EXTREME HOME MAKEOVER HPC EDITION
4 Essential Building Blocks for Marriage
Genesis 2:18-25
Marriage matters to God. And because it does, we must make sure we’re doing marriage His way.
INTRODUCTION
Without a doubt, marriage and the family unit appears to be in trouble. Some would even suggest that it is a broken down, rudderless ship heading for the rocks.
You would have had to be in a coma to not see the changes that have taken place in the last fifty years.
To illustrate just how marriage is defined by our culture, when I Googled marriage in Canada, I was immediately bombarded by sites dealing with gay marriage.
In fifty years, the home and family have undergone changes of earthquake proportions.
Over time, the share of married-couple families has decreased
The number of families in Canada—married couples, common-law couples and lone-parent families—more than doubled between 1961 and 2011, from 4.1 million families in 1961 to 9.4 million families in 2011.
In 1961, married couples accounted for 91.6% of census families (Figure 1). By 2011, this proportion had declined to 67.0%. This decrease was mostly a result of the growth of common-law couples.
The share of lone-parent families has increased
In 2011, lone-parent families represented 16.3% of all census families. This was almost double the share of 8.4% in 1961 when relatively more childbearing took place within marriage and divorce rates were lower
In 1961, the majority of lone parents (61.5%) were widowed; a small proportion (2.7%) reported never having been married and the remaining 35.8% were divorced or separated. Over time, the proportion of widowed lone parents declined steadily, accompanied by an increase in the prevalence of never-married or divorced lone parents. By 2011, the most common legal marital status for lone parents was divorced or separated (50.8%), followed by a more than ten-fold increase for those who were never married (31.5%), while 17.7% of all lone parents were widowed.
Families and households have become smaller
Canadian families have become smaller over time. This occurred partly because of a decline in the total fertility rate after the baby boom and the fact that lone-parent families increased in recent decades. The average number of children per family decreased from 2.7 in 1961 to 1.9 in 2011. During the same period, the average number of people per family declined from 3.9 in 1961 to 2.9 in 2011.
One point that this government survey does not address is the impact that abortion has had on the family in the last fifty years. Since abortion was legalized in Canada in 1970, approximately two even three generations of children have been destroyed. Even immigration has not helped to stem the tide.
While family size declined over the period, the number of households increased. In each 5-year period between 1961 and 2011, the number of private households grew faster than the population, particularly between 1966 and 1981
Households have also become smaller in recent decades. This has been due largely to increased shares of one- and two-person households and to decreases in the proportion of large households comprised of five or more people. The 1981 Census marked the first time that one-person households surpassed households of five or more people
In 2011, households consisting of one person accounted for 27.6% of all households; about a three-fold increase from 9.3% in 1961. During the same period, the share of large households comprised of five people or more decreased from 32.3% in 1961 to 8.4% in 2011.
Chuck Swindoll paints a picture for us of how marriage and the family has changed over the last 50 years.
Imagine for a few moments that you are a modern Rip Van Winkle. You’re enjoying a relatively normal life in the 1960’s. with a mate at your side and children under ten living at home. Life is good, yet a subtle uneasiness occasionally disturbs your peace.
After the turmoil of the Kennedy assassination, Washington has returned to its usual bickering with Lyndon Johnson as the 36th president of the United States. All’s quiet in Cuba and the Soviet Union for the moment, but the troublesome squirmish in Southeast Asia seems to be escalating.
You’re also concerned because your children are now listening to the Beach Boys after a man known simply as Elvis introduced a different kind of music to popular audiences. His swiveling hips and suggestive antics have robbed television of its earlier innocence, but you patiently endure the Smothers brothers and are learning to tolerate the edgy, off color humor on Laugh-in. After all, there is always Lawrence Welk on Saturday night and Bonanza every Sunday evening after church.
Pot is where you grow herbs, a mouse is a pesky rodent, coke is a soft drink, and gay means you are happy. Abortion, incest, homosexuality, and condoms are words you would never hear in public let alone the pulpit.
For the most part your neighborhood is a safe place. The kids can safely play in the streets till the street lights come on. Life is good. Simple. Stable. Manageable, Then you WAKE UP!
Everything has changed. You do not recognize anything and want to turn around and go back to sleep.
The speed at which many of these changes have occurred leave many of us breathless. Is there any hope for marriage and the family? Should we as a church just cave into the realities of life around us? What does the bible have to say about these changes and hope for the family? Why get married at all, why not just live together? How can I know God’s will in marriage? What about Gay marriage?
What is noteworthy is that in spite of all the social change in Canada, people still consider marriage important enough to pursue. Whether it is for the first, second or third time, people still want to be married.
I am glad that the Bible gives us hope. We do not need to be afraid of the encroaching changes, neither should we compromise what we know the Bible says about marriage and the family.
So, what does the Bible say, and how does it help me face the pressures the world places upon me?
This morning as we begin the series Extreme Marriage Makeover, I want us to all start at the beginning.
P.S. Marriage matters to God. And because it does, we must make sure we’re doing marriage His way.
I suggest that we need to go back to the blueprint & read again the words of the Architect who designed marriage in the first place, & find out what He has to say about it. God is the architect and the Bible is the Blueprint for us to build from.
In Genesis 2:18-25, we’re first introduced to a problem.
The PROBLEM: A need for COMPANIONSHIP (2:18-20)
Chapter one of Genesis gives us the summary of creation. Chapter two, give us a detailed account of the creation of the first man and woman.
According to chapter one, this creation occurred on the sixth day of the creative week. On four distinct occaisions He passed His approval on his creation with the refrain, ‘God saw that it was good.’
But notice the response God gives in verse 18.
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.
This is the first time in the Bible God says something is not good. What is not good? God declares it isn’t good for man to be alone. This is not a passing comment. The statement emphatically and literally says, ‘Not good, is man’s aloneness…’
God the creator, saw man, His creature, in an isolated alone condition. He announced that Adams state was not good. God cared about Adams aloness.
One of the most sought after websites are dating sites. We see the comercials on TV, and their adds on the web. But who are the people actually using these sites for find companionship?
Dating Goes Golden: Internet research firm Nielsen// NetRatings says seniors are the fastest-growing group of online users. And many of them are looking for love or friendship on the Web. Some 26 million people visited online dating sites in January, and 18% of them, or 4.8 million, were over age 55. Date.com says sign-ups of members age 65 and up increased 78.5% from January ‘04 to January ‘05. Match.com, one of the biggest online dating sites, in January attracted 704,000 visitors age 55 or older, up from 606,000 a year earlier. (USA Today 4/15/05)
God cares for you and understands your need for companionship and relationship. It was never Gods intent for anyone to live in isolation. If you are seeking friendship, companionship you will find fulfillment only in God’s will for your life. He knows exactly what you need and will provide it in His time. God did more than declare a problem, He announced a solution.
I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
The very first thing God says, is that he will make man a HELPER. Most woman today would see this as sexist and discriminatory. The word helper gives the image of a 1960’s mom with a mop in one hand and a baby in the other arm, while supper is cooking in the background.
The Webster’s Dictionary does not give much help either. It says that a helper is
one that helps; especially : a relatively unskilled worker who assists a skilled worker usually by manual labor.
The actual meaning of the word is to gird, surround or defend. The word literally conveys the idea of ‘someone who assists another to reach their complete fulfillment.’ Elswhere in the Old Testament it refers to someone coming to rescue another.
In Psalm 46:1, this word is used of God Himself: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” A “helper” is one who supplies what is lacking in another person, one who is “like but opposite him.”
God created Eve to do what Adam could not do by Himself. It’s not that the man is better than the woman, or the woman better than the man, but that each one is somehow incomplete without the other. That’s how God designed the marriage relationship. The husband and the wife both need each other. They complement one another physically and emotionally.
God’s answer to mans aloneness was a woman…one who would be there to be a vital part of his finding fulfillment.
God adds that the one He would bring alongside Adam would be ‘suitable’ ( KJV) for him, or literally corresponding to him.
It was God’s plan from the beginning that the man and woman would be distinct and unique, needing each other and so finding fulfillment with each other.
‘corresponding to’ him means She would provide those missing pieces from the puzzle of his life. She would complete him as a qualified, corresponding partner.
In God’s original design, the plan was to have each partner distinct and unique,; physically and emotionally. Man and woman compliment one another so that they can find and discover fulfillment in each other.
The argument is given, as long as a two people love each other, than it does not matter if it is a man and a woman, man and man or woman and woman. IT DOES MATTER!
God’s design was for one man and one woman to be brought together as one through marriage. This is God’s plan and His design, and no government can change that plan.
We might expect the next verse to say something like, “So God created Eve.” Instead of immediately making a marriage match, God puts Adam to work on a big zoology project.
19 So the LORD God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man[c] to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
I will have more to say about this text next week when I preach on finding Gods will for marriage. I will say that it is interesting that God does not just immediately create woman for Adam. God makes Adam wait. Why? God is preparing Adam, just as he prepares you and I. If we are willing to be patient, and let Him prepapre us to be ready for His will I guarantee that you will be absolutely blown away with Who God will bring into your life.
If you are already married and wondering if you missed God’s will, let me encourage you to not bail on your marriage. Let God work in both you and your spouse and if you are willing to trust the Lord, He will make something beautiful for both you and your husband or wife.
We’re first introduced to a problem. Second, we see God’s provision.
The PROVISION: A need for COMPLETION ( 2:21-23)
So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs[d] and closed up the opening. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’”
Have you heard that when Adam found out he was getting a wife he asked God how much it would cost him and God said, “It will cost you an arm and a leg.” Adam thought for a bit and then said, “What can I get for a rib?”
That reminds me of the little girl in Sunday School who answered the teacher’s question: “Can anyone tell me the story of Adam and Eve?” She raised her hand and eagerly replied, “First God created Adam. Then God looked at him and said, ‘I think I could do better if I tried again.’ So He created Eve!”
The rabbis described the significance of these words like this: “She was not taken from Adam’s head, that she should rule over him; not from his feet, that she should be trampled on by him; but she was taken from his side, that she might be his equal, from under his arm, that she might be protected by him, near his heart, that he might cherish and love her.”
Eve was fashioned from Adam not to be identical, but to be complementary. She was made from his rib to show him that she was a part of him.
Verse 22 tells us that God “brought her to the man.” This indeed is a marriage made in heaven. God was the Father of the bride and He had the honor of giving her away. From this story we learn that God planned the human heart for love, marriage and companionship. The only thing man brought with him out of the Garden was marriage.
God creates a partner for Adam from his own flesh to meet the needs of his hungry heart. Having come to appreciate his need, he wakes up from his power nap. Don’t miss the fact that Adam never put in a work order for how his wife should look, what she would be like, or whether she would love to shop or not. He just slept, leaving it all to God. The original Hebrew helps us see that he was pretty pumped. The phrase, “This is now” means something like, “This is it!” or ‘Eureka!’
I think he really said: “Wow! Oh, baby! Where have you been all my life? Got any plans tonight?” He was probably very exuberant and said, “Whoaaaa! Mannnnnn!” which is where we get the word wo-man. He now knows he is not alone. Isolation has given way to relationship and partnership and completion. It’s clear that God’s original intention is for one man and one woman to live in a monogamous marriage for life. God created Adam and Eve.
The phrase, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh” is an expression of ecstatic delight that he has found one who perfectly corresponds to him. This is the world’s first love song and was the first utterance from a human being before sin entered the world.
Husbands, how often did you compliment your wife this week? How about in the last couple days? Wives when was the last time you expressed how proud you are of your husband and how he works hard to provide and be a leader for the family?
It is noteworthy that Adams first expression was not, what Eve could do to satisfy him. If was a simple Wow, you are gorgeous, what did I do to deserve you’.
Lord, help us as husbands and wives to speak words of life into our partners lives.
We’re first introduced to a problem. Second, we see God’s provision and finally, God paints a portrait of marriage partnership.
The PORTRAIT: A need for COMMUNION ( 2:24-25)
At the end of this narrative, Moses ( the person who wrote Genesis), writes a very significant statement that lays the foundation for marriage as God originally designed it to be. These words are so important that Jesus used them in his teaching on marriage ( Matthew 19:5) as did the Apostle Paul ( Eph. 5:31)
In these two verses, we find four essential building blocks that hold marriage together.
Building Block #1: SEVERANCE : For this reason a man shall LEAVE his father and mother….
The Hebrew word for ‘leave’ is most often translated ‘abandon.’ Now, don’t read something God is not saying.
God is not saying that a man or woman are to disrespect their parents. Niether are parents to be ignored or forgotten or given the cold shoulder.
It does mean that a husband or wife change allegiance. The husband is to put his wife first, and the wife is to put her husband first as primary allegiance.
Secondly, it means the man and woman no longer look for support from mom and dad to have their needs met. Does that mean parents do not at times help their kids out? I know of parents who have been able to help their kids buy their first house, but the kids still pay the mortgage and heat and taxes.
A father received a phone call from his distressed daughter. His daughter had only been married a few months. She called to say that she was upset with her husband and wanted to come home. The Father wisely and firmly replied, ‘Sweetheart, you are home.’
Building Block #2: PERMANANCE: a man leaves his father and mother and is UNITED to his wife,…
Permanence naturally follows severance. You will observe how each building block builds upon the next. Before you can be joined or united to your husband or wife, you must leave your original family.
The word “united” literally means to be glued together -- “to melt 2 separate entities together to form a permanent bond.” The word you may hear in some weddings is “cleave”. It has the idea of being bonded or welded together. The union is so strong that it takes something extremely violent to dissolve it.
When I performed the wedding of Phil and katy last year, I was going over in my head what I might say. As I stood before them ( Yes with tears) I very humbly and confidently expressed to them, the greatest gift I could give them was the legacy of two parents who have committed themselves to one another for 25 years so that they would know, COMITTMENT TO MARRIAGE WORKS AND IS WORTH THE WORK.
Building Block #3: UNITY: ‘…and they become one flesh.’
The third building block is UNITY. Not uniformity, but unity. Eve was not created to be another a female Adam. She wasn’t a clone. Nor was she to have any less identity than Adam. In fact Moses chose between two Hebrew words for ‘one’. The term he chose was echad, which, ‘stresses unity while recognizing diversity within oneness.’
Marriage is not a melting of two personalities to form one, but two individuals living and working in concert with common goals and shared values. To put into a musical motif, ‘Unity is diversity brought into harmony.’
Building Block #4: INTIMACY: Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
The man and woman leave their respective families ( severance), they commit themselves to each other ( permanence), become one in terms of purpose, direction and mutual support ( unity ) and they enjoy an exclusive, privileged knowledge of each other ( intimacy).
Each building block supports the next. Ultimately, intimacy is what every couple longs for. It’s the grand prize, the reward for all the efforts we put into marriage.
Intimacy means knowing what is there and accepting it when all the covering ¬ whether it’s physical, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual ¬ is stripped away. Marriage is designed to be incredibly intimate. There is no way to hide your flaws because marriage makes you vulnerable and subject to shame. If you’re married, God’s intention is for you to be in a marathon marriage where you can safely be transparent and vulnerable without fear of being put down.
I’m convinced that oneness and intimacy do not happen automatically. It takes work. It involves understanding your spouse and working to meet his or her needs . If you don’t work at it, oneness and intimacy can unravel. You’ll just start drifting apart.
All too often we mistake intimacy for sex alone. God created sex to be enjoyed by a husband and wife in marriage. ( I believe in sex…I am very thankful to God He designed it) But don’t make the mistake that is all what intimacy is. Sex is not intimacy. It is designed by God to be the product of intimacy.
There they are, the four building blocks, Severance, Permanance, Unity, and Intimacy.
There is one final element that each marriage needs to have to keep it strong when the winds of life come blowing on your relationship.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up!
If you were to consult an engineer to see how much more strong something is when you double It he could tell you that when you double a 4x4 piece of angle iron, you increase the load 43 times! In other words, one piece can hold 2,200 pounds. When you add the other one, it can bear 96,000 pounds!
Solomon continues in verse 12: “A cord of 3 strands is not quickly broken.” If a second strand provides more strength, can you imagine how much stronger three strands is?
What is Solomon referring to here? Who is this 3d strand? Friends, this third strand is Jesus Christ. As you open yourself to Him, as you confess your sins and shortcomings, as you surrender to His leadership in your life and your marriage, He will give you a fresh start, and He will give your marriage strength.
Jesus Christ is the most important ingredient to having a marriage that lasts for the long haul. He will not only change your life, He will change your marriage. He’ll give you a new deal -- much better than you’ve ever had before!
Lets pray
RESOURCES
Sermon Cdentral- Marriage as It?s Meant to Be by Brian Bill
Chuck Swindoll, Strike the Original Match
Chuck Swindoll, Marriage From Surviving to Thriving
