Self Grace
Matthew 27:1-5
May 5, 2019
I want to start this morning by reading a passage. It’s from Matthew 27:1-5. Jesus has been betrayed and arrested. Judas, the betrayer went to the Jewish leaders to talk about what happened. This is the story –
1 When morning came, all the chief priests and the elders of the people took counsel against Jesus to put Him to death.
2 And they bound Jesus and led Him away and delivered Him over to Pilate the governor.
3 Then when Judas, His betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he changed his mind and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders,
4 saying, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.” They said, “What is that to us? See to it yourself.”
5 And throwing down the pieces of silver into the temple, he departed, and he went and hanged himself. – Matthew 27:1-5
This morning I want to talk about a topic we usually don’t talk about in church. Somewhere along the way, you've done something awful. You know you’ve made a mistake, you’ve committed a sin. You feel guilty and very remorseful. You may have turned this guilt over to Jesus. But the guilt of what happened still seems to hit you. It doesn’t matter that you gave this to God, you just can’t shake the feelings and the voices in your head and heart - - reminding you that you’re guilty, it’s your fault.
The sound of condemnation resounds over and over. You hear it in your head, it creeps up at the most unsuspecting times. You obviously haven't literally hung yourself like Judas did, but you’re hung up in other ways.
I read a story about a man who accidentally killed his best friend when the two were teenagers. It was one of those unthinkable, horrible, tragic accidents. Through his tears he said how sorry he was. Through sobs, heartache and anger, the family of the other boy accepted his apology and extended the grace of forgiveness to him. He prayed for God’s forgiveness and God certainly forgave him.
After the funeral everyone behaved as if it was over. In effect, his mom and dad said - ‘It happened. You're sorry. It's been forgiven. We’ll speak of it no more.’ It sounds good. It works for some. But for this man, it was not enough.
Ultimately, he needed to forgive himself. But nobody was willing to help him.
As a result, this tragedy impacted his life in negative ways. He became a perfectionist. He tried his best not to make mistakes and when he did, he couldn’t admit he did. He drove people away from him, nobody wanted to be with him, the sad thing is - - he didn’t understand why, he was clueless. His life may have been different had he been able to forgive himself.
When we can’t or refuse to forgive ourselves, the affects can be life long. It can lead to us not being the person God created us to be.
We may find ourselves with an overall pervading sadness about ourselves. We struggle to experience real joy. It may turn into self-loathing or self-hatred. We may sabotage relationships. We may fall into self-destructive patterns which act like an escape from our pain.
We may believe we’re kind of like Judas. We’re a screw up and we don’t deserve anything good, so we always see the negative side of life - the glass is always half empty. We may believe since we’ve done something bad, we may as well continue to do what’s bad, because after all, I’m a bad person.
Yet, whatever way you try to escape, the pain always returns, doesn’t it?
I know I’ve been there. I’ve done some things I’m not proud of. I asked God to forgive me, but I never felt forgiven by God. Eventually, I came to realize that it wasn’t God that hadn’t forgiven me. It was me. I had not forgiven myself. And sometimes, the hardest one to forgive is yourself.
What about you? Is there anything you struggle to forgive in yourself? Have you committed a sin, you did something really, really bad. Or maybe that person who was in need didn’t get helped by you and something happened to them. Or you made a major mistake which caused pain. In many respects it doesn’t matter what it is, it’s the fact that you’re stuck right now.
So, what do we do in those situations?
We’ve been talking about grace . . . experiencing God’s grace, we’ve talked about it for the past 6 weeks. Last week we focused on extending God’s grace to others and what that looks like. Today is the last part of the series as we look at extending grace to ourself!
So, if you’re in this situation, where forgiveness of yourself does not come easily, or hasn’t come at all, let me try to help you along.
Firstly, if you are aware of what you’re putting yourself through, then you know your heart aches over the wrongs you’ve committed. When David was repenting for his affair with Bathsheba, he wrote this in Psalm 51 –
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. – Psalm 51:17
Do you hear what David is praying for? He wants to be cleansed. He knew his sin, nobody had to remind him. He wanted God to create a clean, pure heart within him. Because when David was filled with his sin, there was no joy. David missed that sense of joy that came when he experienced the power and presence of God. David realized what God wanted was someone who became vulnerable, open, transparent with God. A heart which is sorrowful, which is soft and willing to be healed.
Understand this, while God doesn’t like sin and can’t tolerate it, God didn’t run from David, David ran from God - - - - and often times we do the same thing. We wonder where God is in the midst of our pain, and God is right there - - never, ever leaving us. We were the ones who ran from God.
As I look back, I can see my failures, my mistakes and sinfulness. As a husband and father, as a son and brother. I see them as a friend and pastor. I try not to hang onto them. I don’t want to be a martyr, but honestly - - I still remember my sins. The good news is the fact that I’ve given them to God and have experienced God’s grace, and I’ve offered it to myself.
We are to take our mistakes, our wrongdoings and our sinfulness seriously, but that sin doesn’t define who we are or the value of our lives.
When Paul was a Jew, he was against Christ. He was against the Jewish people becoming followers of Jesus. He had people imprisoned, tortured and even killed. He was there watching and condoning these actions. Yet, Paul became a follower of Jesus Christ and his life changed and he had to forgive himself as well.
He believed in the power of God’s grace. He reminds us of that in Romans 6:23 –
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 6:23
He’s reminding us that our payment for sin is always death. Death alienates us from God, but God offers us the free gift of eternal life in Christ Jesus. That’s always our way out!!
Think about the most famous of all passages - - in John 3:16-17, Jesus proclaimed –
16 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.
17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him. – John 3:16-17
Do you hear these words of life and hope? This was Jesus talking. Telling us - - God so loved the world (YOU) that He sent His only Son, so that when WE believe in Him, He will give US eternal life. AND God didn’t send Jesus into the world to condemn US, to beat me up, to remind me I’m a sinner, a loser, He sent His Son into the world so that I might be saved through Him.
That’s the offer God gives us. It’s one of hope and grace and power and love.
You see, we tend to believe these words are for other people. They don’t apply to me. If you only knew what I did, you would not even want to talk to me or be with me. We have that kind of an attitude. We don’t believe the words of hope and life from Jesus. We discount them.
You know who also didn’t believe in Jesus’ words? Judas. Yes, he took money from the purse, he wasn’t totally honest, yes, he sold out Jesus which led to the cross. He did all that. But that’s not his worst sin. His worst sin, his shortcoming — was not believing in who Jesus said He was.
If Judas believed Jesus really was the Messiah, he would have been dancing in the streets. He would have been walking with Jesus, not against Jesus. There was hope for Judas, but he didn’t see it or believe it.
A few weeks ago, I shared the story of Zacchaeus. He promised to change the way he was and repay people he took money from. He was going to be a different person. Because of the change of heart, Jesus said to him,
9 Today salvation has come to this house, since he also is a son of Abraham.
10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost. – Luke 19:9-10
Judas would have been there when Zacchaeus believed in Jesus and his life was changed. At was as if Jesus looked at Zacchaeus and said, ‘Zach, you’ve abandoned your Jewish brothers and sisters, you’ve disgraced your family and your God, BUT it’s obvious that you’re repentant, so welcome to the family. Your sins are forgiven.’
I don't think Judas believed it was real!
When the woman was caught in adultery, Judas was there. He knew what the law required. She was to be stoned to death. But Jesus saw something different. He saw grace and redemption. So, in John 8:11, Jesus said to the woman –
11 I don't condemn you, go, and from now on, sin no more. – John 8:11
I don't think Judas believed that either.
Judas was also there when Jesus told the story about the prodigal son in Luke 15. The son who took his father’s inheritance and squandered it. Yet, when that kid got his senses back and returned home, his father ran out to meet him and told his servants to get the best robe, get the family ring, get him some sandals and kill the fatted calf, we’re going to party, because I thought he was dead, but he’s alive. He was lost and now is found.
You know, I don't think Judas believed that one either.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT? Can you, will you . . . take Jesus at His word?
Here’s the point - - If Jesus isn't telling the truth about the who God is, then go ahead and continue to struggle. BUT, and this is one of those huge buts - - - - But if Jesus was right, and you believe Him about how outrageous and never ending the grace of God is — which by the way He proved on the cross - - - then you have something to believe in.
We have something to live for. And if we have something to live for and we know that God has forgiven us for everything and anything . . . and He does. We talked about this for the past 6 weeks . . . if that is true then can we not forgive ourselves? If the perfect One is willing to forgive us and not hold our sins against us, then can we do the same?
This is what I said last week - -
The Bible tells us God has trampled your sins under His feet, He’s cast them into the depths of the sea - - that as far as the east is from the west, that’s how much He’s removed your sins from you- and He will remember you sins no more! You are forgiven! You don't deserve it, none of us do, but you have received it.
There are times when we commit a sin, ask for forgiveness, then commit that very same sin again. And that second or third or 20th time you ask for forgiveness . . . does God withhold His grace and mercy? No way! He forgives you! He knows we are all a work in progress. When we fall, He’s there! Always!
This is what God does for us. We’ve been given all the forgiveness we’ll ever need. And what did we do to deserve it? Absolutely nothing. It was freely given to us.
Now, it’s time for us to forgive ourselves! We can forgive ourselves and move forward. BUT, you need to believe in what Jesus said.
Finally, it’s not always easy to hold onto the belief that God’s outrageous grace even extends to us. Sometimes our self-loathing and self-condemnation get in the way.
Even when we hear the truth that we've been forgiven by others or forgiven by God, the voice of the Accuser still attacks us. This is why, if you want to forgive yourself, then it’s really important to hang out with other redeemed sinners! Sinners who have also received God’s amazing grace.
Look at the difference between two of the most famous disciples, Peter and Judas!
Both were talented and gifted. Both of them profoundly betrayed Jesus. One became isolated and died alone. But the other remained in the community of other fallen disciples and found the grace he needed to become a new creation. Peter ultimately became the leader of the early church.
In Ecclesiastes 4, Solomon offers these words of wisdom for us –
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!
11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?
12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him — a threefold cord is not quickly broken. - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
The people who are those strands are your brothers and sisters who have experienced the power of God’s grace. They know and trust God’s words. They’ve experienced pain and sorrow, they’ve struggled to overcome as well. Yet, God has promised never, never, never to abandon them. Never to abandon you nor I. That’s why He sent Jesus for us. To love us.
So, friends, when you’re feeling the pain and agony, don’t run. Draw closer to Christ . . . and draw closer to your brothers and sisters in Christ. We have the power of the resurrection, why not use it for one another.
Dare to believe the words of Jesus about God's willingness to forgive a broken and contrite heart. Make sure you hang out with other forgiven sinners. Understand that forgiveness is a process, but when you hold onto the God of all creation, the God who created you, the God who adopted you as His child, the God who adores you, the God who died for you . . . know that your picture is on His refrigerator AND you are forgiven.
In a moment we’re going to sing Amazing Grace my Chains are Gone. Consider these words in the song - and how they apply to you - -
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, amazing grace
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures
My chains are gone
I've been set free
Unending love, amazing grace
My chains are gone
Let’s Pray
