Introduction:
A. We are taking a break this week from our sermon series on the life of Peter.
1. Today’s sermon is going to be one of the more unique sermons I have ever shared with you.
2. This sermon is going to be very topical and practical.
3. Rather than preaching on a chapter or paragraph, I am basing this sermon on only one verse from Romans 14:19, where Paul says, “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.”
4. What I want us to wrestle with today is the notion that our actions can have a negative impact on others.
5. Our actions may not lead to peace and mutual edification, and that’s why we have to examine our actions and see if they are being helpful or hurtful.
B. I did a little internet search in preparation for this lesson and I was amazed at how many resources there are for etiquette.
1. In the olden days, Emily Post was the etiquette guru.
a. In 1922, she published a book called “Etiquette in Society.”
2. More recently, Judith Martin has become “Miss Manners.”
a. She published her first book in 1982.
b. That book has been revised and reprinted as “Miss Manner’s Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.” It is 864 pages long.
3. But you don’t have to buy any books on this subject, there are websites dedicated to all kinds of etiquette situations.
4. Here are some of the subjects I found being covered: Business etiquette, table manners, Net etiquette (email, chat), beach etiquette, flag etiquette, tea time, ballroom dance etiquette, dating, boat ramp etiquette, cell phone and camera phone etiquette, Bridal, funeral, gym, golf, men’s room, and even pizza delivery etiquette.
C. But, one of the things I didn’t find in my internet search was worship assembly etiquette.
1. I started to call this sermon “The Ten Commandments for Church Assemblies,” but I thought that sounded a bit too presumptuous! (don’t want any lightening strikes)
2. So, I settled in on this title: “Etiquette for Edification.” (Edification means “to build up”)
3. I want us to talk about some guidelines for our gatherings that will make for more up-building church gatherings.
4. Please know that these are not “written in stone” (like the 10 Commandments), but are just some suggestions.
5. Etiquette simply means “the practices and forms prescribed by social convention or by authority.”
6. Most of these things are simply “common sense,” but as you know, “Common sense is not so common.”
7. They are not designed to offend or point to any single individual, but will hopefully be something that all of us try to keep in mind.
8. I want to try to take a bit of a humorous approach to them, and yet at the same time realize that there is a serious side to this.
9. Are you ready for the “Big Ten?”
I. The first etiquette for edifications is: BE HERE
A. A husband and wife arose one Sunday morning and the wife dressed for church. It was about time to leave for service when she noticed her husband hadn’t moved a bit toward getting ready.
1. Perplexed, she asked, “Why aren’t you getting dressed for church?”
2. He replied, “I have three good reasons for not going. First, the congregation is cold. Second, no one likes me. And third, I don’t want to go.”
3. She replied, “Well, honey, I have three reasons why you should go. First, the church is warm. Second, there are a few people there who like you. And third, you’re the preacher! So get dressed.”
4. See, sometimes it’s hard even for preachers to get up and get to church!
B. Ultimately, being present for congregational worship is not optional, that is...
1. Not if we want to please God.
2. Not if we want to take care of our responsibility to our church family.
3. Not if we want to grow in Spirit and pass on our faith to our children.
C. Any of us can come up with all kinds of excuses for missing, but most of them are just excuses, they are not good reasons.
1. Consistent attendance has been a problem more recently for our congregation, and I’m not sure the real reasons for it, but I know that God is not pleased and the congregation is harmed.
2. There is many good reasons why the Hebrew writer told us to not give up meeting together (Heb. 10:25).
3. I realize that in many respects I’m preaching to the choir, so to speak.
a. Those who are most often absent need to hear this more than those who are regularly here.
4. Yet, many who are here today could be among those who only come once or twice a month, you just happened to be here today.
5. We can do better. We must do better. We owe it to God and to each other to do better.
6. So, etiquette #1 for edification…be here, because it’s hard to edify others when you are not with them.
II. The second etiquette for edification is: BE HERE ON TIME
A. So we not only need to be here, but we need to be here on time.
1. Tardiness is a challenge for our congregation.
a. Many of us just don’t get to worship or classes on time, and it really hurts the experience for everyone.
2. It heard the story of a factory manager who found that production was being hampered by the tardiness of his people returning from the lunch hour.
a. When the whistle blew after lunch, few were at their machines ready to resume work.
b. So, he posted a sign by the suggestion box offering a cash reward for the best answer to this question: “What should we do to ensure that every person will be inside the factory when the whistle blows after lunch?”
c. Many suggestions were submitted, and the one that was selected solved the problem.
d. The manager was a man with a sense of humor and got a kick out of one suggestion, but unfortunately it could not be used.
e. The suggestion was: “To guarantee that every person is inside the factory when the whistle blows, let the last person in blow the whistle.”
B. With that suggestion in mind, one solution to our tardiness problem could be that we just don’t start services until everyone arrives.
1. That would mean that we wouldn’t start until 20 minutes after our published starting time.
2. Obviously, that is not a good solution – the starting time would only get later and later.
3. Let me just say, that if you are chronically late, then it is time to come up with a new plan - the old plan just isn’t working.
a. Get up earlier, leave the house earlier, pick out your clothes the night before, or whatever.
4. If we keep doing the same thing we will experience the same results, so something has to change for there to be a change.
C. So, Why is it unedifying for people to come in late?
1. First, it looks terrible to visitors, who are usually on time, or they come early.
2. Second, it is a distraction to have people coming in during the service.
3. Third, it makes the job of those who organize the service a lot harder not knowing if they have to find a replacement for someone who is running late.
III. The third etiquette for edification is: DRESS APPROPRIATELY
A. Honestly, I’m not sure what to say to clarify this point.
1. Clothing and appearance are not everything, but they are something.
2. Someone said, “A mule dressed in a tuxedo is still a mule.” And that’s true.
3. The most important dress is the clothing of our hearts – character, faith, love and enthusiasm.
B. That having been said, it is also true that our appearance can have a negative effect on others.
1. To dress provocatively can be a distraction to both men and women.
2. To dress sloppily can negatively effect our members and visitors.
3. The question always comes up: “Does God care what I’m wearing?”
a. My answer is: “If you don’t have something more appropriate to wear, then God won’t judge you for not wearing it.”
4. Only as it reflects what is in my closet at home and what is in my heart.
5. In my opinion, we can go to either extreme: we can dress in a way that is too formal or too informal and there are dangers and hazards with both.
6. So, somehow, we need to find the happy medium that reflects our love for God and does not draw attention to ourselves, either positively or negatively.
7. Let me add, that when we know we are serving in front of the congregation, then we need to give more consideration to what we are wearing.
IV. The fourth etiquette for edification is: GIVE YOUR BEST
A. All I want to say here is that when we come for worship and fellowship, we need to honor God and do more than just go through the motions.
1. Let’s be sure to give our best effort as we sing and pray and interact with others.
2. We don’t come to sit back and be entertained.
3. Our worship is to be something we are engaged in.
4. Most of the time what we get out of the worship and fellowship is in direct proportion to what we put into it.
5. God is not pleased with our leftovers or our half-hearted efforts, and they won’t bring us satisfaction either.
6. Such effort or lack of effort is also discouraging to members and visitors alike.
7. I’m not suggesting that we fake anything, rather, I’m suggesting that we do our best to prepare ourselves for worship, and then come ready to give our very best.
V. The fifth etiquette for edification is: DON’T BE A DISTRACTION
A. This is a point that has many aspects to it and my points could be easily misunderstood, so please listen carefully.
1. While we are together, it is so important that we realize how easily we can be a distraction, and we should try to do our best not to be a distraction to others.
2. One simple example is cell phones – when we come to the assembly, one of our first actions should be the turning off or silencing of our cell phones.
3. Few things in our modern experience are more frustrating and distracting than a cell phone going off and how long it takes a person to get it to stop ringing.
B. But in addition to that, there are other behaviors and activities that can be distracting –such as talking, movement, stretching, coughing and crying.
1. Let me make a few brief suggestions.
2. First, when we stand up after sitting for a long time, that is not the best time for a good stretch.
3. Second, let’s try to stay where we are once we get there.
a. Some people are like a yoyo, back and forth, in and out.
b. If a person knows that they are prone to needing to move during the assembly then they should sit toward the back so they will be less distracting when they leave the auditorium.
4. Third, a crying child always presents a challenging situation for everyone.
a. We want to be a church that welcomes children and families and makes room for them.
b. Children need to learn how to be quiet in the church, and so we need to support parents as they are training their children.
c. But when a child refuses to quiet down or is crying with no end in sight, then the parent needs to exit the auditorium until the child can be settled down.
d. Back when we were training our children, we brought a lot of things that they could give their attention to – quiet toys and non-messy snacks (Cheerios), and when we had to remove them from the auditorium, they knew that that was not going to be a reward for their behavior.
e. While our kids were small, we always made sure we were near the back for a speedy exit.
C. So part of etiquette for edification is trying not to be a distraction.
VI. The sixth etiquette for edification is: GREET THE VISITORS FIRST
A. This seems too obvious to need to be said, and yet it is not something that all of us are thinking.
1. We may only have one chance with visitors, and they are usually moving quickly toward the exits after a service, so we have to move quickly.
2. The encounter needs only to be friendly and brief to make a difference.
3. So, before the service let’s try to greet the visitors, and during the meet and greet time, be sure to reach out to visitors, and then at the end of the worship service look around and see if there are visitors you need to meet before they leave.
4. If one of our members tries to stop you, take them with you saying, “There’s a visitor over here we need to meet, let’s go meet them, and then we can talk.”
VII. The seventh etiquette for edification is: GREET ALL THE MEMBERS
A. After we greet the visitors, then let’s be sure we greet as many of the members as possible.
1. What I want us to avoid is a “clickiness” that can sometimes happen in groups.
2. What sometimes happens is that people only talk with the same small group of people each week, and although they get close to those people, they fail to develop relationships with others.
3. So, I want to encourage us all to try to greet all our members.
4. Let’s be sure to notice those who struggle in social settings and who may have a tendency to stay to themselves.
B. Our hope is that everyone will be touched and engaged in the fellowship.
1. What should never occur is that anyone would come among us and be completely overlooked or ignored.
2. No one should feel like they are unimportant or that most people won’t give them the time of day.
3. That kind of thing might happen in the world, but it should never happen in the church!
VIII. The eighth etiquette for edification is: SUPPORT THOSE WHO COME FORWARD
A. One simple and practical thing that we need to address is our practice of “going forward.”
1. Some people look at it as something only reserved for the really “big stuff” - either a time of major crisis, or a time for serious confession.
2. I would rather that we see it as a time for communication.
a. Certainly a time to communicate the “big stuff,” but also a time to communicate any stuff – a thanksgiving, a joy or a need.
3. Either way, though, we need to be careful to show our support for those who do come forward with some communication.
4. We need to show support immediately, by talking with them before they leave the building, and we can also contact them later by phone or card.
5. What we don’t want to see happen is for someone to come forward and share something, only to have it not be met by an appropriate response on our part.
IX. The ninth etiquette for edification is: NOTICE WHO IS MISSING
A. When we come to our family gatherings, one of the things we should be doing is noticing who is missing and making a mental note to get ahold of them later.
1. I know that this is more difficult since we have two services, and yet it not impossible.
2. I like the story told by Paul Harvey about the 73 year-old farmer who was pinned beneath his tractor for four days and nights and was found by friends just in time.
a. The thing that alerted the man’s friends that he was in trouble was the fact that he missed church that Sunday, which was something he never did.
3. I wish that all of us were that regular and committed to being with the church family that for us to miss a church gathering meant something really serious must have happened.
4. Nevertheless, when we do miss, for whatever reason, it is nice to know that we have been missed.
5. Can you imagine how hurtful it would be if you were very regular at worship, but then missed services for several weeks in a row, but then had no one call?
6. Calling is a way to show that we care, but before we can call, we must first notice they are missing.
X. Finally, the tenth etiquette for edification is: MAKE UP YOUR CONTRIBUTION
A. It almost seems unnecessary for me to include this one, since our congregation is so faithful and generous in our giving, but a reminder is always helpful.
1. I have always really appreciated those who are so attentive and conscientious in their giving that when they miss a Sunday, they mail their contribution to the office.
2. For years, when we went on vacation, we either made up the weeks we missed when we returned or we would leave our contribution checks with someone to give in our absence.
3. Now that we are using the tithly app, our contribution is withdrawn electronically and automatically, and so we never forget our checkbook or miss the opportunity to give.
B. Unfortunately, there are some people in some churches who are on what one person called, “the stay home and get rich plan.”
1. Their mindset is something like: “If I’m not at worship, then the money that I would have given if I were there is now mine to keep.”
a. Kind of like: if I don’t go to the movies and spend the money on the show and the popcorn, then I can spend the money on something else.
2. That’s not God’s mindset nor His desire for us.
a. What God expects us to do is to decide in our hearts what we are going to give to God for kingdom purposes.
b. And when that decision has been made, then that money has been dedicated to God, and should not be used on ourselves or for any other purposes.
3. So, I cannot take my regular contribution money with me on vacation and use it for my fun.
4. Every week or month that I prosper and have income, I have a responsibility to give a portion of that back to God to support His kingdom and to keep myself on track spiritually.
5. And if I happen to be away or I’m sick and I’m not present for the worship gathering of the church family, then I have a responsibility to make up the contribution I have missed, because it is money that has been dedicated to God for His use, not mine.
Conclusion:
A. Well, what do you think of our lesson in etiquette for edification?
1. Look again at the Scripture we are trying to put into practice: Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification (Rom. 14:19).
2. We really need to do what will lead to building up the body of Christ, we certainly wouldn’t want to be a part of tarring down the body?
3. Let’s review these elements of edification we have discussed:
a. Be Here
b. Be Here On Time
c. Dress Appropriately
d. Give Your Best
e. Don’t Be A Distraction
f. Greet the Visitors First
g. Greet All the Members
h. Support Those Who Go Forward
i. Notice Who Is Missing
j. Make Up Your Contribution
B. Let me end with the illustration of from nature.
1. The redwood trees of California are among the largest and the oldest living things on earth and are among the tallest trees in the world.
2. Some of them are 300 feet tall and more than 2,500 years old.
3. You would think that trees that large would have root systems reaching hundreds of feet into the ground, but that is not the case.
4. Redwoods have a very shallow root system only 6 to 12 feet deep, but their roots are specially intertwined and interlocked with the other redwood trees.
5. The only way they stand against the storms and stresses that come are by being interconnected.
6. The same is true of the church. It is our interconnectedness and our ministry to each other that keeps us strong and healthy.
7. We need the edification that we provide for each other.
8. So, let’s learn the etiquette needed for edification.
