1 Samuel 17:57-18:4
Best Friends Forever
Have you ever had a BFF? A “best friend forever?” Or better yet, a BFFL? A “best friend for life?” Or in short form, a “bestie?” Someone who knows you better than you know yourself? I saw a quote this week: “We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.” Or this one: “As your best friend, I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.” Or Bruce White, who says, “Friends are what God gives you to make up for your family.”
Everybody needs a friend. God said it’s not good for man to be alone. The context of that verse, of course, was the creation of Eve, a life partner for Adam. Marriage at its finest is a partnership of best friends. But sometimes you may have that non-romantic friendship, just a friend, but oh what a friend they are. Someone who really gets you, who really knows you, and somehow still likes you!
One of the most beautiful pictures of friendship in the Bible is Jonathan and David. In their relationship, we see love. We see protection. We see sacrifice. We see all the elements of a healthy, strong, lifelong friendship. Consider from them what it means to be a true friend. First, ...
True friends ...
1. Love as they love themselves
Today’s scripture comes right after David kills Goliath. King Saul had just finished debriefing David. Jonathan may have been listening, observing this young shepherd boy who placed all his faith in Almighty God, the one who can bring down giants with a single stone. Something about David captures his interest, and the two begin an unlikely friendship: one destined for the throne according to human wisdom and one destined for the throne according to divine promise. The NIV doesn’t capture the richness of the word used to describe the oneness of this friendship. Look at the verse on your outline, 1 Samuel 18:1, in the Berean Study Bible: “After David had finished speaking with Saul, the souls of Jonathan and David were knit together, and Jonathan loved him as himself.” 1 Samuel 18:1 (Berean Bible)
Their souls were “knit together.” Another translation of the Hebrew word is “bound up” or “knotted together.” Aristotle once described friends as “one soul.”
What binds them together? True friends love you as they love themselves. That’s authentic love. It’s covenantal love, the same word used in the Bible to describe nations binding together in covenants of peace. It’s also used to describe the nation of Israel’s love for David when he later becomes king. It reminds me of Jesus’s second great commandment, to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31, Luke 10:27), which he said is very much like the first: to love the Lord your God. When you love someone as you love yourself, you are very close to loving God. True friends love as they love themselves, and #2, true friends ...
2. Sacrifice for one another
Chapters 18, 19, and 20 describe a covenant Jonathan makes with David. As the prince, the lawful heir to the throne of Israel, Jonathan must initiate this covenant, because it includes not only mutual protection over each other’s descendants, but also surrender of his right of succession to David. Look at 1 Samuel 18:3-4: “And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.” (1 Samuel 18:3-4)
Earlier, King Saul had tried to outfit David in his own armor, before David faced Goliath on the battlefield. David said it didn’t fit, and returned it to the king. Now, in an act rich with symbolism, the king’s son outfits David with the son’s royal armor and weapon, signifying that David will inherit the throne. And this time David takes it. An earlier scripture recorded that the only two people with weapons in all of Israel were the king and the king’s son (1 Samuel 13:22). Now David figuratively becomes the king’s son, Saul’s successor to the throne. What an act of selflessness for Jonathan to give up his destiny to follow God’s plan!
Real friends sacrifice for one another. They do what is best for the other. That is how friendships are built over time. It’s important in marriage. And it’s important in friendship. And #3, real friends ...
3. Protect one another
Chapters 19 and 20 detail Saul’s rapid decline into paranoia and homicidal anger. Listen to the first three verses of 1 Samuel 19: “Saul told his son Jonathan and all the attendants to kill David. But Jonathan had taken a great liking to David and warned him, ‘My father Saul is looking for a chance to kill you. Be on your guard tomorrow morning; go into hiding and stay there. I will go out and stand with my father in the field where you are. I’ll speak to him about you and will tell you what I find out.’” 1 Samuel 19:1-3
Jonathan continually intercedes with his father on behalf of David. Sometimes it works. Saul’s temper is mollified for a few days. And then the anger and jealousy returns.
Finally, Jonathan and David have a heart-to-heart talk. At this point, Jonathan for some reason doubts that his father would really kill David. David tries to convince him of the truth. They come up with a plan to test Saul: David will go into hiding for a couple of days. When Saul asks about him, Jonathan will say that he’s gone home to worship with his family for a special time. If Saul accepts the answer, then Jonathan will be right. If Saul blows a gasket, David will be right and will have to go into hiding for good.
The plan unfolds. And the short of it is, Saul blows a gasket! In fact, he’s so angry at his son Jonathon for trying to protect David that he tries to spear his own son against the wall! Jonathan leaves the palace and finds his friend. Listen to their tearful goodbye, described in 1 Samuel 20:41-42: “David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most. Jonathan said to David, ‘Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’ Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.”
These two will only see each other once more, when Jonathan goes out to encourage fugitive David. 1 Samuel 23:17 records his words: “‘Don’t be afraid’ he said. ‘My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.’”
Shortly after, Jonathan will die on the battlefield along with his father, the king. David will take the throne. But first, he will mourn. He mourns the loss of the king. And he mourns the loss of his best friend, with these words in 2 Samuel 1:26: “I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.”
David is not making a homosexual reference here. He is commenting on that level of friendship that warriors know between them, and that civilians sometimes know as well: a friend that is closer than a brother. A friend who loves, protects, and sacrifices. David will keep his oath to his friend, as he later provides for Jonathan’s surviving relative.
As friendships go, none are tighter in the Bible than David and Jonathan. They loved, they sacrificed, and they protected. But there is one other special friendship I would be remiss to ignore: Jesus calls us his friend: John 15:15, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” Consider: Jesus loves us as he loved himself. Jesus said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you” (John 15:9). He sacrificed for us. He fulfilled the essence of John 15:13: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.” Philippians 2 says he stepped down out of glory for us. He gave up his royal position so we could become sons and daughters of God. And he protects us. His death and resurrection protects us from the evil one who seeks our soul. “He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). Jesus loves, Jesus sacrifices, and Jesus protects. He is truly a “friend of sinners.” Let us pray:
Father, we thank you that you have called us to be your children, to be Jesus’ friends. With the love that we have been given, help us to more richly love those around us. People say, “If you want a friend, be a friend.” Help us to be the kind of friend you would want us to be. And give us friends like that as well, people who will love us, protect us, and sacrifice for us, as we do the same for them. Help someone today to become Jesus’ friend for the very first time, as they give their life to him, trusting in his forgiveness for their sin. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.
