“Obedient Respectful Children”
Introduction
Family struggles have been around from the very first family.All through the Bible we encounter both terrific and terrible examples of family dynamics.
Ungodly Kids
Adam’s kid (Cain) didn’t give his best and got angry when God wasn’t impressed.
His anger then turned to hate and murder.
David’s son (Absalom)
Eli’s Kids stole and cheated people and treated the things of God with disrespect.
Samuel’s Kids caused the people to want a different plan than God.
Manoah’s Kid (Samson) All he could thing about was himself.
Noah’s Kid (Ham) disrespected his father and his whole family line suffered.
Godly Kids
Hannah’s kid (Samuel) served God from a child devoted his life to the work of the church
Jacob’s kid (Joseph) refused to hold a grudge when mistreated and saved a nation.
Adam’s kid (Abel) Gave his best to God and is honored to this day.
Eunice and Lois’ influenced Timothy who learned the Bible as a young man and became an effective Servant of God.
Zacharias and Elizabeth (John the Baptist)
Mary and Joseph (Jesus)
Be clear! EVERYONE came from a dysfunctional family. All of us encountered family dynamics that impacted us both positively and negatively. I have encountered some pretty horrendous life stories in my years of ministry. I never get used to how families can disintegrate. Many are closer to people outside the family than in. Some have not spoken to parents or siblings for years. The family unit was also disintegrating at the time of the writing of Paul’s letter.
He addressed the issue head on. One factor contributing to the fall of Rome was the disintegration of the family unit.
In this passage, Paul first addressed children and then fathers. Since Paul directly addresses children in his letter meant to be read to the congregation, it is safe to assume that children were included in the gathering to hear it. We’ll look at his instruction to children first and then Paul’s instruction to fathers. Paul’s instruction would have been counter cultural in his day and unfortunately seems to be so in our day.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Ephesians 6:1-3 (ESV)
Let’s peak at the parallel command in Colossians.
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Colossians 3:20 (ESV)
Paul issues two present tense commands to children indicating the expectation of continued compliance.
1. Obey your parents
This word “obey” means to stop and listen. To hear and do what you are told by your parents.
Paul adds two extra thoughts. “in the Lord” “in everything”
Obedience to your parents is to be a sign of your connection to the Lord. We show our love for God by obeying our parents. Our obedience to parents must be guided by our commitment to Jesus; which means, we should never do anything that directly goes against God’s commandments. Paul also wrote we are to obey our parents because it is “the right thing to do.” Paul told the Colossian children because “it pleases God”.
It is the way God designed things to be. God always has a reason for the way things are to be.
It is always destructive to do things differently than designed. Obeying parents, listening to their teaching and instructions and wisdom and warnings is the right things to do. Delayed obedience is disobedience. As we grow up we become more and more independent and hopefully allowed to make decisions on our own. As long as we are under the roof of our parents and they are not telling us to do things contrary to the Law of God, we are to listen and do as instructed. This is a pattern learned early in childhood.
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him. Proverbs 22:15 (NASB)
Foolishness is the concept that I can do whatever I feel like without consequences to me or others. We have a generation of children who move into adulthood with foolishness still dictating the thinking and behavior.
2. Honor your parents
A second responsibility of children has no time limitation. It is one thing to obey parents; it is another thing to honor them. Children are instructed to honor their parents. This is the pivotal command of the Ten Commandments. It bridges the commands related to God and the commands related to people. To honor means to view something is valuable, treasure, respect. You probably have some toys that you honor or value as important and special.
To honor your parents is to value them as special and important. Even when they don’t always do what is right or what we like, we are to honor them, value them for the role God gave them in your life.
How can we show them we honor them?
TREAT THEM RESPECTFULLY
Speak well of them. Treat them with respect. Watch our mouth in how you speak to them.
Be careful how you talk about your parents to others. Ask for their wisdom and opinion and help.
To dishonor parents is…
To devalue them or treat them as unimportant and disregard their role.
To talk about them in a disrespectful manner.
To take them for granted.
To be ungrateful for their care and investment into your life.
To refuse to take their warnings to heart.
This honoring is to carry on into adulthood. We have a mandate from God to always honor our parents. Our American behavior often does not hold honoring parents or the elderly very highly. I know that for some honoring an abusive neglectful parent is a very difficult thing.
For some, God blessed you with someone else to nurture you or influence your life.
Most parents want the best for their children. During the teen years and transition into adulthood of our children we kind of go crazy. Power struggles, frustration, heartaches, insecurity, cluelessness all combine to rattle the nerves and test the limits of family bonds.
But from a parents perspective it is not to make a child miserable but mature.
LIVE WISELY AND GODLY
One of the best ways to honor our parents is to become wise and godly.
A son or daughter who follows the ways of God greatly pleases a father,
But a son or daughter who lives according to his own ways saddens his mother. Proverbs 10:1
A son or daughter who lives according to God’s ways delights a father,
But a man or woman who lives foolishly shows he has no respect for his mother. Proverbs 15:20
The parents of one who lives their own way have not joy, only sorrow. Proverbs 17:21
A foolish child is a grief to their father, and a bad taste to their mother. Proverbs 17:25
A foolish child causes destruction to the parents Proverbs 19:13
He who hurts his father and causes his mother to run away is a shameful and disgraceful son. Proverbs 19:26
He who wishes evil things on his father or his mother, will find no help or answers in time of trouble. Proverbs 20:20
The father of a child who does right will greatly rejoice,
And he who gives birth to a wise son will be glad in how he turns out.
Let your father and your mother be glad by living right according to God’s ways,
And let her rejoice who gave birth to you. Proverbs 23:24-25
You hear it often. “Make your mother/father proud.”
Parents invest a huge portion of the best years of their life trying to prepare you for life.
We may not do it perfectly and sometimes act badly, but our true heart is to see our children turn out better than we did.
TAKE CARE OF THEM COMPASSIONATLEY
But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 1 Timothy 5:4 (ESV)
This concept probably deserves more reflection but I want to just touch on it briefly.
In that culture it was not common to accumulate wealth and pass it on to the next generation.
Each generation lived simply and did not have anything at the end of their life and income stopped when they could no longer work. Paul instructs the families to step up and help those parents out of gratitude for taking care of you when you could not care for yourself. Not only children but he also extended it to the grandchildren.
Jesus addressed this issue in His day.
And he said to them, “You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition! For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ But you say, ‘If a man tells his father or his mother, “Whatever you would have gained from me is Corban”’ (that is, given to God)— then you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or mother, thus making void the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And many such things you do.” Mark 7:9-13 (ESV)
This was a loophole established to protect wealth. At any time they could “dedicate” anything to God. They dictated the item or amount and the time frame in which it would be set aside for God. If they discovered that their parents were in need, they could quickly “dedicate” any excess wealth that could be used to help them to God and thus have and excuse for not helping their parents. Jesus pointed out that this violated the command to honor you father and mother. It did not have to do just with words or actions as a child but even into adulthood when the opportunity to help presented itself.
In our culture most parents become self-sufficient and such help is not needed. There are occasions where this would be applicable. Of course there are many other factors that come into play that require the application of other Biblical principles. Given Jesus’ take on this, it would appear that parents take a higher priority that things “dedicated” to God.
The point is that honor a parent is giving to God.
When I first heard this principle many years ago it struck a chord. That individual actually went to his parents and his wife’s parents and pledged to take care of them and they need not worry about their future. He had determined if necessary to divert his tithe if needed to the care of his parents.
God says he will bless us if we obey and honor our parents.
Blessing associated with honoring parents
1. It will go well with you
You want your life to do well? Do you want God’s blessing on your life? Do you want to enjoy life? Then practice honoring your parents!
2. You may live long on the earth
Not only will it go well but you will have longer to enjoy it.
Consequences
To ignore God’s way of doing things always brings Consequences. We may not even realize or feel the damage being done to our soul. Every time we decide to something outside of God’s design for us, we will sustain damage to the soul. Eventually it will become evident.
If we take some opposites from this passage.
Do not disobey your parents, for this is WRONG! Do not dishonor you parents or it will.
1. Not go well with you.
Guilt
Inability to respond to God.
Soul Damage from rebellion.
Bitterness.
Fixation on negative.
Fear.
2. You will not live long.
Parent may end your life?
Natural consequences.
Bitterness.
Other Proverbs on Children and Parents
Proverbs 3:11-12
Kids, do not ignore when God tries to teach you, Or hate it when he corrects you,
The LORD shows His love by correction, even as a earthly father corrects their sons because they want the best for them.
Proverbs 4:1-6
Kids, listen to the instruction of a father, And give attention that you may gain understanding,
For parents give you sound teaching; Do not abandon their my instruction.
"Follow their teaching from the heart; Keep their commandments and live;
Learn how to live God’s way! Learn why God’s way is best!
Do not forget, nor turn away from the teaching of your parents.
Proverbs 6:20
Children, obey the commandment of your father, and do not turn your back on the teaching of your mother;
Proverbs 10:1
A son or daughter who follows the ways of God greatly pleases a father,
But a son or daughter who lives according to his own ways saddens his mother.
Proverbs 23:22
Listen to your father, And do not despise or hate your mother when she is old.
Proverbs 28:7
He who keeps the law is a son who is able to know right from wrong,
But he who runs around with those who have no self-control humiliates his father.
Proverbs 28:24
He who steals from his father or his mother, and says, "there is nothing wrong with it," is no different than the one who destroys others.
Proverbs 29:15
The switch and verbal warnings of wrong doing give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.
Proverbs 30:11
There is an evil kind of man who wishes evil upon his father, And does not wish good things on his mother.
Proverbs 30:15-17
The eye that makes fun of a father, And shows no respect for a mother,
The ravens of the valley will pick it out, And the young vultures will eat it.
