This summer, we’ve been taking advantage of the # trend. We looked at #fakenews through the book of James and now we’re exploring the idea #lifegoals. Jeff taught about friendships and relationships last week. Today we’re exploring the concept of the ideal family.
Over the past half century or so, Hollywood has tried to use television to promote their concept of the ideal family. (While showing a picture of each family) The first picture is of the Cleaver family from Leave it to Beaver. A good, nuclear family- both parents are present, the kids got themselves in trouble but they learned to grow up with respect for their parents. The Brady family began stretching the definition of family as they blended two families together, though they still worked together through the pains and struggles of family.
Then you get to the Bundy family of Married with Children. A general lack of respect was prevalent in this family, whether between the parents or from the children. The Gilmore Girls portrayed three generations where the grandparents set impossible expectations that their daughter rebelled against, the father of her child is only around in times of emergency, and both the daughter and her child are trying to figure out who’s the right guy for each of them. Most recently, TV has presented the Pritchett-Dunphy-Tucker clan in Modern Family. You’ve got an older man who married a young Latina and it’s pretty clear that it’s about physical attraction as they’re raising two boys. His daughter is married to a man who is portrayed to be quite incompetent as plan after plan falls through. Their children are constantly scheming, using their various talents to see what they can get away with. His son is in a homosexual marriage and they’ve adopted an Oriental daughter. All this in an effort to show these things as normal, but it’s definitely not ideal.
So who does the Bible depict as the ideal family? It starts with Adam and Eve. Of course, they committed the first sin and one of their sons commits murder. Abraham tells kings that his wife Sarah was his sister (he wasn’t exactly lying) and Sarah gave Abraham her maidservant so he’d have kids. Isaac and Rebekah each had their favorite between Jacob and Esau, resulting in Jacob tricking Esau and fleeing for his life. Then there was Jacob and Rachel (and Leah and Zipah and Bilhah) where the sibling rivalry got so bad that Joseph was sold off into slavery. King David, a man after God’s own heart, had multiple wives and even had an affair with Bathsheba. His son Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. The prophet Hosea was commanded by God to marry a prostitute and continue to pursue her even when she returned to her ways of the nightlife. Now, you’d think Jesus, the Son of God, would have the ideal family. After all, He came to set the example, live a life of perfection, and die on our behalf. His earthly father, Joseph, was out of the picture sometime after Jesus turned 12. At one point, His mother and brothers came to take Him home because they thought He’d gone crazy with some kind of messiah complex.
There simply is NO example of the ideal family to be found in the Bible. Why not? I believe it’s part of the genius of God. He made families from imperfect people, therefore families are imperfect. This helps us see that the biblical accounts are authentic and reliable. God doesn’t sugarcoat things and make His heroes out to perfect, but portrays them with all their faults and foibles. There ARE, however, instructions given for how we can strive for our families to become more ideal. (Read Ephesians 5:22-6:4)
If we’re going to look at the ideal family, we’ve got to look at this idea of submit. We hear Ephesians 5:22 and the married men (especially the young ones) cheer as their wives shake their heads thinking here we go again. Part of this reaction comes from how the people who translated the Bible into English added the verse numbers and headings for reference. I want you to look at the previous paragraph, hold your finger over the heading, and read as if the heading isn’t there. (Read Ephesians 4:15-22 then comment that Paul continues.) Here’s how unfortunate this heading placement is- the English word “submit” isn’t in the Greek in verse 22, it’s pulled from verse 21, where Paul commands mutual submission.
Now, if I were in a language arts class and asked to outline Paul’s last couple of chapters to the Ephesians, here’s what I’d get (display the following outline on the screen) and I searched far and wide for an English Language Arts teacher (my wife) to confirm I’d done it correctly. She corrected a couple formatting things for me, so these are the final results.
I. Be filled with the Spirit
A. Using music
i. Address one another
ii. Make melody to God
B. Giving thanks
C. Submitting to one another
i. Wives
ii. Husbands
iii. Children
iv. Fathers
v. Employers
vi. Employees
D. Suiting up- Armor of God
Looking this over, notice how the submitting portion takes up about half the outline. I believe it’s because Paul knew how difficult this idea is for us as humans. It goes against our nature- we want to look out for our own interests. To submit, we have to put someone before ourselves. Yet Paul tells us this is exactly what we need to do (read Philippians 2:3-4).
Hollywood has given a poor portrayal of what it means for the wife to submit to her husband. For example, you may remember Archie Bunker of All in the Family. He’d get home, plop down in his chair, and order Edith around and she’d fall all over herself trying to make sure his every need was met. This misuse of the idea has led to family strife, divorce, and even abuse.
Instead, Paul draws a beautiful picture of how marriage is like the relationship between Christ and the church. The overarching idea here of how a family can become more ideal is mutual submission. The format of the word is a command that carries the idea of this is to be done willingly. In other words, there’s a choice.
Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord, why? Because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. How do we as the church look upon Jesus? Do we see some dictator constantly trying to control every aspect of our lives? No, we see a loving Savior who gave His very life for us. Jesus clearly has what’s best for us at heart, it’s easy to submit to someone when we see this about them, isn’t it?
Back then, marriages were arranged and they learned to love each other. Today, each man picks his wife and each woman picks her husband. Ladies, if you’re not married yet, let me encourage you to find a man that you can see this way. Seek someone that you know and trust to keep your best interests at heart. When family decisions need to be made, give your input, trust your husband, submit.
Husbands, love your wives, why? Again, because Jesus is our example. Jesus gave Himself up for the church to prepare her to be the best bride possible. He sanctified and cleansed her so He could present Himself with a perfect, holy bride.
Men- do you love yourselves? Some of us maybe more than others (as I hold my belly). Now, if we’re being honest, some of our qualities are better than others, so we have room for improvement. But we still seek what’s best for ourselves because we love ourselves. It’s the same with our wives. We seek what’s best for her, even setting aside our own desires. We nurture her, care for her, just as Jesus takes care of His church.
Paul concludes this segment by quoting Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19:5 (read Genesis). From the beginning of humanity, God defined marriage. Jesus reiterated that definition as He addressed divorce. Husband and wife become one flesh, so we should submit to each other. Husbands, love your wives. Wives, respect your husbands. Work together for the glory of God.
Paul goes on to address children. Honor your father and mother. Does this mean you always have to agree? No. Does this mean you always have to like what they decide? No. Does this mean you should always obey? Yes, if not told to go against God. This command is the first that comes with a promise- things will go well for you and you will live long in the land.
How does it typically work out when you’re arguing and fighting with your parents? Usually, not so well. I remember one time I was arguing with my mother in the kitchen about doing the dishes. As I was carrying on, she stepped towards me and inadvertently stepped on the end of my sock. When I tried to step back, I lost my balance and fell, breaking my arm. It was my fault because I wasn’t honoring my mother.
How about when you honor them? When you do as your asked whether you like it or not? Most of the time you get better results. In fact, as your parents see that you honor them, they may even listen when you have a differing viewpoint so that you can negotiate with them. It’s all in how we conduct ourselves.
Fathers, don’t provoke your children to anger. This is not a statement that you need to be buddy buddy with your child and give them everything they think they need. We do them a disservice when we do this. Our children need us to be parents first, to provide discipline, guidance, and instruction in the Lord. They need us to be reasonable in our expectations, provide the boundaries that keep them safe as they grow up, and be consistent. This consistency is what keeps us from provoking our children to anger. They may not always agree with us, but they tend to not be bitter as they get older because they saw the consistency in what we did, they’re not always having to guess how they should behave at any given moment.
You want to strive for the ideal family? It begins with your relationship with Jesus. A cord of three strands is not easily broken. It takes the husband, the wife, and most importantly, God to allow the family to become ideal. If you need to establish your relationship with God, we invite you to come forward this morning, give your life to Jesus, and be baptized for the forgiveness of your sins and the gift of the Holy Spirit to guide you forward. We’ll gladly walk this journey with you.
