THE MAKINGS OF A GOOD DAD
Contrast between TV dads of the 50's and those of today. Back then Dad was portrayed as the leader, the guider; he was admired. Today, dads are portrayed as inept, clueless and irresponsible.
Modern-day TV oftentimes portrays the dad as being more like an additional child than a mature leader. Nowadays it's the mom who is portrayed as the one who holds everything together.
And I know sitcoms are going to exaggerate things for comedic purposes but I think these situations are based in reality because although it's comedy it also has to be believable and relatable. There are too many examples out there of what a good father is not.
There's a saying that goes, "It only takes a few minutes to become a father but it takes a lifetime to be a dad." So let's take a look at what goes into being a good dad.
1) A good dad is mature.
1st Cor. 13:11, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."
I don't know what has happened to the maturity level of dads in today's day and age. I look around and see fathers still acting like kids. I hear about fathers playing video games more than their kids do. I'm not saying it's wrong to play them; especially if you're playing them with your kids but if you're playing video games when you could be doing something with your family or doing something more responsible it's a problem.
I've also seen where a man becomes a father but he still wants to live like he's not. He wants to do all the things he did before he had kids. Hang out with friends all the time or go to the club or the game or play games. Not that the dad has to stop doing these things altogether but dads need to recognize that the dynamic and purpose of their lives needs to change when a baby enters the picture.
It's time to grow-up; it's time to become selfless-your life isn't about you anymore-it's about them. This is true when a man gets married but all the more so when he becomes a father. Being a father should be taken seriously. Unfortunately oftentimes it's not. Guys get a woman pregnant and they keep it moving-shirking their responsibility; all play no pay. Selfishness is immaturity.
If I am going to be a dad who's self-sacrificing, a dad who's involved, a dad who's the leader in my home, a dad who's responsible, a dad who's dependable, a dad who's a good example then I need to be mature.
2) A good dad provides for his children.
1st Tim. 5:8, "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
That's a pretty strong statement. "Denied the faith". I have denied what the essence of faith is. We looked at this last week with what James said about the difference between dead and saving faith. And he used the illustration of not providing to show dead faith.
James 2:14-17, "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."
James is using this to highlight how faith without action is no good just like words without action does the one who is in need no good. However, providing for needs is indicative of the love of Christ being in me.
1st John 3:17-18, "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
If this is how we are to treat our fellow Christian how much more so should we be doing this for our own family? And we see in 1st Tim. 5:8 it says if we don't we're worse than an unbeliever. How?
Because typically an unbelieving father knows it's important to provide for his kids. You don't have to be a Christian to be compelled to take care of your family. Although there are plenty of fathers out there who aren't doing that, there are plenty who are but they're not living for Jesus.
Therefore, for those of us who are Christians, those of us who do have faith, those of us who do have the love of Christ in us, we are held to a higher standard of responsibility because we know better. So, when someone who does not have the Spirit of God working in and through them are taking care of their family and the one who does have the Holy Spirit in them is not taking care of their family, they are worse than an unbeliever.
If I'm a Christian and I put myself first I'm denying the faith. When I spend my money on what I want but deny my kids what they need I am worse than an unbeliever. Unfortunately you will find a lot of fathers out there who are not taking care of their kids. They get the woman pregnant and they take off and then they don't pay any child support.
Shirking responsibility also happens when a Father allows the government to provide for their kids. I'm not saying there are no legitimate exceptions to this but if you're an able-bodied father you need to do the very best you can to eliminate the government providing for your family.
In America today it's too easy to get too comfortable with letting the government (a.k.a. Joe Taxpayer) to provide for your kids. Why should I bust my hump for minimum wage when the government will pay my expenses? It's too easy to develop an entitlement mentality. I've seen the stories of parents who have a bunch of kids and blame the system for not taking care of them. There's something seriously wrong with that line of thinking.
We are responsible for taking care of our kids not the taxpayers. That doesn't mean we don't accept help when we need it. Some people are too proud to accept a handout; we shouldn't be like that either but we need to accept the full responsibility to raise the children that we have fathered. A good dad is a good provider.
And a good dad doesn't stop being a good provider. The greatest impression my Dad made upon me was his commitment and dedication as a provider. He worked hard and we never went without. He understood the responsibility of taking care of his family and he sacrificed without complaint. And he hasn't stopped. I'm 49 and my brother is 46 and my 77 year old Father still wants to provide for us. He still works on our cars and if we try to pay for the parts ourselves he won't let us.
He does this out of desire; not necessity. And it's not like we expect him to or even really ask him to; he practically insists. It's just his mentality; it's ingrained in him to always be a provider for his kids; no matter how old they get. A good dad wants to be a good provider even after his boys are dads and become good providers.
With that said, however, that doesn't mean a good dad automatically just keeps providing for his kids after they're grown. If the kids are unwilling to become independent or they are demanding or have those unrealistic expectations I talked about a few minutes ago it's not right to cater to that. In that essence I'm enabling them to continue to be dependent on me rather than striving for independence and making their own way in life.
3) A good dad teaches his children.
Eph. 6:4, "Fathers do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
Exasperate means to infuriate or frustrate. Sometimes we dads can be like that when we're trying to teach our kids something. One way is when we don't have patience with them. We should be teaching our kids with the understanding that they're probably not going to get it right the first time.
Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations when teaching our kids. My dad is a good dad but in the area of teaching he had a tendency to be impatient. If he showed you how to do something and you didn't get it right the first or second time his impatience started to show. Which made me nervous and frustrated so it was a safe bet that the endeavor was not going to end well. And then I have found myself being a similar way with Shaun and I hate it.
Another way we can exasperate our kids is when we always focus on what they're not doing right. Jim Burton said these words about being a father. "When I was young, baseball was my life. You can imagine the excitement I felt when my oldest son began playing. This game would be one of our main bonding mechanisms. If my son would just listen, I could help him be a great baseball player. Learning to read curve balls, shift his body weight with the swing, steal bases, turn double plays - these things separate the amateurs from the pros."
"But then a pattern developed in our relationship. Because of my familiarity with the game, I saw every mistake my son made. In addition, I knew how to correct them. So post-game drives home became a critique of how to improve his game. It soon got to be exasperating for my son. One night he finally said, 'Dad, could you not start by telling me everything I did wrong and tell me what I did right first?" When we teach our kids, let's try not to frustrate them in the process.
We are always teaching our kids whether we realize it or not. Our kids are impressionable; they will easily pick up our traits; whether positive or negative. And sometimes what we're focused on teaching our kids good stuff but we leave out the most important stuff.
Here is the sad confession of one father. "I took my children to school but not to church. I taught them to drink but not of the living water. I enrolled them in Little League but not Sunday School. I showed them how to fish but not to be a fisher of men. I made the Lord’s Day a holiday, rather than a holy day. I put a TV in their room but not a Bible. I handed them the keys to the car but did not the keys to the kingdom of God. I taught them how to make a living but failed to bring them to Christ who alone can make a life."
Our kids look up to us. A lot of kids look at their fathers as if they are superman. I had that impression of my dad. Dads have a lot they can teach their kids but nothing more important than the Lord. We might be teaching them how to hit a ball or put a worm on a hook but are we teaching them how to pray? We might be teaching them how to handle a bully but are we teaching them how to study the word?
The best way we can teach our children is by example. Our kids will learn the importance of prayer and bible study when they see us doing it. Our kids will learn these disciplines when we incorporate them into our time spent doing them. Our sons will learn how to treat their girlfriends right when they see us loving their mothers. Our kids will learn how to handle life situations by watching us handle them with wisdom, self-control and integrity. Our kids will learn about generosity when they see us being generous.
One man said of his father, "Once when I was a teenager, my father and I were standing in line to buy tickets for the circus. There was only one family between us and the ticket counter. This family made a big impression on me. There were 8 children, all probably under the age of 12. You could tell they didn’t have a lot of money. Their clothes were not expensive, but they were clean.
The children were well-behaved, all of them standing in line, two-by-two behind their parents, holding hands. They were excitedly jabbering about the clowns, elephants, and other acts they would see that night. One could sense they had never been to a circus before. It promised to be a highlight of their young lives.
The father and mother were at the head of the pack standing proud as could be. The mother was holding her husband’s hand, looking up at him as if to say, ’You’re my knight in shining armor.’ He was smiling and basking in pride, looking at her. The ticket lady asked the father how many tickets he wanted. He proudly said, "Please, let me buy 8 children tickets and two adult tickets so I can take my family to the circus.’
Then the ticket lady quoted the total. The man’s wife let go of his hand, her head dropped and the man’s mouth hung open. The father leaned a little closer and asked, "How much did you say that was?" The ticket lady again quoted the price. The man felt horrible. How was he supposed to turn and tell his 8 kids that he didn’t have enough money to take them to the circus?
Seeing what was going on, my dad put his hand in his pocket, pulled out a $20 bill and dropped it on the ground. (And we were not wealthy in any sense of the word) My father reached down, picked up the bill, tapped the man on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, sir, I believe this belongs to you."
The man looked at my father and figured out what was going on. He wasn’t looking for a handout but certainly appreciated the help in a desperate, heartbreaking and embarrassing situation. He looked straight into my dad’s eye, took my dad’s hand in both of his, squeezed tightly onto the $20 bill, and with a tear streaming down his cheek, replied, "Thank you so much. This really means a lot to me and my family."
My father and I went back to our car and drove home. Yes, that $20 bill was the money for our tickets. We didn’t go to the circus that night, but we certainly didn’t go without." A good dad teaches his kids good lessons.
4) A good dad let's his children go.
Luke 15:11-24, "Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them. “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.
After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’
So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate."
The father probably didn't want to let his prodigal son go. He could've stopped him from going. Many would think he should've said no when asked to hand over his portion. But the father allowed it with hopeful anticipation that he would go and see that he never should've left.
Yes, he was taking a chance that he would never make it back but it was a chance he was willing to take to have his son back with eagerness rather than to deny him and keep his son there in bitterness. And who knows; perhaps if the inheritance was given after the father had died and he went and squandered it would he have been willing or able to come back home?
And notice when he did return there was no "I told you so" or punishment but rejoicing and celebrating. It would kind of be like when our kid gets lost because they weren't staying with the group or if they got in a dangerous situation because they were careless and even though it was due to negligence on their part, we are too excited to see their safe return to scold them.
I think that's what this father may have been experiencing. There was probably a side of him that wanted to chastise his son for acting so foolishly but that was overrode by seeing that his son had made it home safe.
There is going to come a time when our kids will want to make their own decisions. Maybe it starts when they earn their own money and they want to spend it frivolously. We try to teach them about saving so they can have it later but they insist on spending it all. So, we let them; knowing it will be a teachable moment when later they see something they want but don't have the money for.
And when our kids get older we may not like the choices they make. We may not like our daughter's boyfriends. We may not like their choice of job or college. They may want to leave home and move away. We may wish they would stay on and help run the family business but that's not their desire.
It's hard but a good dad let's their kids make their own way in life. And like the father of the prodigal son, we are there for them when they need us after that; even if they made a mistake and need to come back home.
But that doesn't mean it's without consequence. The younger son still had to deal with the fact that everything technically belonged to the older son but it's still a better situation to be able to be forgiven and welcomed home.
So, we might be forgiving when our kids make poor choices but that doesn't mean they don't pay for the mistakes they made. It could change the dynamic of things. There could be changes like tighter boundaries or fair warnings if something happens again.
And just because we allow our kids to make their own decisions doesn't mean we never intervene and put our foot down. Just because my teenage daughter wants to go to the beach wearing two pieces of thread and a rubber band and call it a swimsuit doesn't mean I allow it.
There are some decisions a good dad will not allow their children to make until they are grown-up and out of the house. But there are some decisions that, even though it will be against our better judgment, we step aside and allow them to make because we know they have to find out for themselves.
CONCLUSION: The institution of Father’s day is credited to a woman by the name of Sonora Smart Dodd. She wanted a special day to honor her father, Henry Jackson Smart. Her father was widowed when his wife died during the birth of their sixth child. Mr. Smart was left to raise the newborn and his other five children by himself on a rural farm in Washington State.
As an adult, Sonora realized the sacrifice her father had shown in raising his children as a single parent. In the eyes of this daughter, he was a courageous, selfless, and loving man. In 1910, Sonora Smart Dodd started writing letters in support of a national Father’s Day observance.
In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson proposed that Father’s Day be proclaimed as a national day of observance. Other presidents followed suit in until 1972 when Nixon established a permanent national observance of Father’s Day to be held on the third Sunday of June.
So, as we celebrate Father's Day, don't forget to honor your father for all the things he's done for you. And don't forget to wish God a happy Father's Day too!
