
She said, “You can go and play with him, but remember that you need to like him for him.”
I said, “Okay. And ran off to play.”
But I’ve never forgotten that lesson.
Francois de la Rochefoucauld said:
“What seems to be generosity is often no more than disguised ambition, which overlooks a small interest in order to secure a great one.”
A third cause of selfishness is…
3. INSECURITY
Selfish people are insecure people.
Insecurity is a primary cause of selfishness.
Selfish people are unsure of themselves.
They’re not sure they “have what it takes” to really make it.
They’re not sure they are “good enough” or “smart enough” or “attractive enough” or “strong enough”.
And so because they aren’t sure whether they can succeed, they don’t want anyone else to either.
John Maxwell has in his book, “Winning with People” what’s called the Celebration Principle.
Here’s what it says:
“The true test of relationships is not only how loyal we are when friends fail, but how thrilled we are when they succeed.”
I want you to notice how Paul models this great attitude.
He says in verse 19:
“But I trust in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you shortly, that I also may be encouraged when I know your state.”
I believe that Paul fully expected Timothy to bring back a good report.
Paul expected these Philippians to be doing well and the FACT THAT THEY WERE DOING WELL would be a source of joy for him not jealousy.
Paul wasn’t competing with the Philippians to see who could be a better Christian or leader.
He was cheering for these Philippians.
He wanted them to do well, and be well.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
Average people do not want others to go beyond average.
Average people don’t want you to succeed.
On the other hand…unselfish people are your greatest cheerleaders.
Just look at Paul and Timothy. Look at their relationship.
Paul was timothy’s mentor.
Many people don’t want to pass on to others the secrets of their success because their afraid of being left behind or left out.
But Paul wanted Timothy to succeed.
He wanted him to do well.
And Paul says that Timothy was like a son to him.
How about you?
Do you celebrate with others when they succeed?
That is a true test of our selflessness or selfishness.
These are three of the causes of selfishness.
But I haven’t led you this far to leave you without a solution.
As always, Paul states the problem but then he also provides us with what I think are clues to solving this issue of selfishness.
God has an answer for our selfishness.
But God’s answer to our selfishness is not a new self-help program.
Don’t expect God to give 8-minute cures or try and sell you some pill.
The answer to our selfishness is not to make a new year’s resolution.
You can’t overcome selfishness by turning over a new leaf.
You can only overcome selfishness by finding new life.
Paul says in verse 21:
“For all seek their own, not the things of Christ Jesus.”
Paul says, “All seek their own. They suffer from a selfish condition. We all have a selfish streak.”
But then he gives us the solution.
The solution is in the second part of this phrase.
“the things of Christ Jesus.”
If all seek their own, then the answer to selfishness is to seek the things of Christ Jesus.
What are “the things of Christ Jesus”?
Well, Paul tells us what they are right here in this passage.
Look at verse 22:
“But you know his proven character, that as a son with his father he served with me in the gospel.”
In verse 22 Paul gives us three things of Christ Jesus that really enable us to triumph over selfishness in our lives.
Perhaps you’ve asked yourself before, “How can I become a more unselfish person?”
I mean, none of us wants to be thought of as a selfish person, right?
We’ve all met selfish people.
They’re the kind of person who hogs the whole conversation talking about themselves and then says, “But enough about me! What do you think about me?”
By the way, what does selfishness produce in our lives?
CONFLICT!!!
I want something. You want something different.
Your wants and my wants collide and sometimes there’s a big explosion called conflict.
Here’s what I am learning about overcoming selfishness in my life.
Let me give you Some Statements About Solving Selfishness.
STATEMENTS ON SOLVING SELFISHNESS
1. I WILL ONLY SOLVE MY BIG PROBLEM BY BECOMING A BIGGER PERSON.
It’s not the size of the problem that matters most, but the size of the person.
Big problems aren’t solved by little people.
Big problems get solved by big people, people who are bigger than the problem they’re facing.
When People get bigger their problems get smaller.
But how do I become a bigger person?
What I’m learning is this…that when I am involved in a conflict with someone else that’s been caused by selfishness…
• SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE THE LEAD IN BEING LEAST!
• SOMEONE HAS TO BE THE FIRST TO GO LAST!
Whenever you or I are in a tug of war with someone else, someone has to be the first to say, “Okay, I’ll drop the rope.”
Whenever you or I stick our hand into the cookie dish at the same exact time that someone else is sticking their hand into the cookie dish and there’s only one cookie left, one of the two has to take the lead and say, “You go ahead, you can have it.”
In every conflict, in every selfish struggle, someone must rise above the pettiness and the selfishness and be willing to say, “I’ll be least, I’ll go last.”
And isn’t this the story of the gospel?
Paul mentions the Gospel in verse 22.
What is the Gospel?
Well, in a nutshell, it’s that we humans have this Big Problem called SIN.
You’ll notice that the middle letter in the word SIN is the letter I.
We have an “I” problem.
“I” want this and “I” want that.
And there is this struggle going on between God and us.
We are fighting against God.
So God says, “Okay, I’ll be the bigger person. I’ll humble myself. I won’t just meet you halfway, I’ll come all the way to where you are. You won’t even have to lift a finger. I’ll come to earth and live as a human. I will sacrifice my life on the cross so that you can be forgiven of your sins. I’ll sacrifice my comfort, my pleasure in order to solve your big problem of sin.”
It took a bigger person to solve the big problem of sin.
And this is also how our big problem of selfishness is solved.
My Big Problem is Solved Only When I Become A Bigger Person!!!
And this is so different from our natural instinct.
What do we normally do when we’re in conflict with someone else?
We say, “Well, he owes me an apology. She owes me an apology. I’m not going to go to them. They can just get off their duff and come and see me first.”
I once read about a sign that said:
“To err is human, to forgive—is not company policy.”
It’s funny but it also hints at our natural inclination not to give others a break.
In order to solve the problem, someone has to be like Jesus.
Someone has to step forward and volunteer to become the sacrificial lamb.
And since somebody has to eventually make the first move in relationships, “Why not let that person be you?”
This is how you become an unselfish person.
You realize what Jesus did for you and then you turn around and do the same for others.
Paul also mentions serving in verse 22.
He says:
“But you know his proven character, that as a son with his father he served with me…”
What do you think about serving?
Do you like to serve?
Paul says, “That selfishness begins in the mind.”
So the way to become unselfish is to change the way we think about serving.
In other words,
2. THE ANSWER TO OUR SELFISHNESS IS SERVICE.
Timothy served The Lord with Paul unselfishly.
Timothy was the Pastor of the Church in Ephesus.
But here we see Timothy serving as Paul’s errand boy.
Timothy didn’t mind changing his role if it meant doing something that would benefit others.
Andrew Carnegie once said:
“No man becomes rich unless he enriches others.”
ILLUSTRATION
You are probably familiar with the story of Helen Keller, the deaf and blind girl whose life was transformed thanks to the efforts of Anne Sullivan.
Keller, who was only seven when Anne came into her life, lived almost like an animal.
But Anne Sullivan taught her how to communicate and opened the world to her.
By the time Keller was an adult, she was able to take care of herself.
She went on to receive a degree from Radcliffe college and to become a famous author and lecturer.
What you may not know is that when Anne Sullivan became ill years later, the person who took care of her was none other than Helen Keller.
The server became the one who needed to be served, and the one who served her was the one she had served so many years earlier.
Serve others and God will bless you for it.
Guess what happens whenever you decide to become the bigger person and to serve others?
You gain something far more valuable than money.
Something money can’t buy.
You gain CHARACTER.
Reputation is what people say about you.
Character is what you really are when no one else is around.
Paul said in verse 22:
“For you know his proven character, that as a son with his father he served with me in the gospel.”
How had Timothy gained his good character?
By serving and by sacrificing in the gospel.
One author says:
“Every time you overcome the inclination to be greedy by giving, you become less selfish. Every time you help someone and don’t see an immediate return, you become more patient. Such things build character.”
That Timothy had “proven character” means…
A. PEOPLE TRUSTED HIM.
• Paul trusted him enough to send him on a journey and to bring back accurate information.
• The Philippian Christians trusted him enough to share with him how they were really doing so he could take the news back to Paul.
• The church at Ephesus trusted him enough to follow him as their pastor.
• And God trusted him enough to put him in the ministry.
If you’re a selfish person, people won’t trust you for very long.
They’ll get tired of wondering if you’re doing what you’re doing to benefit them or yourself.
That Timothy had “proven character” also means that…
B. GOD TESTED HIM.
Paul says Timothy’s character had been “proven.”
How do you prove something? Very simple.
You give it a test and see how it reacts or responds.
How does God test you and I to see how selfish we are?
He allows us to be in situations where we will have to make a decision.
He allows us to be in a situation where we can either make a selfish decision or a selfless decision.
I have a suspicion that some of you are going through this test right now in your lives.
For some of you your test has a name…and its called Christmas.
God wants to see what you are going to do this holiday season, in the next four weeks, that is unselfish.
What will you do in the next four weeks to serve others?
This Christmas will you look more like Scrooge or more like our Savior?
