BE WISE - FRIENDS
Proverbs 17:17
July 21, 2019
I’m going to play a song for about 30 seconds, and for some of you when you hear the first notes, you will know exactly what song this is and to what program it was from. Some of you will attempt to watch programs or pull out your old DVD’s and have a marathon.
Here’s part of the song - - -
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There’s some great words in that song. It was song to the old TV program friends. If you are not familiar with the program, it was about 6 friends who are, as the song says, there for one another. It became so popular, and has maintained its staying power in syndication, because it focuses on how significant and beneficial true friendship can be. Despite misunderstandings, lack of successes, failures, and even some successes, the friends were always there for one another.
What made the show so iconic is that it struck a nerve because most people want what the characters on that show are portrayed as having: a circle of friends who will be there for them, even when the rain starts to pour.
As we continue our look at the book of Proverbs and gaining wisdom, I’m going to be looking at what this book says about friendships — about the kind of friend we should look for, and the kind of friend we should be. Proverbs teaches us that there is more to friendship than being acquainted with someone, or socializing with someone.
Proverbs offers us a view of friendship that helps us better learn who our friends should and shouldn’t be, as well as what it takes to be a good friend. It’s a view that moves beyond surface-level camaraderie to a deeper level in which we share our hearts and lives with one another.
Solomon said –
24 A man of many companions comes to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. – Proverbs 18:24
Having mere companions isn't enough. To make it through we life we need close, heart-to-heart, inner-circle friends. I think most people would say they have a lot of acquaintances. They know a lot of people and some of them may consider themselves friends, but in reality they are acquaintances. They are not people you are going to share your deeper needs and struggles with. They are people who you basically stay on the surface with.
But in life, we need people who are going to be there with us when life is not going the way we had hoped. People who will be there and do what Paul spoke about in Romans 12 –
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.
As you develop friendships, Paul calls for our love to be genuine. Literally, the word means to be unhypocritical. Don’t be a hypocrite or a phony to your friend. Have you ever had that happen to you? Someone you thought was a friend, really wasn’t? It hurts! And it’s important to make sure, as best as we can that your friends are really your friends, and you are a friend as well.
10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Without getting into all of the Greek in this verse, 2 different words for love are used in this sentence. Paul is telling us to have a brotherly love. What’s the city of brotherly love? Philadelphia. That’s literally what the word means. Have a brotherly love, and love one another as if you were family members. Love one another with loving tenderness as a parent and child would have mutual tenderness and love for one another. That’s how we should love one another. That’s part of being a friend and having others be a friend to you. Do you do that? Do you receive that as well.
13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
The word contribute really means to share or participate. It’s a call to help your friend when they are in need. Can you contribute something positive in their lives. If they are in need, can you provide a meal, cut their grass, give them a ride. Can you do something to help them? Now, the Christian way to get around this is to look at that friend and say “I’ll pray for you.” It sounds all spiritual, and maybe they do need prayer, but maybe more than prayer, they need that friend who will walk with them in that journey, sharing life and resources. And you do that while showing hospitality. You are opening yourself and being welcoming to that friend, even though it just may be an inconvenience to you, but because they are your friend, you gladly become inconvenienced so you can care and minister to them. Which leads into the next verse - - -
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
What more needs to be said about this passage. When our friends are happy, rejoicing, celebrating, can you be genuinely happy and celebrate with them? Can you dance and sing with them? And when life throws them a curve ball and they are hurting, can you be there for them as well? Can you weep and cry with them? Can you bring comfort, not even with words, but with your presence? That’s what Paul is talking about and that’s what we’re supposed to do for one another.
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So, we really haven’t hit Proverbs too much and you can see the depth of who we are supposed to be when we really claim to be friends with someone. Now, let’s look at a couple of things Solomon said in Proverbs - -
As I talk about friendship, remember, I’m not talking about mere acquaintances. I’m talking about someone who you can share your life with, someone you can go to in need, someone whom you trust that if they really knew you, they wouldn’t run from you. And we need these types of friends!!
Solomon told us we need to be careful about the type of person we become friends with. He wrote -
26 The righteous chooses his friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. – Proverbs 12:26
Sometimes we don’t choose our friends, they just seem to happen. Isn’t that the usual way friendship works. You happen to meet someone in school and you become life long friends. You meet someone on the job, and you click and become great friends. So, we need to be careful when we think about CHOOSING friends. We don’t often consciously go out and look and look and say I CHOOSE you to be my friend.
But as we develop friendships, we need to be careful about cultivating those friendships.
You see, when you have a friend, and you really don’t trust them, then why are they your friend. If you know they give bad advice or do things which you know are wrong, then why do you hang out with them?
Maybe they’re funny or silly and they make you laugh. But there’s a risk involved in their behavior, because as Solomon says, they will lead you astray.
The Hebrew word - ASTRAY means - - to cause to go astray, deceive, make to err, seduce. It’s never used in a good context.
The person who is your friend, who you choose with wisdom is someone whose advice you will seek, who you will turn to in times of trouble, who you will share good and not so good times with, who you will learn from, and who you will teach.
My friend Tim has been my friend since seminary. I can’t tell you when we met or how we met, but since about 1989, 30 years we’ve been great friends. We’ve been through ups and downs together. We’ve cried together, celebrated together, advised one another, told one another when we believe they are wrong. He even chipped my tooth playing basketball. And he was my best man. We’ve read books together and talk to each other on a weekly basis, even after 30 years!
I didn’t choose him, it happened, but out of all the other folks I met at seminary, he’s the one I stay in touch with, not that any others were bad folks, but as time moved forward, I found Tim and I had much in common . . . AND He’s always been faithful to me.
When you choose a friend, or find a friend or evaluate friendships, it’s like choosing a mate. You want the friend to be faithful, to be there, to be a listener, to give good advice, to be an encourager.
Solomon added –
17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. – Proverbs 17:17
Think of the people you call your closest friends. When you hurt, do they hurt? Or do they rejoice? Obviously, if it's the latter, they're not your friend. And then, the question you must ask yourself is: "Am I the kind of person someone could turn to in times of trouble, knowing that my response will be one of love?"
Isn’t that the measure of a friend? They are there for you. The love you at all times, even when they know you messed up. They cry with you, they hold you and hug you. They keep their mouth quiet and simply are present with you. That’s the measure of a friend. They love you at all times!
How many times have we experienced or known others who have experienced friends walk away from them during times of trouble. Even if you bring it on yourself, there’s the need for the friend to be there. Maybe to give space, but to be there in the end when there’s lots of pieces to be picked up.
In the book of Job we read –
14 He who withholds kindness from a friend, forsakes the fear of the Almighty. - Job 6:14
I love the way Matthew Henry commented on this passage. He paraphrased this passage like this - -
“To him that is afflicted, and who is wasting and melting under his affliction, pity should be shown from his friend; and he that does not show that pity forsakes the fear of the Almighty.”
When your friend is in need, or when you’re in need, is your friend there for you? Are you there for them? Job tells us if you withhold kindness, compassion and care to your friend, it has the same result as not having a fear or reverence for God.
Solomon adds –
24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, 25 lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. – Proverbs 22:24-25
This seems pretty simple and straight-forward. When you’re in public with people like that it’s embarrassing. We don’t know how to act or what to say. We try to slink away from them.
It’s like that old advice your parents gave you, or continue to give you - - when they spot a character flaw in someone who is supposed to be your friend. Listen to their wisdom. We’re usually right. Sometimes we misread the situation, but often times we see the person who is not doing what’s right.
Remember, people we share our lives with have the ability to influence us, so make sure you share your life with people of good character.
How many times have you heard the phrase, "They got mixed up with the wrong crowd?” It happens too many times. Like it or not, we tend to be chameleons. We tend to act like the people we associate with, and sooner or later we tend to take on their values. In the book of 1 Corinthians, Paul warns us...
33 Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals. - 1 Corinthians 15:33
Whoever you become close to, whoever you bring into your inner circle, will have an influence on your life. So, seek out and remain friends with those people who want the best for you.
A couple of final comments. Solomon said –
17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17
A good friend will help sharpen you. They will pour themselves into your life and help you to do what’s right. They will guide you in the right paths. They will correct you and they will praise you. That’s what our friends should do, and it’s what we should be doing for our friends as well.
Lastly, Solomon tells us –
20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. – Proverbs 13:20
Actually, I think that’s really pretty self-explanatory. I hope this helps as we seek friends and develop friends and as we consider what kind of friend we are to those in our circle.
The ultimate hope is that your friendship will demonstrate who Jesus is in your life. You are His representative wherever you go. You proclaim Jesus by the way you relate to your friends and even to your acquaintances.
So, dear friends, go, be a friend and show the world Jesus!
