Rebuilding Broken Relationships
Part 3 of a 4 Part Series
Jim Pritchett
Swift Creek Community Church
INTRODUCTION - You're Only as Strong as Your Roots
This is a majestic oak tree. How tall do you guess it is? How old do you think it is? I wonder how much it weighs. Oak is some of the best hardwood. It makes great floors, cabinets, and furniture. It’s also a top choice for firewood.
These are tough trees. They are resistant to disease and insects. Their bark makes them able to withstand a forest fire, if it’s not too intense.
Just a few feet away is another oak tree of similar size. It went down in a wind storm, while the other tree survived. Fierce winds are perhaps the tree's greatest hazard. That's because, even for trees towering over 100 feet, the roots only grow a few feet deep. Erosion or wet soil can weaken the roots to the point where a giant oak can be brought crashing down by high winds. For an oak tree, a strong root system supplies nourishment to the tree, and anchors it to the earth.
Character serves the same function for people. The strength of a person's character below the surface sustains his or her success in life. Strong, good character gives you a base of support from which to withstand the tough times. As you go through life, you see people just like these two trees. Some are well-anchored, and able to withstand the storms of life. Others have a weak root system, and they go down when things get tough. Q: Which tree do you want to be like?
Today, we are talking about “Rebuilding Broken Relationships.” I can’t think of anything that will develop and test and prove your character more than working through relationships. These skills are in short supply in our society. You see way too many people who “cut out and run” when things get tough, instead of doing the hard work to iron things out. And then we wonder why things are such a mess.
This is one area where the church definitely needs to take the lead. We don’t need to go to Oprah, or Dr. Phil, or Jerry Springer for our help on how to resolve conflicts. Jesus Christ gave clear instructions. If we follow His teaching, and have the difficult conversations, and pray through things together, bathed in a spirit of love, God will get the victory, and you will get the blessing.
Just last week, I saw on old high school & college friend, and we had a great time together. Lots of great memories. He’s doing very well in life, with a good career and a great family. But then there’s his church. His church is deeply conflicted, and he is really grieved over it. It’s heartbreaking to hear him tell about it. Unfortunately, this story is repeated over and over, all over the country. Tons of people are conflicted, and many people carry that over into their church, and create more conflict there. And we all know, deep down, this isn’t right. It’s not what God would want, and it’s not what we want. So, here’s what Jesus said to do.
Matthew 18:15-17 (NLT)
"If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the fault. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If that person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. If the church decides you are right, but the other person won't accept it, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.
Let’s unpack and apply this teaching of Jesus. First, understand –
• We are human beings. There will be conflict.
No matter what “the experts” may say, a basic fact is – we all have a dark side, what theologians call a “sin nature.” Yes, there is a great deal of good in each person, but we also have the ability to do really bad things, too. And because of the bad choices and behaviors we make, we develop conflicts with other people. You just can’t avoid it. It’s going to happen. Some of you will probably get upset before the day is through.
Sometimes new Christians think that things in the church will be different. They should be. But the reality is, even Christians have their disagreements and fights! I knew a guy in seminary that had been raised what we call a “battling Baptist” in East Tennessee. The stories he could tell of church fights! I think he actually enjoyed a lot of it. Kind of like WWF of church! Let’s slug it out! Who’s gonna come out on top?
So, if you’re new at this, don’t lose your faith over a church squabble, or a disagreement with another Christian. It will happen, sooner or later!
The key is – How do you handle it? What do you do? How do you react? Do you fight it out? Do you run? Do you ignore it? Do you quit? What should you do? Jesus gives some pretty clear teaching in these verses.
• Jesus’ teaching on conflict resolution:
(This is sequential – the goal is restoring harmony and fellowship):
1. Work on things between the two of you. (v. 15)
What do we usually do? Go and talk to 3 or 4 other people. Start the “gossip train.” Is that what Jesus said to do? No. He said, “Go privately.” Pray. Think about how to approach the other person. Go to them in a spirit of love: I want what’s best for you, and for me, and for the church fellowship. Work things out between the two of you, and that’s the end of it. 90% of interpersonal conflicts should be resolved right here. What if that doesn’t work?
2. Take one or two others along. (v. 16)
So what do you do, find a couple of allies and go gang up on the person? No. Find spiritual leaders who are trustworthy, wise, who love both of you and love the church, and are able to intercede. People of prayer. Part of the process may be that they will point out some things that are your fault. As the two conflicted parties talk things out with these trusted leaders, peace can most times be restored. Probably the next 9% of disagreements can end here. What if this still doesn’t work? What about the 1% of times that a person just won’t listen to reason?
3. Take matters to the church. (v. 17)
So, what do you do, stand up in the middle of a service, and spill your guts? No. Please don’t do that! For us, it works out in two practical ways. The Steering Team functions as “the church” in decision-making between our Annual Business Meetings. We have had to deal with a tough situation or two. The goal is always to help the persons involved, and help the church. So, if things get to this level, ask for a meeting with the Steering Team.
Another way this works out is with our yearly Membership Covenant renewal. Here’s the first part:
I. I WILL PROTECT THE UNITY OF MY CHURCH
…By acting in love toward other members
…By refusing to gossip
…By following the leaders
This is the first item, and we take it seriously. From time to time, a person will realize that they aren’t living up to the Membership Covenant, and they will voluntarily withdraw. What about an extreme case, where even that doesn’t happen? Jesus said, finally, if all else fails -
4. Withdraw fellowship. (v. 17)
This is a last resort. At a certain point, the purity of the core of the church must be preserved. People who follow Jesus Christ have a spiritual commitment, and it is to be lived out in a Christian lifestyle of love and service. The membership of the church must keep things straight. When they don’t, you end up with a situation like I was telling you about with my old college friend’s church. Even with this said, there is a goal of redemption and restoration for the fallen brother. (Gal. 6:1-2; 2 Cor. 2:5-11)
Let me clarify a point here. At Swift Creek CC, we say “Come as you are.” We are a church that is “Helping People Find Their Way to God.” We welcome people who are spiritual seekers. We try to remove the barriers so that the average person can come and hear about God’s love and plan for their life. Please come. Please check out Jesus Christ.
And when this is happening, we don’t necessarily expect you to behave like a Christian, because you aren’t one yet. Just come as you are, and we will love you, because God loves you. We always want a good number of spiritual seekers in our Sunday morning services.
Now, once a person becomes a Believer, a Follower of Jesus Christ, THEN we expect to begin to see some lifestyle changes, as God’s Spirit goes to work in your heart and mind and life. You will be held to a higher standard when you are a Believer, and a Covenant Member. Do you follow me here?
We want to be very welcoming and patient with those who are not yet Believers. And we expect Believers to begin a process of growth in character and Christ-likeness that will be life-long. (Remember the oak tree?).
Let’s see how Jesus applied this to his own group of disciples:
Luke 22:19 (NLT)
Then he took a loaf of bread; and when he had thanked God for it, he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, "This is my body, given for you. Do this in remembrance of me."
It was the Last Supper. Jesus was demonstrating to his disciples what his life was all about. He would shed his blood on the cross for their forgiveness. This supper was done in the context of Christian fellowship, setting the pattern for the New Testament Church. It was very beautiful and meaningful. But –
• Even as Jesus was instituting the Last Supper, the disciples were in conflict and competition with each other.
As unbelievable as it seems, right in the middle of this poignant event, the text says they started arguing among themselves. And it was over which one of them was the greatest! How weird is that!?! I can just imagine Jesus sighing deeply, and maybe rolling his eyes. They still didn’t get it.
Let’s be honest. We’re not much better. Jesus had to set them straight. He taught them, “The greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves... I am among you as one who serves.” (Luke 22: 26-27) He will have to set us straight too, from time to time. Here’s the bottom line:
• Jesus gave his body and blood for our forgiveness. By receiving him, we will no longer be in conflict with God. This also makes possible our reconciliation to other persons.
It’s not through the power of positive thinking; it’s not through the inherent goodness of the human heart; it’s not through government programs. It’s only through the broken body and shed blood of Jesus Christ. Only through Him can we be forgiven and at peace with God. Only through him can we find peace with one another.
If you have personal faith in Jesus Christ, you are invited to His Table. If you have never placed your faith in JC, you can right now. “Be my Forgiver; Be my Leader.”
Jesus said, “This is my body, broken for you. Eat this in remembrance of me.”
“This is my blood, shed for your forgiveness. Take and drink.”
