Forgiveness – What It Is, What It’s Not
Ephesians 4:32
March 7, 2010
General intro:
Forgiveness is one of those topics that can really get people going.
And usually it’s because they think they know what it’s all about so they’re waiting for the pastor to confirm what they think about it.
But I’ve found that many people don’t understand forgiveness and end up believing all sorts of unscriptural stuff about it.
So we’re going to be spending the next three Sundays on this very important topic. And you’re going to want to be here for each of these messages, because I think God wants to change some hearts in here, and change some lives in huge ways.
God: Today’s message isn’t going to contain a lot of Scripture. Usually we go through a passage or string some verses together, but today I want to use one verse as a stage to discuss just what forgiveness is and what it’s not.
And I want to make you aware that we’re talking primarily about the forgiveness that needs to happen between people, although we will be discussing the forgiveness of God as well.
So let’s look at this main verse, and I’d ask you to read this aloud with me.
Ephesians 4:32 –
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Okay, so we have this piece of Scripture from God’s Word, and it’s pretty straightforward, isn’t it?
The problem is that there are a number of misperceptions of what forgiveness is, and before we can really put this passage into practice, we need to make sure we understand what this thing is really all about.
So let’s see if we can grasp what forgiveness is and see if we can dump what forgiveness is not, so we can make this Scripture real in our lives and be obedient to it.
We’re going to move through these pretty fast, because I want to get to another part of the message that will help us apply this, so hang on, okay?
What forgiveness is NOT:
> Forgetting.
Nothing in Scripture supports the idea that forgiving means forgetting.
When you forgive, you don’t automatically get a spiritual brain lapse about whatever that was.
We’re supposed to quit dwelling on it and letting it control us, but some people have been hurt so badly that they will never be able to forget it.
Now, for some people, it’s not that they’ve been hurt so badly, it’s just that they’re nursing that hurt and holding onto a grudge. The Bible calls that sin, by the way.
So even though forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting, it does mean choosing to quit remembering it so often.
> Excusing the sin.
You’re not pretending nothing happened and that everything’s just okay, because that’s not true. Something did happen, and everything’s not okay.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you just excuse the sin. You acknowledge the sin and the hurt, but you refuse to let that sin and hurt be a permanent barrier between the two of you.
> Reconciliation.
Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is healed up.
It’s a great step forward on your part, but reconciliation is a two-way deal, while forgiveness is supposed to be given even if the other person never responds.
Here’s something forgiveness isn’t and many of you wouldn’t have thought of this, but here it is: Forgiveness isn’t…
> Fair.
“It’s not fair for me to forgive that person – he hurt me too badly.”
I understand your emotion about that, at least to a degree.
But believe me - you don’t want fair, at least not in your own life. Fair is you going to hell for your sins. Fair is Jesus saying, “No thanks, Father. I’ll just let them die in their sins – that’s what they deserve.”
Forgiveness isn’t fair. It’s not fair for Jesus to forgive you. And your sins hung Jesus on the cross. That’s not fair.
We could talk a lot about stuff that forgiveness isn’t, but we need to move on and look at what forgiveness is:
* Refusing to hold a grudge.
Forgiveness means releasing the hurt because hanging onto it is really only hurting you.
Wipe the books clean and move on with that person. Ask God to take that hurt and turn it into love for that person.
Not easy, but it’s better than the poison that’s brewing in your heart when you hold a grudge.
* Unconditional.
I’ve mentioned before that we don’t wait to offer forgiveness until it’s asked for. We give it freely and unconditionally.
When Jesus was hanging on the cross He forgave His killers and none of them were asking for His forgiveness.
And that leads to the last thing I want to mention about what forgiveness is, and that is that it’s…
* Christlike.
That’s pretty obvious, I hope. Christ forgave.
If you call yourself a Christian, you are called to reflect Christ to those around you.
And one of the best ways to do that is to freely offer forgiveness like Jesus freely offered it to you.
You: Forgiveness needs to be understood. But that’s not enough. Forgiveness needs to be experienced.
Here’s the phrase that I want you to remember when it comes to forgiveness for this week:
We need to get it; we need to give it.
And it’s true for every one of us here today.
Let’s start with the “we need to get it part.”
Folks, every single person in this room needs God’s forgiveness.
Every one? Yup. Every one. Even if you’re already a follower of Jesus.
If you’re not a Christian, then you need forgiveness most of all, because without it, your eternity is determined by the guilt of your sins.
And if you’re judged according to your sins, you will spend eternity paying for those sins in hell.
The Bible says that all of us have sinned and deserve hell. The Bible says that if we’ve broken one law we’ve broken them all.
Believe me, you deserve hell as much as the biggest mass murderer you can think of. We all do.
But Jesus came to die so you could be forgiven. He took the penalty on Himself so you wouldn’t have to pay for it.
He wants you to be forgiven.
Some of you may think that your past is just too much for God. You think that your sins are too big for God to forgive and you just don’t see how God can do that.
But He can and He will if you’ll come to Jesus.
I want to take a moment right now and pray for you, if you want to ask Jesus to come into your life and forgive you of your sins, and give you the promise of eternal life in heaven.
But what about those who are already Christians? Do we really need forgiveness now? Yup.
Let me read this passage from the book of 1 John, verse 8-10. Most of us are familiar with verse 9, but without verses 8-10 you’ll miss out on the real importance of that verse.
8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.
John was writing this letter not to the heathen sinners in the area, he was writing it to the church – to Christians.
We in the Wesleyan Church sometimes make a big deal out of our definition of sin: willfully breaking a command of God.
And we can, if we’re not careful, think that because we didn’t deliberately break a command of God, then we’re okay.
But let me tell you something: by the end of the day, you’ll probably have broken at least one command of God.
You’ll put yourself and your convenience ahead of God and His priorities.
You’ll complain about the food God has provided you.
“He may have provided it, but He didn’t cook it! And if He did, He wouldn’t have massacred it like this!”
If that’s your thought, you’re in sin for being ungrateful.
Folks, believe me – you’re probably going to blow it today, whether it’s intentional or unintentional.
My Baptist friends would say that everybody sins everyday in word, thought, and deed. I’m not sure I’m ready to go that far, but I think that any Christians who think they’re above sin need to read 1 John again.
There may be some Christians here today who have committed some sin since becoming a Christian that they think is too big for God to forgive, and they think God is ready to yank their salvation away or that maybe He already has.
This passage that we just read is for you as much as it is for those who don’t think they need God’s forgiveness.
He’s ready to forgive you, brother. He’s ready to forgive you, sister.
I want to take a moment and pray for you if that’s where you’re at right now. Let’s confess that to God in our hearts and receive the forgiveness that He wants you to have.
We need to get it and we need to give it.
We need to give it because God commands us to forgive those who hurt us. We’ve only looked at one verse today, but we could look at a lot more, and we’re going to look at some of those over the next two weeks.
Next week we’re going to talk more about “how” to forgive.
It’s not a big, complicated deal, but I want us to look at some issues that hinder some people from forgiving, and some things to keep in mind about making sure that your forgiveness is genuine and lasting.
But I think that after today, you probably have enough information to offer forgiveness to whoever it is you need to forgive.
And you know who that is, if you haven’t forgiven them yet. I can guarantee you that if you have been withholding forgiveness from someone, God’s bringing that person to mind right now.
He wants you to forgive that person. And He wants to help you do that by healing your heart.
That’ll happen when you first of all accept God’s forgiveness for withholding your forgiveness, understanding that your sins against God are at least as bad as the sins committed against you.
When you’ve accepted that forgiveness for yourself, you are freed up to forgive that other person.
I didn’t say it was easy. I know from personal experience that sometimes it’s very difficult. Hey – I’ve got in-laws. I know what I’m talking about here, okay? But you can do it with the help of God.
I’ve mentioned the story of Corrie ten Boom before, but I want to read it using her own words. This is rather lengthy, but I think it’ll speak to your heart.
For those of you who don’t know, Corrie ten Boom was a single lady who lived with her sister and father in Holland.
During WWII, Carries family hid Jews from the Nazis and upon being caught, were sent to Ravensbruck prison camp, about 60 miles north of Berlin.
Corrie’s father and sister both died there, and it was only through a clerical error that she herself was released.
She went on to become a writer and speaker around the world about Christ. In her book, “Tramp for the Lord,” she relates this story:
It was 1947, and I’d come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives. It was the truth that they needed most to hear in that bitter, bombed-out land, and I gave them my favorite mental picture. Maybe because the sea is never far from a Hollander’s mind, I liked to think that that’s where forgiven sins were thrown.
"When we confess our sins," I said, "God casts them into the deepest ocean, gone forever. And even though I cannot find a Scripture for it, I believe God then places a sign out there that says, ’NO FISHING ALLOWED.’"
The solemn faces stared back at me, not quite daring to believe. And that’s when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a cap with skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush—the huge room with its harsh overhead lights, the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor, the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were! That place was Ravensbruck, and the man who was making his way forward had been a guard—one of the most cruel guards.
Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: "A fine message, Fraulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!" And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women? But I remembered him. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze.
"You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk," he was saying. "I was a guard there." No, he did not remember me. "But since that time," he went on, "I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein,"—again the hand came out—"will you forgive me?"
And I stood there—I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place. Could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking? It could have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.
For I had to do it—I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. "If you do not forgive men their trespasses," Jesus says, "neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart.
But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. "Jesus, help me!" I prayed silently. "I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling." And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust out my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.
"I forgive you, brother!" I cried. "With all my heart!" For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then. But even then, I realized it was not my love. I had tried, and did not have the power. It was the power of the Holy Spirit. [Holocaust Victim Forgives Captor, Citation: Corrie Ten Boom, Tramp for the Lord (Berkley, 1978), pp. 53-55]
Folks, if God could help Corrie ten Boom forgive someone instrumental in the deaths of her father and sister, He can help you.
And that’s just what He wants to do. Let’s pray.
Communion:
We’re going to take communion in a few moments, and the basis of that sacrament is that because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, we can be forgiven.
Jesus died – killed for no fault of his own – so that you and I – who have more faults than we can count – can have our sins wiped away.
As we get ready to take communion, my hope is that as you contemplate the forgiveness that is yours if you’re a follower of Jesus, you’ll find yourself unable to withhold forgiveness from whoever it is you might be withholding it from.
I want Jesus to break your heart and enable you to forgive that person or those people.
And I need to tell you something else, and you’re not going to like it:
If you’re withholding forgiveness from someone, you cannot take communion. Why? Because it’s a sin, and because you’re not in harmony with your neighbor as much as you can be on your end of things.
Obviously, I don’t know which of you may be withholding forgiveness from someone, so I won’t be looking around going, “Oh no you don’t. I know you’re upset at so and so. You can’t take communion today.”
But you know what else? If you’re willing to let God help you move on toward forgiveness, then I want to invite you to take communion as an act of testimony to God that you’re serious about forgiving that person with God’s help.
