Intro: A four-year-old boy was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, "Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?"
"Because," his dad explained, "after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize, thus changing the molecular structure and turning it into a different color."
There was a long silence. Then the son asked softly, "Daddy, are you talking to me?"
Have you ever been on either side of that conversation? This morning we are going to do the best we can to learn Daddy Do’s and Don’ts. The first thing we have is don’t stir your children up to anger. Did you notice here in this passage it said fathers!! If we read this in context of what came before in chapter 5 we will find that if we are controlled by the Spirit this is one of the areas we cooperate with God.
We have in this passage written by Paul some clear and compelling commands and responsibilities for fathers. This is not a chastisement but a challenge and encouragement. God has done the commanding I am seeking to do the stirring of your hearts by the Word and Spirit of God. The way you change the direction of something is to begin turning. Cars, trucks, tactors, homes, churches and countries can change direction if only someone will have the courage to take the wheel and begin the turn. Dads, fathers we have a blue print, a recipe a possibility of changing our children, our city, and our county in this passage. If we as dads take up the responsibility to love but also lead our children and train them to love and obey God.
A) The Spirit filled life empowers us to not exasperate our children (remember Colossians 3:16)
The Gospel of Jesus Christ changed the way fathers treated their families and children. In Jesus time fathers could treat their family members however they wanted. The fathers could go so far as sentencing their children to death. We can still see this today in the honor killings that are performed by Muslim fathers.
Paul is commanding us you are different you have confessed Jesus as your Lord and master and He commands you to love your children. Love is not sentimentality it is strong decision that seeks the best for your children. Love is not a soft word it is a strong word! If we really want what is best for our children we will not stir up anger in them. We will instead stir up the desire to know and love God. How do we do this? We first look at how we stir up anger in them.
1) Overprotection – never allowing any freedom strict rules about everything. We must show our children that we trust them. The flip side is if they aren’t trustworthy they must understand trust is earned. Love is given but trust is earned.
2) By showing favoritism – sometimes unknowingly. Isaac, Jacob (joseph) and David showed favoritism and caused dysfunction and division in their families.
3) By devaluing their worth – This is done by not listening. This is hard to learn but profitable
4) By setting unrealistic goals – Don’t ever reward them and never appreciating their effort. Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way they should go.” That doesn’t say in the way you want them to go!
5) By failing to show affection – verbally and physically – Good job, I love you, hugs etc.
6) By not providing their needs
7) By lack of standards – Letting children be “free.” Children don’t only need standards and boundaries most of them long for someone to love them enough to set standards to meet.
8) By criticism – Childs learn what the live. Ongoing criticism teaches them to be condemn themselves and find fault in others.
9) By neglect
10) By excessive discipline. Discipline is never to be done in anger. (Testimony when John was very young.
Adapted from John MacArthur - see MacArthur, J. Colossians. Chicago: Moody Press
J Vernon McGee tells of a little boy being disciplined. There is the story of the father whipping the little boy and saying, “Son, this hurts me more than it hurts you.” The boy replied, “Yeah, but not in the same place!” The board of correction should be applied to the seat of education when children will not obey. But discipline is never, never an opportunity to vent your anger or mean disposition. The negative command is don’t anger your children. The positive is train your children.
B) The Spirit filled life empowers us to train our children to love God
How do we train our children? We train them the same way God told Moses and Joshua to train them. Tell them about God! Read Deuteronomy 4:4 – 9. You are not being called to be a pastor but you are called to tell them about God’s importance in your life!!
1) Tell them of the faithfulness of God (presence)
Have you experienced the faithfulness of God in salvation? Have you experienced the faithfulness of God in your daily life? This is the key to teaching your children to love God. You will never lead your children to a place that you have never been! I’ve told you my story before. (Tell testimony) Give opportunity to trust Jesus. 1st greatest decision you will ever make is to trust/confess Jesus as Lord. 2nd greatest decision is to tell the world by being baptized. 3rd greatest decision lead your family to Jesus and to follow Jesus.
It is the faithfulness of God that has kept my wife and I together for 16 years. It is the faithfulness of God and not the patience of churches that I am still pastoring today after 15 years. It is the faithfulness of God that has kept the light of the Spirit burning at Immanuel. Tell your children about God’s faithfulness!
2) Tell them of the awesomeness of God (miracles)
Ezekiel saw God high and lifted up. That was awesome. Daniel saw God sitting on a throne with a duck dynasty white beard and a glowing robe. John saw Jesus with eyes of fire feet of bronze and a sword coming out of His mouth. However, the most awesome thing about God is that he came here to die so that we might live!! Jesus gave up his heavenly robes and perfect home so that he could take our place and die the death we deserved!
He can part seas, make walls fall down, make the blind to see, the lame to walk, the dead to be alive!! Our God is awesome!! Dad is God more awesome than your favorite hunting bow or gun? Let me ask your child. Is God more awesome than your favorite fishing hole? Let me ask your child. Is God more awesome than your motorcycle, motorboat or pet car? Let me ask your child.
Romans 5:8 “While we were yet sinners Christ died for us!” That’s awesome
Phil 1:6 “I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” That’s awesome
Hebrews 13:5 “I will never leave you or forsake you.” That’s awesome
Ps 71:18, 19 “Even when I am old and gray, God, do not abandon me. Then I will proclaim Your power to another generation, Your strength to all who are to come. Your righteousness reaches heaven, God, You who have done great things; God, who is like You?.”
Look at what David is saying God be with me so I can tell these people you are awesome!!
What is the most awesome thing that God has ever done? It was taking a sinner separated from Him and by the blood of Jesus giving them a new birth. Taking someone from death to life is the most awesome amazing thing that will ever happen! Healing physically is great but someday that person will die physically. Parting the red sea, knocking down the walls of Jericho, calling all of creation from nothing to something all pale in the face of God’s miracle of salvation!
3) Tell them of the holiness of God (judgment)
Isaiah 6:3 Holy, Holy, Holy. John also sees angels crying out holy, holy, holy. What does it mean? How do we tell them about God’s holiness? God is set apart from us, He is special and unique.
a) He is set apart from us by substance
God is infinite. He is unlimited. We on the other hand are limited by time, space, and body. God is above and beyond us that is why He had to come to us in Jesus Christ.
b) He is set apart from us by sin
Remember Romans 3:23 “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
It is our rebellion of His authority and rejection of His grace that separates us from Him. It is the very thing that will save us that we reject.
C) The Spirit filled life empowers us to train our children to obey God
The word discipline means to provide instruction with the intent of forming proper habits of behavior. With these we provide guidance for responsible living and moving and motivating your child toward maturity.
Ge 18:19 “For I have chosen him(for what), in order that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice; in order that the LORD may bring upon Abraham what He has spoken about him.”
God called Abraham to discipline his children and his household in order that they would obey God and fulfill God’s will and plan! What was that plan? To bless all nations with Abrahams offspring. Your child will become a blessing to all nations if you will teach them to obey God!
The passage instructs us to put in their mind through teaching the Lord’s ways through His word! God’s word continually calls us and commands us to correct behavior. What is it based on? It is based on us accepting our responsibility to respond to an awesome holy God!!
It doesn’t stop with encouraging proper behavior. We are also commanded to discourage improper behavior. We are to give instruction, correction, discipline toward avoiding or ceasing improper courses of conduct!
Proverbs 23:13-14 “Don’t withhold discipline from a youth; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. Strike him with a rod, and you will rescue his life from Sheol.”
The word beat means to strike lightly or severely. Based on the transgression will be the discipline. You can beat eggs and make a cake. You can whip eggs and make meringue or calf slobbers as we used to call it. This is not a beating to cause undo harm. It is a discipline to turn them into what they should be.
What about us without children? God has provided a way for you. Adoption, fostering, helping single moms.
Conclusion: God’s plan to change the collapsing culture around us is to take up our responsibility to rightly respond to God by training our children in the fear and instruction of the Lord. In the relationship and responsibility we have to respond to our king! I can encourage you but I can’t do it for you. Tyler gets your children for about 3 to 4 hours a week, I get them for maybe 35 minutes. If we want to really see change in our homes and cities we will as one take our responsibility as sacred and serious. But more than anything God commands us as men to not cause anger in our children. He commands us to train our kids to love and obey Him. Discipline develops it doesn’t destroy.
