“Managing Anger God’s Way”
Ephesians 4:26-27
I. ANALYZE ANGER
A. Understand the character of anger
B. Consider the purpose of anger
Anger alerts us to evil in our own soul or in the world around us.
Anger is the soul’s response to perceived or actual events, people or circumstances considered wrong, evil or threatening to my well-being or to those I love that empowers me to act in relation to God’s purposes. Spirit generated anger needs to be purposefully directed. Flesh generated anger needs to be persistently defused.
C. Discover the cause of anger
Anger is the emotion that rises or bolts to the surface when some event intersects with our…
D. Follow the course of anger (circle of emotion)
E. Address the soul issues that intensify anger
1. Unaddressed Sin -- Guilt
2. Doubt / Fear / Independence
3. Self-centered focus / pride
4. Bitterness / Unforgiveness
5. Old wounds
6. Demonic Strongholds
7. Old Ruts or Patterns of response
F. Consider the conduct (expression) of anger
The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. Prov 15:28
What do we do with our angry thoughts and emotions?
We must do something about the emotional red light.
Never healthy to deny them. “I’m not angry!”
Never healthy to bury them or internalize them. “I shouldn’t be angry!”
Never healthy to express them without a godly purpose.
Spirit-motivated anger seeks to encourage, glorify God, and accomplish kingdom purposes.
Expressions of anger are generally active aggressive or passive aggressive. The other is not so obvious and covert. Flesh-generated angers seek to punish, control or avoid the “evil doer” in some way. Self-centered anger manifests in a variety of ways.
Biting tone or edge
Critical spirit
Sarcasm
Controlling spirit
Silence
Put downs
Ridicule
Pouting
Avoidance
Vengeance
Sugary Sweetness
Harshness
Verbal abuse
Physical Violence
Physical or emotional withdrawal
Neglect
Crying
Manipulation
Stubbornness
Dogmatism
As you can see, anger is not always expressed by an overt outburst. We will explore a number of expressions of anger as we reflect on proper response to anger.
II. Control anger
The key to anger control is taking time for honest reflection. Only respond AFTER prayerful and honest reflection. Our goal must be to direct godly anger to address the evil that triggered the anger. Our goal must be to defuse sinful anger triggered by the flesh.
A. Reflect on beliefs, expectations and perceptions – affirm or adjust
Since anger stems from our beliefs, expectations and perceptions, the primary control point will be to continually evaluate and adjust or affirm those beliefs, expectations and perceptions. I need to continually evaluate whether my convictions and beliefs line up with Scripture. When they do, I affirm my beliefs. When they don’t, I must continually adjust my beliefs so that they do. What is God’s standard? What does the Bible say about it? What is the Biblical response? How did Jesus respond?
? Do I embrace some basic life beliefs?
1. My longing for love and acceptance is and can only be realized through vital relationship with God.
People cannot fully satisfy my deepest longing for acceptance
2. My longing for significance is and can only be realized through my identification with Christ.
Power and prestige cannot fully satisfy my deepest longing for significance.
3. My longing for holiness will only be realized through relationship with Jesus Christ.
Performance through the flesh cannot fully satisfy my longing to be righteous
4. I have been uniquely called to minister to the needs of others by proclaiming God’s truth and expressing God’s love.
We are called to minister to the needs of others not manipulate others to meet my needs.
5. We live in a fallen world where all systems are subject to the law of deterioration.
Things will always break down and people will always fail sooner or later.
6. Struggle or tribulation in our life leads to spiritual maturity.
Internal and external encounters with evil are a fact of life and are intended to bring me into deeper trust and more intimate connection with God.
7. God is the ultimate controller of all things who will eventually bring everything into conformity with His perfect will.
We cannot control people’s heart or actions or the circumstances of life. He will work all things together for good in His way and time. We entrust our lives to Him and pray.
? Are my expectations reasonable and Biblical?
? Do I have an accurate perception?
We must be careful to get facts and ask questions if necessary before we respond to perceived evil. Since a person’s real motive is always difficult to know for sure, it is best to err on the positive side of the question than the negative.
Prov 18:13 "He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him."
Prov 18:17 "The first to plead his case seems just, until another comes and examines him."
B. Reflect on the event
We must examine each event from a Biblical perspective. At times we may be responding to an event that is not a violation of Biblical principle but personal preference.
Is this an issue of right and wrong as Biblically defined?
I must leave room for differences in viewpoint on various issues. Some church groups have split over the choice of color schemes in the building. Others have split and angry disputes have erupted over trivial matters that have no eternal significance or divine preference.
Correctly categorize the event. How would I categorize the trigger of my anger? This is important because it will dictate my next step.
? Unmistakable evil (clear violations of a Biblical standard not just my perception)
? Unintentional action (no evil motive intended)
? Uncontrollable circumstances generated from a fallen world.
Usually anger stirred by uncontrollable circumstances (rain on the picnic) or uncooperative things (flat tire) are not evil and needs to be defused by a belief and expectation adjustment.
? Unfulfilled personal expectation
? Unaddressed soul issues (review the seven possible internal anger triggers)
1. Guilt -- Unconfessed or unaddressed sin in our life
2. Doubt of God’s basic goodness and love results in codependency and fear
3. Self-centered focus
4. Bitterness
5. Old Wounds
6. Demonic strongholds
7. Old ruts of response
? Unbiblical belief
? Unimportant personal difference of opinion
? Unverified perception
The response to this step will encourage further adjustment to my Beliefs, Expectations and Perceptions. If there is an unmistakable evil to be addressed it will encourage me to apply my beliefs, expectation and perceptions toward a Biblical response to that evil.
C. Reflect on the anger
Only two questions to ask and answer here.
? Is my anger under control? (I direct it.)
? Is my anger out of control? (It drives me.)
If my anger controls me or is a continual struggle there is a strong indication that it is flesh generated and I need to honestly spend some more time with God rooting around in the soul.
D. Reflect and choose an appropriate response
1. Purpose or motivation behind my response
Our motive is as critical as the method. Why we do what we do is as important as what we do.
We must therefore be certain about the motive for the response we choose. There are at least two basic legitimate motivations that should dictate our response to evil and two illegitimate motivations.
a. Redemption – to serve as God’s instrument in the lives of others
b. Restraint – to expose and address evil and to protect from evil
c. Revenge – to punish the evil doer
d. Regulation – to selfishly manipulate or control
Our focus should always be kingdom-centered rather than self-centered. I need to continually ask how my response will reflect God’s character and bring glory to Him. The Bible prohibits certain expressions of anger. The Bible prescribes certain expressions of anger. The Bible offers certain optional responses to anger.
2. Prohibited Responses
Never take our own vengeance.
Never pay evil for evil or insult for insult.
Never revile in return.
Never harbor bitterness.
Never gossip and pass on an evil reports.
Never hold malice
Never hate.
Never act unbecomingly
Never rejoice in unrighteousness
Don’t bite and devour.
Never express abusive speech or slander
Judge (condemn) not lest we be judged.
3. Prescribed Responses
a. In relations to ourselves
1. Repent and put away ALL selfish, unrighteous anger
2. Rejoice, knowing that trials cause us to grow more mature in Christ.
3. Praise Him! “In everything give thanks!”
4. Don’t lose heart
5. Encourage others in their struggle as we have been encouraged in ours.
6. Pray at all times.
7. Persevere; remain under with a view to the accomplishment of eternal purposes.
b. In relation to the offender
Pray for those who persecute
Do good.
Show forbearance.
Forgive.
Bless.
Demonstrate kindness.
Speak the truth in love.
Speak seasoned words that build up others.
Love even your enemies.
Show mercy.
Correct in gentleness.
This is by no means an exhaustive list. The Bible summarizes it all by telling us to “love your neighbor as ourselves.” Romans 13:9-10
4. Promoted Response (options)
There are some suggested optional responses. Whatever expression we choose must be for the sake of God’s kingdom not my comfort. We must consider the following in any response to evil.
Proper purpose - glorify God and His eternal purpose
Proper focus -- God-centered not self-centered issues
Proper motive – God-centered not man-centered ends
Proper expression -- expression within the bounds of scripture.
Proper action -- directed by eternal purpose
Proper timing -- At the right time, for the right length of time. “Anger lasts for a moment”
Jesus outlined a supernatural response to evil that reflects the character of our Father.
Most all of these legitimately trigger anger because they are violations of Biblical principles.
Yet look at the responses Jesus calls for.
But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned. Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return." Luke 6:27-38
a. Responses related to renewal, restoration and reconciliation
The initial response to evil must be to renew, restore and reconcile with people.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Rom 12:18
Respond with Kindness
It is the kindness of God that leads to repentance. At times, the return of kindness for evil will bring about eternal purposes. Turn the other cheek. Go the extra mile. Offer an extra coat.
The purpose of our action must be to further God’s kingdom and win people to Christ.
Respond with loving Correction & Confrontation
Godly confrontation has strict guidelines to keep it from becoming destructive or vindictive.
Lovingly express your anger by confronting one on one. Take someone else with you if there is no response. The expression of anger must NEVER be to simply selfishly vent without a redemptive purpose. We must never express anger just to “get it off my chest” so I can feel better. Many refer to the times when Jesus expressed anger. It is important to note that NONE of those examples ever had to do with a personal offense. They all had to do with unbelief in His Father or abuse of His Father’s house. Any time they were directed at Him personally, He expressed His anguish to God and forgave the offenders.
Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. Galatians 6:1
The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:24-26
And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. I.e. Restored relationship" Mat 18:15
Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head Eph 4:15
Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Matthew 5:23-24
Sufficient for such a one is this punishment which was inflicted by the majority, so that on the contrary you should rather forgive and comfort him, lest somehow such a one be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. Wherefore I urge you to reaffirm your love for him. 2 Cor 2:6-8
But when Cephas (Peter) came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. Gal 2:11
Respond with silence and personal prayer
There are times when the best course of action is to say nothing but earnestly pray for them.
Like God’s instruction to Ezekiel not to grieve openly over the death of his wife in order to accomplish a higher kingdom purpose, God may ask us to not to openly express our anger for a higher kingdom purpose. If the reason for expressing my anger to an offender is self-centered, I should remain silent.
If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask and God will for him give life to those who commit sin not leading to death. There is a sin leading to death; I do not say that he should make request for this. 1 John 5:16
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 1 Peter 3:1-2
If the reason for expressing my anger is kingdom-centered, I could confront.
b. Responses related to restraint and avoidance
Restraint of evil may come through confrontation, boundary setting, and even corrective action.
Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. Eph5:11-13
If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that person and do not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame. Yet do not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother. 2 Thessalonians 3:14-15
God brought about some severe correction of evil doers throughout biblical history.
• The prophet Samuel killed the king Saul had been instructed to kill by taking off his head.
• The priest Phinehas rammed a sword through a man and woman committing adultery.
• God struck Ananias and his wife Sapphira dead for lying.
• Israel was devastated and sent into captivity in order to purge idolatry.
• People were swallowed up and killed for rebellion.
• Sodom and Gomorrah was completely destroyed.
Remember that vengeance is always the Lord’s. Only HE can do it righteously. Our motivation must be to restrain evil in the body while always seeking the restoration of the offender.
Among these are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have delivered over to Satan, so that they may be taught not to blaspheme. 1 Tim 1:20
Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Be on guard against him yourself, for he vigorously opposed our teaching. 2 Tim 4:14-15
c. Responses related to removal from fellowship and disassociation
The following are Biblical descriptions of times when it is necessary to disassociate from evil people. This should never be the first response but is at times an option that God will direct.
Matt 18 offers a proper procedure for removing and individual from fellowship.
It is actually reported that there is immorality among you, and immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles, that someone has his father's wife. You have become arrogant and have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this deed would be removed from your midst. For I, on my part, though absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged him who has so committed this, as though I were present. In the name of our Lord Jesus, when you are assembled, and I with you in spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus, I have decided to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. 1 Corinthians 5:1-5
But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he should be an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler-- not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? 13 But those who are outside, God judges. REMOVE THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOURSELVES. 1 Cor 5:11-13
Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep aloof from every brother who leads an unruly life and not according to the tradition which you received from us." 2 Th 3:6
Reject a factious man after a first and second warning, knowing that such a man is perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned. Titus 3:10-11
If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your house, and do not give him a greeting; for the one who gives him a greeting participates in his evil deeds. 2 John 1:10-11
In the ends times, as described in Revelation, there will be a grand eradication of all that is evil into the lake of fire. The devil and his demons along with all whose names are not in the book of life will be thrown into the lake of fire where they will be tormented day and night forever and ever. God will finally and fully express the full power of his stored up wrath and bring about the ultimate final retribution and act of vengeance on evil.
The result for the Christian will be freedom from the very presence of evil once and for all. We will live forever in a kingdom where righteousness reigns and we will enjoy eternal pleasures forever. Glory Hallelujah. Even though our objective is the restoration of righteousness, response to our action is not always the ultimate objective. The glory of God must remain our ultimate objective in everything we do. Whatever action we take must be chosen without demanding positive response from others. Ultimate response to our response must be entrusted to God’s hands to accomplish.
