SCARS - How Do I Forgive Those Who Have Scarred Me?
January 22, 2023
Mark 11:25-26
Introduction:
In the 7th chapter of Kyle Idleman’s book “Grace is Greater” he shares this story:
Elizabeth and Frank Morris’s eighteen year old son, Ted, was home from college for Christmas break. He had gotten a job to make a little money. It was late, and Elizabeth was worried because he was supposed to be home from work already. That’s when the phone rang. Elizabeth answered and received the news no mother wants to hear. On Ted’s drive home a car coming the other way had crossed the median and hit him head-on.
Tommy Pigage was driving the other car. He had been at a party where he had gotten drunk. His friends told him not to drive, but he didn’t listen. He blacked out and never even saw Ted Morris’s car coming down the other side of the road.
Ted died the next morning. Tommy’s blood alcohol level was about three times the legal limit.
The trial was about a month later. Elizabeth and her husband were there and were enraged when Tommy pleaded innocent. The trial was delayed repeatedly. Finally, almost two years later, the trial closed when Tommy reached a plea bargain that allowed him to be freed on probation.
Tommy was now free, and Elizabeth began having revenge fantasies in which she would kill him.
Here’s the question…“Is God’s grace greater even than the pain caused by a drunk driver that kills your son?” (p. 118)
God really doesn’t expect me to forgive someone that has scarred me that deeply does He?
How can Mark 11:25-26 apply to Frank and Elizabeth Morris’ situation? There has to be some kind of exemption clause when it comes to the girl who has been sexually abused by her Dad…or the young man who had his father murdered by his younger brother…or the parents who found their daughter murdered and burned in their home…or the guy that got my child addicted and caused their overdose?
Is God’s grace big enough to transform my hatred into forgiveness? Can I forgive the one who has caused the biggest scar in my soul?
When God tells us in His Word to get rid of our bitterness, rage and anger” does He really mean it? Can I really forgive others “just as in Christ, God has forgiven me?”
In case you think I’m minimizing the depth of the scar…here’s what this doesn’t mean…
…We’re not saying that what happened is no big deal or that healing will be immediate or that you should make excuses for what someone did to you. We’re not saying abuse should be tolerated or that you shouldn’t press charges if a crime has been committed. We’re not saying you won’t hurt anymore or that you’ll be able to magically forget what happened. We’re also not saying you should blindly trust someone who’s hurt you.
But what I am saying is this… “Unless the forgiveness we’ve received from God becomes the model and motivation for our forgiveness of others…no matter what…we can never heal…we will be stuck in a jail of bitterness, anger and rage…fantasizing about how we can hurt or kill that other person. Grace either flows or it gets dammed up.
I. THERE ARE ONLY TWO CHOICES
No matter what has caused this deep, deep scar…There are only two choices. Only two roads…
1. Continually walk down the road that wants revenge more than anything else.
Or…
2. Continually walk down the road that wants forgiveness more than anything else.
One is easy to get on and hard to get off…It’s easy to want people that have hurt us to pay for it…what they did deserves punishment…It wasn’t fair…it’s too big…our nature runs to this road…and Satan feeds it with his influence…people feed it with their advice…and eventually it becomes the chain that imprisons our every emotion.
But walking in faith almost always takes a conscious decision to step in the other direction…whether its walking up a mountain to sacrifice your son…or choosing a long path that leads to forgiveness.
You can be the couple who demanded that the young man who killed their daughter while drunk driving write a check for a dollar on her birthday every day for the rest of his life or you can choose what the Morris’ chose to do…
Remember Elizabeth and Frank Morris? Tommy Pigage, who was driving drunk, had killed their son, Ted. At his trial, Tommy got off on probation and Elizabeth wanted revenge.
But Elizabeth had a problem. She was the recipient of grace. A Christian, Elizabeth took her pain to God, and as she prayed she realized that her heavenly Father had also had his innocent son murdered. She knew she had to forgive Tommy as God had forgiven her.
Elizabeth went and met with Tommy. She told him she wanted to help him. Tommy came from a broken home and struggled with alcoholism. He needed help.
Not much later, Tommy got drunk and violated his parole agreement. Tommy was
sentenced to three months in prison, and Elizabeth visited him regularly. When he got out, Elizabeth and Frank began building a relationship with Tommy and talking to him about Jesus. One night the Morrises and Tommy drove to their church, where Frank Morris baptized his son’s killer.
The Morrises now view Tommy as their son. He attends church with them every Sunday, and then they go out for lunch. They often get together to go roller-skating or bowling. Tommy calls them every single day.
It’s an amazing story that really happened. The question I have, though, it: Will it happen? Is there a reconciliation story that needs to unfold in your life?
Is there an enemy you need to forgive, to pray for, to do good to, to be reconciled with? Who is it? What do you need to do?
Once again, I’ll emphasize this truth…I’m not saying it’s natural…it’s not…it’s supernatural…It’s impossible apart from God’s influence in our lives…it’s an act of faith to choose grace over revenge…it’s not the denial of justice…It’s the denial of my right for vengeance. It’s a choice to choose the only road that can set me free over a road that leads to prison.
I read this post the other day on Facebook and it captured a powerful truth…
In order to be a person of faith, your view of God must be bigger than your view of your enemies. If you have a bigger view of your enemies, then they will control you. Wind can’t move an iceberg because most of an iceberg is beneath the surface of the water. But the current can move an iceberg, even in the face of a fierce wind, because the pull of the current is stronger than the push of the wind. If the pull of God is stronger in our lives than the push of our enemies, then God’s influence will win out.
No matter how big the iceberg, if God’s influence is bigger…it’s gonna move.
Because…
II. FAITH MOVES MOUNTAINS
Let me give you some context to why Jesus said, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in Heaven may forgive you your sins.”
Jesus has just left Bethany…the home of Mary, Martha and Lazarus…to reenter Jerusalem the day after his triumphal entry on Palm Sunday. It’s the day after He rode into Jerusalem on a young colt while people shouted “Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord.” They throw down palm branches to celebrate the Messiah…”
And the day after Jesus leaves Bethany…He’s hungry…no Martha McMuffins were available I guess…and He sees this really lush fig tree (the leaves always appear before fruit on fig trees). It held the promise of breakfast…but when Jesus gets there it’s empty…so he says to it…“May no one ever eat fruit from you again!”
There’s an object lesson taking place here for Jesus’ disciples…because after they go home to Bethany they get up the next morning and head out again…Listen
MARK 11:20-24
These are the words Jesus spoke right before our text…about forgiving others.
Here’s my take on what’s happening…“It’s all about FAITH.”
Faith isn’t about looking like you have fruit…It’s about bearing fruit…There will be mountains in our lives that need to be moved…Faith moves them. FAITH prays believing God will do what He’s promised…before He does it…and one of the biggest mountains that we need to move is our hearts when it comes to forgiving others…It requires real fruit…it requires a powerful prayer life…it connects us with our Father in heaven who has forgiven us…
It is absolutely imperative for us.
I think it’s vitally important for us to remember when this is happening for Jesus and His followers…His arrest and crucifixion are less than a week away. Today is the day we remember Palm Sunday…It had just happened 2 days earlier.
The fulfillment of Prophecy in Jesus as Messiah is powerfully displayed. Zechariah 9:9 speaks loudly, proclaims…“Rejoice greatly, Daughter Zion! Shout Daughter Jerusalem! See, your King comes to you, righteous and victorious, lowly and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.”
Listen to how Mark Chapter 11 begins:
MARK 11:1-11
Think about this…this is in the rear view mirror of Jesus and His disciples…a powerful proclamation of the promised coming King…It must have excited Peter, James, John and the others beyond words…Here it is…All we’ve waited for!!! Here it comes…like David’s Kingdom…Hosanna (which means “Save”)
I’m just pretty sure they had a misunderstanding of how that “saving” would be done…By the way, they were angry with one another over who might have the best seats when it happened.
In a few days this same “Messiah” would be hanging on a Roman cross…Luke would record “when they come to the place called the skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals - one on his right and the other on his left…Jesus said, “FATHER, FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING.” (Luke 23:33-34)
No one was shouting a joyful “Hosanna” at the cross…But ironically it was always how God would “save.”
David prophesied in Psalm 22 “They pierce my hands and feet…they cast lots for my garment.” (v. 16, 18)
Isaiah prophecies, “He was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. The punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed…The Lord makes His life an offering for sin.” (Isaiah 53:5, 10)
Isaiah also said, “After He has suffered He will see the light of life and be satisfied.” (v. 11)
Faith not only moves mountains but it will always bring you to this mountain…The place called the skull…Golgotha…Calvary.
A place where the Son of God is dying for the sins of all mankind…and praying for the forgiveness of those who are killing Him.
This is why Mark 11:25 and 26 is so essential for those who would claim to be followers of Jesus…“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them so that your Father in Heaven may forgive your sins.”
Grace flows…the cross is all about forgiveness…our Savior prayed for those who scarred Him while He died for them…and us…who’s scarred you bigger than that? Is the cross big enough to cover their sin too?
It takes faith to come to this mountain…and move me and you to surrender our debts…and surrender the debts we think others owe us.
