RAISING KIDS WHO MIND WITHOUT LOSING YOURS
INTRODUCTION
A. HUMOR: TEACHERS KNOW - KIDS ARE QUICK
1. TEACHER: “Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?” DONALD: “H I J K L M N O.” TEACHER: “What are you talking about?” DONALD: “Yesterday you said it's H to O.”
2. TEACHER: “Glen, why do you always get so dirty?”
GLEN: “Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.”
3. TEACHER: “George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?” LOUIS: “Because George still had the axe in his hand.....”
4. TEACHER: “Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?”
CLYDE : “No, sir. It's the same dog.”
B. PARENTING ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT THINGS IN LIFE
1. More than 30% of parents feel they’re failures.
2. Responses tell parents feelings:
a. "I don’t know how to cope with children's problems."
b. "I've lost confidence in my ability to parent."
c. "I'm not the example I should be."
d. "I’m seeing my own bad habits & character traits in my children."
e. "I have an inability to relate to my children."
f. "I’m dealing with guilt concerning my kids."
g. "I'm overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all."
3. This all indicates that there is a great need for a plan. God never said parenting would be easy; that's why it begins with something called "Labor!"
C. BLUEPRINT FOR RAISING KIDS
OUR GOAL AS A PARENT IS TO LAUNCH A YOUNG PERSON INTO THE WORLD WHO:
1. Knows how to WORK and PROVIDE for themselves.
2. Is able to make WISE CHOICES in their decisions and their relationships with others.
3. Has STRONG CONVICTIONS of right and wrong and knows the BOUNDARIES of acceptable behavior -- not only before men, but before God!
4. But most of all has a STRONG FAITH in God, dedication to CHURCH and a PASSION to touch the world for Jesus Christ.
5. TITLE: “RAISING KIDS WHO MIND WITHOUT LOSING YOURS.” MANY THINGS GO INTO THE BLUEPRINT, BUT MOST ARE SUMMED UP IN THESE FIVE REQUIREMENTS:
I. PARENTS MUST BE THE MODELS
“Fathers, …bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” Eph. 6:4.
A. DEFINITION OF “MODEL”
1. The New Testament uses several Greek words that are translated by the word, “example.”
a. The word deigma and its variants suggests a “model,” either for good or bad, Heb. 4:11.
b. The Greek tupos denotes a “print or sketch” (cf. Jn. 20:25; 1 Tim. 1:16); or it can suggest a “pattern” (Heb. 8:5). Elders are to be “examples” to the flock of God (1 Pe. 5:3).
c. 1 Pet. 2:21 uses the word hupogrammos (literally “to write under,” used of a child’s writing exercise, copying the alphabet.
2. Paul made an amazing statement in 1 Cor. 11:1, “Follow my example, just as I follow Christ’s” Living Bible. We parents should be able to tell our kids, “Pattern your life after mine, and if you do, you will be a Christian.”
3. You are probably the only Jesus/Bible those around you will ever see! “We are epistles, known and read of all men” 2 Cor. 3:2. We can’t lay it off on someone else to be a Christian; the responsibility falls on us.
4. It’s a terrible thought, but people will judge Christ by us. The owner of a hotel chain regularly tells her employees, “Remember, my reputation is in your hands!” There are so many hypocrites, so many who lead double lives – let it not be said of us!
B. CAUGHT, NOT TAUGHT
1. If I had the chickenpox, but gave an lecture on measles to a roomful of children, they're not going to catch what I've taught, they're going to catch what I’ve got! Children do what we do, not what we say. We must have the live virus of Jesus to transmit Him.
2. How dedicated to Christ do you want your son, daughter, or grandchild to be? Do You want them to attend church? Have daily prayer times? Read the Bible? Then you should lead by example.
II. GIVE A SOLID FOUND. OF HIGH SELF-ESTEEM
“The Single most effective deterrent to negative peer pressure is a good self-esteem." (Josh McDowell). Where do they get good self-esteem? Specialists in human personality point to 3 components; “They get good self-esteem by…”
A. BY KNOWING THEY “BELONG”
1. When family, friends, church family, etc. love them unconditionally, and accept them just as they are, this is...
2. External evidence of their worth.
B. KNOWING THEY ARE “WORTHY”
1. You're special. You're valuable. God's estimation is that I'm worth more than all the world. So it doesn't matter what people think!
2. I'm worthy of being loved -- others think so.
3. ILLUSTRATION
a. Olympic swimmer Greg Louganis (1988), hit his head in a diving accident. The doctors stitched his head. The next day, he came back and won the gold medal with an incredible reverse 3 1/2 somersault tuck. It was a breathtaking finish.
b. The reporters asked him, "What were you thinking about as you prepared for your final dive?" Louganis’ simple answer was, "I was thinking that no matter what happens, my mother will still love me.”
c. “Once when I was a kid, I had a bad day at diving. My mom took me aside and said, ‘Son, I didn't come to see you win, I came to see you dive. Just do your best; I will love you no matter what.’" That's unconditional love!
d. God says; “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness” Jer. 31:3.
C. BY KNOWING THEY ARE “COMPETENT”
1. Can meet new tasks and challenges successfully.
2. Confidence; optimism as they face challenges.
3. Pride in Accomplishments: Art, grades, sports, ballet, music.
4. Sense your purpose!
III. WE MUST TEACH THEM “VALUES”
A. THE FEAR OF THE LORD
1. In Gen. 31:53, the Bible says, “Jacob took an oath in the name of the Fear of his father Isaac.” Fear is capitalized, referring to God.
2. Isaac always seemed to be a quiet, reserved person. I don’t remember anything being said about him fearing the Lord. But Jacob knew his heart. So where did Isaac get this “fear of the Lord?”
3. Might it have been on Mt. Moriah when Isaac’s father Abraham had put him bound on the altar, and raised the knife to slay him? What did Isaac learn that day?
4. That God can and might require our very lives; that relationship with God wasn’t a game: it’s in deadly earnest. God did require His Son to give up his life, and Jesus asked us to “deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him.”
5. Jesus said, “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell” Mt. 10:28. May the fear of our fathers be upon us.
B. HONESTY & INTEGRITY
1. National Survey -- 33% of H.S. students shoplifted within 12 months; 61% cheated on exams. Reader's Digest said that lying and cheating are "a national scandal."
2. Honesty is the foundation of human relationships and business. Our kids must be taught, ‘it’s absolutely wrong to lie.’
3. Alongside honesty is INTEGRITY – to act on convictions, to stand up for what you believe. The Bible clearly portrays believers defying their human governments to obey what God has said. Jesus demands this of all disciples.
C. COMPASSION – Parable of the Good Samaritan.
D. EQUALITY & SOCIAL JUSTICE Racial equality; Social justice -- reducing hunger and poverty.
E. GRACE. Instances like the woman caught in adultery whom Jesus forgave, and Jesus befriending Zacheaus, the hated tax collector, demonstrate the grace of God. Our kids should be taught not to be judgmental, but to reach out with the grace of God.
IV. TRAIN THEM SPIRITUALLY
“TRAIN UP A CHILD” Proverbs 22:6. Abraham Lincoln said that “for a man to train up a child in the way he should go, he must walk that way himself.”
We must help them to achieve these before they leave our care:
A. DAILY HABIT OF PRAYER & BIBLE STUDY
B. REGULAR CHURCH ATTENDANCE
1. Dr. James Dobson told about going with his family on a ski trip. The weather was nasty all week; they didn't ski much. On the last day, Sunday, it was a beautiful day.
2. His daughter asked, "Dad, can we skip church and go skiing?" After much pleading, he said, "We never skip church, but I guess we can this time."
3. His older son Ryan heard and said, "Dad, I've never seen you compromise before. If skipping church was wrong in the past, then it's still wrong today!"
4. Dobson said, "His words hit me like a hammer. I said, ‘Ryan, you're right. We'll go to church." Dobson extended the vacation one extra day to go skiing. ‘Stay at home’ parents rarely produce ‘go to church’ kids!
C. EXPERIENTIAL FAITH with Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.
D. KNOW HOW TO APPLY PRINCIPLES OF THE WORD IN DAILY DECISION MAKING
Joke?
E. A PASSION TO SEE THE LOST SAVED
If these aren’t important to us as Parents, they probably won’t be important to our kids.
V. DISCIPLINE THEM LOVINGLY & CONSISTENTLY
A. SET THE LIMITS; MAKE THEM CLEAR
1. We all want to know what our boundaries are. Sometimes even WE pretend like they’re not there.
2. A Dad caught his 4-year-old daughter eating jelly right out of the jelly jar. “Nikki, are you eating out of the jelly jar?” “No Sir,” she answered. “Are you sure you’re not eating out of the jelly jar?” (She had jelly all over her little face, on her fingers, and in her hair.) “No Sir,” she replied, “I’m not eating out of the jelly jar.”
B. GRAB THE REINS EARLY
1. One lady went to a child specialist, "When should I start making my kid mind?" "How old is your child?" "Five." "Lady, you're getting started five years late!"
2. You’re the boss. (Even toddlers WANT to be the Boss). God has given you that role. Simply do your job.
C. LET THEM EXPER. CONSEQUENCES
1. Every decision/choice has consequences.
2. Many young people make decisions without considering consequences.
3. Sometimes they must experience the consequences of their decisions to begin thinking in those terms.
4. If we bail them out, they'll become reckless.
D. DISCIPLINE WITH LOVE 4 DON’TS OF DISCIPLINE
1. DON'T punish your child in anger!
2. DON'T limit the kind of punishment you administer to only a few. Some spank for everything. But there’s many ways: time out, grounding, writing sentences, no movie or social network time, losing the cell phone or car keys, having to do extra or unpleasant chores, etc . Important: Don’t let them have the penalty figured out or they’ll decide whether the wrong behavior is worth the punishment.,
3. DON'T "over" or "under" punish your child.
4. DON'T make empty threats!
CONCLUSION
A. ILLUSTRATION: Just Like My Dad
1. Matt Lovo is only nine years old, but the story of his level-headed daring deserves to be told. Matt's father
drives a big-rig truck. He was driving his semi, pulling two trailers loaded with lumber through St. Helens, Oregon.
2. Matt was riding in the cab with him. He was enjoying the sounds of the motor, the view, power of it. Then the unexpected happened.
3. Matthew Lovo Sr. had a seizure of some sort. He lost consciousness at the wheel of his truck, and it veered into oncoming traffic and struck a utility pole. Matt Jr. didn't panic.
4. When he saw his father had collapsed, Matt called his name. When there was no answer, he smacked him to try to wake him up. Then he did what he had to do.
5. He climbed across his dad and into the driver’s seat. He steered the big truck back into its lanes and had the presence of mind to get on the truck's radio to ask what he should do. Somebody heard his plea for help and told him to turn off the ignition key. He did that.
6. The rig began to slow down and passed Christopher Howard, who saw that a child was at the wheel, chased down the truck on foot, jumped aboard, and brought it to a halt. Matt, of course, made the news.
7. Matt said, "I just did…what my Dad does." He did. And he is a young hero for it. Lesson? Our children watch. They absorb. They take their cues from us. Let’s give it our best shot!
B. HOW MANY WANT TO BE BETTER PARENTS?
1. Hilding Halverson said, "When my son was a small boy, playing with his buddies in the back yard, I overheard them talking one day -- it was one of those 'My dad can whip your dad' routines.
2. "I heard one boy proudly say, 'My dad knows the police chief!' Then I heard another say, 'That's nothing -- my dad knows the mayor!"
3. Wondering what was coming next in the 'program of bragging,' I presently heard the voice of my own little son saying, 'That's nothing -- my dad knows God!"
4. "I swiftly slipped away from my place of eave dropping with tears running down my cheeks. I dropped on my knees in my room and prayed earnestly and gratefully, ‘Oh, God, I pray that my boy will always be able to say, "My dad knows God.’"
C. THE CALL
1. Call for rededications.
2. Parents to have divine wisdom and help in raising kids.
