Extreme Home Makeover HPC Edition
Three Words Men Hate To Say But Long To Hear
1 Corinthians 13; Eph.5:24
INTRODUCTION
Fathers Day, is a holiday which generates mixed opinions. The top three holidays in North America are Christmas and Valentines, but the number one day for cards, florists, restaurants, and department stores, is Mother’s day
Father’s day receives honorable mention.
Mothers get the red carpet treatment on their day, with fabulous brunches and beautiful bouquets. For the fathers, however, retailers have cleverly priced almost everything under $9.99!
Case in point: Have you heard of the Talking Fly Swatter? It’s a lime-green fly swatter with a little speaker that says stuff like "Hasta la vista, baby!" "Flight canceled!" and "Die sucker!" every time you try to use it.
Someone wrote these humorous words entitled, "The World According to Dad." These are words that most dads have said at some time or another to their children.
- This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.
- Quiet. I’m watching the ball game.
- Don’t forget to check the oil.
- Bring back all the change.
- How should I know? Ask your mother.
- I’m not made out of money!
- When I was your age I walked 5 miles to and from school each day and it was uphill both ways. In my pj’s
- You are going and you will have fun!
- Who’s paying the bills around here, anyway?
- If you break your leg don’t come running to me.
- Don’t put your feet on the furniture. Your mother will kill you.
- Get down before you kill yourself. On second thought, go ahead.
- Quit playing with your food.
- Be quiet! Can’t you see I’m trying to think!
- Why? Because I said so!
- If you don’t quit that I’m going to call your mother.
- You better get that junk picked up before your mother comes in here.
- Just wait till you have kids of your own.
- I was not asleep. I was just resting my eyes.
Men, I suppose we who are fathers could probably add a couple of quotes to this list.
Being a parent and a father can be an interesting and trying experience.
This morning we are honoring the men, fathers grandfathers, brothers, husbands in our lives.
The world spends time, money and energy trying to make men out to be clueless idiots or overbearing, tough guys who are only out for numero uno.
The vast majority however, are just normal guys who want to get along in life and do the best we can at work, in our homes and for the Lord.
God has a plan for each man in this room today. It is not to tell you how wrong or bad you may already feel about yourself. The world does enough of that.
In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians he gives a command for every person to submit one to the other. He then explains how this looks in marriage, the family and in the workplace. He writes about wives submitting to and respecting their husbands, children obeying their parents, slaves being obedient to their masters.
In the middle of his teaching Paul gives 4 words which would potentially revolunize every home and marriage in the world. Paul shouts out these three words in staccato fashion like a general commanding his troops.
HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES
I did an unscientific survey this week asking the question The three words men hate to say. Here are the list that I had in response.
Lets go shopping 1
You are right 1
I am wrong1
I’m very sorry11
I need help 1
I am lost 1
Its my fault 1
It was interesting that the three words I was looking for did not make the list. Whenever I have done marriage counseling, the wife usually laments that the one thing she never hears from her husband are
I LOVE YOU.
Many young people have gone their entire lives without hearing these three life affirming words.
Whether its due to the fear of sounding weak, the irony is most men I have spoken with long to have heard those words from their dads lips.
I have spoken with many men at the graveside of an elderly father, and heard the son say, My father worked hard , he was faithful to my mom, gave all he had, gave us a roof over our heads and put me through college. I followed his example in providing for my own family But I never once heard him say I LOVE YOU.
That is both sad and tragic.
I wonder how many young men who are in Kingston Penitentiary today would have a different life had they known the love of a father. How many daughters would not have dated the wrong guy had they known their first love was actually their dad. I wonder…
In Pauls day it was not easy to be a dad. Fathers were dads biologically, but were not part the upbringing of children.
Wives were merely tools of reproduction and not meant to be nurtured or cared for.
William Barclay sums up the state of women and the family in Pauls day. ‘The Jews had a low view of women. In the Jewish form of morning prayer there was a sentence in which a Jewish male would give thanks that God had not made him a gentile, slave or a woman. …The whole Greek way of life made companionship between men and women next to impossible.
In the Greek and Roamsn societies, the man expected his wife to run his house, to care for his legitimate children, but he found his physical and sexual pleasure and companionship elsewhere…In Greece, home and family life were near extinct, and fidelity was completely non-existent.’
It was into this environment that Paul gives a command to the men that would be heard as completely politically incorrect to his hearers
HUSBAND LOVE YOUR WIVES
Men the most encouraging and life affirming thing you can do is say to you wife, I LOVE YOU.
Well, someone might say, I have told my wife I loved her. It was in front of the preacher 40 years ago. I work hard. I bring home the bacon. I even come to church. What more could she want.
Men our wives need to hear it and to see it demonstarted. Our kids need to hear us lavish words of love on our wives.
Men it is not my intention to make you feel guilty for falling short in your relationship with you wife. Niether do I want to bore anyone with trite, feel good platitudes that only result in sappy feelings for your spouse.
We all agree that love is the essential glue for marriage. How do we express our affection biblically and sincerely?
Men the word of God gives the most incredible example for us to follow. In 1 Corinthians 13, we have a description of love that Hollywood could not even dare to match. The description of love that we are given is the love that God demonstrates to us through Jesus.
I know it is your desire to follow the example of Jesus and to become men who exemplify Jesus love to your family. When you get to understand the Fathers love for you, then you can know what it means to love your wives and family.
When you expereince God’s love, you will understand how to love your family.
Turn to the book of 1 Cor. Chapter 13. Notice first of all…
The EXCLUSIVENESS of God’s Love ( v. 1-3)
Paul is saying, If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing
but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2 If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries
and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it
jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. 3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the
stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say,
what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
No matter what I can do – healing, miracles – without love it is meaningless. No matter the
church services I attend, the ministries I lead, the money I bring home to my family, it is
meaningless without Gods love filling me and motivating me.
This one really kills me – no matter how much I give of myself – I can be the humblest most
giving person on earth – even give up my life for my faith – but if I am not flowing in God’s love I
might as well not do it.
What kind of love is this? Every time the word “love” appears in this chapter it is the word “agape.” This is different from the other forms of the word “love” in Greek. Phileo is the idea of brotherly love or friendship. Eros is the idea of sexual love – we get the word erotic from this word.
There is nothing like God’s love. It is unique. It is one of a kind. It is exclusive.
Agape as a word didn’t really appear until the New Testament. It is selfless love – the love of God towards Jesus and towards us. It’s not a love of word but a love of action without regard to self interest.
When we are filled with God’s love, it enriches everything we do. It seeks to bring out the best in those around me. Gods love enriches me so that I can bring out the best in my wife, my kids and my church.
Everything you strive for, who you want to be, what you want to do, how you want people to
think of you, what you want to accomplish – everything should go through this filter – “am I
doing this with agape love?”
But Ralph, I can’t do this. No you can’t, in your own strength. That is why the Bible says, it
is from the Holy Spirit that we get the power to live this kind of life. Romans 5:5 says, And hope
does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the
Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
You will enrich others as you are enriched by Gods love next Paul outlines the
THE CHARACTER OF GOD’S LOVE ( 4-7)
Paul defines for us what agape means and looks like. He does it in terms of what it is and what
it is not. There are 8 things it does, 8 things it does not do.
The 8 things love is: Patient, Kind, Rejoices in truth, Protects, Trusts, Hopes, Perseveres, Never
fails.
The 8 things love is not: Envy, Boasting, Pride, Rudeness, Self seeking, Anger, holding grudges,
delighting in evil.
Let’s look at these one at a time:
Patient- Gods love never gives up. You can be glad to know that God never gives up on you.
With Gods love guiding you, you can learn to be patient with others.
Do you have a short fuse? Do you get easily frustrated when things don’t go your way or don’t happen fast enough? Do you retaliate easily and quickly against those that hurt you? That’s the opposite of patient.
Patience means you wait out trouble and you don’t strike out against adversity.
Kind-1 Corinthians 10:33 For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.
Most of the time we think “what’s in it for me.” But kindness thinks, what can I do to benefit you? That’s love. That’s Gods love. The Bible says, the ultimate display of Gods kindess is that even when were sinners, God loved us and sent His Son to die for us.
Paul next strings 8 negatives together. Often we learn by contrast – we see what love is by carving away what it is not – and when we find ourselves acting in these ways we know we are not acting in God’s love.
Envy. It comes from the word “to boil.” It’s kind of the bolstered idea of “what’s in it for me,” in the sense of “it’s all about me.” When we become so self focused that anything anyone else has that we don’t have makes our blood boil and is the opposite of wanting to benefit another. Envy is when we only want to benefit ourselves at the expense of others.
Boasting. Boasting is really the effect of envy – “if you’ve got it flaunt it – even if you don’t have it, pretend like you do.” It’s like the person who is constantly name dropping or pointing out his achievements. Boasting is playing a part – something we are not but want to be or think we are.
Proud. This is the same word Paul uses in chapter 8 – “knowledge puffs up.” It means to inflate – like a bag of hot air – no substance but a lot of fluff. It’s increasing your sense of self importance well beyond your hat size.
Rude. The word here is “unshapely.” You could say “not pretty to look at.” Do people have a hard time being around you because you do things that are unpredictable or embarrassing or unbecoming? What about the caustic remarks you make about others. How do you talk about your wife in public. When you hear other guys make rude or caustic remarks about their wives, do you laugh along or do you have the courage to say, “don’t talk like that’?
Self Seeking. This could be rendered “worship yourself.”
Not Easily Angered. It means to “exasperate.” The Greek word can translate “to sharpen
alongside.” This is really the opposite of patience.
Keeps no record of wrongs. The suggestion is thinking poorly of someone else – or really
pondering and dwelling on someone else as evil.
The old story goes that Santa Claus keeps a list of whose naughty and whose nice. Sometimes
we keep those lists too. How quick are you to forgive?
Does not delight in evil. It means to be happy when an injustice or wrong occurs. In a sense this
is the ultimate form of “anti-love.” We want, we get, we hurt others to get it – and we’re happy
that we stomped over them to get what we really deserve in the first place.
The thing that all these negatives have in common is that they all focus on us – what we want,
who we are, how bad everyone is in comparison to us, what bad things people are always trying
to do us – me me me! This is the opposite of God’s love.
Rejoices in the truth. This is interesting because the word “rejoice” is a compound word – part
of it is the same word used in “delight in evil.” When put together with the other word it means
“to sympathize with gladness.” When you delight in evil you are holding yourself apart from the
other person – glad they are suffering and you aren’t. Rejoicing in the truth means you are
drawing close to someone as they come to know the truth of God and about sin, come to know
the love of God, or have something good happen to them.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. This is really neat – these
four words form a related pattern. “protects” means to “roof over,” “trusts” means to “put
your faith in” something, “hopes” means “to confide in” and “preserves” means “to stay
under.” These are all things God does for us – and things we should do for others – throwing a
protective blanket, physically, emotionally – over someone else; being willing to put our faith in
someone else – be real, confide in them – know that God will work good in their lives – then
stick it out with them to see the love of God change their lives.
You see all this business of love isn’t some magical, rose-colored-glasses kind of “feeling.” It’s.
actually very specific: love and trust God no matter what, seek the best for and the best in
those around you – then help benefit their lives as they draw closer to God. That’s love!
Let’s read this passage again from the Message.
Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t
have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always
“me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel
when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God
always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
Paul reminds us that no matter how gifted we are, or think ourselves to be it means nothing
unless we are operating in God’s love. When we do, we find ourselves not only edifying others
but we are edified ourselves.
In summary, then the Bible is saying in affect, We as humans are basically selfish. Paul is telling us that God is basically unselfish and will bring about good in others lives even if it hurts Him in the process – and we should be like Him!
So to further illustrate this – Paul says “look – all this neat stuff you are experiencing is going to
go away, but the need to love unselfishly will never go away.
Finally we can be secure in God’s love because of …
THE COMPLETENESS OF GOD’S LOVE( 8-13)
8-10 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. 11 When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good. 12 We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
We seek to do mighty miracles, thinking that we must be more favored. But in reality –love is the
ultimate expression of who God is – selfless, other-focused, always giving, love.
Paul says – when you start to see who God really is, what being a man really is about, you see that it
isn’t about you after all – its about what God does through others to edify, for others.
13 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
These three ideas were favorites of Paul – the “essentials” to life. Faith in Jesus as God and
Savior, hope of the good things He is doing in our lives and is going to do – but love is the
greatest – it is the driving force for everything we do and are becoming.
Everything we accomplish in life will one day pass away. But the one thing that will always
endure through eternity, is the Love of God.
(1Jo_4:8, 1Jo_4:16).
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love….And so we know and rely on
the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
When you know God you will know His love. When you are filled with His love, then the Holy spirit gives you the power to edify others, enrich others and to endure and never give up on your family, marriage or church.
Conclusion
DVD- SKIT GUYS Fatherhood
