SWEET AND SOUR ENCOURAGEMENT
A couple of weeks ago I preached on sweet and sour fellowship. Today I want to talk about sweet and sour encouragement. I know it may sound like an oxy-moron but there are ways in which we can be negatively encouraging. Let’s take a look at that so we won’t fall into those traps and instead be people whose encouragement is sweet.
1) Sour encouragement.
• Wrong encouragement.
Psalm 64:1-6, “Hear me, O God, as I voice my complaint; protect my life from the threat of the enemy. Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked, from that noisy crowd of evildoers. They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their words like deadly arrows. They shoot from ambush at the innocent man; they shoot at him suddenly, without fear. They encourage each other in evil plans, they talk about hiding their snares; they say, “Who will see them?” They plot injustice and say, “We have devised a perfect plan!” Surely the mind and heart of man are cunning.”
Indeed they are. Usually when people have the notion to do something wrong they try to incorporate someone else to go along with them. You remember being a teenager when peer pressure was at its worst. You had that one person in the group you hung around with that was the main instigator and troublemaker who always managed to coerce you into going along with his devious schemes. He made it sound like harmless fun but in reality it was anything but.
Sometimes I was encouraged to be involved in wrong behavior and sometimes I was the encourager. Cow pies in south Colton, John and I on Halloween. Beth and I when we were teenagers. To encourage someone to do wrong is sour encouragement.
• No encouragement.
Psalm 69:19-20, “You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed; all my enemies are before you. Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.”
Sometimes we humans can be wrapped up in ourselves and fail to look around and see the pain and discouragement in others. At other times, someone does something wrong and we are unwilling to encourage them. We have the “serves you right” attitude. And in reality, the consequences of people’s actions may be warranted but that doesn’t mean we can’t encourage them to overcome and do better next time. If we care we need to take the time to encourage people to repent.
Sometimes we are in a position of needing encouragement but it just isn’t there. If we find ourselves in that position we can have confidence knowing that God will encourage us if others haven’t. Psalm 10:17, “You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry.” Regardless if anyone else encourages us we know God will. He will help us when we’re discouraged when others aren’t.
However, we have to be open to how God is encouraging us; and perhaps others for that matter. Sometimes we think we’re not being encouraged but we are-we just don’t like how we’re being encouraged. We might be looking for validation for our wrong thinking or behavior and we’re not getting it so we think we’re not being encouraged. That’s where we’re looking for the wrong encouragement. We may be getting sweet encouragement but we’re closed to it so we feel we’re not being encouraged at all.
• Discouraging encouragement.
Sometimes we think we’re helping but we’re not; like in the case of Job’s friends. I believe they meant well but they weren’t helpful. Job 16:1-5, “Then Job replied: “I have heard many things like these; miserable comforters are you all! Will your long-winded speeches never end? What ails you that you keep on arguing? I also could speak like you, if you were in my place; I could make fine speeches against you and shake my head at you. But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.”
Job’s friends made an assumption that Job was suffering because of sin and spoke on that false premise. They weren’t really listening to Job’s responses where he was indicating that he didn’t need to repent. Sometimes we have good intentions but we end up making matters worse instead of better. We need to make sure we are choosing our words, even words of encouragement, carefully. Job’s friends would’ve been right in their words had job been guilty of sin. But they didn’t take the time to consider that perhaps he hadn’t.
When we are set to deliver some tough love encouragement we need to be sure the situation is as we see it. We need to ask questions and get the facts. And even if we do know the situation we need to choose our words of encouragement carefully. Sometimes just throwing scripture at someone isn’t very helpful. Not that God’s word isn’t encouraging but there are times when what a person needs first are words and expressions of love and caring.
One of the bigger mistakes I see and have probably committed before is when we tell someone we know how they feel. Too often you say it and you haven’t gone through what they are going through so your statement is inaccurate. But even if we went through the same experience we need to understand that they’re not us. So, although we may know somewhat how they feel, we don’t know exactly how they feel.
So, instead of saying “I know how you feel”, we should say, “I know what that’s like because I’ve gone though it myself”. Or if we haven’t gone through a similar experience we should acknowledge that we don’t know how they’re feeling but we understand that it must be very difficult and is there anything I can do for you?
There are some other things we say that are well-intended but are not encouraging. Like when you tell me what you’re going through and I automatically respond with what I’m going through. You are dismissing my issue and putting the focus on yourself. You might as well just say, “Yeah, well I’m going through stuff too”. I have actually heard of someone responding with, “Everyone has problems”. “Gee, thanks for the encouragement”. Beth’s father-response-“My father died from that.” Not the news you want to hear. You think that’s a sympathetic statement but it’s actually discouraging. As well meaning as we intend to be, it’s always best to think and choose our words carefully when we know someone is hurting and can be emotionally sensitive at the time.
2) Sweet encouragement. What are some reasons why we need encouragement?
• When we’re facing a new challenge.
The word encourage means to give confidence to, to cheer on or cheer up. It also means to support, persuade and promote. Encouraging someone involves all these things and it’s meant to inspire someone to press on, keep trying and not give up. It’s meant to convince someone that they can do it, that someone believes in them and they want the person to reach their potential and goal.
The first place we find the word encourage in the bible is in Deut. where Moses is telling the Israelites to encourage his successor, Joshua. Deut. 1:38, “But your assistant, Joshua son of Nun, will enter it. Encourage him, because he will lead Israel to inherit it.” Even though Joshua had been groomed he still needed encouragement to take on this challenging new role as leader of the nation of Israel. God knew it would be important for the people to get behind him and cheer him on and show that they believed in him.
Talk about encouragement I have received as John’s successor. I have not gotten the vibe from anyone that this isn’t going to work; all I’ve seen is belief and support. And I know it’s not so much in me as it is in the God inside of me but it is still very encouraging to know this is how you feel.
• So we can get through trials.
1st Thess. 3:1-5, “So when we could stand it no longer, we thought it best to be left by ourselves in Athens. We sent Timothy, who is our brother and God’s fellow worker in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith, so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. You know quite well that we were destined for them. In fact, when we were with you, we kept telling you that we would be persecuted. And it turned out that way, as you well know. For this reason, when I could stand it no longer, I sent to find out about your faith. I was afraid that in some way the tempter might have tempted you and our efforts might have been useless.”
The Thessalonian church was dealing with some attacks from the enemy and Paul knew that could spell disaster for this new church so he sends Timothy to encourage them and strengthen them to get through this trial. Paul reminds them that he told them it was coming. Fair warning is a form of encouragement. Paul told Timothy this very thing in 2nd Tim. 3:12 when he said that everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. Now, that’s not wonderful news but it’s encouraging in the sense that it’s meant to prepare us. But it’s not left with just a declaration of the reality but coupled with the hope of the enablement to withstand these trails when they come. That’s why right before Paul wrote that to Timothy he wrote about how the Lord had rescued him from all the harrowing trials he had been through.
Jesus told his disciples in John 15 that if the world hates you keep in mind that it hated me first. He said in 16:4, “I have told you this, so that when the time comes you will remember that I warned you.” But he gives them encouragement and hope when he said later in verse 33, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world.” Satan wants to use the trails we go through to undermine and destroy our faith. But God wants to encourage and strengthen us to persevere through them so that we would be stronger in the faith, closer to God and to one another.
• To be reminded of the victory.
1st Thess. 4:13-18, “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.”
Chances are as this new church was experiencing a difficult trial their faith was being challenged and perhaps some of them felt like giving up. Paul wanted to remind them that their love, devotion and sacrifice were not going to be in vain. Paul wanted them to be encouraged by the fact that although there are times when life is not easy there is hope on the horizon; the end result will make it all worth it.
We need to remember this too. Life can deal us some painful situations. We might be tempted to give up hope; we may be tempted to wonder if our love and devotion to the cause of Christ is really worth it. When we go through trying times it can cause us to lose sight of the prize. It’s in times like these where we need to find encouragement in knowing we belong to Jesus and in due time we will receive our reward if we persevere.
• To continue to stand firm.
In chapter five Paul continues the discourse, mentioning that the day of Jesus’ return will come unexpectedly. Therefore, he urged them to not live carelessly like the people in the darkness but live as self-controlled children of the light. 1st Thess. 5:11, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
Paul acknowledged that they were encouraging one another but he was encouraging them to not let up. We can never have enough encouragement. There are many things working against us to bring us down and trip us up. Therefore we need to always be vigilant in encouraging one another and building them up. Paul goes on to say in verse 14, “And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”
If I’m urging you to do something I’m saying this is very important and urgent. Since Christ’s return could happen at any time there was no time to waste. Paul wanted people to be warned that complacency will have consequences. Idleness is prime territory for the devil to pull us back into our old ways. Plus, in being complacent we’re not using the gifts that God had given us to do his work.
Paul turns to those who are timid; people who have the desire but not the courage. We need to help to motivate people to believe in what the Lord can do through them. We are to help and encourage those who are weak in their faith to become strong and sure. And, whether they’re lazy, timid or weak we need to be patient. If we’re not patient with people we will not continue to encourage them; we will give up on them.
Paul knew that all these types of people need encouragement-for the idle that encouragement might come in a strong warning or firm rebuke but encouragement nonetheless. All for the purpose of helping people to stand firm.
Paul continued to encourage the Thessalonian church in his second letter to them. 2nd Thess. 2:13-17, “But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter. May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.”
We see Paul’s encouraging them by telling them that he thanks God for them. We need to let people know that we thank God for them. I thank God for this church and the people he has put here that care about me and each other and are focused on helping one another and loving one another.
Paul encourages them by reminding them that the Lord loves them. Sometimes when we’re discouraged we can have satan’s deceptive seeds planted in our brain that tell us God doesn’t love us. I just encouraged someone recently on facebook whose post started out with ‘God, if you’re there, help me’. First, I gave him a little bit of a rebuke for using the word ‘if’ then I encouraged him to not listen to the devil’s lies and reaffirmed that God, and others, care about him. We need to be praying for people that God would encourage their hearts and strengthen them.
“In every good deed and word”. When we press on and continue what the Lord started in us we get encouraged by the work we do and the words we share. It’s interesting, there are often times where I’m encouraging someone and in turn I am encouraged by my own words. Whenever I preach or teach it’s not just for you; it’s for me too. The Lord strengthens and encourages me with what I try to strengthen and encourage you with. This helps us all to be encouraged to stand firm.
For years William Wilberforce pushed Britain’s Parliament to abolish slavery. Discouraged, he was about to give up. His elderly friend, John Wesley, heard of it and from his deathbed called for pen and paper. With trembling hand, Wesley wrote, “Unless God has raised you up for this very thing, you will be worn out by the opposition of men and devils. But if God be for you, who can be against you? Are all of them stronger than God? Oh be not weary of well-doing! Go on, in the name of God and in the power of his might, till even American slavery shall vanish away before it.” Wesley died six days later. But Wilberforce fought for 45 more years and in 1833, three days before his own death, saw slavery abolished in Britain.” And we know what happened hear in America soon after. It’s pretty clear what kind of impact some sweet encouragement can have.
