OPENING
SENTENCE: Many of you may not know the name Tim Keller but he is well known as a very successful pastor who built the largest church In New York City, an area considered very difficult to reach, and he did it without gimmicks or watering down the gospel.
INTRODUCTION: To honor his accomplishment Princeton Seminary, one of the oldest seminaries in the U.S., made him the recipient of the Kuyper Prize which is awarded each year to a scholar or community leader who has made an outstanding religious contribution. He certainly qualified for the prize. He is both a scholar and a brilliant communicator whose record reveals his acknowledgment.
We word got out he was receiving the award almost right away there was a huge outcry coming from many of the alumni and sponsors of the liberal seminary. Keller has taught and written in strong support of a biblical view of human sexuality and a complementarian view of women’s roles both in the church and home. Due to the outcry, he was denied the prize.
One of his antagonists was Carol Howard Merritt who wrote a scathing article in the liberal magazine, “The Christian Century”. In the article, she states, “Please understand this. Biblical womanhood, headship, and male authority teaches women that they have no right to choose… well… anything. A trip to the mall is up to their husband if he decides it’s his business. If he determines that she needs to stay at home and homeschool her kids instead of teaching grad school with her Ph.D., then there is no discussion. She gets no say in the matter… I know that people are angry that Tim Keller doesn’t believe in women in the pastorate. But, my friends, this goes much, much deeper than women not being able to be ordained as Pastors, Elders, and Deacons. Complementarianism means married women have no choice over their lives at all.” She later argues that his view sets the stage for abuse.
Wow! Certainly, if her claim is true then you might wonder why anyone, especially an intellect like Tim Keller, would espouse such a view. Why would anyone support denying women any choice over their lives at all? And yet, her position is reflective of how our modern culture perceives the biblical view of marriage. Like her, their picture of biblical marriages is one where women are inferior beings, controlled and manipulated without any rights or say over their lives. In contrast, the same people portray modern women as free to choose their own course in life with no obligation to anyone but themselves- even in marriage. In their view, the contrast is stark, either throw off the past archaic suppressive views of women’s or be doomed as degraded beings subject to abuse. History, they would argue, proves their case for them and all of them have stories that validate their claim.
TRANSITION
SENTENCE: The problem is that it appears she has never read Keller’s view or his reason it for in that her response distorts the teaching and misses his point completely.
TRANSITION: No one, including myself, who holds a complementarian view would suggest that it leads to the abuse or the degrading treatment of women. No one is arguing that there have not been abuses in the past. But, the abuse is not a result of this doctrine but of the selfish sinful nature resulting from the fall cited in Genesis. The abuse of women happens whatever your view of their role in marriage and the evidence bears that out.
SAY WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY: This morning I want us to look at this complementarian view and see that while it calls for submission when properly understood it gives honor and dignity to the woman that is not provided in the modern alternative. I want to look at three responses to the question, “How is the women’s role of submission to be understood in both scripture and culture?”
TEXT: Ephesians 5:18-24, Philippians 2:1-11
THEME: The one-flesh union of a man and woman requires mutual submission with the woman specifically called to that role.
How is the women’s role of submission to be understood in both scripture and culture?
I. Spirit-empowered submission is something all are called to. (18-21) Before we look at the verses that speak to the contrasting roles of the man and a woman in a marriage relationship we should first look at the context that we find them in.
18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord,20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
A. We are all called to be controlled by the Spirit. One of the most powerful themes of the New Testament is that when one becomes a believer in Jesus Christ the Holy Spirit enters into that person and begins changing his ideas and life from the inside out. Jesus spoke of the Spirits coming and every New Testament book says something about how He empowers us to live like Jesus. But, we are also told that we can resist, quench or even grieve the Spirit of God. Paul reminds us that we need to heed that inner spiritual voice present within us and enables us have the mind of Christ. This mind of Christ is revealed in Philippians 2:5-7 which says:
“5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!”
B. Those controlled by the Spirit will manifest certain traits. Notice that Paul has told us not to be controlled or influenced by wine but, in contrast, to be controlled or influenced by the Spirit of God. Just as there are traits that one sees in a person controlled by wine there are contrasting traits in a person controlled by the Spirit. Galatians 5:23-26 identifies some of these traits:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentlenesses and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.”
C. One of those traits is submission to one another. In today’s passage, Paul identifies one of these traits as submission and will show how it applies to marriage. As Tim Keller has said:
“In the Greek text, verse 21 is the last clause in the long previous sentence in which Paul describes several marks of a person who is “filled with the Spirit.” The last mark of Spirit fullness is in this last clause: It is a loss of pride and self-will that leads a person to humbly serve others. From this Spirit-empowered submission of verse 21, Paul moves to the duties of wives and husbands. Modern Western readers immediately focus on (and often bristle at) the word “submit,” because for us it touches the controversial issue of gender roles. But to start arguing about that is a mistake that will be fatal to any true grasp of Paul’s introductory point. He is declaring that everything he is about to say about marriage assumes that the parties are being filled with God’s Spirit. Only if you have learned to serve others by the power of the Holy Spirit will you have the power to face the challenges of marriage.”
ILLUSTRATE: Several months ago I spoke of a similar topic regarding leadership in the church. In that sermon, I presented the different approaches to understanding the contrasting views on men and women in both the home and in the church. There are primarily three views:
Egalitarian- This is the dominant position in our contemporary Western culture. It teaches that all gender distinctions in the home or the society should be removed- especially regarding patriarchy. They paint a picture of the past as oppressive and demeaning to women- and there is ample evidence to support their case. Their answer to this oppression is to try to change societies perspectives on what is masculine and feminine so these distinctions are removed making male and female equal in all areas.
A recent example of this was when Pembina Hills HS introduced a course titled “Women’s Studies”
which teaches girls about hairstyles, flattering clothing, dinner party etiquette and polite conversation- something that as recently as ten years ago would have been a welcome course. But, it produced an immediate outcry so that even David Eggen, leader of education for the Alberta NDP along with dozens of others, intervened to stop it. They felt it stereotyped females in an outdated expression of gender.
Hierarchical- The man has full authority over the home with the attitude that he is superior and the other inferior. This seems to be the view that Carol Merritt, who I referred to earlier, is opposed too. We have seen this view all throughout history where women are dominated and demeaned. This is the view that reflects the effects of the fall in the garden of Eden that I spoke of in an earlier sermon. There I taught that the effects of sin and the curse turned the male leadership role designed by God in creation into insensitive domination. History has borne this out and most rightfully disapprove of its effects.
Complementary- Husband and wife equally bear God’s image but have distinct God assigned roles in the relationship. This is the view, Tim Keller and I share. In this view, both sexes have vital roles to play in the one flesh marriage relationship where the two become one. It teaches that the relationship between the husband and wife is modeled after the relationship between Christ and his church.
APPLY: It is easy to paint the picture that history has oppressed and demeaned women- Genesis predicted that and few deny that. But, the solution is not to remove God’s design but to redeem His design from the effects of the fall so it gives to the wife the dignity inherent in her nature.
THEME: The one-flesh union of a man and woman requires mutual submission with the woman specifically called to that role.
How is the women’s role of submission to be understood in both scripture and culture?
II. The wife is specifically called to submit to her husband. (22)
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
A. The basis for this role finds its origins in creation. In Genesis 1:28 we learn that God created male and female as His image bearers and as co-heirs as Lord of the His creation. In chapter two He assigns man his first major task as Lord- the naming the animals as part of that role. When he completed the task Adam found that he was alone to which God said it was “not good”. So, God set about fixing that unfortunate state by creating woman as a suitable helper for man. It should be noted that Paul later indicates that because man was created first it matters in terms of his leadership (I Corinthians 11:8, I Tim. 2:13).
One of the first things Adam did at seeing his delightful new companion was to name her. Hebrew Scholar, Ronald Allen says of this, “For these reasons we take most seriously the datum that the man named the woman whom God created after him and whom God presented to him. There are some feminists today who have attempted to evade this issue. There are also some traditionalists who have pressed this too far…. Here is the amazing thing: When the man named the woman it was with a full consciousness that although he was formed first, and although he was exercising a role of leadership in naming her, nonetheless she was from him, she was like him, she was his equal. So the man gave her a name that means the same thing his own name means. His name for her was a happy joke; it was the feminine complement of his own name.”
B. The Spirit restores the ideal God designed at creation. With the fall sin corrupted the relationship between husband and wife. We find the beginning of the battle for the sexes in the curse for woman. The man will rule with loveless insensitivity while the woman will resist his leadership and try to conform him to what she desires. Both sexes are impacted and both sexes suffer as a result. The Spirit of God given to every believer works in us to become more like Christ and in a sense “undoing” the effects of the curse. We find in Christ our model for the restoration of marriage.
C. Submission is not a degrading term in the Christian worldview.
Remember, as we saw in the Philippians 2 passage even Jesus submitted to God the Father even though He was equal with Him. He was not inferior because He submitted. And, Jesus submitted not only to the will of the Father but in doing so He submitted himself to death itself as we saw in Philippians 2. In doing so Jesus submitted Himself to us. It is in Him we find our model for submission.
In the Bible, we learn that God’s Kingdom is upside down. To be great in God’s Kingdom you must be “the servant of all”. As we are reminded in Mark 9:35, “Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.” Or, Matthew 20:26, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant”
So to suggest that the woman is called to submit to her husband should not be the central issue in understanding the passage. The issue should be, “How do we overcome the effects of sin in marriage to enable us to restore God’s original intent”? Keller again speaks to this, “Immediately after discussing the Spirit-filled life, Paul turns to the subject of marriage, showing the tight connection between marriage and the life in the Spirit. And this connection teaches us two things. First, the picture of marriage given here is not of two needy people, unsure of their own value and purpose, finding their significance and meaning in one another’s arms… After trying all kinds of other things, Christians have learned that the worship of God with the whole heart in the assurance of his love through the work of Jesus Christ is the thing their souls were meant to “run on.” That is what gets all the heart’s cylinders to fire. If this is not understood, then we will not have the resources to be good spouses. If we look to our spouses to fill up our tanks in a way that only God can do, we are demanding an impossibility.
ILLUSTRATE: The evidence also bears this out. In the rapid demise of marriage in our culture, there are some groups that have resisted this trend toward broken marriages. The evidence is very clear that people whose faith is very important to them stand out in the health of their marriages. Ironically, most of these protestant believers value God’s Word and His teaching about the Holy Spirit and our roles within it.
APPLY: If we humble ourselves before God and are controlled by the Spirit of God it will become evident in our marriages. Let us devote ourselves to walking in the Spirit.
THEME: The one-flesh union of a man and woman requires mutual submission with the woman specifically called to that role.
How is the women’s role of submission to be understood in both scripture and culture?
III. The church's relationship to Christ is the model for the wife. (23-24)
“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
A. Just as Christ is the head of the church so the husband is the head of the wife. We will expand on this next week as we look at the role of the male in God’s marriage design. In that light, I would argue that when contrasting the two roles assigned for males and females I am convinced the male has the more difficult requirement of the two. If Jesus is our model, we have a very high bar.
In defense of Paul, we find he is not the only one who argues this point. We find a very similar statement from the apostle Peter in I Peter 3:1, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives…”
Attempts have been made to diminish the impact of this teaching by defining the “kephale”, (here translated “head”) to mean “source.” The basis for that position is so weak that I will not even try to respond to it. The context is clear; Jesus headship of the church is the model for the husband over his wife. In years past we taught young men that it was important to become devoted fathers and husbands who would lead, protect and provide for their families. In contrast, young men today are taught that they have no distinct role in marriage- their sole value, if they have one at all, is to bring home the paycheck. We have seen the results with the breakdown of fatherhood and marriage. The fact is, you cannot have two heads.
The word “submit” that both Peter and Paul uses has its origin in the military, and in Greek it denoted a soldier submitting to an officer. When you join the military you lose control over your schedule, over when you can take a holiday, over when you’re going to eat, and even over what you eat. To be part of a whole, to become part of a greater unity, you have to surrender your independence. You must give up the right to make decisions unilaterally. But Paul says it is to be done voluntarily- not by coercion or oppression. This ability to deny your own rights, to serve and put the good of the whole over your own, is not instinctive; indeed, it’s unnatural, but it is the very foundation of marriage. This sounds oppressive, but that’s just the way relationships work. Indeed, it has been argued that that is how everything works. You must be willing to give something up before it can be truly yours. Fulfillment is on the far side of sustained unselfish service, not the near side. It is one of the universal principles of life.
B. Just as the church is to obey Christ so the woman is to obey her husband. For both sexes, there is a parallel or model found the relationship between Jesus and His church. Just as Jesus is the head of the church so the male is the head of the wife. Just as the church is to obey Jesus so the woman is to obey her husband. But, remember this- Jesus is the husbands model. Like Him, he leads as a servant.
C. Absent the controlling of the Holy Spirit both roles are subject to abuse.
The Bible says that human beings were made in God’s image but sin distorted that image and only the Spirit of God can restore it. We were created to worship and live for God’s glory- not our own. We were made to serve God and others. That means that if we try to put our own happiness ahead of obedience to God, we violate that image and ultimately end up miserable. Jesus restates the principle when he says, “Whoever wants to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16: 25). He is saying, “If you seek happiness more than you seek me, you will have neither; if you seek to serve me more than serve happiness, you will have both.”
ILLUSTRATE: C.S. Lewis puts it this way, “Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring two pence how often it has been told before), you will, nine times out of ten, become original without having noticed it. The principle runs through life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it… Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours…”
APPLY: This is Paul’s point. Submission is the path to fulfillment as modeled by Jesus Himself.
THEME: The one-flesh union of a man and woman requires mutual submission with the woman specifically called to that role.
SAY WHAT YOU HAVE SAID: This morning we looked at three responses to the question, “How is the women’s role of submission to be understood in both scripture and culture?” We saw that while Spirit empowered submission is something all are called to the woman is specifically called that role based on God’s design for marriage. Sin has caused that design to be distorted making abuse possible and something only the Spirit can renew.
TIE INTO OPENING SENTENCE: There is a battle raging in our culture over what should be the relationship between a male and female in marriage. The removal of the Kuyper Prize that was granted to Time Keller is reflective of what we are facing today. It is a cause for concern because I believe there is a direct correlation between the breakdown in marriages and rejection of biblical roles in marriage.
APPLY TO SPECIFIC AUDIENCE:
1. No one is refuting the reality that patriarchy in the past has led to abuses and oppression of women. Genesis tells us it is the result of sin and the curse. The problem is self-centeredness that is intrinsic to both sexes as a result of the fall.
2. Jesus gives us the model of marriage as God’s design. It only makes sense that by following this model it would lead to healthier stable marriages and evidence seems to bear this out. People who see marriage as an extension of their faith has better marriages.
3. Submission, in the Christian faith, is not demeaning or a sign of inferiority. Remember Jesus Himself submitted Himself and in doing so became the sacrifice for us all.
HAYMAKER: The decline of marriage in the last four decades is astounding, but why is that? I believe the reason is this: Both men and women today see marriage not as a way of creating character and community but as a way to reach personal life goals. They are all looking for a marriage partner who will “fulfill their emotional, sexual, and spiritual desires.” And that creates an extreme idealism that in turn leads to deep pessimism that you will ever find the right person to marry. This is the reason so many put off marriage and look right past great prospective spouses that simply are “not good enough.” This is ironic. Older views of marriage are considered to be traditional and oppressive, especially for women, while the newer view of the “I-Marriage” seems so liberating. And yet it is the newer view that has led to a steep decline in marriage and to an oppressive sense of hopelessness with regard to it. To have an I-Marriage requires two completely well-adjusted, happy individuals, with very little in the way of emotional neediness of their own or character flaws that need a lot of work. The problem is— there is almost no one like that out there to marry! The new conception of marriage-as-self-realization has put us in a position of wanting too much out of marriage and yet not nearly enough— at the same time.
Maybe, just maybe, Paul is on to something and we can learn from Him about the importance of submitting to God and to each other in our relationships.
THEME: The one-flesh union of a man and woman requires mutual submission with the woman specifically called to that role.
