A man was walking on the sidewalk outside a playground with a high wooden fence and heard the children chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!” He stopped and, finding a small hole in the fence, he bent over to look in. Just like that, a finger poked him in the eye. And the chanting continued, but now they were saying, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”
Sometimes this thing of Christian fellowship can seem less like a pat on the back and more like a poke in the eye. It is one of the mysteries of Christendom that believers love each other so poorly when the Jesus we claim to follow said it was central to the life of a believer.
In the scripture today, Jesus points to the importance of forgiveness in this business of loving each other. Peter initiates the discussion when he says, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” The Jewish rabbis taught that you should forgive someone three times, but after that there was no forgiveness. Peter thought he was being large of heart by going beyond the normal bounds of forgiveness, so he was probably shocked when Jesus said, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” And if the truth were told, we are shocked that Jesus demands this kind of forgiveness as well. We often withhold forgiveness after just one offence, let alone seventy-seven times.
And after Jesus made this shocking statement, he told a parable about a man who owed a king millions of dollars. The king threatened to sell he and his whole family into slavery until the debt was paid — which he would never be able to do. Nevertheless, the servant fell to his knees and begged the king for a chance to repay the debt. And then, in what must have been shocking to him, the king cancelled the whole debt and let him go. The point of this part of the parable is to show how God, the King, deals with us. Because of our many sins, which we can never make right, God forgives all our sins, releases us from all our debt, frees us from our guilt and the bondage of our sin. What this amazing act of grace and generosity should do is fill us with gratitude and a resulting grace toward others.
But in a surprising twist to the story, the man meets a friend of his who owes him a few dollars. He forgets all about how he was treated by the king and demands the debt be repaid immediately. The friend falls on his knees and begs (as he had done with the king) and says, “Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.” But the man refuses his friend’s request and has him thrown into prison “until he could repay the debt,” which was impossible, since he could not work in prison. A shocking turn of events. And their fellow servants report the incident to the king.
So the king calls the servant to appear before him and says, “You wicked servant, I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” And then Jesus ends the parable with these frightening words, “In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
This should give us all pause as we consider our relationships with others. There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love. Love is what makes life wonderful, but it is the most complex part of life as well, and human relationships are among the most difficult aspects of life. I want to specifically address the issue of love between friends and, in particular, fellow Christians. The first point in what I would like to say is this: A loving person is a forgiving person. This should be obvious, but for many people this is the place where they get stuck the most. Remember that Jesus said: “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27). This is a particularly relevant verse, since today we commemorate the events of 9/11 and remember what our enemies have done to us. The problem is that in the Christian community we have not even learned how to love our friends, let alone our enemies. We allow petty issues and differences to divide us. How do we ever hope to live up to the command of Christ to love our enemies if we cannot even love those who are our brothers and sisters in Christ? Jesus said, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:25). All of us have been wronged by other people. All of us have been sinned against. But you cannot pray the Lord’s prayer unless you are willing to forgive those who sinned against you. Do not pray, “Forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us,” if you haven’t forgiven others and do not mean it. If you gloss over that part of the Lord’s prayer, or if you think you are forgiving most people, just not everyone, then it is better not to pray the prayer at all.
Jesus was not just giving us a nice teaching, he intended for it to be a reality in our lives. And he was the ultimate example of his teaching when he prayed at his crucifixion, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). But what if the person knew exactly what they were doing? What then? What if the harm was intentional and purposeful? Jesus addressed that when he said: “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19). The lesson in this verse is that we leave these things in God’s hands. We don’t try to get back at someone or treat them in unloving ways. Neither do we say, “God is going to get them!” We simply leave it in God’s hands. He will take care of it and we don’t have to. Justice will be done, whether it is here or at the final judgment. The Bible promises, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad” (2 Corinthians 5:10).
Jesus said, “So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him” (Luke 17:3-4). It is interesting to note the disciple’s immediate response to Jesus’ words: “Increase our faith!” (Luke 17:5). Forgiveness is some of the hardest work we have to do, but if it is to be such a part of our relationship with our enemies how much more must it be a part of our relationship with our friends?
Allow me to clear up some misconceptions here. Forgiveness is not saying, “Oh, that’s okay, it didn’t matter.” Forgiveness says, “It wasn’t okay, it did matter, and what you did hurt me deeply, but I choose to forgive you anyway.” Forgiveness does not live in denial. It faces the reality of the deed done and chooses forgiveness over revenge and continued bitterness. We often hear people say, “Forgive and forget.” In some situations that may be possible, but in other situations it would be impossible to forget. You don’t have to forget to forgive someone, in fact, real forgiveness remembers everything and still chooses to forgive. The memory of the event or situation is still there, but the bitterness is what is forgotten and left behind. To forget some of the situations that people have faced would force them to be unhealthy denial. Real love really remembers and feels the full force of the pain and still extends forgiveness to the offender. That kind of forgiveness is what it means to live like Jesus.
There is an interesting passage in the book of Ecclesiastes, where the wise writer says, “Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you — for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others” (Ecclesiastes 7:21-22). Part of forgiveness is remembering that you have said and done many things for which you needed other people to forgive you. It is being so grateful for God’s forgiveness that you are willing to extend that same forgiveness to others. It is part of what it means to be a follower of Christ. The Bible says, “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult” (Proverbs 12:16).
Without this kind of forgiveness we are locked in a prison of bitterness and anger. It is such a relief to forgive someone, because when you do you realize that you were the one being held prisoner by your unforgiveness — not them. Jesus Christ has come to free us from this kind of bondage. He has come to give us freedom and joy. Or to put it like the 3-year-old boy, who was asked what he learned in Sunday School, said, “Jesus died so that we could have ever-laughing life!”
The second point that I would like to make today is this: A loving person is a kind person. Why is this so easy to forget. If I don’t have kindness and patience I am not living the life of Christ. It is an essential part of living a holy life. Why is it so hard for Christians to be nice? Most of us have the Ten Commandments down pretty well. We don’t steal, kill or commit adultery. But we somehow forget that being a Christian goes beyond that, and an essential part of obeying God is being nice to people. Being negative, critical, fault-finding, rude, gossiping, is not the will of God. Some people’s lives are marked by constant conflict. It seems they are always in the middle of a fight. They are ready to be offended and go to war at the drop of a hat. Just because you are a Christian or work in the church, you do not have a license to be nasty and rude. Just because you believe in God and the Bible is not a pass for being mean-spirited. You can still disagree with other people, but you do it in an agreeable way. It is important to maintain the bond of love.
Jesus said, “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:36). Being translated that means, “Be nice.” Be nice to waitresses, the slow driver in front of you, the person who stepped in line in front of you, the salesman, your children, your spouse. Be nice. It is so much more fun than being nasty and ill-tempered. Besides, it makes Jesus smile.
Being a nice person means being a gracious person. The word gracious comes from the word grace. A gracious person is who is marked by grace. The dictionary defines it as: 1. Characterized by kindness and warm courtesy. 2. Characterized by tact and propriety: responding to the insult with gracious humor. 3. Of a merciful or compassionate nature. Being gracious means that we treat other people with grace. The Bible says, “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9). This means that we do not repay evil with evil. We don’t try to get even. We treat people better than they deserve. It means blessing instead of cursing. It means giving without thought of being repaid. It means being generous and open-hearted toward others. Because we have received grace from God, and he has treated us better than we deserved, we treat others with that same spirit. The Bible says, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6).
In 1989, Mother Teresa visited Phoenix, Arizona to open a home for the destitute. During her visit, she was interviewed by KTAR, the largest radio station in town. In a private conversation, the announcer asked Mother Teresa if there was anything he could do for her. He was expecting a request for a contribution, or media help to raise money for a new home for the poor in Phoenix. Instead, she said, “Yes, there is. Find somebody nobody else loves and love them.” That is what it means to exhibit the grace and kindness of Christ. Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me” (Matthew 25:40).
The third thing I would like to say is: A loving person is one who speaks and shows their love. In other words, a loving person does not keep their love a secret. They speak their love with words and show it by their actions. They don’t expect you to just know that they love you. How will anyone know that we love them if we never tell them? How will they know we care if they never see it demonstrated? The Bible says, “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love” (Galatians 5:6).
In the prologue to his book, Max DePree tells this story: “Esther, my wife, and I have a granddaughter named Zoe, the Greek word for life. She was born prematurely and weighed one pound, seven ounces, so small that my wedding ring could slide up her arm to her shoulder. The neonatologist who first examined her told us that she had a 5 to 10 percent chance of living three days. When Esther and I scrubbed up for our first visit and saw Zoe in her isolette in the neonatal intensive care unit, she had two IVs in her navel, one in her foot, a monitor on each side of her chest, and a respirator tube and a feeding tube in her mouth. To complicate matters, Zoe’s biological father had jumped ship the month before Zoe was born. Realizing this, a wise and caring nurse named Ruth gave me my instructions. “For the next several months, at least, you’re the surrogate father. I want you to come to the hospital every day to visit Zoe, and when you come, I want you to rub her body and her legs and arms with the tip of your finger. While you’re caressing her, you should tell her over and over how much you love her, because she has to be able to connect your voice to your touch.”
It was the experience of connecting the voice of love and the touch of love that saved her. When God came in Christ he had already spoken his love to us in his Word, then he came to love us with his touch. Jesus was always touching people. It is essential for human life. People all around us need us to speak the words of love and encouragement. We need to build up instead of tear people down. And they also need to connect our voice with our touch. There are so many people dying for the touch of love. It is what makes life real and worthwhile. We can do it for each other. The church can be an intensive CARE unit where we are loved to health and life.
Let the people of God love and forgive. Let them love with kindness. Let them love with word and touch.
Rodney J. Buchanan
Amity United Methodist Church
September 11, 2011
rodbuchanan2000@yahoo.com
