(If you have found this sermon helpful, please visit us at www.HeritageRestorationProject.org or www.ChristianWisdom.info)
Several years ago I hired a young couple who were sure they could come in and successfully manage the restaurant at a resort hotel that I owned at the time. In the beginning they were optimistic, but as the difficulties of managing the business began to pile up, the weight of the challenge began to pull down. After a few months of no profit the wife began spending more time working elsewhere. There were days when I would find the husband just sitting and staring. And the kitchen became dirty, especially the refrigerator which eventually became enough of a health hazard that I had to intervene. At that point the husband resigned.
For a long time I thought this was a character flaw on their part. Having been in business for some time, I understood that 110% effort every day is necessary to make it work. These folk were obviously not cut from the same stock, not up to the challenge, or so it seemed to me. That just shows how wrong a person can be, and it is a good reason why retirement should not be embraced too early. There is still, even at what is normally considered to be “retirement age”, much to be learned.
The reason this young couple went into a funk was not so much a character flaw, and I regret that they may have detected that that is the way I felt about them at the time (and I certainly hope they won’t carry a sense of failure with them for the rest of their life because of it)—no, the reason was not a character flaw, the reason was that they were unable to find their RTGO, their Reason To Go On after the business began to slump. And here is where a Christian realizes his or her purpose… by recognizing the need for an RTGO and helping others find their reason to go on.
Stop and think of what people go through when they lose a loved one or experience other loss, or face other seemingly unsurmountable difficulties—the depression, the sense of aloneness, helplessness, futility and regret. Sometimes the entire personality of a grieving or beleaguered person can change. Some persons experience bitterness. Others might turn to reckless behavior. For some, mourning or regret becomes self-destructive, with potentially permanent consequences.
I still remember a man I met in a nursing home during my very first pastorate many years ago. This man’s name was Ben. While very frail, both he and his wife were still able to be in the same room in the nursing home, but Ben was racked with pain every day. Ben was a very bitter man who told me right away that he didn’t believe in God but it was alright for me to visit and even have a brief prayer, if I really wanted to. I soon learned that it wasn’t the excruciating back pain that was the reason for Ben’s bitterness. He was very philosophical about the back pain and endured it stoically. The reason for his bitterness was that, as he saw it, God had permitted his son to be killed as a young man in a farm accident years before. Ben blamed God, or at least hadn’t forgiven God for this loss. After the loss of his son, Ben had never really found his RTGO.
All of us experience loss but usually losing one’s RTGO is temporary. In many cases, however, it becomes a serious problem requiring much prayer, kindness and patience from others for the person who is grieving. Once every year on “All Saints Sunday” we formally remember and honor those who we have gone to be with the Lord. On this Sunday we strive to renew our trust in God who promises eternal life to those who love God. This, however, may not be quite enough to heal the lingering sense of loss. On the surface, in our outward expressions, it is enough “intellectually” because we know that it should be, at least that’s what we tell ourselves. But as the losses mount, as we lose more and more of our family and loved ones, as we experience more and more of life’s disappointments, as we experience the wounds of lost opportunities, lost health, and lost confidence, these wounds wear at us emotionally and spiritually and can potentially wear us down even to the point of robbing us of our RTGO. It is then that we must seek the intervention of God.
We start by turning this terrible problem over to God. Here is a prayer that you might use, excerpted from the Bible (Psalm 31:9-10, 14-15a, 16 RSV): “Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak. But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands. Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.” The answer that comes will be individual—there is no “one size fits all”.
I think the healing process can be a bit like being on a diet, except the regimen of fasting we must institute is fasting from certain feelings rather than from certain foods. Bear with me. When I discovered that I was border-line “stage 2” diabetic the doctor immediately wanted to put me on medication. I begged off and asked for time to try diet first. He agreed, provided I go through a series of meetings with a dietician, which I did. Probably the most important thing that I learned from the dietician is the importance of checking blood sugar levels daily, keeping records, and counting the carb units we eat. There is something about regular monitoring and record keeping that heightens awareness and makes losing weight and reducing blood glucose levels so much easier. When I fail to do this, I find that I slip right back into unhealthy habits.
I think there may well be a similarity when it comes to fasting from feelings that contribute to despondency. Monitoring blood sugar level and the carb unit intake helps keep us on track. Getting in the habit of monitoring and curbing destructive feelings, after experiencing a traumatic loss or disappointment, can help. When we feel a bit of depression overtaking us, it is right then and there that we need to sit down and count our blessings. Keeping a journal and developing the habit of recording our daily blessings is, I think, an important weapon to include in our arsenal when combatting the loss of our reasons to go on, especially if keeping the record becomes a daily habit to which we faithfully adhere.
Did someone say something encouraging to you today? If so, record it. Was there some other blessing? If so, record it. And once you develop the habit of looking for blessings, soon you will find that there have been far more blessings than you might otherwise have realized, and these in turn become reasons for going on. Developing the habit of pausing to recall the day’s blessings and record them in a journal trains your mind to begin to recognize the blessings that are all around you, and in turn will lead to the discovery of new reasons to go on.
After we recognize the ontological danger we are facing, the next step is to change behavior for it is in changing behavior that attitudes and feelings change. New healthier behaviors must become habitual… and the best way to develop a healthier habit is by setting daily goals, monitoring, and record keeping—REALLY! Set a regular time to get up and go to bed. Set a regular time to eat. Set a regular time to meet with and spend time with others, even if you don’t feel like it. Set a regular time to pray. And set a regular time to think back on the blessings you have received that day—and be sure to write them down, record them in a journal. Soon you will be recognizing blessings you may not otherwise have noticed. The progress you are experiencing and the sense of accomplishment will become an RTGO. Changing behavior will change your feelings, your attitudes, and, help you find many reasons to go on. “Count your blessings”, as the old hymn goes “name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord hath done”.
As the Apostle Paul has written in his letter to the Philippians, Chapter 4, verses 4 – 8: “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! ….whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on this things.” In other words… count your blessings and this will restore and preserve your reasons to go on.
It can be a very difficult thing to escape bitterness and the downward spiral of emotions that comes with the death of a loved one or other significant loss or disappointment. And changing behavior when experiencing difficult times will require a bit of work as you seek to develop new healthier habits that can and will result in healthier attitudes and reasons to go on. Remember, God is there for you, and so others, friends and strangers, wanting to help. Watch for signs that you are not alone. There will be spiritual affirmations that will help you on your way. You are not alone.
Let’s review: When faced with the loss of a loved one or other difficult circumstances that pull the rug out from under your feet, you may find that you have temporarily lost your RTGO. This is a crisis event. In order to get back on track, one must change what is being experienced emotionally by changing what one is doing and thinking. A helpful and recommended way of changing what one is doing and thinking is by monitoring to keep track of progress. Monitoring both negative and positive feelings and actions will help cut down the frequency of destructive feelings and behaviors and provide the reward of seeing the progress being made. Also, maintaining and/or developing your social network and being receptive to the friendship and encouragement offered by friends and strangers alike will help.
We can help one another by visiting and encouraging, especially at the time of loss. When someone is stumbling and seemingly unable to regain a reason to go on, we can help by recognizing what is happening, and we can, by God’s grace, make a difference in that person’s life.
(If you have found this sermon helpful, please visit us at www.HeritageRestorationProject.org)
