VIDEO: “Rethink Marriage” (Worship House Media)
I believe that our culture's definition of marriage and what it really takes to last a lifetime is much different from God’s definition. We live in a world today in which marriage is seriously over looked, downplayed, and even avoided by many. It’s sad that many view marriage as a simple contract for legal purposes and never truly see it as an institution from God.
When I perform a wedding ceremony I always open up what God has for us found within the book of Genesis Chapter 2:
7 The Lord formed man of dust from the ground and breathed into him the breath of life and man became a living being. 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then the Lord took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib, which He had taken from the man and brought her to the man.
23 And the man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. 24 For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh.
Today, I want to take a look at some of the keys to a healthy marriage. I would like to invite those of you who are married today to reflect on your relationship with your spouse. If you have never been married, I invite you to file away some of this information and refresh your mind and heart when that special guy or girl does come along. And to you who have suffered the pain of divorce, I hope you will add these keys to some hard lessons already learned and discover a wonderful new relationship someday.
I. Marriage first of all is a divine work of art!
A. God said, “It is not good for man to be a lone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
1. The institution of marriage is ordained of God. It was God who noted our need for one another.
2. Adam had a perfect environment – no ecological problems there.
- He had a creative genius and all of the responsibility that he could handle: even unbroken fellowship with the infinite God.
- But God, not Adam said, “it is not good that man should be alone.”
3. We are incomplete without each other. Before God created the woman, He created all of the other animals of this world and Adam named them, but only the woman satisfied, for she came from man himself.
4. It takes God to make a marriage meaningful and fulfilling. He created it. Who knows the book better than its author; and who knows the creature better than its Creator?
5. Marriage is a product of a divine plan. Andre Maurois defined a happy marriage as a long conversation that always seems too short.
B. Perhaps one of the greatest reasons for failure in a marriage is seeking guidance from the world rather than God.
In the movie Fireproof, there is a scene where Caleb and Catherine discuss with their friends why their marriage isn’t working.
VIDEO: “Incompatible”
Illustration: If you have ever seen the movie, you would realize that Catherine ends up filing for divorce while Caleb ends up fighting to save the marriage. You see, Catherine receives guidance from Non-Christian friends while Caleb receives guidance from his Christian father and his Christian friend.
1. If you are dealing with issues in your marriage, be very cautious as to where you seek guidance. We as humans find it extremely easy to be one sided when it comes to our friends and more times than not, this usually sways us into being totally biased when giving advice to a friend.
2. There is nothing wrong with going to a friend when we are in need but we must understand that God is our only true friend when it comes to godly living that we can truly rely on.
3. The next time you seek advice from a friend on any issue, you must ask yourself two questions.
a. Has God led you to this person for advice?
b. Is this person living with Christian values?
4. Too many times in life we get sucked into friendly relationships with the world and before we know it, are living our lives away from God’s guidance and accepting bad advice that God would not agree with.
II. But not only is marriage a divine plan from God, it is a divine reality that takes work.
A. Good communication is essential to a healthy marriage. Later in chapter 3 of Genesis it will be the perfect married couple, Adam and Eve who experience a communication breakdown and begin to blame one another before God.
1. Communication is more than conversation. It is listening to each other with an attentive ear to try and understand what the person is really saying and feeling.
2. Communication is never listening only to formulate your defense so that when the person is through; you can prove yourself right and he or her wrong.
3. Real communication is the ability to send and to receive messages accurately, not only verbally, but emotionally as well.
4. Is your marriage in trouble today? Someone once said that the only war where two enemies sleep together is marriage.
- If your marriage is like that; begin to see your spouse neither as the enemy, nor even as a thorn in the flesh, but rather as your own flesh, for the two shall become one flesh.
III. Marriage is divine love overcoming selfish love.
A. To build a successful marriage you must develop a deep companionship with your spouse. That is what took place in the dating relationship. Do you remember?
1. Bonding refers to the emotional covenant that links a man and a woman together for life.
2. It is the sense of bonding that makes the couple feel valuable to one another. Another word for bonding is companionship.
3. Companionship is that unique relationship enjoyed with another human being that knows me as I am and loves and accepts me just the same.
4. Bonding is a growing experience, as the couple continues to make a memory for themselves all throughout their married life.
5. It is in the boundaries of companionship that intimacy is developed. Adam and Eve developed intimacy from the very beginning, as not only was Eve created from the man, but the man was called by God to focus all of his attentions on loving his wife. “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh.”
6. In a Christian marriage two individuals become one. There is a sharing of each other’s dreams, joys, and sorrows; and an acceptance of each other’s faults.
7. The act of becoming one flesh is only begun at marriage though, it is not completed. It is a process that continues until, as the wedding ceremony says, “until do you part”
8. The problem with some husbands and wives is they are inclined to think that love should vary according to performance; and that people need to change before they can love them more.
9. If you are trying to change your spouse, stop! Instead ask God to change you.!
Illustration: A couple married for 15 years began having more than usual disagreements. They wanted to make their marriage work and agreed on an idea the wife had. For one month they planned to drop a slip in a “Fault” box. The boxes would provide a place to let the other know about daily irritations. The wife was diligent in her efforts and approach; “leaving the jelly top off the jar, “wet towels on the bathroom floor,” “dirty socks not in the hamper,” on and on until the end of the month. After supper, at the end of the month, they exchanged boxes. The husband reflected on what he had done wrong from the comments in the box from his wife. Then the wife opened her box from her husband and began reading. They were all the same, the message on each slip was, “ I love you! I always have and I always will.”
IV. But I think we need to know too that marriage is a divine adventure.
A. I don’t think that Adam and Eve had the foggiest idea what they were doing, but they accepted the adventure.
1. Marriage is not a conquest that pits the conquered against the conqueror. It is a relationship of challenge, of risk and of adventure.
2. It is an ever growing, ever learning, ever expanding relationship.
3. If your spouse ever becomes the “old man, or the old woman” in your life, you have more than just an age problem; you have lost the ability to stretch yourself as a couple, to challenge yourself with new things, to explore uncharted aspects of your life together.
Illustration: Stacy and I are truly learning the power of working together and of the rewards that follow. Both of us brought 4 children each into our marriage. We both have different ideas on how to raise children and over the years we have had our battles on parenting. At times, it has been extremely stressful and difficult. But I can tell you this; we have learned to work together. And it honestly has allowed us to be stretched in such a way that my love for Stacy has grown deeper as a result.
4. Love is not just a feeling. If it were, we all would have been divorced from our first disagreement. Love is not a feeling it is a commitment. A binding covenant between a man and a woman.
5. After personal apologies and “we can do it” speeches, you learn to hang in there and keep on going even during the most stressful moments and the darkest of times. It is called, “for better or for worse…”
Conclusion:
It is tough being married today – so many demands, and the level of stress often times brings all of us near the breaking point.
This morning how healthy is your marriage? A marriage does not have to be near the breaking point to be given to God. Will you come and commit your marriage to God?
I want mine to be the best it can be. How about you?
