Are You Part of the Family or Just a Boarder?
Ephesians 2:19-22
A boarder has no commitment and merely pays rent to have a place to hang his hat for awhile. A functional family member is committed, caring and contributes to the well being of the family. Which are you in relation to God's family?
I. Becoming a part of the family is by the new-birth
A. We are all the offspring of God in the sense that we are His products of the creative work of God. But all men are not the children of God in a personal sense as a father with a son. Simply put not everyone who claims to be a child of God is a child of God.
B. 1 John 3:10 “In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother.”
C. John 1:12-13 “But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: 13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.”
D. John Piper relates that "Receiving Jesus means taking Jesus into your life for what He is. It does not mean a kind of peaceful co-existence with a Christ who makes no claims — as though He can stay in the house as long as he doesn't play his music so loud." – John Piper, How to Become a Child of God, December 17, 1989
II. Being a functional family member means being committed
A. In a dysfunctional family everyone does their own thing. There is no commitment to other family members. However, in a functional family each family member has a sense of commitment to the family.
B. Husband and wife are committed to pursuing what is best for the other person.
1. Ephesians 5:22-33 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
2. Christ desires what is best for us – His commitment to us took Him to the cross to die for us and to provide us with the Holy Spirit to direct our path through life.
3. As His bride our commitment to Him should be to love Him unreservedly living each day with the intent of bringing honor and glory to Him in all that we do.
C. Parents are committed to encouraging their children to learn and develop their skills.
1. Ephesians 6:4 tells us that fathers are to nurture and admonish their children. Nurturing is to cultivate and foster in one a spiritual appetite and growth. While admonishing is a matter of teaching what is right and wrong and warning of the dangers and providing a guidance.
2. Those who are mature believers in the faith need to nurture or mentor those who are young in the faith.
3. After a distinguished performing career, virtuoso violinist Jascha Heifetz accepted an appointment as professor of music at UCLA. Asked what had prompted his change of career, Heifetz replied: "Violin playing is a perishable art. It must be passed on as a personal skill; otherwise it is lost.'- Today in the Word, 1997
4. We must pass on what Christ has taught us.
D. Children are committed to following the leadership and wisdom of their elders.
1. Children need to learn to honor and respect their elders. To listen to instruction.
2. Leviticus 19:32 “Thou shalt rise up before the hoary (gray haired) head, and honor the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD.” – GW ""Show respect to the elderly, and honor older people. In this way you show respect for your God. I am the LORD."
3. Proverbs 19:20-21 “Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.
E. Siblings are committed to encouraging and being there for one another
1. In a functional family siblings are there when needed. They do not turn a deaf ear or a blind eye to their brother or sister.
2. Galatians 6:10 “As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.”
3. 1 John 3:16-18 “Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoso hath this world's good, and seeth his brother have need, and shuts up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwells the love of God in him? My little children let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.”
4. Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."
III. Being a functional family member means being caring
A. In a dysfunctional family quite often there is continual conflict and coldness between family members.
B. Conflicts
1. It is inevitable that there will be differences and disagreements but that does not mean we must be disagreeable.
2. Paul described a dysfunctional church in when he said in
• 1 Corinthians 3:3 "For ye are yet carnal: for whereas [there is] among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men?"
3. Conflicts within the Body of Christ are usually rooted in self-will (I feel, I want, I think, I believe) and is contrary to the commitment we are to have to Christ and each other.
4. Philippians 2:3 "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves."
5. Psalm 133:3 “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”
C. Functional families provide a safe, secure, stable, and harmonious environment for every member of the family. There should never be the fear of being slammed, shamed, belittled, or dismissed. Rather there should be an atmosphere of caring and consideration.
D. Illustration - A man went to his pastor to say that he felt there was a lack of friendliness among members of the congregation and that people were reluctant to greet one another in church. The pastor agreed with him and said that he had devised a plan to change things. During services the next Sunday, the pastor described the situation to the congregation and said that the following Sunday they would have a brief pause to allow parishioners to turn to those seated behind them and greet them with a friendly hello. After the service, the same man turned around to the woman behind him and said, "Good morning." She looked at him in shocked indignation. She snapped, "That doesn't start until NEXT Sunday!"
E. As a functional family we are called to be caring one for another
1. Functional families help family members feel loved, appreciated and competent.
2. Illustration – Cinderella and her stepsisters the perfect example of a dysfunctional family. Everyone was looking out for themselves.
3. 1 Corinthians 12:25 "That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another."
4. Colossians 3:16 "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord."
IV. Being a functional family member means contributing
A. In a functional family each member contributes according to their respective talents, abilities and capabilities to the well-being of the family.
B. Ephesians 4:12-16 “For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: that we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; but speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: from whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplies, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.”
C. Several years ago, two students graduated from the Chicago-Kent College of Law. The highest ranking student in the class was a blind man named Overton and, when he received his honor, he insisted that half the credit should go to his friend, Kaspryzak. They had met one another in school when the armless Mr. Kaspryzak had guided the blind Mr. Overton down a flight of stairs. This acquaintance ripened into friendship and a beautiful example of interdependence. The blind man carried the books which the armless man read aloud in their common study, and thus the individual deficiency of each was compensated for by the other. After their graduation, they planned to practice law together. - Gary Inrig, Life in His Body.
D. 1 Peter 4:9-11 “Use hospitality one to another without grudging. As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God gives: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
Conclusion: A boarder has no commitment and merely pays rent to have a place to hang his hat for awhile. A functional family member is committed, caring and contributes to the well being of the family. Which are you?
Disclaimer: Source material for this sermon has been gleaned from many different sources. I have attempted to acknowledge these sources whenever possible.
