GAINING CONTROL OF MY TEMPER
+ The average man loses his temper 3 times a week
+The average woman loses her temper only three times a week.
+ Women get mad at people.
+ Men get mad at things.
+ Single adults express their anger twice as often as married adults.
+Men are more physical with their anger than women.
+You are more likely to express your anger at home than anywhere else.
Today I want to minister to you about Gaining Control Of Your Temper.
Proverbs 16:32, “It is better to be a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.”
One day Alexander the Great struck his favorite general. In a fit of anger he killed his best friend. In response
to his deed Alexander cried out, “I have conquered the world but I can't even conquer my own soul.”
Have you ever felt like that? Proverbs say that you should do three things.
I. YOU WEIGH THE CONSEQUENCES.
Why? Because every time you blow up there are negative results.
Proverbs 29:22, “A hot-tempered man commits many sins.” Do you agree with that verse?
Proverbs 15:18, “A hot-tempered man causes dissension.” How many of you ever got in an argument as a result of a hot-temper?
Proverbs 14:29 (GN), “. . . anger causes mistakes.” Have you ever made a mistake because you were so angry that you did
something dumb? We have all had our moments, haven't we?
And then in Proverbs 14:17 it says, “People with hot tempers do foolish things.
Have you ever done something foolish because of your temper? Of course you have.
Will Rogers said, “People who fly into a rage seldom make a good landing.” That is too true to be funny.
When you lose your temper, you always lose. You can lose your respect. You can lose your health.
You can lose your job. You can lose your spouse. You can lose your family.
Proverbs 11:29, “He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind . . . “
In the Living Bible it says, “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.”
ANGER THAT STARTS IN THE FAMILY WILL HAVE A DEVESTATING EFFECT!! .
ILLUSTRATION: A while back there was an article in the James Dobson magazine entitled “When You Feel Like Screaming.”
A survey was taken of nine to twelve year old children. They were asked two questions. What do you like most
about your mom and what do you like least? The answers to the first question were varied; but, almost unanimously
the answer to the second question was “when she screams.”
Why do we scream and pitch a fit? Simply because it works. There is a short term effect. When most people are screamed at,
they will comply out of fear. “Whoa, OK, I'll come clean up my room.” But the truth of the matter is, in the long run, you lose. It is a
fact that anger causes alienation. So, Proverbs, as a warning to us, encourages us to weigh the consequences.
II. COUNT TO TEN BEFORE ACTING
If we could ever get into the habit of thinking before reacting, our lives would have a lot less stress.
Proverbs 29:11, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”
ILLUST: A good examples of this is the fit of anger that was shown by Dennis Rodman when he kicked the cameraman.
That quick loss of his temper cost Dennis more than a one-and-one-half million dollars in lost playing time and
settlement with the cameraman. The Scripture says that a fool gives full vent of his anger.
Have you noticed the longer you hold your temper the better it is? If you let it off quickly, it is bad news.
ILLUST:Thomas Jefferson once said, “When you are angry, you count to ten.
When you are very angry, you count to one hundred.”
A FACT OF LIFE IS THAT ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO DEOLAY YOUR RESPONSE, THE BETTER OFF YOU ARE!!
I am sure that there are some of you here who are thinking, “Pastor, that may sound good in church, but I just can't do that.
You don't understand my circumstances.” Oh, yes I do and yes you can. You can control your anger, because anger is a
choice. You just don't want to control your anger. Have you ever been in an argument with someone and in the middle of
your screaming and arguing the telephone rings, and you answer it in a nice and pleasant voice? “Hello!” The truth of the
matter is you control what you want to control. The Bible says a wise man remains under control.
Proverbs 12:16, “When a fool is annoyed, he quickly lets it be known.
Smart people will ignore an insult.” Have you noticed that with some people, everything is life or death? They can't ignore anything.
The small pot boils quickly. The things that you get upset over says a lot about your character and the priorities of your life. What
does it take to upset you?
Proverbs 19:11, “A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”
Maturity is the ability to overlook a hurt. The best example of this is Jesus. He was condemned. He was slandered. He was criticized.
He was put down. And yet he never retaliated.
If I could have you understand and take home anything from the message it would be this point.
NOTHING CAN MAKE YOU MAD!! YOU CHOOSE TO GET MAD! .
Ask yourself these questions?
Is this really a big deal?
Is this worth getting upset over?
Every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness. Ask yourself if this is worth giving up your happiness over.
For those of you who are married, have you learned that there are some things that are not worth getting upset over. If you haven't, it would do
you well to do so. Have you ever been out with a couple and one of them starts to tell the story, “I remember in 1981 . . . “ - “No honey, it was
1982 . . . “ - Who cares what year it was?
Proverbs 17:27, “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even tempered.”
It is a fact that the more you understand, the more understanding you will be. The key to anger control is to get the facts.
And, as you get the facts, you will cool down.
You need to take the time and ask yourself, “why is this making me angry?” I promise, if you will do this, you will discover the thing that
is making you angry is not the problem. Anger is merely a warning light of a deeper problem.
The Bible tells us that there may be several reasons why you are angry.
1. BECAUSE YOU ARE HURT! .
2. FRUSTRATION
3. INSECURITY .
The Bible says that when you are hurt either physically, spiritually or emotionally you get angry.
We can also lose it out of frustration. When something doesn't go as planned and frustration sets in, we sometimes lose our cool.
Another time that we lose our temper happens when we are insecure or when we are threatened. When we are insecure with our
self-worth, we sometimes lash out.
The obvious answer to dealing with our anger is that we should go back to the source of our hurt, our frustration and our insecurity.
If we will deal with the things that cause the anger, then we will discover it is easier to deal with the fits of anger. That is why the
Bible says, “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint.”
The writer of Proverbs tells us that the way we deal with our anger is to weigh the consequences and count before we react. And then
he tells us to watch what we say.
III. WE WATCH WHAT WE SAY
Proverbs 21:23, “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.”
Blowing your stack causes harm from secondary smoke. It is true that a sharp tongue is the quickest way to cut your own throat.
I must be honest with you. I have gotten myself in trouble more in life from a quick tongue than from anything else. In recent years,
I have learned to control my tongue but that lesson has not come easy. Proverbs tells us that if we are smart, we will restrain our words.
Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
The writer of Proverbs is giving us excellent advice. He is suggesting that we refrain from sarcasm when we are angry. Frankly,
we need to resist sarcasm at any time. Why? Because harsh words make matters worse and kind words cool things down.
There is a principle that is being taught here.
THAT PRINCIPLE IS THAT ANGER IS CONTAGIOUS! IF SOMEONE IS ANGRY WITH YOU, CHANCES ARE GOOD
THAT YOU WILL GET ANGRY WITH HIM!!.
It is a well-known fact that children learn from the models they observe. That is how they learn. What that says is this: Parents,
every time you lose your cool, every time you get angry, you are teaching your children that is appropriate behavior. You are
teaching them that it is OK to get angry. We don't consider that a problem until they are large enough to threaten us with their
anger. Every time you lose your temper you are modeling a learned behavior. WE REAP WHAT WE SOW!!
Therefore, the Bible says that we need to think about the consequences of our actions; think before we act and watch what we say.
I know exactly what you are thinking. “Pastor, you have told us how to handle our anger but it doesn't resolve the fact that we still have a lot of
anger bottled up inside. What do we do with it? Do we keep it squelched?” Of course not; that isn't healthy. You have heard me say before, if
you swallow your anger, your stomach will keep score.
No, you don't repress your anger; but you don't express it the wrong way either. There are people who blow their top and get angry and have no
worry as to whom they hurt or affect. It makes them feel better but all their relationships are shot.
I BELIEVE THERE IS A PROPER WAY TO EXPRESS YOUR ANGER WITHOUT DOING HARM
TO YOURSELVE OR OTHERS! . THERE IS A BETTER WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR TEMPER! .
So what do you do? You don't repress it or express it the wrong way. The Bible says you should confess it. You admit it to the Lord. You
need a Biblical example? Read Psalms. We often think that the Psalms was written to express worship to God. That is true, but there are
many Psalms in which the writer is unloading on God. In many of the prayers of Psalms, the writer is expressing the fac t that life stinks.
Some of them are the writer asking God to zap his enemy. That is what is so beautiful about our relationship to God. He will let us do that;
but He also asks us to sit and listen for His reply.
One of the things I like about the Bible is that it tells it all. It tells both the good and the bad about the Biblical heroes.
When David, the writer of most of the Psalms, asks God to zap his enemies, God lets him vent his anger. When he is finished, God begins
to work on him to fill him with His love, His joy, His peace, and His patience. God wants to fill us with His presence so we can express His
character from our lives. The only way for that to happen is for our lives to be empty of all of that is not God in order that our lives can be filled
with His Spirit. This comes from confession.
Galatians 5:22, “The fruit of the Spirit is . . . patience.”
If you need patience, it will come as a result of God being in your life. You know people are a lot like tubes of toothpaste. When you squeeze a
tube of toothpaste, whatever is inside comes out. We are like that in the fact that when the pressure is on, whatever is on the inside comes out.
Did you know that temper and tension go together? Whenever you are under a lot of tension, temper will come out. Some of you are like a pot.
Your life is filled to the brim with anger, stress and tension, and when anything puts the slightest bit of heat on, it all spills out. And when you spill
out, the people around you are the ones who get burned. God wants to exchange that anger, stress and tension with His presence, His peace
and His patience. It won't come from a self-help book. It will come when He is in control of your life.
HOW DOES JESUS HELP US WITH OUR ANGER?
He helps us by dealing with the root problems. You see, anger is not the problem. Anger is merely a warning that you are hurt, frustrated and
insecure. Those are the problems, and He wants to deal with them. He wants to heal your hurt with His love. He also wants to handle your
frustrations with His peace; and, He wants to.
