IMPERFECT FATHERS
The kids wanted a hamster really bad. They pleaded with their mom, making all kinds of promises to take care of it. Finally, mom agreed and got them a hamster. They named him “Danny.” But, within two months, Mom had the responsibility of Danny’s care. Despite her encouragement, it seemed the kids had lost interest in the hamster.
She decided it was time to find a new home for Danny. She called the kids together and told them of her decision. One child said nonchalantly, “I’ll miss him. He’s been around for a long time.” Long time; it's only been two months, thought Mom. The other child pleaded, “Maybe he could stay if he ate less and wasn’t so messy.” Mom chuckled but remained firm. “No, sorry, it's time to find Danny a new home.” Suddenly the kids cried, “Danny? We thought you said Daddy.”
Dads, do you ever feel like Rodney Dangerfield, you get no respect at all? When the sports star has the camera on them what do they say? "Hi Mom". When you're home are there times when it seems like everyone's in their own little world and you wonder if anyone notices whether you're even there. If they do notice you do you wonder if anyone is listening to anything you say?
We do have a lot of dad sayings, don't we? The whole, 'when I was your age' segments. How about, 'Shut the door were you raised in a barn'? And the ever popular, 'go ask your mother'. And probably the most famous dad saying, 'money doesn't grow on trees, you know'. Although we can point to some of the predictable things dads say, how about the things that dads would never say? [Clip #1]
It's only fair that if I'm going to have a sermon on Mother's Day about imperfect mothers then I should also have a sermon on Father's Day about imperfect fathers. Just as we had those TV moms like June Cleaver, we also had their counterparts. Dads like Ward Cleaver and Mike Brady. Fathers that never lost their temper and always had all the answers. In fact, there was the show Father Knows Best. Guess what? Sometimes we don't know best; sometimes we're clueless.
With that said, certain shows nowadays portray the father as if he was totally inept; which isn't fair. But, there are some traits of those newer TV show dads that can be spot on. We can be out of touch with what's going on in the home and with the kids sometimes. We can be preoccupied with sports or hobbies.
But there can be a lot of pressure on us to try to live up to a perfect image. We're supposed to be the head of the house, know all the answers, solve all the problems. We're supposed to be Mr. Fix-It and Mr. Build-It. We have to be fearless and investigate all the scary noises. We're supposed to be Superman; that's a lot to try to live up to. Guess what? We're not going to be able to. And guess what? The dads in the bible weren't perfect either. We take a look at some examples in a little while.
1) Not so cool Dads.
Dads-remember when we were cool? In our pre-k days, (pre kids), we were able to focus more on looking cool, driving cool cars, perfecting the bod, impressing our friends, all that. We would go to all the cool hang outs and we would keep up to date with all the latest music, shows and movies. We impressed people with our new sound system, big screen TV or whatever.
But after the kiddos came that coolness started to fade. We sold the Camaro and got the minivan. Your Saturday ride is now the lawnmower, not the Harley. Instead of showing off your surround sound you're showing the neighbors the new grill. Instead of going to the clubs you're going to the playground.
But that doesn't mean we don't try to hang on to at least a sampling of coolness. I can still wear my slick shades when I'm carrying the diaper bag. I can still look tough pushing the stroller, right? We know it's not easy to see our coolness ebb away. Here are some dads that are taking it in stride and doing their best to make fatherhood look cool. [clip #2]
These guys know there are some things about the dad life that aren't that cool but they don't care-they have fun with it. That's how we need to be. Don't sweat losing your coolness-embrace the coolness of fatherhood. Who cares if people are impressed with my clothes or my beach body or my car stereo? What does my family think of me? What's more important-being cool or being a loving husband and father? I'm not saying you can't try to be both, but I should be less focused on my coolness and more focused on my dadness.
1st Pet. 3:3-4, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."
I know what you're thinking-these verses are about women. True, but I can see how this could apply to men also. Men can be overly focused on their looks, too. Our 'coolness' should not come from our outward adornment-our hair, our clothes; all that stuff. But our coolness should come from our character-who we are in Christ. Our kids don't really care how cool we are, they care about how good of a father we are. We may not be as cool as we once were-but so what? The rewards from being a dad are better.
2) Drunken dads.
There are many ways we dads are imperfect. Probably one of the most damaging is being a dad who gets drunk or uses drugs. I've heard many painful stories from people who had to live with a father who abused alcohol and then abused them. In many cases, these fathers were good men when they weren't drinking. But when they were drunk it was a whole different story.
There are some men of the bible who were good men but they got drunk and messed up with their kids because of it. We know the story of Noah's ark. Gen. 6:5 says that mankind had become wicked and evil and God's judgment was coming upon them in the form of a flood. This flood would wipe out all of mankind except Noah and his family.
Vs. 9 says that Noah was a righteous and blameless man who walked with God. So, the whole earth was corrupt but Noah wasn't. That's impressive. Noah was faithful when God commissioned him to build a giant ark in the middle of land where there was no water around. I'm sure people laughed at him for doing this. But Noah trusted God throughout the whole project-which took many years to complete.
However, though Noah was a righteous man, that doesn't mean he was perfect. After the flood, we see Noah in not such a good light. Gen. 9:18-27, "The sons of Noah who came out of the ark were Shem, Ham and Japheth. (Ham was the father of Canaan.) These were the three sons of Noah, and from them came the people who were scattered over the earth. Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent.
Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father’s nakedness and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father’s nakedness. Their faces were turned the other way so that they would not see their father’s nakedness.
When Noah awoke from his wine and found out what his youngest son had done to him, he said, “Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers.” He also said, “Blessed be the LORD, the God of Shem! May Canaan be the slave of Shem. May God extend the territory of Japheth; may Japheth live in the tents of Shem, and may Canaan be his slave.”
Noah, a righteous man who walked with God and who's listed in the faith chapter of Hebrews 11. Yet this is not one of his finest moments. A son should not have to see his father passed out and naked. We see a little bit of the blame game going on with Noah. Noah's upset with his youngest son for going out and telling his brothers instead of covering him up.
We don't know if Ham went to tell his brothers out of shock or was he laughing and making fun of the condition his father was in. Regardless, Ham wouldn't have been put in this situation if Noah hadn't gotten drunk. Although what Ham did wasn't honorable, none of this would've happened if Noah had used self-control.
Funny how we can blame others for our own mistakes. When we have too much to drink, we can easily find ourselves in embarrassing situations that we have to live with. I wonder how long it took for Noah to regain his dignity with his sons; especially Ham?
Another person who found himself in a compromising situation with his children from being drunk was Lot, Abraham's nephew. Similar to Noah's situation, God was getting ready to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah but he was going to spare Lot and his family. Lot's wife didn't make it but Lot and his daughters did. However, shortly thereafter, Lot found himself in an immoral mess.
Gen. 19:30-36, "Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to lie with us, as is the custom all over the earth. Let’s get our father to drink wine and then lie with him and preserve our family line through our father.”
That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and lay with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I lay with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and lie with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.”
So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went and lay with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up. So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father."
Peter describes Lot as a righteous man in 2nd Pet. 2:7. Yet he got drunk too and paved the way for incest with his daughters. Noah's son Ham and Lot's daughters bear much of the responsibility since they were the sober ones, but that doesn't excuse Noah and Lot. Had they not gotten drunk, these things would not have happened.
Alcohol lowers our inhibitions. We do things when we're drunk or high that we wouldn't think of doing when we're sober. Noah wouldn't have left himself exposed if he was sober. Lot wouldn't have allowed himself to be in a compromised position with his daughters had he been sober. How many things did we do under the influence that we never would've done otherwise?
And it's one thing to be acting a fool when we're single-but to do so after we become dads is something else altogether. It's not just our lives we mess up; now we put our children in jeopardy by getting drunk. Did any of you have dads who got drunk? I have a feeling your memories of drunken dad are not too pretty. Have your kids ever seen you under the influence? What memories have you given them?
On an interesting note, the stories of Noah and Lot getting drunk are the last biblical accounts about their lives. Not a very nice swan song is it? Proverbs 20:1, "Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise." Let's avoid the pitfalls of alcohol induced regrets. Us Dads are imperfect enough as it is; we don't need any help.
3) Disconnected Dads.
It's unfortunate how many guys play hit and run with women. I get a woman pregnant and then when I find out I make myself scarce. Absentee fathers. But that doesn't just apply to the fathers who aren't in their kids' lives. I can be in the home but still be a disconnected dad. We might not be absentee fathers but are we spending enough time with the kids?
Some Dads work too much or play too much. We may not be able to avoid having to work extra hours or mow the lawn or other chores but that means we should make the most of all the precious time we are able to spend with the family. Time slips away and before you know it; they're all grown up. And we can't get that time back.
Harry Chapin did a song back in 1974 titled Cat's in the Cradle. Chapin said the song was about his relationship with his son, Josh, admitting, "Frankly, this song scares me to death." Listen to the lyrics and you'll understand why he said this.
"My child arrived just the other day. He came to the world in the usual way. But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay. He learned to walk while I was away. And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew, he'd say, I'm gonna be like you, dad, you know I'm gonna be like you. And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon, when you coming home, Dad? I don't know when, but we'll get together then, you know we'll have a good time then.
My son turned ten just the other day, he said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play. Can you teach me to throw, I said, not today, I got a lot to do, he said, that's okay. And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed, said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah, you know I'm gonna be like him."
The chorus and then verse three, "Well, he came from college just the other day. So much like a man I just had to say, son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while? He shook his head, and he said with a smile what I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys, see you later can I have them please?" Chorus goes from saying, "when you coming home dad" to, "when you coming home son".
Verse four, "I've long since retired and my son's moved away. I called him up just the other day. I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind. He said, I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time. You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu. But it's sure nice talking to you, dad, it's been sure nice talking to you. And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me, he'd grown up just like me; my boy was just like me." And then the final chorus.
This song epitomizes the price a dad will pay and the regrets he will have for not spending time with his children. We need to make sure we are spending time with the kids and creating precious memories for them...and for us.
But sometimes even the dads who are there can feel like they're not doing enough. We might not be shirking our responsibilities but we criticize ourselves and worry about our dad performance. Not that we shouldn't evaluate these things but I think sometimes we beat ourselves up over it and we end up feeling we're not doing anything right.
Jesus had something to say about that. Matt. 7:9-11, “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
In context, Jesus is encouraging us to understand that God wants to give us good things so we should ask him. But in vs. 9-11 he makes a reference to imperfect fathers. Even though it doesn't sound too flattering, it kinda is. Even though we are imperfect, we give our children what they need; we know how to give good things to our kids. Although we're not perfectly doing it like God is that doesn't mean we're not doing a good job.
Really, the only person who's probably expecting you to be perfect is yourself. We can be pretty self-condemning. We mess up and we conclude that we're a terrible father. Not that we should minimize our mistakes but like I mentioned in the Mother's Day sermon-you are probably doing a better job than you think you are. So, lighten up, don't take yourself so seriously and enjoy life with your family. [clip #3]
