Purple - DTR
Defining True Relationship
Last week we had the Pre Purple talk. The talk everyone should have before they ever think about exploring the purple world. We discussed the need to know our place and purpose before we look for our person.
So I am not sure how relevant this is today but there used to be a whole social media movement where it was #______goals and one of them was #relationshipgoals.
One that is a little older than that is DTR, Defining the Relationship. That became a thing because there is some weird need to label and define everything in our life. If you are hanging with someone then there is pressure to define them as your boyfriend or girlfriend, when in reality is actually ok to spend time truly getting to know them first.
So let’s combine the two. I think you should absolutely have A relationship goal, but before you even get to that point in life, we need to DTR, Define True Relationship.
The first way we can do this is laying out some things that a True Relationship are not:
True Relationships are NOT what the world tells us they are. So let’s just explore that. What is accepted in the world, especially today, is generally not accepted in the eyes of God. Like here are some lies that I have heard often about dating and marriage. That you should live with a person before marrying them so that way you know it could work. Or how about you need to sleep with that person so you know that you are compatible. Like if you are a man and she’s a woman, then you’re compatible, period. How do I know that? Well because thats how God designed it. Romans 12:2 says Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. This isn’t a suggestion from God’s word, this is proclaimed as a command, that we DO NOT be conformed to this world. The Greek for conformed means to shape one’s behavior after. But the end of this verse helps us to figure out what we need not be conformed to. It says if we renew our minds, that is daily spending time in the Word and in prayer, that we will be able to test what the world is teaching to see if it lines up with God’s perfect will. What the devil is good at, is disguising things in the world to make them look like they are good. We talked last week that God designed us for relationship, He instituted the first marriage, and said it was very good. But just because He designed us for relationship doesn’t mean we are free to chase relationship our way. If we follow what the world teaches, it will in fact lead us away from God’s perfect will. His will may be relationship, but true and right and God honoring relationship is His perfect will for us in this aspect. We will get to the opposite of this a little later
The next thing True Relationships are not is True Relationships are not about you. God’s design for relationship has never been and never will be about seeking self gain. Ephesians 5:25 says Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER. Christ was much about doing what was best for us that He went to death for us. That is the example that we are supposed to follow. Now young middle school boy, there are almost no scenarios where you should go and die for some girl, high school boy, there is almost no scenario that you would lay down your life to bring the best for the person you think you love. True Relationships are a cycle of life. If you are seeking the best interest of the other person, that other person will naturally in turn look to your best interest and its a never ending cycle of life being breathed into two people, and when life is breathed into those two, those around them catch on, and then it can spread like a wildfire. But if even just one of the people is always self seeking, looking for only makes them happy, it sucks life out of the other and then out of the relationship and then out of those around the relationship. Love and sacrifice, love and selflessness are not separate things, Love is sacrifice and love is selflessness. I LOVE watching the Atlanta Braves. They play a minimum of 162 games in a year. I would watch ALL 162 games as a single man. BUT, now that I am married, and its not about what I want all the time, I may watch 60 of the 162, not because she doesn’t let me, but because her happiness is more important than mine, and time is valuable. Now the flip side is that there are nights she has no desire to watch Braves baseball, but she will as a sacrifice to make me happy. If either one of us cared more about making our own self happy, we would not have made it this far. So if True Relationships are not what the world teaches or about ourselves, then what are they about?
True Relationships are about bringing God Glory. Everything in our life is about pointing people to Jesus. So the first criteria of any relationship should be : Does this person TRULY care about the will of God not only in their life but mine too? I didn’t say, does this person go to church, does this person care about. Well how will you know? It wont be two weeks of “talking” it will be a longer period of time of watching them live their life and faces the challenges that come and how they respond to them. Marriage is supposed to be a picture of God and His church, just like the individual was created in the image of God, True Relationship was created as a picture of God’s design. All of God’s creation has the responsibility to glorify God, that includes relationship. Our relationships should be such a picture of the Gospel, that other people undeniably see God in it. The only way that works is if we look different than the world and are selfless.
Dating is not something specifically covered in the Bible, because it wasn’t around at that time. So some people think there is liberty to go about it the way they see fit, because the Bible is outdated. Well, truth transcends time and the truth is that the Holy Spirit guides and convicts us and God is consistent so He isn’t going to tell you one thing and someone else something else. If you are truly seeking after God for His perfect will, if you are taking everything to His feet for testing, then you will know what is right. What I do know, is that dating has one purpose, and that is the pursuit of marriage. But Justin I’m in high school, Im not thinking about marriage, good, don’t and at the same time don’t date. There are so many other things out there for you to figure out before you worry with that. That’s not to say you cant meet your spouse in high school, I have friends that dated from freshman through college and got married and waited until marriage the whole time. The point is that until you know your purpose as an individual and you know what True Relationship is, dating isn’t for you.
I close with this, those “cool guys and girls” the popular ones from my high school that were sleeping around and dating everyone they could. I can get on facebook right now and show you that some of them are already divorced, kids outside of marriage, struggling to make enough money to provide, and not happy. I can at the same time go to my facebook and show you my friends thats didn’t date in school or dated with pure intentions, how much different their life is. No, dating is not a sin, but anything that doesn’t honor God is, so if you are in a dating relationship that isn’t bringing glory to God, you are in fact living in sin. So the choice is yours, to make it right together, or take some time to get your own heart right with Jesus and let Him lead you.
