HoHum:
David Slagle, a minister at a small church in Atlanta, tells the story of a woman in her late 20’s. The woman had befriended a man living in her apartment complex. Slagle and his wife asked whether the two were dating. The man in question was a known atheist. The young woman answered, “No, I’m not going to date him. He’s just a good friend. We’re just hanging out. I could never date someone who didn’t value what I value.” A few months later, she announced that they were dating, but she would not get engaged to him “unless he becomes a Christian.” A few months after that, Slagle says, she “did an about face on that one too.”
WBTU:
This story is hardly uncommon. According to a survey in 2010 of 2,500 married Americans, about 42% of marriages today are between people from two different faiths. This is an all time high. While this shows much tolerance and assimilation in American society, this has created problems for churches and for marriages. Unequally yoked marriages are generally less satisfying than those in marriages where both partners are Christians.
Interestingly enough, in this survey, we find that unequally yoked marriages argue very little about religion and doctrine. Now they disagree on many issues like schedules and money and child rearing. The problem is that the practices and rituals of our different faiths affect our day to day lives and therefore our marriages. Our faith dictates how we spend our time, how we spend our money, where we decide to live, and how we raise our children. Disagreements over such issues can lead to unhappiness and maybe even divorce. But like Slagle’s young friend, many of us are less and less “intentional” about whom we marry.
The two become one- not only physically but spiritually as well. The Bible affirms the marriage bond when it states that a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever is still a marriage. That’s why Paul and Peter command believers to stay with their unbelieving spouses. In our day, many spend more and more time away from their family of origin and from a religious community like the church. Later on these people desire to return to the faith of their youth or find some kind of religious faith. Going over apologetics material with Lee Strobel. Lee’s wife became a Christian and Lee was an atheist. That is not what I am talking about tonight. I am talking about a Christian seeking to marry a non Christian.
Unequally yoked is a term used to describe many detrimental relationships between Christians and non Christians but especially the marriage of a Christian to a non Christian. When Matthew and Mark write about man and woman “joined” by God in marriage (Matthew 19:6- Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.), they use a Greek word with “yoke” as its root. This root is the same as the one used in 2 Corinthians 6:14- “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” In other words, the verbs in Matthew 19, Mark 10, and 2 Corinthians 6 are all related. God has “yoked” man and woman together into a one flesh relationship. The NT tells us that such relationships are the business of the church.
Marriage is a picture of the union between Christ and his church. Both husband and wife are held accountable to the church for the marriage. But in the marriage of a believer to an unbeliever, the church has authority and discipling capacity over only one party. A marriage of a follower of Christ to an unbeliever hinders the intimacy of a union that, from the beginning, was intended to be about a common mission under the rule of a common King. Remember Genesis 1:27-29
We live in the world as it is, and we love our unbelieving neighbors. Christians are going to be drawn toward some of those unbelievers and wish to join themselves to them in marriage. That’s where, we as a church, speak the hard word that marriage isn’t just about romance, but also about the gospel and about mission. Some will hear this and go away angry and saddened. But some will hear in these hard words the voice they heard at the beginning of their Christian lives: “Then Jesus said... “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24, NIV.
Thesis: Reasons why a believer should not marry a non believer
For instances:
Christians and non Christians are spiritually incompatible- 2 Cor. 6:14-7:1
A. There is a negative and a positive side to this. First the negative. The body of a Christian is a temple of the Holy Spirit where God dwells. It is inappropriate to be physically joined to an unbeliever in this way. It would be like building a passageway between a temple of God and temple of the Devil.
B. Unbelievers are not spiritually neutral. “As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath.” Ephesians 2:1-3, NIV.
Unbelievers are spiritually dead (v.1) . They follow the ways of this world (v.2).They’re strings are pulled by "the ruler of the kingdom of the air"(v.2). At critical points Satan "pulls the strings.” We will have someone in our home heavily controlled by Satan, influencing us and our children. The unbelievers conduct is according to a lower set of principles called "the flesh" or “the sinful nature.”
C. Not only is there a battle going on in Christians between the Holy Spirit and the flesh “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.” Galatians 5:17, NIV, but by being unequally yoked with an unbeliever there is also a battle going on between the married partners. We will be in a life-long tug of war! Nan Harris, a wise and elderly woman, was shut in because of severe arthritis. I would go to visit her from time to time. I cherished the times of conversation that we had. She was over 90 years old and had been a pillar in the church, but she was now unable to attend. A few months before my wedding, I went to visit her as usual. Mrs. Harris’ husband had died several years before and her children were all raised. I knew that she could give me some helpful advise. I asked her, "In a few months, I am getting married. Do you have any good advice for me?" She thought for a few moments and said something so simple but yet so profound. "Make sure that both of you pull on the same end of the rope." I have often remembered that in my marriage. If we cannot pull on the same end of the rope, we will end up pulling against each other.
Non Christian will influence the Christian to forsake the faith
“As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been.” 1 Kings 11:4, NIV.
When we marry someone we become "one flesh" with then and we are changed by them. We become increasingly like them and they become more and more like us. Marrying an unbeliever is like marrying someone with a dose of spiritual 'flu.’ We keep on getting their spiritual ailments passed on to us and because we are so close to them we keep on getting "reinfected". Unfortunately goodness and virtue does not seem to be as contagious as sin and spiritual apathy. Solomon did not improve his wives - rather the reverse. We can be wiser than Solomon if we stick to believers when we marry.
Going to talk to those unequally yoked in the morning to offer strengthening and encouragement. Why not do it Sunday night? Because they are not here. Cannot give of time and money like they want. Cannot serve in various ways because of situation.
Children will be have difficulty with their faith
This is talking about broken marriages but it applies here as well. “Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.” Malachi 2:15, NIV.
In many homes the mother is a Christian and the father is not. Most studies I have seen show that the children follow the father when it comes to faith.
Causes problems in the extended family
“Then Rebekah said to Isaac, “I’m disgusted with living because of these Hittite women. If Jacob takes a wife from among the women of this land, from Hittite women like these, my life will not be worth living.”” Genesis 27:46, NIV. Why did Rebekah say this? Because Esau, their other son, married several pagan women.
Just when they should have been celebrating grandchildren they were being deeply hurt. Unbelieving partners often cause real grief to the family of the Christian partner. Their ways are just not Christian ways and can create pain, hurt and discord.
Conclusion:
An objection to prohibiting Christians from marrying non Christians is that we see some good coming out of this. Unbeliever becomes a Christian in some instances. God can bring good out of anything. Think about Joseph in Egypt: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20, NIV. But what lead up to this was not good, it was sin. We should never advocate sin.
The most important relationship to a Christian is our relationship with Jesus Christ. Every other relationship is secondary. If a believer marries an unbeliever, he or she is choosing to ignore what God says about being unequally yoked. It is never smart to ignore God's Word, and that is certainly the case in a matter as foundational as marriage.
