This morning, we will be hiking through some challenging spiritual terrain, but I promise that the destination will be worth the journey. I’d like to talk about one thing, one critical thing, that if done or not done can make or break a marriage, make or break a family, make or break a friendship, or even a church. It is fundamental to our identity as Christians, and yet often taken for granted or even disregarded, as if it were only a minor detail in the Christian life. I’m going to suggest to you that neglect of this spiritual practice will have serious negative consequences for us and for our relationships, while giving attention to it, on the other hand, will have great benefits for each of us personally, and for those with whom we are in relationships of various kinds. In fact, I would go so far as to say that regular practice of this discipline is one of the main keys to building, and maintaining, strong relationships. And that powerful spiritual discipline is forgiveness.
I would like us to begin by considering a passage in which Jesus teaches his followers to pray. Because this short model prayer highlights those things which we need to ask God for every day. Those things which are so fundamental, so critical to walking with God that we need to ask for them continually throughout our lives: over, and over, and over again.
I’m talking of course, about the Lord’s Prayer. In the church I grew up in, we recited this prayer every Sunday, and as I was preparing this morning’s sermon it struck me that we haven’t done this at Providence in a long time. And frankly, I miss it. So in a moment, I’m going to invite everyone to stand and recite the Lord’s Prayer together. Now, if this prayer doesn’t reflect what is in your heart, or if for any other reason you just prefer not to participate, that’s fine. You are welcome to stand silently, or just remain seated.
One more thing: many of you probably have a version of this prayer memorized, but I’m going to ask that you please read from the slide, so that we don’t have any unfortunate “trespasses” vs. “debts” incidents. You know what I mean. It’s very embarrassing when
you are in a church that says “forgive us our debts” and you’re belting out “forgive us our trespass— oops”. Right? OK, let’s stand.
Matthew 6:9-13
9 “This, then, is how you should pray:
‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.’
Thank you. Please be seated. Now, let me ask you, did you mean what you just prayed? It’s not a trick question, and I don’t mean to be offensive, but did you mean what you prayed? The reason I ask is because the topic of this morning’s sermon is found in the second-to-last sentence in that prayer. “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Think about what you are asking when you pray that portion of the Lord’s prayer. You are saying, “God, please forgive my sins against you in the same way that I forgive the sins of others against me”. So here’s my question: Do you really mean that? Do you really want God to forgive you in the same manner that you forgive others?
To put it another way, do you really want God to forgive your sins:
• Reluctantly? or Slowly? or Grudgingly? or maybe, Never?
• Do you really want God to forgive your sins with strings attached, to “forgive” you but still keep reminding you, over and over, year after year, what you did wrong?
• Do you want God to forgive you, but at the same time spread the word so that everyone else knows how badly you messed up?
• Do you want God to forgive you, but to also decide that he doesn’t want anything more to do with you?
• Do you want God to forgive you, but keep you at arm’s length, instead of welcoming you back into his fellowship?
• Do you want God to “forgive but not forget”? Is that what you want?
No, if we were honest, many of us, and perhaps most of us at times, would have to admit that we hope God doesn’t forgive us the way we forgive others. No, we would prefer that he not “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Because our forgiveness, when it comes at all, is often of pretty poor quality.
I admit that this is a tough start to the sermon. I promise it will get better. But before it gets better, it gets worse. Because the consequences of not forgiving others are pretty severe. For example, many people who are familiar with the Lord’s Prayer aren’t as familiar with the two verses which immediately follow it:
Matthew 6:12-15
12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”.
Whoa, where’d that come from? Here I am, minding my own business, reading the Lord’s Prayer, when Bam! Kind of sets you back on your heels, doesn’t it? Those verses don’t leave
a lot of theological wiggle room. And in case you think this is an anomaly, let me share with you some others on the same topic:
Mark 11:25
25 “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
Luke 6:37
37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
Friends, this is serious stuff. This is not a warning we should take lightly. It’s right there, in our Bibles; right there in black and white. These verses are not just telling us that it’s a good idea to forgive, or that it’s important to forgive, or even that it’s essential to our walk with God that we forgive. They are telling us that if we do not forgive others—and we all have others we need to forgive—then our sins will likewise not be forgiven. That is sobering, to say the least. How should we respond? I think the first thing we should do, is just to stop before we go any further, bow our heads, and ask God to help us forgive those who have sinned against us, those against whom we are bearing grudges, those toward whom we feel any malice, or hatred, or resentment, or bitterness, and to ask that he open our eyes to any remnant of an unforgiving spirit in our hearts. Let’s do that now. [Prayer]
I hope you prayed, and I hope you meant it. But that’s only the beginning. Because forgiving others is hard spiritual work. Especially if you’re not accustomed to disciplining yourself to forgive; if you’re in the habit of indulging feelings of malice, or resentment, or bitterness, and giving those feelings free reign. If that’s the case, then learning to forgive is going to be a challenge. It’s a challenge you can overcome; it’s an undertaking that you can be successful in. Because if you are a follower of Christ, then you have the very spirit of forgiveness, the spirit of Christ, living within you. And so that power to forgive is in there. But I don’t want to minimize the work involved. Because this goes to the core of that struggle between the “old man” — who we were before we came to know Christ — and the “new man”, who we are now in Christ.
And that’s why Jesus says, “if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”. This is something that all Christians can do, because of the power of the Holy Spirit, the spirit of forgiveness, living inside us. And so if you can’t, or won’t do it, that’s an indication that you’ve never actually experienced the new birth, that you’ve never come to know Christ at all. Because this is absolutely fundamental to who we are as followers of Christ. Christians are people who forgive, because we have been forgiven. That’s who we are.
So to guide us on that journey, I’d like to look at several aspects of forgiveness. First, what does it even mean to forgive? How do I know whether I really have forgiven someone? That may seem obvious, but it’s not. Second, how do I forgive? What do I need to understand, what do I need to do? What are the spiritual mechanics of this process? And finally, how will it benefit me to forgive? We tend to think that the blessings of forgiveness all accrue to the one who is forgiven, but that’s not the case. It’s actually just as beneficial to the one doing the forgiving, if not more so.
Let’s start with what it means to forgive. Fundamentally, it’s about releasing someone from a debt. What did we pray? “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors”. When someone sins against you, they incur a debt. They’ve taken something from you. They’ve caused you an injury. They’ve violated your trust. They’ve failed to fulfill their obligations. They’ve cause you harm, either intentionally or unintentionally . So what do they owe you? Remember, there’s a real debt here. Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending that nothing happened, pretending that no violation occurred. It’s acknowledging that a debt exists, but choosing to release the offender from the debt rather than demanding that they pay it. So think about it: what do you they owe you? What would they have to do in order for you to feel that the scales were once again in balance?
Well, I expect you’d want them to apologize, at least. Make some attempt to undo the harm they caused. Do something to compensate you for the loss they caused you. Perhaps they need to confess their sin to others, to acknowledge to everyone how they have wronged you. Perhaps their debt can only be paid if they suffer in the same way, and in the same degree, that you suffered. Actually, to be honest, you’ve given quite a lot of thought to how you would like to see them suffer; what you’d like to do to them, or what you’d like others to do to them. You’ve thought a lot about what it would take to even the score. Because you want justice. And maybe a little vengeance, too.
And so here’s what it means to forgive. First, to acknowledge that, because of their sin, that person has incurred a debt. They owe you something. You’re not pretending that nothing happened; it did, and you were harmed. Perhaps terribly harmed. There’s a debt, a significant one. They owe you something, an apology at the very least, an acknowledgement of the wrong they did. And then, forgiveness means to simply consider that debt “paid in full”. Whatever they would have to do in order to fully atone for their sins, forgiveness means to consider it as having already been done. Whatever you feel they should suffer in penance for their sins, to consider it as if they had already experienced that suffering to the full. Not to pretend that there’s no debt. But to count that debt as having been paid. That’s what it means to forgive.
Now, you may be saying, that sounds hard. And unpleasant, frankly. Can’t I just pretend nothing happened, instead? Choose not to talk about it, decide not to think about it? Isn’t it enough that I don’t actually exact vengeance, that I don’t actually try to get even? And my answer is no, that’s not enough. It’s true that to refrain from taking revenge is important. Leviticus 19:18 tells us,
“‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.”
And the parable of the good Samaritan makes clear that God’s definition of “your neighbor” is very broad. So it’s true that we are not to take revenge against anyone. But self-restraint is not enough. Refraining from taking revenge is not enough. God wants us, not only to refrain from collecting the debt owed to us by the one who has sinned against us, but to actually forgive it, to wipe it out.
Let me illustrate. Let’s do a little thought experiment. In your mind, think of someone you have some bitterness against, some anger or resentment. It could be because of something that happened this week, or last year, or even many years ago. Because we are experts at holding on to resentments, for decades, if necessary. If you can’t think of anyone, then my first reaction is, you’re fooling yourself, and you may want to ask God to open your eyes to what is in your heart. My second reaction is, if you really can’t think of anyone, then pray for the rest of us. OK. Now, imagine, what would this person have to do in order for you to feel that they had sufficiently atoned for their sins against you? What would they have to suffer? Don’t hold back. That’s their debt. Make a mental list of all those things. Now, imagine yourself stamping that list with a big red stamp, “PAID IN FULL”. The debt has been cancelled; it’s been annulled. From this point forward, you’re going to treat them, not as if it had never happened, but as if they had done, and suffered, absolutely everything that was needed in order to atone for that sin. That’s what it means to forgive.
How do you know if you’ve done that? What does it look like? Well, it’s easier to describe the opposite. If you still find yourself imagining that person suffering in some way as a result of their sin, you probably haven’t forgiven them. If you imagine yourself re-enacting the scene where they caused you pain, and imagining how you would even the score with them, you probably haven’t forgiven. And if you find yourself wanting
never again to have anything to do with them, or not caring at all what happens to them, you probably haven’t forgiven. If you want to see them broken, bankrupt, and banished to a desert island—or worse—then you probably haven’t forgiven. At least not completely.
And by the way, forgiveness isn’t just an act of the will, a trick of the mind. It requires a change of heart as well. Yes, it gets harder. I’m going to read you one of Jesus’ parables, and I want you to pay attention to the punch line, the very last verse.
Matthew 18:21-35
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” Not just intellectually, not just as an act of will, choosing not to return evil for evil, but actually forgiving “from your heart”, so that we no longer harbor bitterness, or hatred, or resentment, or animosity toward them. Wow. Did I say this was easy? It’s not. It’s very difficult. It’s unnatural. In fact, it’s impossible apart from the power of the Holy Spirit. And because it’s not natural, because it’s not something we can do in our own power, it takes practice, and continual reliance on God’s grace.
So how do we do this? How do we do this impossible thing? First and foremost,
we need to reflect on what it took for God to forgive us; what it takes for him to continue to forgive us, every day. Because our sins against God are far more serious than the sins of other people against ourselves. How does Jesus describe it? The first servant owed his master ten thousand bags of gold. The second servant owed the first one only a hundred silver coins. What’s the value of ten thousand bags of gold compared to a hundred silver coins? There’s no comparison. A hundred silver coins is real money, but it’s miniscule compared to the vast fortune represented by ten thousand bags of gold. But that’s God’s perspective on what he has forgiven us. He has forgiven a debt of ten thousand bags of gold, a debt far greater than we could ever repay. Compared to that, what he is asking us to forgive in one another is a debt of a hundred silver coins.
But we don’t see it that way. We don’t see it the way God sees it. Why? Because we think much too highly of ourselves and much too lowly of God. And so we think of our sins against God—and all sins are, first and foremost, against God—we think of our sins against God as minor transgressions, “mistakes”, lapses in judgment, hardly worth mentioning, really. We use euphemisms, like “straying from the straight and narrow”. That doesn’t seem so bad. It’s like taking a wrong turn. We minimize, we make excuses, we dodge and weave. But it was for these very sins of ours, these very sins of yours, that the Son of God was nailed to the cross. It was for our sins, your sins, that he suffered and died. So God takes them very seriously, as offenses against a holy and eternal sovereign, offenses which required the ultimate sacrifice of his own Son as payment. Those aren’t just “mistakes”. God sees them as crimes deserving of the death penalty, crimes which must be punished. The higher our view of God, the more serious we consider our sins against him to be. And conversely, if we consider our sins to be rather insignificant, it indicates that we don’t think much of the God against whom we have sinned.
On the other hand, we take a very high view of ourselves, and we count any offense against ourselves as deserving of the harshest possible punishment. And what this parable tells us is that we have it exactly backwards. Our sins against God are the ones which deserve condemnation and punishment, our debt toward him is the one which is immensely beyond our ability ever to pay, and his grace toward us is therefore incalculable, incomprehensible, immeasurable. The sins of others toward us, as objectively vile, and offensive, and harmful as they may be, are, in comparison, far less. And what God is saying is this: if I can forgive all of your sins, from your childhood until now, every day, every hour, every minute; all your sins of speech, and thought, and action, your failure every day to serve me, and to love me, as you ought to do, your failure to pay me the obedience and honor that you owe me as your creator; your overt and implicit denials of my lordship: if I can forgive all those things, every one of which is deserving of death, then you can forgive one another, by the power of my Spirit.
Let me ask you a question: do your sins merit the death penalty? Do you deserve to be put to death for your sins? If you say no, you are saying, in effect, that Christ didn’t die for your sins. Because he didn’t need to. I hope you shrink back from saying that. I hope you realize, and acknowledge, that it was just for God to require death as punishment for your sins. Because failing to acknowledge that is, at root, why we fail to forgive others. Because we judge their sins to be much worse than ours; because we fail to consider how much we had to be forgiven, and what it therefore cost God to forgive us: His own son’s life.
So what do we need to do? First, we need to repent, repent of disrespecting and dishonoring God such that we consider our sins against him to be insignificant, repent of so grossly undervaluing his grace in forgiving us. We need to repent of our willfulness, our pride, and our stubbornness in refusing to forgive one another. We need to pray to God to give us the grace to humble ourselves and to consider the debts that are owed us, for the sins that have been committed against us, to be “paid in full”. Hard stuff. But necessary.
If we want our sins to be forgiven.
Now, you may be wondering when we get to the good news. Here it is, and it is absolutely wonderful: when God requires that we forgive, it is because he has already forgiven us. As Paul writes in Colossians:
Colossians 3:12-14
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
“Forgive as the Lord forgave you”. And how is that? How did the Lord forgive us? Fully. Completely. Without reservation. Without strings attached. Without condemnation. Without lingering resentment or animosity. As the Psalmist puts it:
Psalm 103:8-12
8The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Could any promise be more precious than that one?
Isaiah 43:25
“I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more.
He blots out our transgressions and remembers our sins no longer. Hallelujah!
Isaiah 1:18
“Come now, let us settle the matter,”
says the Lord.
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
That’s how God has forgiven us who have placed our trust in Christ. Utterly and completely. Now and forever. Never again to be held against us in any way. Sins which left an indelible stain on our souls, as red as blood, have been completely washed away by the cleansing bleach of God’s grace and mercy.
I’ll close with this:
If you have never experienced this forgiveness, by which your sins are blotted out and remembered no more, this forgiveness which takes sins, red as scarlet, and cleanses them white as snow, this forgiveness which removes your sins as far away from you as the east is from the west, then what I want to say to you this morning is that Jesus offers you this forgiveness right now, without precondition, without condemnation, without cost. Confess your need of forgiveness to him, come to him in faith, and the burden of guilt will be lifted. You will have eternal life and fellowship with God, and he will make you a new person.
If you have experienced this forgiveness, then what God is saying to you this morning is that you need to extend the same forgiveness you have received to those who have wronged you, those who have sinned against you, those who have failed you. Not because they deserve it, any more than you deserve it. You realize that you don’t deserve God’s forgiveness, right? You realize that God’s forgiveness is a gift, not something we earn, not something we can earn? Good. And neither do we forgive others because they deserve it. They probably don’t. Neither do we. We forgive because the true sons and daughters of God imitate their Father. And our Father is a God of forgiveness. It’s really that simple.
One final point. We think that when we forgive others we are setting them free. Free of their debt to us; free of the consequences that we could legitimately impose; free of the effects of our bitterness and malice. And those things are true. But in reality, we are also freeing ourselves. Because over time, our bitterness and animosity imprison us much more than they do the object of our malice. When we choose to forgive, we are actually turning the key in the lock that holds us captive, and setting ourselves free, releasing ourselves from the prison we have created.
And so I appeal to you this morning, that bitter and unforgiving spirit that you’ve been carrying around, for days, weeks, months, years, even decades, that bitterness that you’ve been harboring, nourishing, treasuring—let go of it. Just let it fall to the ground. And embrace instead the glorious freedom of forgiving, just as you have been forgiven.
Won’t you do that, even today, even right now?
Let’s just pray silently for a few moments, and ask God to give us the grace to forgive those who have sinned against us. Bow with me, won’t you? [silent prayer] Amen.
