Keys to a Healthy Family?
Thesis: We need to learn the keys to having a healthy family if we want to fend off the attack of the enemy on our families.
Texts: Ephesians 5: 1-33;
Ephesians 5:1-33 ( NIV )
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children
and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.
For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person; such a man is an idolater; has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.
Therefore do not be partners with them.
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)
and find out what pleases the Lord.
Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.
But everything exposed by the light becomes visible,
for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper,rise from the dead,and Christ will shine on you."
Be very careful, then, how you live; not as unwise but as wise,
making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church;for we are members of his body.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
I Corinthians 13
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 ( NIV )
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Introduction:
Chuck Swindoll said of the family, "Whatever else may be said about the home, it is the bottom line of life, the anvil upon which attitudes and convictions are hammered out. It is the place where life’s bills come due, the single most influential force in our earthly existence."
We have good news and bad news about the family Gary Collins shares the good news about the family in his book Family Shock:
„« Despite all the change and turmoil that disrupts family life. God is still aware of what is going on and is still in control.
„« If most people had to do it over, they would marry the same spouse they have now.
„« Even though divorce rates are high, most marriages stay intact.
„« While 3 percent of women living with men in America suffer at least one violent domestic incident during a given year, the good news is 97 percent do not.
„« The majority of families are not seriously dysfunctional. Most kids do not become, adult children of dysfunctional family backgrounds, and most of us are not in need of recovery.
„« No family is perfect and without problems and periodic crisis.
„« All parents make mistakes, but most of their kids survive very well, even without therapy and twelve-step programs.
„« When families and marriages have problems, counselors can often help.
„« It is possible (but admittedly more difficult) to have good marriages, healthy families, and stable kids even when we live in bad environments or in chaotic, immoral, God-rejecting society.
„« We can raise kids successfully even if we don’t have all the answers.
„« We can raise kids successfully even if we haven’t read parenting and marriage books and even if we aren’t perfect.
„« Even good parents sometimes have rebellious kids.
„« Even bad parents sometimes have healthy, adjusted kids.
„« When things are not going well in your family, that does not mean that all is hopeless. Often,¨this too will pass."
„« We won’t understand everything that happens to us.
„« God cares about each of our families.
George Barna in his book "Revolutionary Parenting" gives us the bad news about the family today especially many Christian families:
What does God measure? In other words how does God evaluate what is a healthy family and an unhealthy family?
Barna states: What does God measure? Our hearts. He created us to love, serve, and obey Him. So he studies the indicators of our devotion to Him. As parents, then, our job is to raise spiritual champions. That does not mean we are supposes to ignore the significance of developing our children’s intellectual, emotional, and physical dimensions. But it suggests that we have to see the bigger picture of God’s priorities and raise our children in light of His standards, not ours or society’s (page 7)
He adds that we are, Failing by God’s Standards
If we were to gauge how well we’re doing in this regard, the outcomes might startle you. Consider these findings from a recent survey we conducted among nationally representative sample of children between the ages of eight and twelve.
„« Most of our children are biblically illiterate, which will become clear as you read on. Their ignorance of the Bible teachings corresponds to the fact that only one-third (36 percent) of our adolescents fully believe that the Bible is accurate in all of the principles it teaches.
„« Few of our children are motivated to share their faith in Christ with others. Less than one out of every five (19 percent) contend that they have a responsibility to evangelize their peers.
„« Not even half of our young people (46 percent) state that their religious faith is very important in their lives.
„« Few of our children take Satan seriously. Only one-fourth of them (28 percent) completely dismiss the idea that Satan is symbolic, instead believing that the devil is real.
„« Salvation baffles most of our young ones. Only two out of every ten reject the idea that good people can earn their way into heaven. And only three out of every ten dismiss the belief that everyone experiences the same post death outcome, regardless of their beliefs. In fact, only two out of every ten adolescents (21 percent) strongly disagree with the statement that people cannot know for sure what will happen to them after they die.
„« Most of our kids are willing to entertain the idea that Jesus Christ sinned while He lived on earth. Only 44 percent outright dismiss the idea.
„« The majority live for things other than loving God with all their hearts, minds, strength, and souls. Specifically, only four out of ten live with that purpose in mind.
„« Three out of four young people reject the notion that there is no such thing as God. However, not only is that lower than expected based upon adult surveys, but we found that fewer young people today-only 58 percent - believe that God is the all-knowing, all powerful Creator of the universe who still rules His creation. That result is lower than any we have seen in the last quarter century of survey work. A similar percentage (about six out of every ten) believes that God originally created the universe.
„« Only one-third of America’s adolescents ardently contend that Jesus Christ returned to physical life after His crucifixion and death on the cross.
„« By their own admission, our children are confused theogically. Based on their reaction to statements like "It doesn’t matter what religious faith I follow because they all teach similar lessons, It’s clear that they do not know what to think about competing worldviews and belief systems."
Add to this last fact that our national surveys of thirteen-year-olds reveal that most of them think they already know everything of significance in the Bible (hence, they are no longer open to learning or actively studying the Scriptures). Also, most of them have no intention of continuing to attend a church when they are in their twenties and living on their own (Barna pages 9, 10).
The key in the information I just provided is that we need to learn how we as Christians can build families that are strong and flexible and able to stand firm in the storms and changes this society is bringing against it. Building strong family units takes work and sweat but it’s possible with God’s help and direction. God promises to give us the desires of our heart if we place him first in our lives. The family is his design and plan for every person on the face of the earth. We all come from families and our role in it either positive or negative will effect it.
I want you to say the word "Family" with me. What rushes through your mind? Often we think of examples of families and shows that portray them, the Waltons, Huxtebals, Leave it to Beaver, Partridge Family,7th Heaven, the Brady Bunch, Andy Griffith show and the thoughts go on. So what is a family?
The family was and is designed by God. It was designed to be a place of safety from the world, place were the art of nurturing takes place. The family unit is were children are born and raised. Were love takes place on a daily basis. Were encouragement is dished out in large doses. Were discipline is found and respect is taught. It’s a place that changes and adapts with time from taking care of the infant - to the toddler - to the pre-teen- to the teenager and eventually to sending them off as adults in to the world to build their own family.
Now you know why I say, "The family takes a lot of work!" A healthy family will go through several stages that require perseverance and a good work ethic.
Stage One- The family begins at the, "I do’s" and a couple is birthed. Now comes the dying to self.
Stage Two- The couple’s life is dramatically changed at the arrival of the first child. Now comes heaps of responsibility and stress.
Stage three- The children grow up out of the toddler years and start school. The family is apart more and life becomes more hectic with school age children. Families can drift apart if they are not careful here.
Stage four - Now the children reach adolescence and life changes quickly. Turmoil enters the family unit. Hormones invade the home. Expenses go up for couples in this stage. There are more activities and more separation of the family individuals. There are more choices to make and peer pressures. The family helps here in guidance and direction while allowing the child now teen to become and individual and to move to individuation. This is a hard time for the family and can tear it apart if it is not healthy.
Step five- the empty nest is another difficult passage were the couple finds themselves a couple again with their children gone. Children no longer are the focus of their family unit. Now mom and dad look to each other for companionship.
Stage Six- Then comes Grandchildren but it’s still very different. You can see why we need the healthy keys of a strong family if we are going to thrive, adjust, flex and stay together through these life stages.
T.S.- Let’s look at the keys to a healthy family unit and discover what we must do to build a healthy family.
I. The first key is God. He is to be the foundation on which the family is built. He is our firm foundation (Ephesians 5:1, 3-20)
a. He is to be our role model and our guide.
i. His Word is our instruction Manuel for building and designing our family structure.
ii. This is why Ephesians 5:1 tells us to imitate God - We need to build the family with his construction material and by his blue prints.
1. We need to imitate copy his building plans for our family!
b. Being that God is love also tells me that we must use the elements of love as leaders/parents and participants in the our family.
i. When we say love we mean genuine authentic love! Like God!
1. Ephesians 5:1-4 (Message) Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. Don’t allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, Christians have better uses for language than that. Don’t talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn’t fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.
ii. We are to love with extravagant love!
1. He loved by giving us himself. He built the church family by giving of himself out of extravagant love.
c. Just like I Corinthians 13: If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump" and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always "me first"
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good. We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
1. Love must be the main building block in our family units.
2. What is Love?
d. With God as the foundation and His model of Love we then work at putting together a family that will become healthy and durable.
i. The structure will come out of the ground as God like actions are adopted, modeled and repeated within the family unit.
ii. Ephesians tells us also what not to do in verses 3-16
1. No evil ways no immorality, harsh language, swearing at each other, put downs, character assassination, no sexual promiscuity, no lies, no deception, don’t listen to the what the what the world tells you to do.
a. Illustration of what happens when we deviated from the Master Builders plans: Talk about Dobson’s show on people who have had affairs.
b. It comes slowly and they start to justify that it’s okay by God! We re-write the plans and build on lies from the world and the family home is destroyed by the storm.
2. We need to lives of wisdom! Wisdom from above it says in James. Wisdom from God’s teaching and instruction. Wisdom that is fille’with God’s insight and architectural knowledge.
a. Two questions we should ask ourselves:
i. Since God created the family in the first place should we not follow his pattern?
ii. Why should we use the world’s pattern for building a family when we see they all break apart in the storms.
iii. Ephesians 5:17 says it again "Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.
1. What is God’s Will for the family?
2. To start with Him and learn to listen to His instruction as we serve our family.
iv. Ephesians 5:18 (NIV) 18Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.
1. Warning is don’t get drunk because it leads to debauchery.
a. Statistics:
i. It is estimated that alcohol-related deaths may run as high as 10% of all deaths in a year.
ii. Alcohol has been associated with the major cause of accidental death in the U.S.
iii. The alcoholic’s life expectancy is shortened by 15 years over a non-alcoholic.
iv. Motor vehicle fatalities are at about 38-45% per year and caused by alcohol.
v. Drinking increases the risk of falls causing death and injury, increase in being injured by burns.
b. Alcoholism has lead to people doing more evil things than anything else. Sexual rape, incest, drunk driving which kills innocent people.
c. In violent crimes drugs and alcohol are involved 65 % of the time.
d. In assault crimes 72% of the violators and 79% of the victims were intoxicated. In rapes in 50% of the cases alcohol was involved.
e. Families with alcoholism being involved have 100% increase in medical bills.
f. Families have been destroyed because of alcoholism. In family violence cases and sexual abuse cases in the family alcohol was involved 2/3 of the time.
g. Instead of being alcoholics we need to be spiritual-aholics.
ii. Ephesians 5:19-20 (NIV) 19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1. We need to sing praise to each other, we need to make music in our heart and really experience a high that is so much greater than alcohol or drugs can give.
2. We need to get high on giving God thanks.
Video Illustration from Blue Fish TV: Kurt Warner on marriage and family Blue Fish TV
II. The second key to a healthy family is commitment to a lifelong marriage. We need to commit to submit (Eph 5:2: 21-31)
a. "I do, I do!" It’s supposed to mean I love you till death do us part. The intent of the, "I do’s¨ means I commit to submit and to work hard so our marriage and family is a success.
i. What do teens think about the splintering apart of the family unit?
1. Barna also noted that the impact of such widespread divorce has left its mark on young people. One of the most striking findings in our recent survey among teenagers is that when we asked them to name their top goals for the future, one of the highest-rated was to get married and have the same spouse for their entire life. That’s a remarkable goal one that reflects their own exposure to, and rejection of, a family that has to survive divorce, for whatever reasons. Since millions of those teens have never had a healthy marriage modeled for them, we can only pray that they will have the strength of character and the support systems available to make their goal a reality.( Barna Research Online, December 21,1999, Christians are more likely to Divorce.)
b. I honestly believe that everyone here wants to enhance their marriage and family or future marriage and family. They want to make to it better, stronger and more fulfilling. Their heart’s desire is to either re-ignite their passion for one another or to strengthen their passion for one another. To build a family that will last forever.
i. I would like you to take a moment to have you reflect back to that very special day when you made a commitment to your spouse. Or when you parents made that commitment which birthed your family of origin. You know, "The Big Day"! All the presents, glamour, songs, fun, anxiety, excitement and especially when we or they were asked to say, "I Do!" That was the beginning of your journey into marriage and family. It started with He saying, "I do" and She saying "I do". They both made these commitments because "I do", "I do", equals, "I Love You".
ii. Since the beginning of Kathy’s and my marriage, we have learned a few lessons about this incredible journey or should I say "adventure"! Starting and maintaining a marriage and family is hard work. But I have learned as you can learn to say, "I love You!
c. We have to commit to submit.
i. What does submission mean? It means the art of surrendering so as to yield to others decision and actions.
1. Ephesians 5:21-27 (NIV) 21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
2. What does the word Reverence mean in this verse:
a. Meaning of the word reverence and communion: REVERENCE Respect or honor paid to a worthy object. In Scripture, reverence is paid: to father and mother (Lev. 19:3; Heb. 12:9); to God (1 Kings 18:3, 12; Heb. 12:28); to God’s sanctuary (Lev. 19:30; 26:2); and to God¡¦s commandments (Ps. 119:48). The failure to revere God (Deut. 32:51) and the act of revering other gods (Judg. 6:10) have dire consequences. Reverence for Christ is expressed in mutual submission within the Christian community (Eph. 5:21). Christian persecution takes on new meaning as suffering becomes an opportunity for revering Christ (1 Pet. 3:14-15) (From Holman Bible Dictionary).
b. It means we approach the action of submission to each other out of reverence for Jesus willingness to die on the cross for us.
3. Wives need to submit to their husbands as they would to the lord.
4. We in the family need to submit to one another because this brings great highs and great joy to the family.
5. Yes, the husband is to be the head of the family leading the way but he needs to be Christ like while doing it. He needs to be a servant leader like Jesus.
a. His mottos: "No Pride!" "I choose to lose!" "I will not quit!"
6. He said, "Not my will Lord but your will be done!"
7. In the spiritual realm wives need to submit to there husband’s leading as he follows Christ.
d. Part of this submitting comes back to that word Love- Agape love- means one that surrenders itself for another person. One that loves without conditions. It loves selflessly and therefore perfectly.
i. Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
1. Husbands need to love their wife and family like Christ loves the church. You need to open up your arms on the cross and die to yourself and live for the Lord and serve your family with the help of God.
ii. Ephesians 5:26 (NIV) 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
1. If you do this your family will be clean and holy as the Word will wash it white as snow.
2. The Word will sweep through your family in a great and holy way as love is the dominating trait that you unleash into your family.
iii. Ephesians 5:27 (NIV) 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
1. We need to present our families to God without a hint of evil in them. No stains no wrinkles no compromise. As we seek to ruthlessly keep evil out of our families God will bless them.
a. No porn
b. No deception
c. No immorality
d. No drugs and alcoholism
e. No Ego - edging God Out!
f. No selfishness
iv. Ephesians 5:28 (NIV) 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.
1. We need to feed them and care for them just like we take care of ourselves. Both physically and spiritually.
v. Ephesians 5:30 (NIV) 30for we are members of his body.
1. Why because we are members of the Body of Christ!
vi. Ephesians 5:31 (NIV) 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."32This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.
1. The goal of the husband and wife are to become one because that’s what makes up an imitator of God when the husband and wife both made in God’s image unite and then the balance of the two points to what God would do.
2. We become one with Christ as we unite together and it’s symbolic of the relationship Christ has with his bride the church.
3. Of the world’s three great institutions - the home, the church, and the state - the home is the oldest and most sacred. The home consists of the family unit, which is the cohesiveness that holds society together. The family is bonded together by the union of two individuals who unite in love and make a covenant relationship with each other and with God.
III. The third key to a healthy family unit is loyalty and faithfulness to your marriage and to your spouse (Ephesians 5:31, 32; 3-7)
a. Eph. 5:31, 32: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
i. Do you know what happens when one cheats on another and allows someone else to invade the marriage and family?
1. It takes the two who are one and rips it apart violently.
2. It rips the marriage apart and the family apart.
a. How do I know - I lived this nightmare with my parents unfaithfulness and divorce.
b. We must have strong moral values.
i. Infidelity creeps up on a marriage because of broken relationships and lack of love for the other.
c. Faithfulness to the marriage is a matter of honoring God’s and his way and preventing a ripping apart of the family God joined together.
i. Focus on the Family states: With more than 30 years of research, we now know divorce seldom leads to a better life. Consider that:
1. Life expectancies for divorced men and women are significantly lower than for married people (who have the longest life expectancies).3
2. A recent study found those who were unhappy but stay married were more likely to be happy five years later than those who divorced.4
3. The health consequences of divorce are so severe that a Yale researcher concluded that, being divorced and a nonsmoker is [only] slightly less dangerous than smoking a pack a day and staying married.
4. After a diagnosis of cancer, married people are most likely to recover, while the divorced are least likely to recover, indicating that the emotional trauma of divorce has a long-term impact on the physical health of the body.
5. Men and women both suffer a decline in mental health following divorce, but researchers have found that women are more greatly affected. Some of the mental health indicators affected by divorce include depression, hostility, self-acceptance, personal growth and positive relations with others.
ii. Children get emotionally scarred and traumatized from divorce.
1. Children and Divorce: A report on educating students from divorced and single-parent homes by the NEA Standing Committee on Instruction and Professional Development:
a. The majority of research studies indicate that, for children, divorce and one-parent homes mean a higher risk of having problems in school. For example, the National Association of Elementary School Principals (NAESP) and the Kettering Foundation’s Institute for the Development of Educational Activities (I/D/E/A) conducted a three-year study of 18,000 students from fourteen states which concluded that -- As a group, one-parent children show lower achievement and present more discipline problems than do their two-parent peers in both elementary and high school. They are also absent more often, late to school more often, and may show more health problems as well. The research most frequently cited in the educational literature about how divorce affects children is that of Judith S. Wallerstein and Joan B. Kelly (54) whose comprehensive study is known as the Children of Divorce Project. Their investigation, which ended in 1979, involved 131 children from 60 California families over a period of five years. They found that one-third of the children experienced learning problems and two-thirds showed noticeable changes in school behavior (http://www.pobct.org/divorce.html).
2. Children living with a single parent or adult report a higher prevalence of activity limitation and higher rates of disability. They are also more likely to be in fair or poor health and more likely to have been hospitalized (National Center for Health Statistics, 1997).
3. The "triple threat" of marital conflict, divorce, and out-of-wedlock births has led to a generation of U.S. children at great risk for poverty, health problems, alienation, and antisocial behavior. Facts About Marital Distress and Divorce, Scott M. Stanley & Howard J. Markman
University of Denver and PREP, Inc.
iii. Listen to some of these other reports on the ramifications of divorce on children:
1. "After divorce, children tend to become more emotionally distant from both the custodial and non-custodial parent." Paul R. Amato and Alan Booth, A Generation at Risk (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1997), p. 69, reporting the findings of Rossi and Rossi (1991).
2. "This emotional distance between children and parents lasts well into adulthood and may become permanent. As adults, children of divorced parents are half as likely to be close to their parents as are children of intact families. They have less frequent contact with the parent with whom they grew up and much less contact with the divorced parent from whom they have been separated." Lye et al., "Childhood Living Arrangements and Adult Children’s Relations with Their Parents," pp. 261-280, and William S. Aquilino, "Later-Life Parental Divorce and Widowhood: Impact on Young Adults’ Assessment of Parent-Child Relations," Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 56 (1994), pp. 908-922
3. "Compared with continuously married mothers, divorced mothers--whether custodial or non-custodial--are likely to be less affectionate and less communicative with their children and to discipline them more harshly and more inconsistently, especially in the first year after the divorce. In particular, divorced mothers have problems with their sons, though their relationship is likely to improve within two years even when some discipline problems persist up to six years after the divorce." E. Mavis Hetherington, Roger Cox, and Martha Cox, "Long-Term Effects of Divorce and Remarriage on the Adjustment of Children," Journal of the American Academy of Child Psychiatry, Vol. 24 (1985), pp. 518-530.
4. "Divorced mothers, despite their best intentions, are less able than married mothers to give the same level of emotional support to their children." Jane E. Miller and Diane Davis, "Poverty History, Marital History, and Quality of Children’s Home Environments," Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 59 (1997), pp. 996-1007.
5. "The quality of the relationship that divorced fathers have with their sons, often troubled before the divorce, tends to become significantly worse after the breakup. Finally, the higher the level of conflict during the divorce, the more likely the distance between father and children afterwards." Janet Johnston, "High Conflict Divorce," The Future of Children, Vol. 4 (1994), pp. 165-182, and Amato and Booth, A Generation at Risk, p. 68, reporting the findings of numerous authors.
6. "Also, children of divorce are less likely to think they should support their parents in old age. This finding alone portends a monumental problem for the much-divorced baby-boom generation that will become the dependent generation of elderly during the first half of this new century." Aquilino, "Later-Life Parental Divorce and Widowhood," pp. 908-922.
7. "Even older young adults whose parents divorce report turmoil and disruption. They deeply dislike the strains and difficulties that arise in daily rituals, family celebrations, family traditions, and special occasions and see these losses as major." Marjorie A. Pett, Nancy Long, and Anita Gander, "Late-Life Divorce: Its Impact on Family Rituals," Journal of Family Issues, Vol. 13 (1992), pp. 526-552.
8. All quotes above taken from: The Effects of Divorce on America by Patrick F. Fagan and Robert Rector
a. Fagan: American society may have erased the stigma that once accompanied divorce, but it can no longer ignore its massive effects. As social scientists track successive generations of American children whose parents have ended their marriages, the data are leading even some of the once-staunchest supporters of divorce to conclude that divorce is hurting American society and devastating the lives of children.
d. With the obvious evidence showing how ripping a family apart hurts everyone the guard your hearts from sin and lust.
Conclusion:
Theodore Roosevelt said in 1917, "No other success in life-not being president, or being wealthy, or going to college, or writing a book, or anything else-comes up to the success of the man or woman who can feel that they have done their duty and that their children and grandchildren rise up and called them blessed."
1st 3 of the 7 keys to a healthy family?
1. Make God and His Word your foundation for your family unit and value system!
2. Commit to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ so that your family unit will grow strong in the faith and be a eternal success.
3. Make sure that you stay loyal and faithful to your spouse by guarding your hearts.
