Responsibilities Of A Christian Husband
Eph. 5:21-25, 6:1-4 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; . . Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
The great British Field Marshall, Montgomery reportedly said to his young soldiers one day, "Gentlemen, don't even think of marriage until you have mastered the art of warfare!" Is his evaluation of the difficulties involved in marriage valid today?
Every form of media in every land is filled with stories that can be directly related to broken homes and marriages. Not only has divorce become the norm, but society has placed it's stamp of approval upon every form of short and long term relationship imaginable; even perverted relationships outside the sacred bonds of holy matrimony. Recent news indicates that well over seventy percent of Afro-American children born in America last year were born outside of wedlock. The figure for the culture as a whole has reached thirty percent. So-called homosexual unions are creeping ever closer to being culturally and legally accepted nationwide in the U.S.
The record is at least equally appalling in our own nation, Australia. Some eighty percent of young couples between the ages of eighteen and twenty-eight that live together in our State of Queensland do so outside the bonds of matrimony. In large areas populated by those in lower socioeco- nomic situations, sixty to seventy percent of families have single parents; usually a single mother. Pastors, counsellors and social workers increas- ingly hear ever more tragic horror stories from brokenhearted husbands, tearful wives and disillusioned children; stories of misery and unhappiness in the home.
Many studies have been made in recent years designed to identify the
basic causative factors in marriage breakup and family destruction. Results are not too surprising. Moral breakdown in society, the technological and media revolution, social and peer pressures, economic and financial pressures that result in mothers and fathers spending less and less time with each other and their children, homes without a father or a mother as positive role models, materialism and the spirit of uncontrolled acquisition; and so the list of those things contributing to the destruction of the traditional family goes on and on.
However, in all these studies a basic fact seems to be ignored. Since God created man and instituted the union between man and woman, called marriage, by marrying the first couple in the garden of Eden and commanding that couple to be fruitful and multiply (create families), it is obvious that the basic problem in the home is spiritual.
The story of the very first family in history confirms this. If you examine the story closely, you will find that an abdication of leadership responsibility by the first husband and the desire for leadership by the first wife and the subsequent reversal of roles clearly contributed to the first spiritual problem in the first family. Later, sibling rivalry, jealousy, and envy made their entrance into the relationships within that family. The tragic story culminates with the first blood being shed by man - within a family! All this had its roots in the spiritual problem of rebellion against God and His way. The way of Cain then became a Biblical synonym for the spiritual problems of man. Many of these problems still find their most hurtful and harmful manifestation in dysfunctional homes.
It was God who said that it is not good that man should be alone and then made him a help meet. It is the Bible that gives the rules and regulations governing marriage and family that have been successfully implemented to create happy Christian marriages throughout the generations of man. It follows that the real basic reasons for breakdown and unhappiness in the home are spiritual. We have departed from the Word of God and no longer acknowledge His plan for the family. Family members no longer seem to understand God's way for relationships in the family. Or they refuse to accept their particular roles and responsibilities as outlined in the Bible. God warns that if we depart from His plan for the family or any of His ordained institutions, we will be in serious difficulty and the happiness of the home will be in danger.
Since the husband and father has been given the primary leadership role in the family, it is obvious the husband and father must shoulder a great deal of the responsibility for the breakdown and destruction of the family unit. The scriptures make it clear that the husband is to be the ultimate spiritual leader and guide in the home. He has been given the necessary scriptural authority to lovingly and humbly implement and exercise his leadership role. Since authority and responsibility are the opposite sides of a coin, it is clear that God takes a serious view of the role and responsibility of the husband in the home. Let's look at the duties and responsibilities of the husband in a Christian home as they are described in the Bible.
The word husband is an Anglo-Saxon word which means "the band of the house" or "the master of the house." The obvious inference of this definition is that the husband is the one who is to organize, hold together and control the home. The wife is to be his help meet; or chief assistant in this work.
THE FIRST RESPONSIBILITY OF A HUSBAND IS TO LOVE HIS WIFE. " Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; . . . Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband." (Eph. 5:25, 33) All duties and responsibilities man has to God and man are summed up with the one word, love. In the Old Testament this duty was called the First and Great Commandment. Jesus confirmed it as such in the New Testament. Such Godlike love is not an option for the husband. It is a unconditional command from God. It is a basic responsibility the husband has to God and to his wife and family.
If a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, it would be good to examine the kind of love Christ had for His church and how it has been expressed.
Christ's love for His church was a paying and purchasing love. Although His love flows freely to His church, He paid a terrible price to place into effect God's eternal plan of purchasing eternal sons of God; buying them back from the grip of Satan and the grasp of the wages of sin. The story of the cross is the story of Christ's sacrificial love for His church. Such love has nothing to do with the deserving or non-deserving nature of its object. There is not a single soul in the universe deserving of such a pure and costly love. When the names were written in the Lamb's Book of Life in eternity past, the inscription had nothing at all to do with the worthiness of those who were
recorded there. Quite the contrary. God loved His eternal sons eternally because it is His nature to love the unlovable. After all, God is love.
Just as God's love for us as expressed and demonstrated by Christ's sacrifice on the cross is unconditional and without strings attached, so should the husband's love be for his wife. The command does not say, "Husbands love your wives because she deserves it . ." Nor does it say, "Husbands love your wives .. IF ... or ... WHEN.." But the husband's responsibility is to love his wife when she is lovely or unlovely. When she is grateful or ungrateful. When she is respectful or disrespectful. When she is scripturally submissive or rebellious. When she is responsive or unresponsive. When she is deserving or non-deserving. When she is generous or stingy with her affection. Husband are to always love their wives, in all circumstances and at all times. This is obviously a hard saying and even much easier said than done. But this does not negate the husband's basic responsibility to love his wife.
The old story about a farmer's wind bane illustrates the principle involved. The farmer had painted, "God is love," upon it. His neighbor was offended. He assumed the farmer was indicating that God's love was just as changeable as the wind direction. But the farmer told him, "Quite the contrary. I mean that God is love, no matter which way the wind is blowing!"
So it should be with a husband's love for his wife. The husband is to love his wife, no matter which way the domestic winds are blowing! This love should be continually growing in its intensity and expression. It might be good if we husbands asked ourselves, "When was the last time I really made a sacrifice for my wife simply because I love her? Have I ever really sacrificed myself and my own desires for my wife? Have I, or would I, come close to really being willing to actually die for my wife's sake?"
Christ's love for His church was a perfect and purifying love. A primary purpose of His love was, "That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. " (Eph. 5:26-27) Christ loved His church so deeply that He desired to completely cleanse and purify it. A clear principle is involved in this definition of pure love. No one who truly loves wishes to dirty, damage or defile that which they love.
His perfect and purifying loved provided a way for His people to be eternally cleansed from sin and placed in the perfect and holy Body of Christ. (See Isa. 1:18, Psalm 103:12, Micah 7:19, II Cor. 5:21) Eternal salvation by grace through faith means that we are eternally and absolutely purified. His blood has the capacity to cover every past, present and future sin of the believer.
This love also has a daily and practical effect and application. As we walk through this world our feet are dirtied and soiled by sin. His purifying love has provided for our daily confession and cleansing from sin. As I have often pointed out in messages in the past, the story of the dialogue between our Savior and Peter on the occasion of His washing of the feet of His disciples illustrates this beautifully.
Marriage sets a wife apart from her past and previous world. Christ-like love will cause a husband to seek to purify his wife every day they live together. He'll seek to keep her feet clean from the contamination of the world. He will act to maintain her purity, virtue, righteousness and holiness. He will do nothing to compromise, defile, degrade or bring impurity into her life. Real Christ-like love always seeks to purify.
Young ladies who are yet to be married should understand Christ's view of real love. If a man comes along and tries to take advantage and steal your virtue by telling you he loves you, that is not love. Love does not tear down, soil, degrade or dishonour, but real love lifts up, elevates and makes pure.
Christ's love for His church was a passionate and providing love. "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones." (Eph. 5:28-30) The lesson here is obvious. The ordinary man will spend some time looking after himself and his own body. Good food, exercise and nice clothes are in order. After all, if we don't take care of ourselves, who will? And is not true that we are not our own but bought with a price and our body is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit of God?
Just as a man naturally meets the needs of his own body for good health and a comfortable existence, a Christ-like love will move the husband to try to meet the real needs of his wife. This will not only entail her physical needs, but more importantly, just as Christ provides for all the needs of His people, all her spiritual, psychological and emotional needs should find their ultimate earthly fulfillment in her husband's servant ministry to her.
It is good to notice again that such love is not necessarily an emotion nor is it based upon an emotional impulse. But it is logical to assume that in making us part of His divine love plan, God is showing us that the more we meet the needs of the one we are loving, the deeper our affection will become and the greater our emotional response will be. But we do not wait for an emotion to motivate us to love our wives in a Christ-like passionate and providing manner by meeting all their needs all the time as God gives us grace and ability to do so.
Christ's love for His church was a permanent and persevering love. " For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh." (Eph. 5:31) This principle of Godlike love is as old as the institution of marriage itself. It was stated in the beginning, reiterated in the law and stated again and again in the New Covenant. God's love for His church is permanent and will remain through all circumstances, situations and ages to come.
A husband's love for his wife should be just as permanent and persever- ing. With such love in the hearts and lives of a husband and a wife, marriage truly becomes the unbreakable love covenant that God intended from the beginning. Just as the eternal God's love for His people is the basis for their eternal security and final perseverance, so is such love of a husband for his wife the foundation for an enduring union. Based upon this glorious love principle, can we not see why God is so uncompromisingly and unalterable opposed to marriage breakdown and divorce?
Why is it so important that husbands love like Christ loved His church? Why is it so very vital that marriage be based upon such noble and Godly principles? Since it is so obvious that God has given man marriage as a figurative picture of His relationship with His people, any breakdown and severance of the marriage bond symbolizes the impossible; the breaking of His relationship with His people. With this established, it is easy to see the seriousness and sacredness God has Paul to attache to marriage, "This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband." (Eph. 5:32-33)
THE HUSBAND IS RESPONSIBLE TO PROVIDE FOR HIS WIFE AND FAMILY. In spite of dictates of the modern day feminist movement or the requirements of political correctness, God's position on this issue is abundantly clear. In spite of the all too common tendency of the modern day Christian to accept, adapt and accommodate to these popular philosophies, God's instruction on the matter remains as unambiguous and unchanging as the immutable God and His eternal Word. God meant what He said when He commanded, "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." (I Tim. 5:8)
This inspired language of Paul is not, as some might wish to think, coloured by culture, related to a certain patriarchal tradition or restricted to a particular period. This principle remains in effect in our day and time. Any husband or father who does not take it seriously, is obviously abdicating his God-given responsibility and is inviting trouble into his home. The Bible does not make mention of a wife's responsibility to be the primary provider for her husband or family. Nor is there any indication of an equality of position or responsibility in this area.
In savage, heathen and pagan tribes, it is not uncommon for women to do the hard labour and men to live in comparative idleness. In the mid- seventies, I had the privilege of participating in an extensive teaching mission among the Melanesians in the Solomon Islands. This philosophy was one of the striking things about that culture at that time. The practice was particularly prevalent and apparent among those tribes that were called and still called themselves, "heathen." It seemed that in the more "Christianized" villages, husbands and fathers more readily accepted their role of primary provider. The improvement and civilizing effect of this change was clearly apparent in the Christian villages.
As is consistently the case, man's attempt to improve upon God's way, is doomed to end in destruction and disaster. Can anyone seriously contend that a return to the way of the heathen in this area has helped the family and improved our culture and built up our communities? Some of us can remember the day when a lazy lay about who neglected to provide for his family was looked upon as just that. Has the reversal of roles, in which some so-called men stay at home and care for the children and the mother becomes the primary provider out in the workaday world, really improved the lot of women and built up the institution of the family today? Who would dare to even hint that the family is better off today than in bygone days of yesteryear? Is it any wonder that someone once coined the phrase, "Savages in business suits," to describe post-modern man's movement away from the moral absolutes in the Word of God?
THE HUSBAND IS RESPONSIBLE TO PROTECT HIS WIFE AND FAMILY. "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowl- edge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." (I Peter 3:7) In this passage God makes it amply clear that the husband alone has the ultimate responsibility to seek and acquire the spiritual knowledge and maturity to fully equip him to live with his wife and family is such a way as to bring honour to them and his household. Of course, such knowledge and maturity must have its genesis in the Word of God. A Christian husband cannot live up to his responsibility in this area unless he gets into the Word of God and lets it permeate and rule his life through the illumination and control of the indwelling Holy Spirit of God. (See I Cor. 2:14, 6:20, Col. 3:16)
What husband and father worth his salt would not willing lay down his life to protect his wife and family from the onslaught of lawless men or marauding gangs? Would a man be a real man if he refused to provide a circle of protection around his home that would secure it from the intrusion of any and all who would wish to do harm to those dear ones he loves?
But it seems in our materialistic world of acquisition, Christian husbands and fathers all too often allow the world to determine what is hurtful and harmful to our families. A world that will cry out loudly against any physical pollution of a pristine natural environment, will turn a blind eye to the most horrendous and destructive pollution of all; the disgusting and destructive moral and spiritual pollution of the collective mind and soul of a nation and a culture. Husbands and fathers who would not even entertain the idea of allowing harmful physical pollutants to penetrate and permeate their home and injure their wife and children, will not only permit, but participate in daily exposing their dear ones to the worldly pollution of their minds.
A husband's wife and family is a God-given treasure to be protected and preserved against all the forces of evil that would hurt and destroy. He has a primary responsibility to keep his family from harm's way. But just what is the greatest harm and hurt that might penetrate the family circle? Just what is the most important protection the husband can provide for his family? Just what will be the most important question asked of a husband and father at the judgment relative to his family responsibilities? Will it related to the quantity and quality of the food he placed upon his table? Will it entail the fad and fancy of the clothes his family was arrayed in? Will it evolve around the value of the cars he provided for their earthly pleasure? Will it entail the size and prominent position of the palatial mansion he furnished for their shelter? Will it even involve the secular educational and employment opportunities he gave his children?
Will it focus upon the financial and physical inheritance he bequeathed them? The Word of tells us that none of these will be the criterion by which God will measure the success or failure of a husband or a father. The more pertinent questions upon which the judgment of God will be based will be: What did you provide for your family's spiritual protection and preservation? What did you do to bring your whole household to salvation in Jesus Christ? What spiritual resources did you daily make available to provide for their spiritual growth and maturity? What spiritual example did you set in your own daily living? What effort did you make to ensure your family was reared entirely in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? What did you do to build and grow His church as a place of spiritual refuge, safety and life focus for your family? Just what sacrifices did you make to ensure that a community and national spiritual heritage would be bequeathed to your children and their descendents?
A HUSBAND AND FATHER IS RESPONSIBLE TO PATIENTLY AND PERSISTENTLY PERSUADE HIS FAMILY OF THE THINGS OF GOD. It is vital that a husband first of all be faithful to God and his calling as a Christian husband and father. Someone once asked, "What is more important than for a husband to love his wife?' Someone else replied, "That he love Jesus!" Of course, this is not an either or situation. If a husband and father is to be in a position to effectively persuade his household of the things of God he must be a living example of the things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of a good report. He is to be ever faithful to his calling as the divinely ordained minister of the oldest church (assembly) in the Bible, the family.
I believe the stories of such heads of households as Joshua were given to husbands and fathers to illustrate the influence for good such Godly and responsible husbands and fathers can have. Joshua summed it all up when he said to the assembled fathers of Israel, "And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that [were] on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." (Joshua 24:15)
The spiritual leadership duties relative to the family outlined by that great spiritual leader, Moses, in the Old Testament have not been repealed. "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God [is] one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates." (Duet. 6:6-9)
In the New Testament we find the stories of Cornelius and the Philippian jailer. If we examine these stories closely one central and overwhelming truth becomes obvious. These men not only made a commendable complete committal to Jesus Christ, but immediately moved to be the instrument God used to bring their entire household to Him in salvation, baptism and acceptable service.. In the cultural context of the time, it is clear this would have normally involved an extended influence reaching far beyond their immediate family.
It could easily be said that the ultimate success for a Christian husband and father could be measured by his success in bringing his offspring to Christ. I'm sure many fathers have patiently prayed the same prayer as they have sought to patiently and persistently persuade their children of the claims of Christ upon their life. In my life it was phrased something like this, "Dear Lord, please allow me to so clearly and consistently present the gospel to my children that they may become accountable before you for their sins, realize their lost condition, but be lost only long enough to repent and trust Christ as their Saviour and Lord and receive Your gift of everlasting life."
Love for and faithfulness to God has to be the foundation for true love and real fidelity to ones wife. God's Word teaches that marital infidelity, in thought, word, or deed is one of the greatest crimes known to God and man.
Perhaps it is because physical adultery within the marriage bond could symbolize spiritual adultery within the bond of Christ to His church. Hus- bands and father who wish to have God's continuing blessings upon their home and family, will live in such a way as to faithfully, patiently and persistently persuade them of the things of God, as they daily live out the way of God before them.
