Idle Speech: 5 Flags Can Sink Your Ship
September 11, 2016 - first done August 3, 2008
Turn with me this morning to the book of 1 Peter, chapter 3. Today I want us to look at “Five Flags That Can Sink Your Ship.” Peter warns us in his book that we often waste our lives in idle living. We end up living for pleasure and wasting our lives doing nothing of significance. Peter tells us in 1 Peter 4, Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do.
The truth is that we waste so much of our lives. We don’t want to waste our lives, but to live them completely for the will of God. Peter tells us that we should pray more, love more, share more, and serve more. But one way we waste our lives is in idle speech. In James 3, life is compared to a boat, with the tongue as the rudder. James writes, take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. But the sad thing to consider is that if you are in a boat, and steer it the wrong direction, you can head right into a shipwreck.
Remember the Titanic - the unsinkable ship - but it was steered right into an iceberg and the ship was sunk. So also in our lives, we can use our tongue in wrong ways and make shipwreck of our lives. We ruin our testimony, hurt our relationships, and dishonor our God. There are many, many ways we can misuse our tongue, but today we want to look at five of them. And we want to pause before we look at the scripture to ask God to speak to our hearts. Let’s pray.
PRAYER: God, you tell us in Psalm 139 that you have searched us and you know us. Even before a word is on our tongues, you know it completely, O LORD. And so we pray as David did in that Psalm, Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. We desire you today to convict us of anything in our lives that is offensive to you. We ask you to show us where we have sinned so we may confess it. We ask you to help us to see our speech as you do. And we ask you to help your word to change our lives. We pray as David did in Psalm 19 - May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. We pray in Jesus name, Amen.
Here in 1 Peter 3 we find a warning about our tongues. In 1 Peter 3:10, Peter writes, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
So, to make the most of life, Peter tells us to guard our tongues. To avoid capsizing our life-boats, we need to beware of five dangers, five FLAGS - to use an acronym for how we use our tongues foolishly. Write these five down - F-L-A-G-S: Flattery, Lying, Arguments, Gossip, and Slander. Really there are many other ways we can use wrong speech, but we want to think about these this morning. We want to check our lives to see if any of these dangers are present. First,
1. Flattery - Flattery is giving insincere compliments. Make sure you understand that there is nothing wrong with giving compliments, if they are sincere, and if they come from right motives of your heart. But when we talk about flattery, we are not just talking about compliments, but insincere compliments, those that come out if impure motives. And scripture mentions this often, especially in the book of Proverbs.
Flattery really sets us up for a fall. Prov. 29:5 tells us, Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet. When we seek to use flattery to set people up, to control them, to manipulate them, to get on their good side, we really are setting ourselves us for a fall. Prov. 26:28 tells us a flattering mouth works ruin. Sometimes we might think that by using flattery we are going to get others to like us, but we will gain more favor with others by speaking the truth than by flattery. Prov. 28:23 - He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue. And once again remember, flattery is not giving compliments, but giving insincere compliments.
So why would we choose to give insincere compliments? There are three key reasons:
• Deceit - we use flattery to deceive others. We don’t want them to know who we really are, what we are like, what is really in our hearts. So we pretend to like them, we pretend we are their friend. David writes in Psalm 12:2 of the ungodly: Everyone lies to his neighbor; their flattering lips speak with deception. We call this many terms - “buttering someone up” - “kissing up” - but the idea is that often we flatter others so they see us in a different light. A second reason we use flatter is for
• Manipulation - we try to control others through using flattery. The old expression “flattery will get you anything” has a great amount of truth to it. Many foolish individuals are led astray by flattery. Salesmen and marketing individuals know it - they tell you that a person of your status deserves that new sportscar or a membership to the country club. And we fall hook, line, and sinker for the manipulation.
One of the saddest but true examples of this manipulation through flattery comes in the area of our sexuality. In Proverbs 7, we find this story of a sexual encounter.
I was looking out the window of my house one day and saw a simpleminded young man who lacked common sense. He was crossing the street near the house of an immoral woman. He was strolling down the path by her house at twilight, as the day was fading, as the dark of night set in. The woman approached him, dressed seductively and sly of heart. . . She threw her arms around him and kissed him, and with a brazen look she said . . . Come, let’s drink our fill of love until morning. Let’s enjoy each other’s caresses, for my husband is not home. He’s away on a long trip. He has taken a wallet full of money with him, and he won’t return until later in the month.” So she seduced him with her pretty speech. With her flattery she enticed him. He followed her at once, like an ox going to the slaughter or like a trapped stag, awaiting the arrow that would pierce its heart. He was like a bird flying into a snare, little knowing it would cost him his life.
Listen to me, my sons, and pay attention to my words. Don’t let your hearts stray away toward her. Don’t wander down her wayward path. For she has been the ruin of many; numerous men have been her victims. Her house is the road to the grave. Her bedroom is the den of death.
Solomon writes to us, warning us of the danger of flattery. When we believe foolish lies about ourselves, we will end up doing things that we never believed we would do. Don’t let others manipulate you to doing wrong through flattery. And the third reason people use flatter is
• Selfishness - they flatter because they are focused on themselves. Did you ever know someone who put themselves down and praised others because they wanted praise for themselves. They say something like this: Oh, you’re so good at that, I could NEVER be as good as you are. I’m terrible at that. And of course they’re looking for you to reply, Oh no, you’re doing really well!
Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 2:5 - You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed--God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else. Some people use flattery because of greed - they want to get something you have. Others use it to get praise from others. In both cases it is because of selfishness.
So, what is the cure for being led away by a flattering tongue. Three simple reminders.
* Wisdom - to keep from giving in to flattery, think rightly about things. Prov. 26:23 reminds us, Like a coating of glaze over earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart. Look beyond the surface, look for the motives of the heart. Many people can flatter and praise you, but seek to see their motives. Are they being a true friend or seeking their own interests. And when others praise you, see yourself honestly. Have the wisdom to see what is really true about yourself. For that, we need
* Humility - The Phillips version of Romans 12:3 states the verse this way: Don’t cherish exaggerated ideas of yourself or your importance, but try to have a sane estimate of your capabilities by the light of the faith that God has given to you all. When we follow the command of Philippians 2 - in humility consider others better than yourselves - it keeps us from being led away by flattery. And the third help -
* Sincerity - to be sincere is to do everything from pure motives, with no deception. In 1 Peter 1:22 we saw Peter remind us to have sincere love for your brothers. The word sincere literally means “without wax” and refers to a practice sculptors had of covering flaws in their carvings with wax. They filled in the mistake with wax . The Greek word used here is literally “judged by the light of the sun” - to see if a sculpture had any wax, the buyer would hold it up to see if the sun showed there was wax in it. If we use wisdom and humility, we can discern if there is some impure motive in the compliments others give.
For ourselves, we want to sincerely praise the good works of others to encourage them. But we do not want to flatter - to deceive, manipulate, or selfishly seek to misdirect them. John reminds us in 1 John 3:18 - let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. We don’t just want to speak our love for others, but to back up our speech by our lives.
So, take a moment for reflection here: have you been deceived by the flattery of others? Are there friends you have who are your friends only because they flatter you? Have you been swayed by insincere compliments? Do you seek to get your own way by insincere compliments given to others? Do you seek to manipulate others through your speech?
The first of the FLAGS that sinks our life-boat is flattery. L stands for
2. Lying - this is something that we are taught from a little child is wrong. But it is something we still find ourselves doing. Scripture is very clear how God feels about this. Proverbs 12:22 - The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful. Proverbs 6 - There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, -- and the second in the list - a lying tongue. God desires honesty in our speech. So let’s consider, WHY do we lie? Three common reasons are these:
• to spare people’s feelings - we often try to justify lying by saying that we were doing it for the good of the other person. Let’s say your wife comes home from the beauty parlor and says, “How do you like my new hairdo?” -- Maybe you like it, and can tell her she looks fantastic. But if you don’t -- don’t tell her it looks beautiful! Because lying is a slippery slope. When we justify lying to spare her feelings about her hairdo, we will find it easy to lie to her to spare her feelings about an affair you are having. Don’t fool yourself into believing that it is best to spare another’s feelings by lying. Sometimes we lie,
• to protect ourselves - when we have done something we know we shouldn’t, we often lie to cover it up. Proverbs 28:13 reminds us, He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. If you mess up, the best thing you can do is to admit it. When we lie, we end up being torn apart by guilt and hardening our heart to the Holy Spirit’s conviction. It is hard to confess, but when we go to another and admit our wrong, it frees us to love them and grow closer in our relationship than we were before. The third reason we lie it
•to get ahead - we think we get get more for ourselves by lying. We learn this young in life. I remember as a boy my neighbor Gary Kaytor. Our neighbor at the end of the street, Oscar Lease, had a soda machine. Gary & I would be up the road playing, and Gary would say, “Let’s run down to Oscar’s and act like we are really tired and thirsty. Maybe he’ll give us a soda.” We become more sly at this as we grow older. We stretch the truth on our resumes so it looks like we are more qualified. We put down on the job application positions that we never had. And we lie to get ahead. But those lies will end up destroying us. Prov. 20:17 - Food gained by fraud tastes sweet to a man, but he ends up with a mouth full of gravel. Prov. 21:6 - A fortune made by a lying tongue is a fleeting vapor and a deadly snare. Don’t allow yourself to be deceived into believing that you are only lying for the good. Lying will hurt you every time. Lying is like grabbing a rattlesnake: you pick it up by the tail but it will bite you in the end! So what is the cure for lying? Paul give it to us in Ephesians 4:15 - speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. To speak truth, and to speak it in love. When your wife asks about her hairdo, tell the truth, but speak the truth in love. When you sin, confess, and loving ask for forgiveness. When you are seeking to advance yourself, speak the truth, and allow God to reward you for your truthfulness.
So, take a moment to reflect: How truthful have I been? Is there anything you have hidden, covered over, stretched the truth about? If so, you need to confess it to God and to the ones you lied to.
The third of the FLAGS that will sink your life-boat - Flattery, Lying, and
3. Arguments - we often destroy our lives and our testimonies by being argumentative. Why do we get into arguments? Because we always want to believe that we know best. We always think we are right. We fail to look into all the truth, and so we jump to conclusions, fail to hear the facts, presume others have impure motives, and end up getting into fights, quarrels, arguments. Prov. 18:2 - A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions. Do you know anybody like that? They don’t care what the facts are, they just want to believe what they already think they know, regardless of the facts. They jump to conclusions about others. Prov. 18:6 - Fools get into constant quarrels; they are asking for a beating. The mouths of fools are their ruin; their lips get them into trouble. So often we try to justify our arguments, saying we are standing for what is right and good. But we forget so quickly the call of Romans 12 - If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Proverbs 17 reminds us Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. It is like exploding a hole in a dam, and soon the whole valley below will be destroyed as a consequence. You can destroy friendships you have had for years by quarreling. So be careful in how you speak.
Don’t allow yourselves to give in to the trap of arguments. Take a moment to consider your actions: are you an argumentative person? What is the answer to being argumentative?
Proverbs 15:1 - A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. When others say things to work you up, respond with love and gentleness. Don’t let yourself but driven to anger. Stay peaceable. We need to make sure we don’t lash back in anger, don’t seek to be argumentative, but to be gentle with our speech.
Flattery - Lying - Arguments - G stands for
4. Gossip - what is gossip? It is a talebearer, a secret-sharer. Sometimes a gossip shares things that aren’t true; sometimes a gossip shares confidences - Prov. 11:13 - A gossip goes around revealing secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence; sometimes a gossip shares things that are true and are known by others, but they just don’t need to be shared. A gossip is a terrible friend. Prov. 16:28 - A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. By gossiping, good friendships can be destroyed.
Gossips stir up quarrels: Prov. 26:20 - Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. Often a small argument is escalated into a major confrontation by gossip, by spreading the matter around to others. We often don’t seek to resolve the matter; we seek to tell others and stir things up. Prov. 20:19 warns us, A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much.
Do you know any gossips? Scripture tells us to avoid them. Have you fallen into the trap of gossip? If so, seek to control your tongue. What is the answer for gossip? It’s found in 1 Timothy 5 - they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. Often the reason for gossip is because we have too much time on our hands. We don’t focus on important things, and so we waste our time in trivial gossip. The cure for gossip is to invest your life being busy in the work of the Lord. Be so active you don’t have time for gossip.
So, Five flags can sink your ship: Flattery, Lying, Arguments, Gossip, and fifth,
5. Slander - to speak against others. Often we think of slander as simply lying about others, saying things that are untrue. But really slander is much broader than that. It can be the idea of insults, put downs, saying hurtful and harmful things.
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Don’t allow yourself to fall into the trap of slander, namecalling, hurtful speech. Psalm 52:2 - Your tongue cuts like a sharp razor. The old adage “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me” - is far from the truth. Words have great power to cause hurt. Prov. 18:21 - The tongue has the power of life and death. So we want to be careful of how we use our speech. Eph. 45:29 - Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
We want to get in the practice of wholesome speech now, because slanderers won’t be in heaven. Psalm 15 - Who may worship in your sanctuary, LORD? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill? Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. Those who refuse to slander others or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends.
Take a moment to consider your life: Do you have a problem with attacking others with your words, cutting them down, attacking them verbally, speaking evil of them? If so, confess it as sin and change your ways.
What is the answer to slander? It is Meditation on God’s commands - Psalm 119:23 - Though rulers sit together and slander me, your servant will meditate on your decrees. A focus on the word of God is a defense against slander. Slander is really a heart issue: Matthew 15 tells us, For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man unclean. Slander comes out of an evil heart. That’s why Proverbs 4:23 warns us, Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Slander comes from an impure heart. We need to guard our hearts, and let our hearts meditate on the word of God. If you have a problem talking about others, start praying for them. Start seeking the scriptures to see how God would have you love them, treat them, and speak about them. When our focus is on following God, it will be hard to attack others with hurtful speech.
So, the boats of our lives can be sunk by five flags: flattery, lying, arguments, gossip, and slander. Two final steps to consider in keeping our life-boats afloat.
1. Practice the art of listening -
James 1:19 - My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
Prov. 21:23 - He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.
God gave us two ears and one mouth. It would be good for us if we would attempt to listen more and speak less. If so, we would refrain from a lot of foolish speech. And the second step to consider is
2. Practice the art of speaking - we want to be better listeners, but we also want to be better speakers:
• Each day, seek to offer a blessing to each person you speak to. That doesn’t mean every person you talk with you say “may God bless you today” - but that wouldn’t hurt - instead seek to encourage, affirm, build up others by the way you speak to them, by the words you say. And don’t just do that for your friends, but for everyone. And secondly in learning to speak better,
• Each day, take time to evaluate how you spoke to others that day. If you had a problem in any of the five areas, admit it, confess it to God and to the person involved, seek forgiveness, and seek to change to honor God with your speech.
Proverbs 12:13 tells us, An evil man is trapped by his sinful talk, but a righteous man escapes trouble. If you will seek to honor God with your speech, you will escape trouble. May God help each of us to be better listeners and better speakers. Let’s pray.
