HoHum:
Things one should never do when visiting someone in the hospital:
Go when we’re sick
Compare medical horror stories
Speak aggressively to hospital staff
Eat from the patient’s food tray
Disrespect the patient’s roommate
WBTU:
From David Powlison’s article, “A Most Welcome Visitor”
A preacher friend was talking with me about visiting church members in the hospital. He commented, “I have noticed an upswing in how often other visitors treat me with noticeable disdain.” The derision and eye rolling do not come from the patients he visits or from medical staff. It comes from the family and friends of other patients. He will strike up a friendly conversation in the elevator or waiting room. When the other party finds out that he is a preacher, the room turns chilly, and the person makes some verbal or non verbal sniff in is direction. In effect, “Why on earth are you here? What good can you do? Yeah, right... religion is a joke.” “Sad that you are here because you have a captive audience, patient’s can’t get away”
Of course individual reasons come into play, but my friend also credits 2 cultural causes for the uptick in disdain. First, our culture places blind, inordinate faith in medical knowledge and personnel. Physical health is the greatest good imaginable. Ill health is the greatest bad imaginable. Medical care is the means to achieve the greatest good of health.
Second, the way the culture talks about prayer (“our thoughts and prayers are with you”), and the way churches typically pray (the “prayer list” and “the preacher’s prayer”) are largely medically oriented. If we didn’t know better, we could easily get the impression that both the medical profession and God are preoccupied with restoring and maintaining good health. Who does a better job at it? Medical insight and expertise do the heavy lifting. Medicine is objective and scientific while prayer is subjective and superstitious- a bit like a rabbit’s foot. Pray might not do any harm, but it can hardly do much good. Such thoughts make shepherding the sick a bit silly!
But my friend has come up with an effective way to disarm scorn and open up the possibility of a significant conversation. With a twinkle in his eye, he says, “You know doctors lose every one of their patients in the long run... but some of my patients live forever.” That catches people off guard. It makes them think. The mixing of inevitable death with possible eternal life often leads to an opportunity to speak directly about Christian faith. In reality, church and medicine have a very different sense for what is most needed, what is the greatest good, and what drive prayer. Medicine is no match for what my friend comes to do.
He is a shepherd to the souls of those privileged to welcome such a visitor. Ministry endeavors to cure soul sickness. The ministry of prayer and the Word aims to cure a thousand ailments: unbelief, self preoccupation, anxiety, meaninglessness, ruptured relationships, and all the wayward desires and actions of sinful flesh. The aim is to work faith into the heart and love into the lifestyle. Because physical illness slows people down, often frightens them, and makes them realize their true spiritual needs, it can open a wide door for curing a receptive soul.
My friend’s ministry is not indifferent to sickness, as if he is only concerned for the soul. Death and the shadows of death- weakness, illness, disability, bereavement, aging, dying- haunt the pages of Scripture. Jesus does good to sick people. James tells us to pray for the sick. Eternal life will swallow up death and all its shadows in the resurrection. The lesser, temporary healings are a genuine good. So my friend also prays with people that God might give a cure or help for what now ails their bodies. He respects doctors and nurses, and prays that their work will prosper as a gift of God. But his priorities are clear. He knows that doctors do lose every patient in the end. He knows that there is a subtext in every person’s medical history to which patients, doctors, and other visitors are often blind. They may think that what is going on is merely a medical drama. But in fact, an epic moral drama is playing out right now in every person with a medical condition. It is also playing out in every visitor and medical professional.
Every hospital visit presents a focused counseling moment. In fact, I think that hospital visitation has a lot to teach counselors. The occasion of sickness strips the counseling encounter down to its elemental features. Recently, an elderly woman in our church died after a long decline in which she was supported by visitors who loved her.
Thesis: The basic elements that played a part in visiting with her shed light on the basic elements in all biblically-wise counseling.
For instances:
We care
Taking the time to visit shows that we care. We have a history of caring friendship with her. All this nourishes her gladness and trust.
Inherent clarity about the purpose of our conversation
We are not here to heal what is wrong with her body, or to fix all the other losses, heartaches, and troubles that she has faced. There may be some practical help we can offer, as part of our friendship. But for certain we will talk together. Essentially, we are here for her, pursuing her welfare and well being as a sister of Christ.
We can ask the personal questions that so few people ask: “How are you doing in the mist of this?”
We invite self reflection and honesty. We are patient and attentive. We really care to know. If she trusts us, and if she is willing to face herself, she will be honest.
If we know how to listen and what to listen for, we hear her revealing profound things about the state of her soul.
Whether she knows it or not, she will reveal how she is currently answering life, death questions
She reveals the status of her faith by what she says and doesn’t say. Her response to Jesus’ first great commandment- to love and worship God- is out on the table, sometimes openly, always between the lines. All human beings continually reveal their answer to the biggest questions: “Who and what are we living for? Who and what do we most love? Who and what do we fear? Who and what are we trusting? In whom and in what are we setting our hopes?”
She reveals the quality of her works by every emotion, word, attitude, action, and reaction. Her answer to Jesus’ second great commandment- to love others- is always out on the table, whether she is aware or not. All human beings continually reveal their answer to the biggest questions: “How are we treating other people? How are we reacting emotionally to circumstances? How are we living? How are we loving?
Caring for her, and knowing both her situation and her soul, we respond relevantly.
That usually involves both a personal response and a word of God. There is no script for the honest, helpful things that one person says to another, but certain principles structure wise improvisation. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29, NIV.
Is what we are tempted to say merely chatter, or an empty saying, or essentially false?
What might we say that could prove truly constructive and helpful to her?
What speaks encouragement to her need in this moment?
How can we give grace to her?
We might say very little. We might say a great deal. No script can capture wisdom’s diverse ways. Simple good cheer or our honest tears. A thoughtful observation or some practical advice. A reminiscence or some current news. A bit of wit or a story about ourselves. An honest compliment or taking her hand (no one gets the wrong idea with a woman in her 90’s).
Our words matter, and so do God’s. A word of God is a word of life: “The unfolding of your words gives light” Psalms 119:130, NIV. The more realistic a person is about life and death, about good and evil, the more relevant God is. It is unbelief that takes a leap into darkness. Faith steps into the light. What about and from God bids her to true faith? What calls her to practical obedience? If she has ears to hear, she will respond to the simplest things: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” It is amazing how human beings respond to nourishing words
We know that what she most needs does not lie within herself, or within the scope of medical intervention. So we give what we have- we give Christ
Our prayers express honest need for God’s mercies and genuine care for a woman in need. We are loving her well by interceding, taking her hand as it were, so that she, too, might seek and find God.
What is the greatest resource we have? It is ourselves- our presence
What did Christ do? He left heaven and came down- with people- Immanuel
So what?
Everything that hospital visitation does crystallizes what wise counseling does in other situations. Even a short visit can work toward curing the soul- nourishing this person- in relation to God, to other people, and to life circumstances however threatening. We care about this person as a person. In the midst of all the significant variables of medical status, finances, the presence or absence of significant others, personal history, stage of life, the multitude of losses.
“Some of my patients live forever.” That is so in hospital visitation. That is so in other kinds of counseling too. When the counselor (brother or sister in Christ) knows what is at stake, it affects everything that happens in the conversation. Christian ministry brings Christ himself into the room, and he is the most welcome visitor of all for those who love him.
End with exposition of Matthew 25:31-46
