Home Work
Pt. 4 – Working Singles
Over the last three week’s we have been handing out home work at church! The first week I gave the home work to the dads. Fight apathy, help your families make good decisions, set priorities, and establish godly boundaries or guardrails.
Then I challenged the women to fight misalignment. To learn that submit isn’t a bad concept, but one that brings the miraculous to bear. Told our women to understand their men, themselves and to offer support! Then we went into Proverbs 31 to what traits a godly woman processes.
Then last week we dealt with families. Remember God sees us as families. We must fight nearsightedness. We can’t become so focused on now and forget to work towards tomorrow. It is important for us to remember everything flows down. You have to get something in you before you can get it in them. How has your home sounded this week? Working families sound different. You cannot escape the Word. We shroud or homes in the Word so our family thinks and lives according to the Word.
So today I want to wrap up this series up by talking about working singles. Scripture is clear that being single is not a curse or the worst thing that can happen to someone even though our society seems to think it is! Listen to what Jesus has to say about being single.
Text: Matthew 19:11-12
11-12But Jesus said, "Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it."
And then Paul weighs in and says,
1 Corinthians 7:32-35
32-35I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.
1. Singles’ #1 enemy is complexity!
I know of no one who has prayed, sought God and actually found the mate that they dreamed of that would trade their married life for single life again. However, I also know of no one regardless of how healthy or perfect their marriage is who also wouldn’t admit that marriage complicates your life! Marriage takes a ton of energy. Marriage dominates your life or at least it will if it is a healthy marriage.
Paul weighs in and says that one of the greatest gifts of single life is simplicity! Being single allows you the opportunity to remain focused on important things. I think singles get in trouble when they confuse complexity for completion so they get into a relationship thinking it will complete them and instead their life is complicated!
One of the greatest myths that abounds today in the mind of singles is that marriage is easy! Single is easy. Married is tough! Marriage is hard work.
If you ever think “If I could just find the right person my life would be easier”, then you have fallen prey to the enemy. Relationship complicates . . . period!
2. Working singles must be self centered!
That sounds weird. You are actually telling us to be self centered or selfish? Care about no one else. Forget what I do impacts others. No, that is not what I mean. I mean that you understand that while you are single you must work on you. You are self centered. Your attention is focused on growing you. Listen to what Jesus says, “But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.” Then Paul jumps in and says while you are single you should be becoming WHOLE or complete!
In other words singles that get it understand that they have to work on themselves. They don’t get into a relationship and then hope to grow. They grow as a person now! You have to recognize that maturity is not to be postponed until you are in a relationship. You have a mandate to mature now!
The Bible never portrays being single as second class or something less than normal or even desirable when in fact, the Bible paints being single in a positive light. The truth is that society has taught us that single equates with incomplete and therefore single folks allow themselves to feel undone or unfinished. When God wants us to understand that a marriage partner or earthly relationship can never complete what only God has the ability to complete! Since you are complete now you must begin to work on your issues, your immaturities, and your problems now. No one is going to magically fix you! Your completion has nothing to do with anyone but you and God.
You have got to understand this truth if you are single because if you go into a relationship and you haven’t worked on you what you will do is begin to try to work on them. If we haven’t dealt adequately with our issues when we are single we will carry our issues into any relationship and we will also refocus our attention on the other person’s problems. Let me let you in on a secret . . .
When you find someone, whether it is to date seriously or to eventually marry you need to know that you are getting them “as is,” and that change is NOT guaranteed. You need to be ready to spend the rest of your life with them they way they are…and if you are not then DON’T GET MARRIED. You are lying to yourself if you think “This relationship that I am in isn’t what I would like my marriage to be like, but when we get married I can change this person.” You can’t fix them and they can’t fix you!
You have got to get self centered so that when you are ready to move into a relationship you have grown enough to be able to handle it and handle the other person’s issues too! Work on you!
3. Working singles don’t shack up!
What? Did you mean to say that? Yes, you can take it just how it sounds or I will make it sound all spiritual and break it down for you in 2 ways.
Working singles make no room for unholy living because they understand that being single doesn’t excuse them from being holy! Listen to what Paul says again, “The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God.”
While you are single not only should be working on being whole but also HOLY!
I find way too many singles who think you get a free pass because you are single. “Well you don’t understand I have wild oats to sow.“ Yeah and too many of you are sowing seed and then praying for crop failure. Don’t be fooled… sowing always leads to reaping! Being single doesn’t diminish or lower the standard of holiness that God is calling you to! You won’t suddenly become holy when you become married. You will simply bring your level of holiness into your relationship.
That is why it is crucial for you to know that if a person leads you away from God’s Word before marriage, they will do so even more after marriage…the way they have lived in their past and the way they are living now are indicators of how they are going to live when they marry you. You cannot change them…you are NOT the Holy Spirit! You have to elevate your holiness level now and look for someone who is holy now.
The second thing I mean by working singles don’t shack up is that they make no room for roommates called panic and compromise.
I see too many singles who have bought the lie that they aren’t complete and can’t make it alone so they shack up with panic! Inevitably if you aren’t careful and don’t work on yourself and don’t monitor your holiness level you will get in a hurry. And when you look around and all your friends are getting married you go from wanting “Mr./Mrs. Right” and settling for “Mr./Mrs. Right now”.
You can’t panic because if you do you allow someone to become a priority that considers you an option. If you are an option and they are your priority you are going to get hurt!
If you shack up with panic you will be inviting another roommate in within days . . . compromise.
You will take matters into your own hands and panic and compromise will lead you into trouble.
Listen . . . don’t panic! You have to know that God has everything under control. You can’t just say it you have to know it. You have to keep your boundaries up (holy) and remember that how you start a relationship is how you usually end in a relationship. Environment you begin in or find in usually reveals nature of person and destiny of relationship. If you start in a bar, then you can’t be shocked when they go back to the bar. What you build your relationship around at the beginning will usually have bearing on the ending of that relationship!
Let deep call to deep. If you will remain holy, refuse to panic or compromise deep will call to deep and God will bring someone to you that will meet you on your level!
HOMEWORK
Your home work is to do you! If you ever get married you have a biblical mandate to take care of your spouse and take the focus totally off of you. For now though you have got to focus on you! What steps can I take to become a better me now? How can I grow? What can I do to mature? What do I need to do to become whole and holy?
Second, focus on God! This is a time to give everything you can to God without distraction or any other responsibilities. Quit being so worried about find someone that you fail to find God. Focus on Him. In fact, I challenge you to allow God to find someone for you if He wants to. The moment you quit working on it He can start working on it! If He finds them for you, then it is His responsibility to fix them! If you find them . . . you are doomed because you can’t fix them!
